L.I.F.E.: Living In Faith Eternally

"I Love My Mom Because..."

2011-05-13T23:37:00.002-04:00

Mother’s Day was like most holidays have been in this past year; emotional and painful. Nothing’s the same as it used to be (which is both a blessing and a curse). Besides that, I’ve never really felt like I’ve been that great of a Mom; especially when there are those that do so much more and are those Betty Crocker Moms or something. I know no one can do it all, but I feel even more inadequate considering the fact that I’m a working/single Mom now (and that I’ve ultimately failed my kids). I know it’s not true, but I’ve always wanted the best for them and even though some will argue that leaving an abusive home IS the best thing for them (and me) it still hurts that our family couldn’t be saved.

The kids have adjusted better than I have. I’m getting there, but I know it’s still a process. It always seems like there’s a lot on my shoulders. Thank goodness for family and friends that help shoulder the load (I appreciate it immensely!). And, thank goodness for the simple little things that touch my heart and remind me that even though the kids act up and seem like they don’t need me sometimes, they do care. I love the sweet little things that they made for me; all the little cards and art projects. I think the one I’m going to share with you is going to be the one that stands out the most because it’s Casey’s own thoughts put to paper. It is a “Top 10” list of why he loves me and they had to fill in the blanks at school. Here it is (and in his own/exact words lol):

10. I love my mom because she reads me: a dinosaur story.
  9. I love my mom because she helps me: clan up my room.
  8. I love my mom when she makes me laugh by: silly story.
  7. I love my mom because she taught me how to: ride a bike.
  6. I love to hear my mom sing: chrch song.
  5. I love my mom because she finds time to: play wit me.
  4. I know my mom cares because she: know she pick me up.
  3. I know my mom is smart because she: play dino hunt.
  2. I love my mom because she works so hard at: Walmart.
  1. I love my mom because she’s the best mom ever!

   Love: Casey

Finally! It’s like he’s really communicating how he feels and what means most to him! Sometimes, it’s hard to know what matters most when they don’t have the word power to really say it. Even though Mommy doesn’t really like big scary dinosaurs with sharp teeth (oh, how I miss the days of Thomas the Tank Engine and his nice happy smiling face lol) he’s saying that he likes it when I care about the things he cares about and when I show interest in it by sharing it with him. It’s been a while since we went on a dino hunt, so maybe next time I will think of the dinos as being pretty, pink, and sparkly. Then, maybe it will seem more appealing (or I could think of how fashionable it would be if one could carry a dino skin purse - how trendy!).

The things that got me most (which made me teary as well as made me laugh) is when he said I work hard at Walmart (hey, I DO lol!!). I’m glad that he recognizes my efforts and that he’s proud of me. It also thrills me that he recognizes my love for him in the form of my dependability/responsibility in picking him up and being there for him.

The other pleasant surprise was the bike comment. I had always thought that Mitch would be the one to teach Casey how to ride a bike. I thought it was a father/son thing. So, even though I was proud to teach him, it made me a little sad at the same time (sadder still when I texted “Daddy” a picture and Casey was like: “Daddy will be happy to see me ride!” and he made no comment or showed that he even cared or was proud of our son).

Last but not least, the fact that Casey likes to hear me sing “church songs” moved me. Actually, I can’t even remember the last time I sang a “church song”. However, he’s said recently that he likes to hear me sing. Lots of times, Gianna and I sing the “Rapunzel songs” together and he will tell me how pretty I sing. I’m just glad that he apparently values songs of faith; and faith in general. No matter how he has acted up (and grown up) lately, he still has that sweet and tender heart! I want a heart like that!

I truly love my kids so much! I may not always be the best Mom in the world, but I try; and truly want to keep trying to be a better one so I can keep learning more reasons why my kids “love my mom because”.

God bless each and every one of you Moms and your children; and our hearts go out to the broken hearted Moms who struggle in some form or another (whether it be some form of child loss or childlessness). Love and grace to you all!

Three Little Goals; One Big Start!

2011-03-27T17:33:00.008-04:00

We all have what is called a "rock bottom." Even when we hit it, sometimes it still takes a while for it to become real and for us to do anything about it. That's how I have felt this past year; like I have hit my all-time low and just couldn't/wouldn't do anything to truly get up off the ground (and plunged myself into deeper sub-levels instead). Though, there were times where I thought things were getting better, only to get worse again. Though, as I explained in my last blog, a large part of that is my own fault. Bad choices and the flesh leading the spirit instead of the other way around. I made a mess on top of a mess and compounded my issues.

I've heard Dr. Phil say that sometimes something starts for one reason and then continues for another. Things happen that may or may not be in your control, but the way you choose to react is ALWAYS within your control! There is a lot about my divorce that I couldn't control, but how I coped with it could have been a LOT better! I won't detail my pain and mistakes right now, but what I will say is that I have finally had enough! Stuff happens, but the snowball effect doesn't have to! I don't have to allow things that ARE within my control to get OUT of control! I need to choose to make positive choices and remember that serenity prayer about learning to change what you can, accept what you can't, and have the wisdom to know which is which.

The things that I "know" need to transition to the things that I "do". Those that love me most (and even my own self) has told me to take time for me, heal, and wise up. I have struggled to find the meaning in that because the "how" of healing hasn't come easily. Maybe it should have (God being the obvious answer) but I chose indifference because I felt that with or without God, it really didn't matter anymore. I felt that my life is, and always has been, a mess regardless if God was my focus or not. So, what does it matter? In my heart, I knew/know it DOES make a difference and I need to truly remember the fact that I was much better off WITH God than without.

It's time to "forgive" God; as well as forgive myself. It's time to value and respect myself again and make peace with myself more than anything else. I need to stop punishing myself with my self-destructive behavior. Therefore, I am going to list a few steps that I am going to take right now to start bettering myself. The "all or nothing" Melissa wants to fix absolutely everything and go all out changing absolutely every single thing I can think of, but I realize it's overwhelming and unrealistic. That kind of pressure is what causes me to be harsh on myself again (and predestines me to burnout and failure). So, I won't attempt to fix everything all at once and I will be patient with myself in whatever steps I take (and accomplish) as I keep taking more. One day at a time, Melissa! Well, better yet, one moment at a time!

There are three things that I am going to do this week....

1. I am going to start reading Brian "Head" Welch's devotional book, "Stronger", once again. I had started it, but never finished it. At the very least, it will start feeding the faith that has dwindled away to next to nothing. And maybe, I will re-read C.S. Lewis' short and helpful little book "A Grief Observed" again. POWERFUL little read that details his own grieving process and rebuilding faith after loss.

2. I am going to be self-aware and mindful. I will do my best to challenge my thoughts and behaviors as they arise and reject the negative ones. Another Dr. Phil saying is that we don't break habits, we replace them with new ones. I have to choose and practice new habits and behaviors if I want to replace the old ones. I will be patient and remind myself that I have a lot to work on and while I can't fix it all at once, I am making progress. Any time I choose to affirm myself, and choose truth over lies, that is a success! I will apply the scriptures (that are still rooted in my being) whenever they come to mind in the situations I run across (like the one about not letting unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Confession: I have really developed a foul mouth that needs cleaned up!).

3. The kids and I will go to church on Sunday! I haven't been to church in months for various reasons (one being that I no longer feel that I have a church home). There is a church that I have always wanted to visit and that keeps coming to my mind every time I think about going back. I will finally go and check it out and see if maybe it would be a good fit/fresh start for us. If not, I will continue looking for a good fellowship of believers to get plugged in with.

I have so many other "changes" running through my head right now! I just want to keep going and going with "I'm going to start doing this...I'm going to stop doing that". That's what my "all or nothing" personality does! This is going to be hard to not start going absolutely crazy with trying to change so many things all at the same time. I have to remind myself to take it simple and slow...and I might actually change even more than I think without having to think TOO much! These three things are doable, and I will accomplish them this week!

I will remind myself of these goals the way Aslan told Jill in Narnia ("The Silver Chair")to keep reminding herself of the steps and signs she needed to remember to accomplish her mission. "Nothing else matters," he said. True that! This is priority number one and nothing else matters! I must remember my "mission" and concentrate on these goals! If I forget them, I will get distracted and off track just like she did in the story. I have to stay on track! I'll go over my goals out loud before I go to sleep; and even make myself identify and point out the things I did "right" that day.

THANK YOU to everyone who has been (and continues to be) in prayer for me! You love me more than I have loved myself! I appreciate it! I am getting there!! God bless you!

Getting Through the "Crazy Times"

2011-03-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

I knew this week was going to be a turning point. It’s like all these months have been leading up to this; the moment when things truly become real and everything starts truly changing/beginning again.

It’s been eight months now since my life has been completely turned upside down. I’ve had to adjust to so many things (and am still adjusting). I don’t know how to articulate it all into something anyone can understand, because I don’t even know how to describe it to myself and have it make sense. So, I think I will skip sorting through the details and just basically say that this week truly feels like my new beginning. I thought my new start was when I moved out, but I guess there are lots of things that have to die/end before things really begin again.

Monday was the “legal” death of my marriage; though it died long ago. Though, now, it finally comes with lots of long awaited provisions in order to help get my kids and I ready to truly be on our own. All this time, we’ve been living with my parents (and thank God for them!). Though, soon, I’m sure we’ll be able to transition to being in a place of our own.

Perhaps that’s the reason I haven’t fully “settled in” in all these months. Myself, and my parents, have been after me to organize/clean up my room. I have straightened up here and there, but it’s never been fully “complete”. So, today, I decided that that’s what I was going to do since I have the time and am off this whole week from work (someone forgot to schedule me, and rather than bring it to their attention, I took this as a sign that I needed the break - and I’m glad!). Amazingly, I discovered a deeper reason why I haven’t straightened things up. It’s more than mere lack of time, effort, and procrastination. It’s because when I look around and see everything getting in its place, I feel settled in. That brings up the feelings of “nothing is going to be the same again” which forces you to face the shock and denial that you’re living in. In my heart, I think I felt “why should I really put things away. It won’t be there long. I’m not staying here. This is just temporary. Don’t get comfortable. Don’t make this home.” The old part of me knew it was because it felt like this wasn’t really happening and that this was just temporary until my life resumed. The other part KNEW that this was just a transition and that I would soon start a new life in a new place at some point. So, it’s a very torn feeling to be living in a sort of purgatory between the life you left and the life you’re going to.

So, I’ve been crying quite a bit today as I’m facing the fact that soon, everything is going to change AGAIN. I’m truly going to be living as a single mom and learning for the first time what it’s like to live on my own without parents or a husband. The idea of it feels strange and lonely. I have no idea how to embrace that.

This whole past year has felt like a slow and painful death. However, I think I’m finally starting to feel like the worst is over and things are really turning a corner - hopefully. Spring is almost here, and that means new life. This is my new life coming into season. Grieving is still painful, but not as frequent as it was (mainly due to keeping myself busy and distracted - yeah, I know…I have to deal with it SOMETIME!). I still have a VERY long way to go, but I think I’m starting to wake up.

The final thing that sparked in me today was when I decided to put my iPod on shuffle. “Crazy Times” by Jars of Clay popped up. The words hit me like a fresh load of bricks:

You're cold that way
And that's why you say
The things that you say
You can't attract
The things that you lack
You're trying in vain

It seems it's always the crazy times
You find you'll wake up and realize
It takes more than your saline eyes
To make things right

You spiral down
You've broken your crown
You don't feel like a queen
You've seen the proof
But you're still crying wolf
You'll never believe

You try to climb a broken ladder
Grip the missing rungs
And fall down, down, down
Seems sometime ago you said
This wouldn't last
And now you sit here crying

Beside your bed
You feel left for dead
You kneel in the dark...

It takes more than your saline eyes
To make things right

This song took me back to my senior year of high school where I was in a severe state of depression and the music of Jars of Clay spoke to me in ways that helped so much. I see the parallel between then and now and how this song makes more sense to me than it ever did. A large part of me has gone cold, and it’s why I have been the way I am and acted the way I have for a while. I’m not myself, and I can’t expect to “attract the things I lack” and make myself better. I am not going to bring about positive/good things in my current state and with my admitted angry/prideful attitude that has caused me to be running in the opposite direction of where I should. In these “crazy times”, you eventually wake up and realize that you can’t save yourself. Your tears and whining aren’t going to make things right if you don’t have the attitude to do a 180 and just continue to complain about the pain and not do anything to yank yourself out of it. So many times, I have cried “God, please make the pain stop!” and have been furious that it hasn’t, even though a good portion of it has been brought on by my own actions. So, today, I felt inside: “No, YOU make it stop!” I CAN MAKE IT STOP! It’s within my power via my free-will. I can make different choices; the choices I need to in order to MAKE IT STOP! God can’t “stop” pain that I’m choosing! The only pain that He can stop is the pain that I surrender to be healed.

I’m knocked down and falling; not feeling “like a queen” or the child of God I was. Despite the prayers and advice and evidence all around that God is there for me (and always has been) I’ve “cried wolf” as if He hasn’t been. So, I climb my own incomplete and broken ladder, and keep falling. I‘ve kept thinking that eventually, I would give it up and quit being stupid…and that whatever “phase” I’m in won’t last long. I’ll snap out of it and rebound as I usually do. Yet, here I sit….crying (as I often do). I have yet to snap out of it. Nothing has hit me hard enough; or maybe it has but it has made ME hardened and more resistant. I’ve never been in a phase this severe or for this long. I know all that it takes is a decision to flip the switch, but I haven’t cared to do so. Why? I’m not sure. I WANT to care, but I don’t. So, that’s about the only prayer I pray right now: “I really don’t care, but I want to/should. Please, make me care again.” I think I’m almost done running and resisting - almost. I’m getting there. Patient and forgiving is He - if only I could be with myself!

Thank you to everyone who is praying for me and my crazy messed up life/state of mind. God bless you all, and thank you to all my REAL friends who have helped me through all of this and continue to be there for me! I appreciate those of you who haven’t abandoned, betrayed, or made things worse for me! I love you!!

Living the Dream

2010-11-25T22:56:00.000-05:00

“Are you living the dream?” This was the somewhat perplexing question that a co-worker (Bob) asked me one day. It’s been a while, but I believe my first reaction to this question (which he asks frequently) was, “are you?” He said yes. This was surprising to me because who would ever guess that his job as a Walmart cashier would be anyone’s dream come true?! I laughed because even though working in the jewelry department at Walmart is nice, it’s not truly what I would define as “living the dream”. I do love the fact that I work in a department where I’m surrounded by things that glitter and sparkle (what girl wouldn’t?!) but it’s not the dream I thought I would be living. Oh, it’s a “dream” alright, but not my ideal (and more often than not, it’s more like a nightmare). However, just to clarify, I mean my life in general and not namely or specifically my new job. I have had so many life-altering changes thrust at me all at once. It’s been overwhelming to say the least!! Even as predictable as my certain future started becoming, it was still beyond any measure of preparation. Foreseeable and pending as something may be, it’s still hard to prepare for those mysterious certainties; even when they are foreshadowed. Warning bells serve their purpose; but there truly is no “ready.” It’s hard to weather a hurricane; even if you have withstood severe storms. Forces of nature are a lot heavier than every-day downpours!

Divorce and single-parenthood is my new reality; one that still hasn’t fully sunken in yet. My world is a pile of shattered dreams right now. Everything I ever wanted (and had) has been stripped away and replaced with something totally foreign. I had thought that I was living in a dream come true, but time began revealing that there would be no happy ending. Well, at least not for THAT dream! As an old classmate of mine pointed out, the dream isn’t dead; it just changed (thanks, Chris!). Things are different. There can be a new dream (and a better dream!). The one good thing about rebuilding is that you can restore and improve upon that which was shattered and make it grander than before!

Therefore, my goal is to have the kind of attitude Bob has. He views his job as a blessing and in doing so, he truly does “live the dream.” He mentioned the fact that there are lots out there that would love to live our dream right now. He said that there were hundreds of people filling out applications in order to live the dream of having a job. It reminds me to be thankful (especially because I’m full-time - which is not something you find at Walmart very often!). That, my friends, is what you would call a silver lining to the dark clouds of life!

Metaphorically speaking, things aren’t always ideal. Life is a series of dreams. No one has good dreams all the time. Some of them are strange, unpleasant, and even terrifying. All are different types having different effects. Some we remember, and others we dismiss and/or forget as quickly as they came. The one thing that is certain is that no “dream” lasts forever. They cycle and change (and so do we). As pitifully low as my faith has been, I know that it always rebounds. Therefore, I say with a budding resurge of confidence that Romans 8:28 remains true because God keeps His promises. So, I look forward to the fact that everything will work out for good because He has a plan and purpose for me and will use every element (both good and bad) of my life to develop my character and rebuild and restore me as He did Joseph, Job, and so many others. My faith in that promise will grow as my trust in that truth deepens and solidifies more securely in my heart. It may be difficult and horrible for a while (as several of my fellow sufferers have told me) but it will get better….someday. None of us know when (and sometimes we have to wait longer than we would like) but we all have hope.

As I think about all I have to hope for, I am reminded of a few stellar moments from the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” (which my dear friend, Adam, recommended that I watch) in which the character vents her “what ifs”. She wonders if there will ever be someone to cook for in her kitchen, live in the bedrooms, or if there will ever be a wedding in her beautiful yard. A guy tells her there was a train track that was built nearby before a train was even able to run on it. Yet, it was a statement of faith that someday, there would be (and there was). And, in the end, their were people she cooked for, a friend and her baby to live in her home, and a wedding she had in her yard for a couple who were like family to her. Her wishes all came true; even if not in the way she originally thought. She was also blessed with a new love of her life. A friend had told her it would happen when she wasn’t looking; kind of like how she, herself, would wake up covered in ladybugs after exhausting herself for hours looking for them when she was younger.

That movie spoke of faith, patience, and being content where you’re at while you believe for better days to come; even if, like the character, I can hardly see beyond the pain of my divorce. I really related with how she said that the surprising fact is, divorce doesn’t kill you. One thinks that it would (and it should) because it’s so sudden and painful like that of a head on collision or a shot to the heart. However, you don’t die; you survive. It almost seems like torture, but you learn to live again. That is all I can hope for. And, like Scarlett O’Hara, I won’t let anything lick me! I will survive and overcome!

My aim now is to just keep “living the dream” each day; and be grateful for where I am at as I wait for better dreams to come true. There is lots to be thankful for; including the fact that I got to spend my favorite holiday with my family today (and drama-free this year!). This truly has been a blessed day! I have been blissfully happy as I relished each and every moment (and morsel lol) today with my loving family! I am truly thankful and blessed to have my kids, my family, and all my true blue friends and co-workers that have helped me go on living! Praise God for all of you!!

Grace and peace to all of you as you live your dreams!! God bless you all and God bless this awesome country of ours that we are fortunate enough to live in!

Faith Isn't Cheesy!

2010-10-08T17:47:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I just get that nudge inside that something has to be blogged. It’s a sense of urgency that has the feel of, “this is going to change someone’s life…I must share it NOW!” Though, usually, that someone is me. Whether anything I ever post helps anyone else or not, I’m always assured that God’s Word never returns empty (Isaiah 55:11). So, at the very least, it always does this poor soul some good!

Oh, how I’ve missed this! I have a “welcome home” kind of feeling right now! It’s been months since I have blogged (my friend, Shane, pointed out that I am so far behind!). It‘s not intentional, but my life has changed so much in the past three months and I haven’t had the time to do many of the things I used to do. So, just a quick synopsis, for those who don’t know, before I get to the subject of what inspired this entry:

On July 8th, the day after my birthday, my children and I were forced to move out. We moved in with my Dad and step-mom and have been trying to adjust to our new life ever since. The kids seem happy and content, but Mommy is having a harder time. It’s difficult to adapt to so many things all at once and figure out how to cope and heal after spending over ten years of my life with the one I thought was going to love me forever. I had always thought (and been told) that I am a strong person, but I have never felt more weak and broken than I do right now. Though, what little faith I have left tells me that I will be eventually be ok; and the prayers and support of many keep me hanging on and give me hope (even if I’m only hanging on by a thread). So, please know that I am thankful for all of you who are helping me hold my head up! You all know who you are, but just to name a few, a BIG thanks to my Dad and Lauri (for whom I do not have enough words to thank or express my gratitude! THANK YOU for your support in every way and for being our refuge and safe place!), my Mom, Nat, and Ryan (whose love and support from afar is a comfort to me no matter how great the miles), and my Grandma Sauers who continues to amaze me with all she is able to give of herself (you are so brave to tackle the task of caring for Gianna when needed lol). To every single one of the rest of my loving family, I cherish and appreciate you as well! Thank you!! Also, my AMAZING friends (particularly - but certainly not limited to - Adam, Jama, Shane, Amy, April, Mama Saun, Facebook friends, co-workers, and Casey’s teachers). I would not survive this without you (and thank you for being true friends)! I am eternally grateful for your love, prayers, wisdom, support, and even the laughter you bring to my life when I need it the most!! I love you! OXOXO Oh, and to my haters, I am thankful for you too! I forgive you and you make me stronger, and I bless you!

And now, to talk about what stirred me to blog in the first place. It’s not too far off from what I have already been talking about, but the starting point is a little different (and maybe unusual). This blog is actually the result of an episode of “Glee” that I just watched on Hulu. Anyone that knows me knows that it’s one of my favorite shows (even if there is some content here and there that I don’t truly agree with). Apparently, “Glee” is pushing the envelope even further this season. This episode, “Grilled Cheesus”, nearly makes me want to say “I will never watch it again.” Almost. That’s because while there are often many mistruths, the show often redeems itself (though not usually all the way) by the end of the episode (Click on the link if you want to see what I mean. Please note that episodes expire after a while, so this link will not always work).

The title of the episode deal’s with Finn’s issue of a grilled cheese sandwich that appears to have the face of Jesus in it. It’s reminiscent of the stories we often hear about people finding Jesus or the Virgin Mary’s face in unusual places (and how people end up praying/worshiping the object rather than God himself. Satan is clever with these deceptions isn‘t he?). Finn tends to go to that extreme. He ends up praying to it and thinks that all his prayers are being answered when things start going his way (the team wins their game, he gets to fool around with his girlfriend, and he gets to be the quarterback again). Yet, he feels particularly bad when that third prayer happens as a result of the other quarterback getting injured which prompts him to share his grilled cheese nonsense with the school guidance counselor. She does set him straight by pointing out that winning the game came as a result of teamwork and a better coach. Also, what she appropriately classified as “inappropriate touching” was a result of Rachel’s own free-will (which, as of course she didn’t mention, wouldn’t be a prayer God would answer to Finn’s liking anyways considering it’s not something in line with His Word). Thirdly, the quarterback injury was a result of an opposing team member being over-age, on steroids, and practically crushing him to death. Finn expresses his disappointment by saying he felt rather ordinary again and like he didn’t have the direct line to God like he thought he did. Of course, those of us that know better would have told Finn that one DOES have a direct line to God, and that’s through Jesus Christ (and not a grilled cheese) who makes intercession for us (Isaiah 53:12, Romans 8:26-27). So, Finn doesn’t have to feel ordinary if he belonged to Christ and became an heir with Him (Romans 8:17). That should make you feel pretty special!

The entire episode just screamed “ride the fence” because it didn’t decide on anything. Just the basic, “whatever works for you is fine.” Sue Sylvester and Kurt both expressed their unbelief and disgust at the idea of God. Sue’s issue was the fact that she prayed hard for God to heal her sister, when she was younger, when she realized that the beautiful woman she valued her sister to be was ridiculed by everyone else (her sister in the show has Down Syndrome). However, her sister corrected her as they talked over a game of checkers and assured her that God doesn’t make mistakes and asked Sue if she would like her to pray for her and a teary-eyed Sue said “yes” (though they showed no prayers being made right then).

Kurt’s issues dealt with his father who suffered a heart attack and was currently comatose in the hospital. He was pushing his friends (and their faith) away as they offered their help. One of his reasons was that he stated his anger at God for making him gay and then directing His followers to hate him. He also expressed that he didn’t feel that churches were welcoming of gay people (though he did attend church with Mercedes later on). Here we find a lot of twisted ideas (on both sides, mind you). First of all, God does not create or permit sin and Christ died to atone for it. We are born with a sin nature as a result of this fallen world (and we all have a free will) and the sin vices that we have vary from person to person. One person’s struggle is completely different from another’s. Take me, for example. One of the things that I struggle with is my weight and tendencies to overindulge. While I am accepted by God (and pretty much everyone else) just as I am, it isn’t permissible for me to be a glutton or to misuse/abuse the body that He gave me. Whether or not family genetics determines how easy/hard it is to maintain a healthy body is no excuse. I am still responsible for how I care for and rehabilitate myself to correct the problem. It would be a mistake for me to say, “I’m fat and that’s just the way I am and there’s nothing I can do about it and everyone should just accept it.” That would be incorrect thinking. There IS something I can do about it and I SHOULD (and am!). No matter what sin a person struggles with, there IS hope and we should actively work on obtaining our freedom through Christ from our various bondages. Deliverance is always possible (and available)!

That brings me to the other point of Kurt’s comments. He is wrong in stating that God directs His followers to hate gay people. We are told to love one another (John 13:35). Jesus does not condemn anyone who is in Him. He was infamous for dining with “sinners” prostitutes, tax collectors, and those whom society despised. However, He didn’t endorse their behavior, and those that encountered Christ had a change of heart/life. He approached people with love and gentleness, not condemnation. Remember the woman at the well (John 4:1-30)? How about the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11)? Didn’t he tell us not to throw stones (verse 7)? Though, notice that after he told the woman that he did not condemn her, he instructed her in that last verse to leave her life of sin. We who are in Him should not continue in sin (1 John 3:6-9, 1 John 5:17-19). And we certainly aren’t condemned if we are walking after the Spirit and not the flesh (Romans 8:1-2).

However, Kurt is sadly right about one thing. There are many that hate and don’t welcome gay people. There are those that condemn, hate, slander, and ostracize. The body of Christ needn’t do this and that’s where some Christians twist “God hates sin” into “God hates people” and that is NOT true! No matter what the issue, we should have open arms to welcome and help people just as Christ does for us. It’s like an article I once read where a former homosexual was criticizing the church for not being there for Ray Boltz (and others) when they “came out” (I couldn't find the article I read before, but I did find a good one here). If they had, they might have gotten the help and support they needed but instead, they felt unsafe about talking about their struggles because of the way some (like the Westboro Baptist Church) treat people. We have support groups for sex/drug/alcohol addicts, anger and overeating addictions, and everything else under the sun, but in this area we are failing profusely and mishandling it badly! This bothers me greatly because I have close friends that are gay as well as those that have overcome it, so I have great compassion on this issue. Everyone is God’s creation; precious in His sight. They are a treasure to Him and they are a treasure to me as well, and I know how I would feel if someone starting listing my sins and condemning me to Hell for them instead of embracing me with love and being there for me to help me overcome my struggles. I would rather have someone say, “Let’s go for a walk, burn some calories, and go get a salad when we’re done!” rather than, “You’re fat and you’re doomed! Sucks to be you! Looks like you’re going to Hell, you glutton!” One statement says, “I love you and am walking through this with you…how can we help each other?” and the other says, “You’re on your own loser!” Which approach do you think is more effective, loving, and accepting? You can love and accept a person without endorsing sin. Jesus modeled that all the time. We should do the same!

Even though the show doesn’t always get things right, it does give you food for thought (if you know how to sort through the mess and know the truth from lies). It also illustrates the struggle we all have with faith from time to time. That’s what sparked inside of me so much when I watched it, because I can relate to it so much right now. Sometimes, I feel like Sue and Kurt and feel that maybe God really isn’t there and that if He was, He’s not a good God because of all I’m going through. But then, I remember that God isn’t the one who wrongs me, it’s the free-will of others that wrongs me. God is always perfect and good and can do no evil. People do things that are wrong, but God is there to make it right; though “when” He makes things right isn’t always on MY timetable. However, He promises that He WILL make things right (Hebrews 10:30). He who is judge is the one that will deal with everything accordingly and it’s not my right (or my job) to take on His role and pick up those stones. I am hoping for the self-control and grace I need to leave stones on the ground, because just like anyone else, I do fail and pick them up sometimes. If I do, I should give them to Jesus and He will put it in His rock pile to deal with.

The biggest point that “Glee” made is that everyone needs something to believe in; especially in the hard times because what hope do you have if you don’t? Sue thought that that “fantasy” was useless, but that comes from a character who’s faith is only in herself. Real faith isn't fantasy or "cheesy". True faith is powerful! And, whether an atheist will admit it or not, the fact of the matter is that even they believe in SOMETHING because we are all created and geared to worship something; whether that’s God or self or someone else. The object/person that a person puts faith in may be different, but we all believe in "something." However, the problem with the general “something to believe in” idea is that it’s very vague and very misleading if you aren’t trusting in something (rather, someone) unfailing. Obviously, people fail us and we even fail ourselves. There is nothing completely unfailing, reliable, and trustworthy except for Jesus Christ. As Chad once said, “He’s the only way because He’s the only one.” Who else died for you, made you an heir with Him, and is coming back for you? Who or what else promises grace rather than earning “heaven” on your own merits and legalism? Why choose Jesus? Because He chose YOU! Now THAT’S something to believe in; and we'll see just what faith can do as a result!

Grace and peace to all of you! God bless all of you for reminding me that there really is something to believe in every day because you all believe in me (rather, the one who is IN me - and I in Him). Thanks for building me up and reminding me who holds my future and that I’ll have the strength to make it through because of HIM (Philippians 4:13) and can‘t do it without Him (John 15:5)…nor could I do it without so many of you walking through this with me too! Praise God for all of you!

Birthday Blog and What's "Up" with Me

2010-07-11T11:00:00.000-04:00

As some of you may or may not know, something is "up" with me. So, I will briefly share about it so people don't have to speculate or keep asking me. However, before I get to that part, I know everyone has also been curious as to how my big day (my birthday) went. :) So, I'll share the "happy stuff" first.

To sum it up, my birthday was AWESOME!! I picked up my BFF/sis, April, and we went to Fort Wayne. Before we went to The Forum for our scheduled spa day, we stopped by the mall to buy ourselves tiaras so we could wear them for our pictures later (BRILLIANT idea, sis!). :) Then, we went to The Forum and had an AWESOME time! First, a massage. Next, a facial. Then, a manicure/pedicure, followed by hairstyling. Then, as if that weren't enough, Steve offered to do our make-up. It wasn't part of our spa package, but everyone was so excited to be a part of our awesome birthday that they were just beyond generous! Steve did our make-up for FREE (though April tipped him generously)! Thank you, Steve! Thank you, Forum (and thank you to Lydia, Lisa, and everyone that worked with April and me!). You guys are AWESOME and made our birthday unforgettable!

Next, we went back to the mall. It was funny because we were all dressed up and wearing our tiaras and lots of people were staring at us lol. Pretty funny to be all dressed up and eating at Auntie Anne's before our photo session, but we were hungry after being at the spa for like six hours! LOL

So, the time came for pictures! The heat of the day took the curl out of my hair quickly, be we still looked pretty awesome! :) Despite having to wait a while, we got a free sheet of prints to make up for it (plus we had coupons for more) so we got a heck of a deal on some pictures! Awesome!

As if that weren't enough, April had made reservations at Baker Street for dinner. Oh my gosh, it was PERFECT! The place was BEAUTIFUL! Everything from the music, atmosphere, decor, food, etc. was AMAZING!! The food is worth every penny - and we got free birthday desserts! April got the cheesecake and I got creme brulee (my first time ever having it!). Oh my gosh, so good!! Delicious entrees, yummy soup and bread, and such heavenly desserts! Plus, we opened the gifts we got each other!! And, wouldn't you know it, we both got each other a musical card that played the SAME song: "Girls Just Want To Have Fun." Do we know each other or what?!! :)

As if that weren't enough, we decided to keep the evening going! After all, in just one more hour, it would officially be April's birthday. We didn't want our big day to end! So, we called up April's bro and we all hung out for a while and sang karaoke. Well, April and I did anyways (and so did our friend, Mikey, who sang happy birthday to us too lol). And, we had our tiaras on the whole night and got treated like the birthday princesses that we were! :) We had an awesome time and then finally had to go home - but not before having a ton more girl talk on the way lol. I love my sis!! OXOX

My birthday was definitely one to remember! Such a high point! Though, as we know, the highs can sometimes be followed by some lows (or in my case, a very BIG low!). Ok, so here's what's "up", people. To put it bluntly, the kids and I moved out (and moved in) with my Dad and Lauri the day after my birthday. Mitch and I are getting a divorce. Those closest to me know my situation and that this is something that I have never WANTED to do. However, I'm in the position where I HAVE to. That's ALL I will say publicly. I'm not a mean person, and I don't do character assasination (it only reflects poorly on your own). However, I can't speak for anyone else, so I don't know who has heard what and frankly, I don't care. Those that know me know my heart and my character and I trust that true friends will have the wisdom and discernment to see the truth and disregard any lies and junk that might possibly be out there. Like I said, I don't know that there is, but I'm just saying. As Dr. Phil would say, "I don't care how flat you make a pancake, it's still got two sides." So, if we are acting maturely, I would think that one wouldn't take one side of the pancake over the other and just truly look at the whole thing - if you know what I mean. I don't expect (or request) anyone to take sides. All I hope for is that anyone who has nothing better to do than examine hotcakes would at least have enough sense to know the pancake as a whole. Hard to cry out that one side is a little over-cooked when the other is burnt black. I don't know if this metaphorical jargon makes any sense, but you get the idea. I guess all I'm saying is don't judge either side too harshly (or at all) or take anything as gospel unless you know the whole truth. Unless you're prepared to serve up your own pancake on a platter for all to see, I respectfully ask for you to hold any servings of judgment, condemnation, rudeness, and self-righteous advice. Thank you! :)

On that note, I guess the only other thing I have to say is thanks!! THANK YOU to the people who have been with me now, and through the years, and have given me their love, compassion, and support! I appreciate the true friends that I have that truly understand what's going on and are supporting me 100%! It means everything to me (you have no idea!). Please, keep the prayers coming (for all involved). I'm a mixed bag of emotions; and having a really hard time managing them.

Also, for those of you that keep asking me how you can help me, my answer (in addition to my first request of prayer) is that you can help me by letting me help you! Most of you know that I'm a Team Beachbody Coach and aside from my main reason being that I want to help people get fit and healthy, I really need the income I get from it (obviously). So, if you're one of my customers, let me know how I can help you get the most out of Team Beachbody. It's mutually beneficial! I get to help you with your health and fitness and you are helping a soon-to-be single Mom provide for herself and her kids by purchasing Beachbody programs/supplements/Shakeology/etc. and/or becomming a coach yourself (all those interested in coaching, and all the benefits it offers, please let me know!!!). ALL NEW CUSTOMERS WELCOME!! I would LOVE to be your coach and have you on my team!! :) Check out my "before" and "after" photos here, and sign up!! This is more than a job/income for me. It's one of my passions and I am good at what I do and am meant to do it! It gives me purpose and it blesses me to give back to others and see people transform their health and their lives (just as I continue to do with my own!).

Ok, I guess that's it! Would have posted some pictures with this blog, but I'm not on my own computer. You'll have to check out my picture album (if you're on my friends list on Facebook). Grace and peace to all of you! God bless you all! Thanks for your love and support!

Changes for Changes

2010-07-05T10:57:00.000-04:00

Last week, I mentioned that I had gained a few pounds back (went from 186 to 189 for whatever reason). Well, this week, I lost 3.4 pounds which puts me at 185.6! So, I'm slightly under what I was before I had that gain!

I'm also doing a lot better with this new phase of ChaLean Extreme. Maybe this "lean" phase is starting to pay off! As I said previously, I'm definitely looking and measuring smaller (regardless of the scale). So, I've been proud of my progress! Now, it looks like the scale is playing catch-up. :) I'm hoping that next week's weigh-in will show me a few pounds lighter and that my momentum with that will start up again. After all, I've been working hard this whole time and doing my best to stay in balance.

One thing that I have been wondering is if I needed to back off slightly. I read that you can sometimes sabotage yourself by OVER-training. So, I didn't workout on my Friday rest day (like I often do). And, this week is going to be a busy week (birthday included!). So, I'm going to take my birthday (Wednesday) off as my rest day instead of Friday. Plus, this weekend will be filled with extra exercises because I have a lot of miscellaneous sorting/cleaning/organizing to do this weekend; so I'm sure that will take a lot out of me lol.

If there's one thing that I should know by now, it's that the body is unpredictable. Sometimes, you think you got it figured out and that you've found some kind of "pattern" or "formula" and that it should just keep working for you. It's just not true! I'm constantly changing my nutrition and exercise to try and find a new normal. It's a pain in the butt (for sure!) but you gotta give the body changes if you want to SEE changes! Changes for changes lol. If you are intent on just staying the same, then you can't ever expect anything to be different. Why stay in a rut? Change is good! We have to adjust and adapt and learn to accept them when they come!

Grace and peace to all of you and God bless you all!!

My "Little Black Dress" Moment!

2010-06-30T18:07:00.002-04:00

Wow! It's already Wednesday and I still haven't gotten around to posting my weight-loss update, until now! Last week, I didn't even get around to posting it at all! Though, there wasn't much to say anyways considering that the scale showed a 1.8 pound gain (yeah, bummer). However, that was my first gain in a while so I wasn't too upset about it. I've been doing my best. I figured it had something to do with the fact that I was in the last week of the second phase of ChaLean Extremeand I always seem to level off at the end of a phase. Though, the upside was, the tape measure showed what the scale didn't. Almost everything that I measured was smaller (as it should be!). So, I know that I am building muscle and looking/feeling leaner (and my clothes show it too). So, the evil scale doesn't bother me as much....especially when I can wear a couple MEDIUM shirts that my BFF gave me of hers (yeah, I haven't been a medium since 8th or 9th grade!!!).

I had to comfort myself with these kinds of things as I weighed in again Monday because it showed another gain (1.2 pounds). Though, when checking in today, it shows me down already. So, I'm not quite sure what's all up with that unless I really bombed with my calories (which I did go over a couple times last weekend - which isn't typical). Yet, as hard as I'm working and burning, I've been really hungry. Also, I had had that week a while back where I under-ate, so I wanted to make sure that I wasn't doing that again. Balance - such a tricky thing! You never know what your body is going to do sometimes! Just when you think things are figured out, it throws you a curve ball!

The other thing, aside from the new and tougher ChaLean phase (oh my gosh, it's kicking my butt!), is probably a stress factor. I won't go into details, but I admit there has been some stress going on. I guess there's all sorts of things that has caused me to gain those 3 pounds in the past couple weeks (though, some of it could be just muscle too). Normally, I would be upset about it, but because my tape measure and my clothes (and my mirror) don't confirm the taunting of the scale, I'm not bothered. I know it will come back off (and then some). There's no stoppin' this. ;) I'm giving it my all and despite any mistakes or anything else that comes at me, I'm going to get there!

Maybe the most recent thing that has me most encouraged about my progress is the little black dress test. A week from today is my birthday and my friend/sis's birthday is the day after mine. So, April and I decided to have a spa day and then get some BFF photos taken afterwards (and we have been looking forward to this for MONTHS!). We bought our birthday dresses last Saturday. You should have heard me in the dressing room! I mean, ladies, you know how it is when you pick out a dress and think "Oh my gosh, I wonder how that's going to look on me? Hopefully as good as it does on the hanger!" You slip it on and hope not to be disappointed and then your jaw drops when you look and the mirror and say, "DANG! That's me! Oh my gosh, I can't believe it actually looks good!" Yeah, it's a beautiful feeling of accomplishment and you just feel pretty (oh, so pretty!!). Yeah, that's totally how it was for me! I'm going to rock out in that black dress! :)

So, my "little black dress moment" is enough to keep me in a positive mindset. Though, I still need to be ultimately and prayerfully focused on God because I risk failing horribly if I get to thinking I am too self-sufficient. I think that's why He allows these temporary gains because it is the tap on the shoulder to remind me, "Hey, you aren't invincible. You think you don't need me now? Remember who's really in control here. You can't do this alone (John 15:5). Rely on my strength and not your own (Philippians 4:13)." Yeah, we all need those pride busters to help us refocus!

Grace and peace to all of you! God bless you all and thank you for your support!!

God on the Greenway: The Storm

2010-06-19T00:29:00.004-04:00

Many of life’s most memorable moments are the things that are spontaneous and unexpected. Whether it’s a pleasant surprise out of nowhere, or an ugly mishap that tragically changes your life, these are the moments that impact your entire being.

Today, I had one of those moments. It was totally out of the blue; rather, out of the gray. The atmosphere was starting to get stormy and windy and there I was - running on the Greenway. I had been pushing my hardest because I’m hoping to run the Swiss Days 5k again this year (and beat my time). I was proud as peaches to run a mile in slightly under twelve minutes (usually, I’m thirteen or more). All total, I ran three miles in just over thirty-five minutes (I’m hoping to run it in thirty-five or less). I was REALLY pushing it and working hard to get as good as I got!

However, that wasn’t my “big moment” of the day. Not even close! My moment was when the storm started to come in. I could see the white sky behind me and nothing but clouds in front of me. I had no idea that we were even expecting a storm, but I was rather excited about it! For some reason, I always hope for it to rain when I run because there is just something so refreshing about it (especially when you’re hot, pouring sweat, and your clothes are clinging to you!). However, I always think to myself that God has a sense of humor because He usually doesn’t let it rain for me. Sometimes, that frustrates me because I have actually prayed for rain lots of times when I ran. The irony always is, it rains before or after.

As I neared the end of my run, it was getting extremely windy and dark. It didn’t look pleasant, but I had peace. I didn’t feel scared, even though it nearly looked like tornado conditions. There was even a car that stopped and a gal rolled down the window and said, “Melissa, get in.” I was pretty sure that it was my friend Patty, but I couldn’t see very well (come to find out, it was my friend, Lora). I didn’t stop and I kept going and told her I was just parked up ahead (thanks for offering though, Lora!). ;) I just couldn’t give up; not when I was that close! I had to persevere and push through! I knew He was with me and that I was going to make it! I had no doubt!

I finished my run and walked around the parking lot to cool down and bring my heart rate back to normal. I felt accomplished, victorious, and relaxed as I waited for the rain to make up its mind. I was still hoping to get caught in a downpour as a sort of celebration. Gently, it started to rain a little. I love the smell and feel of rain! It felt so good and calming and I was grateful for it; but wishing for more. It was so light and I felt like the drops were falling harder all around me except for ON me. I smiled as I thought of my friend Amy and how we always talk about “dancing like retards in the rain”.

I also felt the crazy urge to be like Lieutenant Dan in “Forrest Gump” and scream, “YOU CALL THIS A STORM?!!” I desperately wanted more because a while back, I had begged God to let it rain on me to show me that he was weeping with me (in regards to some personal pain I don’t wish to disclose publicly at this time). I didn’t get a drop that day, and it killed me. Though, I felt as though while I was begging for rain, somewhere there might have been a person who was begging for it NOT to rain. “Ok, God, I’ll give you that,“ I had said. I know that sometimes, we don’t even know what we’re asking for anyways and tonight, that totally dawned on me while I was walking and having my Lieutenant Dan moment. I had never really understood WHY God would only allow it to rain before or after my chance to go outside and run. I thought He was being a little funny with me by withholding what I wanted (or thought I wanted). You know what the reality is? He could give us exactly what we want (or deserve) but He holds back. He restrains. He disallows. Not to be mean, but to spare us and show us mercy (just like with Job and how He set limits on Satan and what he could do). Though, what turmoil He DOES allow develops our character.

Everything suddenly seemed so obvious to me. He was saying, “Do you realize you are ASKING for a storm? A downpour?” Sure, I had a calm in the storm, but why ASK for it? What God really wants is for me to be sheltered and safe; to protect me. He will allow what He allows, but will not give us more than we can handle. He has withheld the rains and the storms (literally and figuratively) for reasons that only He knows. He has spared me from myself and who knows what else!!

All of these times, I would be thinking of Superchick’s “Stand in the Rain” song, or Michael W. Smith's “Healing Rain”, "Let It Rain", or any number of songs that celebrate being drowned in Jesus and overcoming pain. Yet, I was missing the clear message that God was sending me: You’re not alone in the storm. I will be your peace and your calm. I’m holding back the damage that can be done; the damage that sometimes you even ask for or bring on yourself. Why ask for the storms? There will be plenty of them to deal with and embrace without having to ask.

I just couldn’t stop pondering and taking it all in. Even so, I felt numb; like I couldn’t even feel it. I wanted more, even though I was already drenched. It really was coming down (and I was soaked) but it wasn’t enough. I reached my hands high to the sky as if reaching for His presence. I knew that my heart’s longing was much deeper than a yearning for rain. It was about intimacy and presence; fellowship and assurance. I wanted to absorb it and drink it up. I wanted to experience something much deeper than what I could put my finger on.

By that time, I knew that I had stood outside for an efficient amount of time and that God was urging me to the safety of the van (He signaled with a soft thunder roll). I kept wanting to just stand there and be - I don’t know - washed. However, I felt like He was saying that it was enough and that He wanted me safe and out of the storm. So, I sat inside the van for the longest time; not really doing anything. The fire trucks that I seen and heard were reminders that there was danger in the storms and I prayed that whatever was going on, the people involved in the emergency would be ok.

In the depth of my heart, I felt like I needed a bigger release. I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. For the most part, the tears just wouldn’t come. Either I have forgotten how to cry or I have conditioned myself enough lately to stop wasting tears that I can’t even see the need for it anymore. Even as I type this, I feel that I’m on the verge - but nothing is coming. Well, Solomon said there is a time for everything. Even though I was alone and had the opportunity, it just wasn’t the right “time” after all. I think I was just crying on the inside; it didn’t necessarily have to “show” on the outside. Or, maybe I have already grieved and moved through its stages more than I thought and that’s why I have kind of a sad calm.

As odd and strangely painful as it seems, all of it was a beautiful moment and I will never forget this run. What stands out most in my mind is something I heard once (I can’t remember where): ‘Sometimes He calms the storm. Other times, He calms His child.’ No matter how the wind blows, or how the rain pours, there is safety in the storm. He wants to get you to that place; He always provides it. Sometimes, you will boldly “Stand in the Rain”, just like the song. Though, you will always have a shelter from it. You don’t have to brave it alone and when God says “enough” you’ll rest in His refuge and He will cradle you in His loving and merciful embrace; drying you off from the downpours of life and wiping away your tears. He’s always right there.

Grace and peace be with each and every one of you through all your storms! Our Father is our strength, our comfort, and our refuge! God bless you!

Progress and "Problems" ;)

2010-06-14T11:03:00.002-04:00

Everyone knows that I'm not a "Monday" person. Furthermore, I am not a morning person either. However, I have learned to love and appreciate both in the last few weeks.

Of course, today is weigh-in day and I am happy to report that I am down another 1.6 pounds. I now weigh 186 (and falling). ;) Praise God!!

I am very satisfied with that loss. I didn't think I would have one at all because throughout the week, my weight showed that I was staying exactly where I was. Despite burning over 4,000 calories last week (I know, right?!) I knew that I would have trouble showing a loss. Why? Because I wasn't eating enough.

The thing is, none of this was really intentional. I worked out the same as normal and usually burn 2,500 calories. It ended up being more because of a few spontaneous workouts (as well as pushing harder when I DID workout; partly because of wanting to get some frustration out). One of my extra workouts involved the the Shaun T's Fit Kids Club video (I was helping Casey learn how to do it - and it's a very fun and simple video! I highly recommend it for kids!!). Then, I had a short workout with Brandi when I was showing her how to Turbo Jam. And finally, I decided to run on Friday (my rest day) because the Swiss Days 5k is coming up and I haven't run in a while. So, I burned quite a bit last week!

Everyone knows that exercise burns calories, so I should have literally burned my entire butt off with that kind of number. ;) However, what you may or may not know is that if you don't consume enough calories, your body freaks out and hold onto all that it gets - and I know that. Typically, this is not my problem. Usually, I would be blogging about the opposite issue: overconsumption. However, due to the Shakeology, I have not been craving food (including sweets). That is an AWESOME thing for me, but now I have to be very purposeful in my eating. I still got an amazing amount of protein (and for once, my carbs and fat weren't on the high end of the spectrum) but I still didn't get enough calories. I KNEW that I was sabotaging myself by not eating enough, but I just couldn't seem to make myself do it (especially on the days where I had a nervous stomach - and those of you closest to me know why). Heck, even when I gave blood yesterday, the thought of eating their cookies to replenish made me feel even more sick to my stomach. But, I did have a cookie (and a couple doughnuts). I wasn't craving them and surprisingly, they didn't really taste that good to me. I NEVER thought I would have to MAKE myself eat the kind of stuff that I used to think I HAD to have lol. I did feel better and more stabilized after eating it, but that's the only reason I ate it.

Ok, so my goal for this week is to make sure that I eat enough. I'm still going to work just as hard and am excited about finishing this final week of the "push" phase of ChaLean Extreme. My fellow Beachbody coaches have told me, "just wait until 'lean'" so I am VERY excited to see a new surge of progress when I start that phase! I'm ready for it!! The "push" phase has been GREAT and I have really enjoyed it. Though, I can tell that my body is ready for a fresh change if it's going to continue to progress. No plateaus here!! Got to keep changing it up!

Speaking of changes, I still can't help but do double takes whenever I look in the mirror. I am finally SEEING the changes in my body and for the first time, I am seeing and feeling the strength and definition in myself. Plus, there are clothes that I can wear that were tight only a few weeks ago (and now, they're not)! ;) Though, this also presents a very unique problem because there is going to come a point where I exceed the smallest size that is in my closet. Back in 2007, I got to 178. I am EIGHT POUNDS away from that, so anything beyond 178 (as I aim for my 150 goal) is going to mean that I'm seriously going to need a tailor! ;) And, I continue to have a frustrating shoe problem, because my size 11 shoes don't fit right anymore (but my feet still seem to be too big for a 10). So, progress is bringing its "problems". ;) Though, these kind of problems (while mildly irritating) are actually pretty welcome problems to have. ;) And, all of you KNOW that I'm tough enough to tackle it and will overcome!! (Philippians 4:13).

Thank you all for reading and for supporting me in this!! Grace and peace to all of you! And, as always, if you have questions about Shakeology or ChaLean Extreme (or anything Beachbody) please feel free to ask! I'm an Independent Team Beachbody Coach and I'm here to help (sign up for FREE by clicking "sign up" on my page and I will be assigned to you as your coach!). God bless you all!!

EXTREMELY Excited!

2010-06-07T18:18:00.002-04:00

I have such a great update for you all!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it!! I have so many good things to report and I am just SO THANKFUL!! Praise God! What an answer to prayer!!

Ok, first of all, I have an AMAZING loss to report! Last week, I was 192.2 but now (get this!) I am 187.6!! Can I get an AMEN?!! Woo hoo!! GLORY!! That means I lost nearly FIVE POUNDS this past week (nearly eight since starting Shakeology three weeks ago). I had been stagnant for far too long and I am SO EXCITED to finally be moving in the right direction! So glad to make it to the 80’s!! I feel like I am out of my own personal “fat” zone that I‘ve been lingering in for too long (if that makes any sense). I can’t wait for the 70’s! ;) The closest I got was in 2007 when I made it to 178. Getting beyond that is going to be one heck of a milestone accomplishment for me, that’s for sure!

That’s not the only good news! My body fat is down by over 1% since the end of April! I am getting SO CLOSE to my goal of 150! I have been saying for YEARS that I was going to get there, but THIS YEAR is finally going to be THE year!! ;)

Of course, I am super excited about my weight-loss, but maybe even MORE exciting is the fact that I am seeing the difference as well as feeling it (I got some curves!). Pretty soon, my clothes are going to be way too big (they are getting rather loose now) and my muscles will have even more definition as I continue building strength with ChaLean Extreme! Did you know I can actually do 1-2 pushups on my toes?! Ok, so I still do MOST of them on my knees, but WOW! Do you know how HUGE that is for me?!! I could NEVER push myself up before and I HATED push-ups! I scoffed when Chalene said that I would learn to love them. Dare I say it, I’m getting close to loving them! LOL That and I can lift up to 25 pounds (each hand) on some of the exercise! Count it, people! 50 pounds total (lower body exercises - like the squats). NEVER in my life have I been this strong - EVER! I feel so incredibly awesome! I’m getting strength and endurance! I am getting PLENTY of protein and Chalene is right, “your body loves muscle!” Finally, I’m making good choices and it’s all paying off TREMENDOUSLY! Thank you, God!

Oh, and this isn’t all!! The other pleasant surprises I have gotten through drinking Shakeology every day is the fact that it really does what it says it does! My cravings are GONE! I am NOT kidding!! My sweet tooth has disappeared and I am not insanely hungry and consumed with thoughts of food and eating all the time! Actually, quite the opposite! I have to pretty much make myself eat! I do “feel” hungry, but I am not really hungry “for” anything. You know what I mean? So, that’s nice because then I can actually choose nutritious foods on purpose because my body isn’t demanding that I eat pizza or something else that is bombarding my brain. I think it’s because the nutrition in Shakeology is so perfectly complete that my body is saying, “Hey, we got the essential nutrients we have been telling you to feed us. We won’t bug you with food now. Thanks for giving yourself what you need to function! Anything else is bonus! By the way, we‘re getting rid of the extra fat now that we know we are getting a steady supply of the right nutrition. We don‘t need this ‘cushion‘ anymore!”

Another pleasant surprise that I started noticing is the fact that my eyes aren’t itching like crazy. This time of year, my allergies are HORRIBLE! I can’t remember the last time I itched and itched at my eyes! Could it be? Is this awesome and delicious nutrient packed shake helping with how my body copes with my allergies too?!! Oh my gosh, no way!! This is HUGE for me!!

The verse that is on my mind right now is this: “Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?” - Matthew 5:25.

You know what that verse means to me? It means that for the first time in my life, I know the relief of what it’s like not to think about food all the time. I truly have better things to do! There is more to life than food and I am LIVING it! I feel so incredibly free! Food is now just that: food. I eat for the purpose of fuel and nourishment and that is it! I’m not binging or craving insane amounts. I am satisfied; so incredibly satisfied! This may sound cliché, but Shakeology has been such a miracle for me! I only wish I had tried it sooner. If I had only known that I would feel so much better, truly have more energy and not be so tired (oh how I battled depression and fatigue!) and gotten more….um…..”regular” I would have done this a long time ago! Well, I can’t get back lost time, but I’m sure making up for it now! Praise God!

I feel like I’ve gotten my nutrition and exercise straightened out so well! Now, I can focus on other things now that I don’t have to try so hard with this! I am so grateful! Now, I am free to help and inspire others and be a better and healthier me now that I can function better! I’m so excited to continue on this journey!! I feel like I am living life now and I LOVE being a coach and helping others to achieve their goals too (click here if you want to sign up for a FREE Team Beachbody account and join my team!! I would LOVE to help you! Just click "sign up" at the top of the page).

Grace and peace to all of you! Thanks for all your support!! God bless you all!!

Finally! An EXTREME-LY Awesome Update!

2010-05-31T11:59:00.004-04:00

Three words best sum up this week‘s update: “Thank you, Jesus!” After being stuck at about 194ish for what seems like FOREVER, the scale finally moved today!! And not just by a tenth or something miniscule either! No. Today, it read 192.2 which is a loss of (get ready for this!) 3.2 pounds!! Ladies and gentlemen, can I get an AMEN?!!! I'm almost to the 180's and well on my way to my goal of 150! Wow! It’s about time!!!! Oh HAPPY MONDAY (did I just say “happy” and “Monday” together? Hey Daryl, make a note of this! LOL!).

Even though I was hopeful that this week would be “the” week for change, I wasn’t holding my breath. So, I actually feel a little surprised by today’s awesome numbers! Though, it shouldn’t really be TOO surprising, because I have been doing well (much better than what is “typical” for myself). The past couple weeks, I have had very few calorie binging days (if any). I have been much more self-controlled. I attribute that first to Christ and the fact that I am really trying to listen to His guidance when he nudges me towards (or away from) a food choice. I have also been trying to stay consistent with reading some specially selected food-related verses every morning to get my head in the right frame of mind for the day. I do much better with my choices when I do.

Secondly, I have completed the first week of the “Push” phase in ChaLean Extreme. I have adjustable weights now (which are making a BIG difference) and I am super proud of the fact that I can lift more than what I ever thought I could! Also, dare I say, I am enjoying the Push circuits! I typically hate strength training, but something about lifting really heavy (and seeing how strong you are) and only having to do 6-8 reps in these circuits, instead of 10-12, is a LOT more fun!! Furthermore, the fact that I see an ever so slight definition in my arms is encouraging (I am now a typical dork flexing in the mirror lol). Watch this short video clip if you want to see what ChaLean Extreme is like!

Last but not least, I have been drinking Shakeolgoy every day for two weeks now and I’ve got to tell you something: Shakeology, combined with the other things mentioned above, has made a BIG difference!! I’m just as skeptical as the next person about nutrition/protein drinks and the like, but this stuff is 100% different and 100% delicious! Not chalky, TOTALLY chocolatey, and TOTALLY good for the body! I laughed at the claim that it actually satisfies and reduces your cravings, but after drinking it for two weeks, I can honestly tell you that they’re not lying (this is coming from a gal with the world’s worst sweet tooth!). My “sugar monster” has been tamed TREMENDOUSLY and I don’t battle insanely ravenous hunger anymore! Food isn’t on my brain as much as it used to be, I don‘t crave sweets as much, and I truly do feel less tired and like I have more energy! Though, you could always say it’s a placebo effect, but even if it is, it’s STILL worth it (and, hello, it tastes good and is good FOR you!). Plus, the scale is SHOWING it! Still aren't convinced? No problem! Take a minute to watch the following video. It shows you just how many fruits and veggies you would have to eat (and how much it would cost) as compared to just one glass of Shakeology! It’s an eye opener! I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big vegetable eater, and even if I was, I could never eat all that food (or afford it) each day in order to get the same nutrition! Even Chalene Johnson loves her Shakeology (you've gotta read her humorous blog entry: "My Shakeology Apology" LOL).

Now that you've seen the video, be sure to visit my Shakeology page so you can view more information; including nutrition content, recipes, and how to order some! You won’t be sorry! You even have a 30 day guarantee (you can send it back, even if the bag is empty, and get a refund). You got nothing to lose - except the weight! (By the way, Team Beachbody Club members save 10% on all orders and coaches get a discount of 25%! Let me know if you want more information on either of these options! At the very least, please visit my profile and click “sign up“ at the top to get the basic FREE account!).

Grace and peace to all of you! Thank you, everyone, for continuing to be supportive! I love all my cheerleaders out there that keep me going (and accountable). I’m doing well! All things through Christ (Philippians 4:13)! I can’t do it without Him (John 15:5).

Accomplishment Isn't Future Tense

2010-05-25T14:44:00.001-04:00

“Ok, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Just keep remembering to breathe and maintain good form.” This is what I had to tell myself yesterday; and it had nothing to do with working out. I was trying desperately to be calm, composed, and steady in my breathing. That’s because I finished the first phase of ChaLean Extreme and my results are nothing like what I expected.

This month, I only ended up losing a total of 1.6 pounds. Yep, that’s it…..for the MONTH! My measurements have also remained the same and I couldn’t be more agitated. I’m especially perturbed because I actually did really well this week (and it looked like I had a loss earlier in the week). Aside from Sunday, I didn’t royally screw up my calories and was a “good girl”. I even worked out on Friday (one of my rest days). Yet, what do I have to show for it this week (and this month)? Yet, I know that really blowing it Sunday (especially since Mondays are my weigh-ins) isn’t smart. So, that’s my own fault.

I would be particularly furious, and tempted to throw in the towel completely, if it weren’t for the fact that I KNOW that progress isn’t confined to the scale and measuring tape. In my heart, I KNOW that I have made a lot of improvements; many of which are still in their infancy and might take another week or two to show their fruit. The first one being is that I am more focused and concentrated on the spiritual aspect of this whole journey; which is why I did much better (for the most part) nutritionally. I’m still working hard physically, and have just started the second phase of the program. The new change in exercises will be a big help because I know that I was reaching a bit of a plateau and was ready for the change. Furthermore, I hadn’t had heavy enough weights until now. I just got my new adjustable ones this past Friday and worked out with them for the first time on Saturday (and am truly feeling the soreness now). So, this is a good thing. If I had had adequate weights to begin with, this past month’s progress could have been a lot better.

Additionally, I know (and have been told) that sometimes you gain before you lose. That’s the whole “muscle weighs more than fat” stuff. So, that’s ok with me. I can honestly tell you that after a month of doing this intense training (and sweating like I’ve never sweat in my life!!) that I feel stronger and my endurance is improved. I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was and can lift more than what I used to! Whether the scale says so or not, I feel that I am starting to look leaner. My body fat is down by like 0.4% this month (better than nothing). I know that I can (and will) continue to improve as I continue to have the kind of “good weeks” that I have had this past week.

As some of you may now, I have also been drinking Shakeology for a week now (and I’m loving it!). I look forward to drinking it every day and it’s just as fun to drink as it is to think of new concoctions in order to enjoy a variety of different tastes. As I continue to drink it, I think that I will continue seeing even more improvements. It really does taste good and with all that’s packed into it, it seriously does keep me satisfied until the next meal. I was skeptical about how it says it can help reduce food cravings, but I can now vouch for the fact that it does. Anyone that knows me knows how I have an impossibly bad sweet tooth. However, I have been craving sweets a LOT less (I‘m not kidding! It‘s a miracle lol!). It is becoming easier to say “no” to overeating when the Holy Spirit tells me to “stop” because the “sugar monster” has been tamed a little more. ;) Praise God for that!

My level of fatigue has also decreased. I feel that my energy level is starting to improve. While the amazing vitamins, fruit/veggie powders, enzymes, anti-oxidants, and pro-biotics from Shakeology do factor into that, I attribute all my success to Christ and the fact that I am really focusing on renewing my mind in His Word. After all, you could be doing everything “right” (as I have been doing for the most part) and still have poor results if your spiritual self isn’t in check. That’s why I have seriously refocused on that core aspect (and it‘s truly helping!). In fact , my small group is reading “Battlefield of the Mind”, by Joyce Meyer. I read it in High School and it helped me greatly! Once again, re-reading it is helping me to be more aware of my thought life and helping me to choose different thoughts and behaviors in order to overcome my bad habits and choose better ones. Your life is the product of your thoughts. If you’re expecting positive things, it has to start in your mind. You can’t have positive results if all you have are negative thoughts.

So, despite the disappointments, I remain hopeful and optimistic. I’m learning and improving and I will be patient with myself. Everyone loves rapid progress and immediate gratification, but it doesn‘t always work that way. I will celebrate every victory; even if it doesn‘t look the way I think it should. This next week (and month) will be better. All three aspects (spiritual, nutritional, and fitness) have been, and will continue to be, improving. I don’t care what the scale says right now because I know that I have much to be proud of! Every recent investment that I have made to further my progress has been a worthwhile one because I am a good investment. Whatever the cost, it is worth it because it not only benefits me, but will benefit my family in the long run. I am a better me when I’m taking care of myself and I also have the confidence of knowing that the kind of battle I’m fighting won’t be passed on to my kids. My kids see me eat my salads, measure my portions, drink my water, take my vitamins, and drink my Shakeology (though, of course, they think it’s a “milkshake” and are constantly asking me for one). They also see me workout and Gianna often mentions the word “healthy” and “taking care of my body” (though, I think some of that is due to “Sid the Science Kid” lol). Both of them already have a good head-start, and have always been at the right weight for their age (and actually lean towards the skinny side). This is good because they have a lesser chance of being an overweight adult if they aren’t an overweight child. I will continue to make sure that this stays true for them and that they learn how to take care of themselves as they continue to grow.

I can’t even begin to tell you the relief I feel that I’m going to be the one to break the cycle in my family! My battle will NOT be theirs! My children will have better habits and choose good things for themselves because I’m trying to live the example and teach them to do the same. Food isn’t always on their brain. They aren’t eating constantly. They eat when they’re hungry and stop when they feel full (and when they do, they say that the doctor needs to help their tummy because there’s too much food in there lol. So, they don’t fill it up too full very often because they don’t like that feeling). They are a big inspiration to me because, like Jesus said, we need to be like little children. I want to be like them; eating when I’m hungry and stopping before I’m full. I want to be self-controlled and not have food on my mind. I notice that my kids usually only mention food when they’re actually hungry. Apparently, they already understand the simple fact that there are better things to do than to think about food and your next meal all the time (especially when there are starving people who really are forced to think about it all the time. We are so blessed to not have to worry!). I heard someone say once (can’t remember what country they were from) but they were talking about how Americans don’t savor and enjoy their foods. We are thinking about our next bite and not even enjoying the one we are working on or we’re already planning in advance when and where we’re going to have our next meal. So much of our lives revolve around food and we don’t even know it. Then, we wonder why we are the fattest nation in the world.

Grace and peace to all of you! Thank you for your support! Thanks for celebrating every victory with me and encouraging me (especially in these “slow” moments of progress). Accomplishment isn’t future tense; accomplishment is NOW! Through Christ, I am accomplishing things RIGHT NOW (Philippians 4:13)! HE is my immediate gratification and He will continue to see this through to completion (Philippians 1:6)! Amen!

A Battle of "Wills"

2010-05-23T20:30:00.001-04:00

Every Sunday, I used to come home from church service and immediately blog what was preached. I did this because not only do I love to write, but I often feel overwhelmingly compelled to share absolutely everything. Even though it’s good to blog the things that I learn, sometimes it puts more pressure on myself. I overwhelm my mind when I feel that I am “responsible” for putting everything out there; feeling that I am screwing up or making Him unhappy if I don‘t do His “will“ for me by writing every time I have the notion. I was scared that I was being wasteful of my gift; burying it in the sand like the wicked servant.

I am well aware of the fact that I struggle with being “all or nothing”. Therefore, I have been a little “low-key” for a while. I still blog, but not as much as I used to. It’s taken a load off my shoulders as I’ve learned to just “be” a little more and blog when I’m overwhelming moved to do so; instead of blogging overwhelmingly because I feel that I always have to move! ;) Having balance and “going gray” is a good thing! Unless it’s a clear cut and absolute “thou shalt not” that God has laid out in His Word, you don’t have to be stressed about every little thing being right and wrong. Sometimes, things really aren’t that black and white.

This is why I’m blogging the sermon today. I truly felt the undeniable nudge to share this time because David Shepherd’s sermon was about this very concept. He talked about the fact that we get so caught up in God’s “will” that we stress out about everything and become so indecisive. I can totally relate to that! In fact, that was closely tied into my legalism/perfectionism problem that I was in heavy bondage to for many years. Every now and then, that kind of thinking still creeps up on me and I have to renew my mind (Romans 12:2) and remind myself that I don’t have to do everything “right”. David reminded us that our life and our outlook is directly determined by the kind of thoughts we think (I highly recommend “Battlefield of the Mind” , by Joyce Meyer. It’s a big help in dealing with transforming your mind and learning to have positive and Christ-like thinking. I read it in High School and am now reading it again).

We put way too much stress on ourselves by over-thinking or thinking negatively. Our lives are the product of our thoughts. Most things are fairly basic and trivial decisions that don’t have to be agonized over, but we get so worried about correctness (or beating ourselves up over the “wrong” things) that we get too caught up in deciding rather than just living and being. That’s how it becomes all about “us” and we truly miss out on the fellowship and relationship we are meant to have with God. It becomes all about “law” and not grace. It’s like a sermon I once heard about being human beings rather than human doings. As David said, God didn’t say to seek His will, He said to seek HIM:

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. - Matthew 6:33 (KJV)

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. - Matthew 22:37-40 (KJV)

Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent. - John 6:29 (KJV)

When I was living in “right” world, I was stressed, fearful, and miserable because I was consumed with doing everything correctly and was scared that God would disapprove and be disappointed in me if I didn’t do exactly what I thought He wanted me to do. I totally missed the fact that He is a loving Father and not a stern dictator with a yardstick in His hand; ready to slap my wrist every time I screw up. The previous verses had been quoted to me many times before by people who cared about me and saw that I was exhausting myself with my legalism. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times people would pray over me and tell me “you are trying too hard” and I couldn’t understand what they meant because I thought I was supposed to give my all to please God and figure out His “will“ for me. Though, the simple truth is exactly what Jesus said: Love God; love others. Believe in the One He sent. Simple faith. Or, as I read in the book “Walking With Arthur”, just find the good that lies nearest and do it (It‘s an EXCELLENT book! Click here to read the review I posted a few years ago). If you’re so consumed with God’s “will” and your ultimate destiny, you will totally miss the “right now”. After all, each moment you live in the present is a stepping stone to where you will be in the future. It’s like a little card I have that says that God isn’t “I was” or “will be”. He is “I AM” for a reason.

As simple as it may seem, it took me a long time before any of this truly stuck. I lived in a persistent state of perfectionism and condemnation for many years. In fact, it took me 3-4 years for this particular verse, that someone spoke over me, to truly sink in:

To whom he said, "This is the resting place, let the weary rest"; and, "This is the place of repose"—but they would not listen. So then, the word of the LORD to them will become: Do and do, do and do, rule on rule, rule on rule; a little here, a little there—so that they will go and fall backward, be injured and snared and captured. - Isaiah 28:12-13 (NIV)

By doing and doing, I was falling backward rather than moving forward. I was doing more harm than good to myself and being held captive in my own prison. How miserably exhausting! I didn’t realize that I was trying to live without grace and that it was for freedom that Christ had set me free so that I would never again be in bondage to another yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). Without realizing it, I was trying to earn my right to be saved when in all actuality, it had NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Christ and the price He already paid!

So, what is “God’s Will” and what does it really mean to us anyways? David said it’s pretty simple. There’s His Will of decree; which are the things that are ordained, absolute, and cannot be changed. It cannot be undone and it is what it is. That is, His creation of the world, the plan of salvation, the fact that He is holy and just, etc. Then, there’s His Will of desire; which are the commands that He gives us. He gives us His Word and His Holy Spirit to show us how to live, but our own free-will can obey or disregard it. Then, there’s God’s Will of direction. It’s the character of our lives, His plan and purpose for us (which is usually pretty general; we don’t always know the specific details at every given moment), and who we truly are. Who we are and what we are meant to be isn’t narrowed down by our location, occupation, education, etc. The essence of who we are is hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3) and depends on the character that the Holy Spirit cultivates in us (Romans 5:3-5, Galatians 5:22-23). Money, status, and stuff doesn’t define you or give you character. Furthermore, you don’t have to be wealthy in order to be rich. True riches are in wisdom (Job 18:18, Proverbs 8:11). James 1:5 says that God will freely and generously give wisdom to those that ask. Though, as David pointed out, we truly need to have prayers of faith because the next two verses of James say that we won’t receive if we don’t believe. As David said, “We need to stop pleading with God to show us the future and start living like we understand that He holds the future.” Amen to that! It’s like a poster I once seen that said, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

The bottom line is, quit worrying and start living! Trust and believe in the One God sent! Love God and love others. When you do that, you are truly doing the Will of God and abiding in Him (John 15:5)! There’s no need to “hyper-spiritualize”, as David put it. Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Stay connected to Christ on a daily basis by renewing your mind with His Word and keeping the prayer flow going! Then, you will make good decisions (more often than not) that are in agreement with the Holy Spirit, as you live moment to moment. Live in the “now” and trust that He holds your tomorrows! Each day is a gift; which is why it is called the “present”. Don’t miss out on the good you can do TODAY because you are wondering about your ultimate purpose. Those little things make up the bigger picture. Don’t waste those “little” opportunities to make a difference because sometimes, those are the ones that matter the most!

Grace and peace to all of you!! God bless you!!

The Key to Consistency

2010-05-18T14:23:00.000-04:00

For this week's weight-loss update, I don't have any weight-loss to report. I stayed exactly the same this week. I wish I would have worked out on Friday's "rest day" by running on the Greenway, but I didn't have time (and I really did need the rest). I walked plenty on Sunday (my other rest day) as we were out and about, but that was also the day where my eating wasn't the greatest (though I did pretty well the rest of the week).

I wasn't expecting a loss this week anyways. It's that "time" again, plus I figure I'm at a plateau. Though, that is about ready to change as well because I am finishing up the first phase of ChaLean Extreme and will be starting the next one soon. So, the change in exercise will get me going again. Plus, I just ordered some new weights. All I've had to work with are 5's and 10's, which aren't heavy enough for many of the exercises. Even though I still sweat (and feel it) decently enough, I KNOW I am capable of more (which would give me better results too).

At this point, I'm content with the fact that I'm a little stagnant because I know that I've got momentum and that the new changes will payoff as soon as I start the new phase and get the weights that I need. Add to the fact that I've also started drinking Shakeology on a daily basis and I'm absolutely SURE that I will start seeing more changes (I will blog about Shakeology in more detail a little later).

I feel like I'm on the right track and that I'm making the "extreme" changes that I need to make in order to get results. The one thing I am still lacking is the fact that I'm always needing to pay more attention to the spiritual aspect. As I've always said, if that part isn't doing well, then nothing is going to go well. Have Christ; have success. If that's lacking, then your success will be lacking. It doesn't matter how much you "will" it or want it. If you're doing it all on your own, you aren't going to get very far (and if you do, it won't be for very long). I need to constantly remind myself of this because I know that without Christ, I am nothing and can accomplish nothing (John 15:5). I NEED to stay attached to the vine if I'm going to bear good fruit! Otherwise, all I can expect is up and down progress and lots of frustration!

Christ is the key to consistency!! Even if my exercise, nutrition, and everything else is spot on, I know after YEARS of doing this that Christ is the only thing that is 100% effective and the source of any true success (the best part being that He truly wants you to succeed and all that He offers is FREE! No cost, no shipping and handling, nothing! He already paid the price!). Satan would like nothing more than to distract me and help me forget that (and sometimes, he succeeds). However, my spirit knows what works and if I'm led by my spirit, it will conquer the flesh that says "I can do this myself" every time! If at any point I'm not doing well, I should examine my heart and face the glaringly obvious reality that I'm slacking spiritually and then pump up my spiritual muscles like I would my physical ones. The spiritual strength I get from Christ will give me the strength for everything else. The Holy Spirit is the one that nudges me when I'm about to make a bad food choice, ignore a workout, or get prideful in myself. If I listen, I can prevent any mistakes I might make. If I ignore it and go with my flesh, thinking that I'm somehow "above the law" and that I can escape any negative consequences, then I deceive myself.

Christ keeps me balanced and I desperately need Him if I'm going to succeed! My progress would be a LOT better (and I would get to my goal quicker) if I stayed completely dependent on Him! I am forever praying that I would better understand what it means to be reliant on Him. I could stand to review the stuff I learned in "The Lord's Table", that's for sure!

God bless you all! Thank you to all my family, friends, sparkpeople peeps, and my new Beachbody family for all the encouragement and support that you offer! I appreciate it! Thanks for walking with me on this journey!! Grace and peace to you!

Extremely Rewarding!

2010-05-10T23:18:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm half-way through the Burn Phase of ChaLean Extreme! It's intense, but it's getting more tolerable as I build strength and endurance! Though, about the time it gets tolerable is when it will be time for the next phase (and fresh pain lol). That is a good thing, though (yeah, it is!). It may be tough, but it's worth it! Anything worth achieving takes hard work and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. Thus far, there has been a lot of blood-pumping action, profuse sweating (oh my gosh, you have no idea!), and yes.....I have cried lol.

It's all paying off, though! Even though I'm not progressing as well as I think I should (or maybe I am, I just don't realize it) I did lose 1.6 pounds this week. All total, I've lost almost 3 pounds since starting ChaLean Extreme 2-3 weeks ago! I'm also inching closer to the 180's (I'm at 194.6 right now). Praise God!

I would probably have a little bit better number if I didn't have a few days, here and there, where I have really blown it. Last Saturday was one of those days. I had a day out with my kids and we had a blast! We went to Chuck E. Cheese because we had a ton of unspent tokens from Casey's birthday party and some coupons from the management for free pizza and drinks (there were a few glitches in his party and they were more than happy to make it up to us!). So, I had pizza.......um...quite a bit of pizza. Good thing I decided to ditch my rest day the day before and hit the Greenway instead! ;)

Oh and it didn't stop there! We went several other places; including Toys "R" Us (which the kids call "Toy Rugs" for some reason lol). I even took them to Baskin Robbins for some ice cream and then to the mall where they rode the carousel, shopped with me (and behaved relatively well), and we all shared an Auntie Anne's pretzel. Yeah, I know. To quote my friend Jama: "carbalicious." All things considered, it was a miracle that I lost anything at all this week! I guess the strength training really does pay off because muscle is a fat-burning/metabolism boosting powerhouse! Not that I should be eating like that anyways (at least not often or to that extent) but it's obvious that maybe my body is starting to be less harsh on me when I DO mess up! ;) Thank-you, Lord!

That's my update for now! I'm doing pretty well! How about all of you? Are you reading this and thinking/wishing that you could be kickin' some butt right now? Well, you can! Trust me, if I can do it, ANYONE can do it!! I push through it even when I don't want to and somehow, God gives me the endurance to give it my all even on the days where my back/neck is hurting more than normal. You can do it too, and I'm here for you!! Click on my link to shop for ChaLean Extreme (or P90X, Turbo Jam, Slim in 6, etc.); whichever program fits your needs best! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Check out Shakeology too (oh my gosh, I gotta get me some more of that! It's awesome!). God bless you everyone!! :)

Extreme Adventures

2010-05-04T16:03:00.000-04:00

Well, I have completed week one of ChaLean Extreme! Let me tell you, it's intense! I was more than grateful for the rest days that I got! Tough as it is, it will be worth it!

Even though I worked as hard as I could and was sweating buckets, I didn't see any change on the scale this week. I probably would have had I not gone way over my calories this weekend one too many times. So, it's my own fault. It's ok, though. I am just happy I didn't gain anything! I will do better this week and I am knowing and feeling that I'm getting stronger!

Aside from working out, I had a busy weekend! I had a garage sale to do (which paid off - big time!). I made a nice chunk of change; enough to take care of the spa package that I plan to book at the end of this month for a special day with my sis/friend April (a birthday gift to ourselves in July!). I can hardly wait for that!!

The other big thing I've got going on is that I finally decided to become a Beachbody coach! I'm just learning the ropes right now, but hopefully, it will turn out to be a smart choice as well as a profitable venture! Not only do I get a generous Beachbody discount on their products, but I get to encourage others if they pick me as their coach (or sign up as a coach under me). Plus, I can earn off of what people buy if they shop through my link. So, if you're following my blogs and thinking you would like to do ChaLean Extreme right along with me, feel free to visit my page and click "shop". You will LOVE ChaLean Extreme! I am so excited to see my end results because I know I am building muscle!

I also have a Shakeology link too! My own coach, Dana, gave me a free sample of it and oh my gosh.... let me tell you, it's not your typical protein shake! Anyone who has tried a protein shake knows how chalky, gritty, and sometimes nasty tasting they can be. Shakeology doesn't taste like that AT ALL! In fact, the second I opened it, I could just smell the chocolate! Sometimes, the flavorings can be so subtle that it barely tastes like anything, but I gotta tell you, it was a rich and delicious taste (girls, if you like brownie batter, I could almost compare it to that! It's that good!). It was also nice that I could mix it BY HAND with a spoon and it dissolved very well without clumps or chalkiness (would have used my blender, but I had no ice at the time to make a shake so I just mixed it with some milk). The best part of it all is, Shakeology is FULL of essential nutrition (not to mention a great blend of other nutrients that other drinks/supplements don't have). I'm definitely going to have to get more of it! If you want some too, check out my link!!

Ok, sorry for sounding like a commercial. Ya'll know how excited I get about stuff that I'm passionate about; regardless of what it is. At the very least, please visit my link and sign up for a Team Beachbody account (it's FREE!). That way, I can at least be your coach! ;) You all are here for me and you KNOW I'm here for you!! We're all in this together!!

God bless you all! Thanks for your support! I appreciate it!!

Squeaky Prayers

2010-04-28T01:06:00.002-04:00

It's funny what comes to your mind sometimes. The brain is so full of memories and whether by trigger or pure randomness, sometimes you end up thinking about the darnedest things! Exactly WHY your brain picks and chooses to remember seemingly meaningless things can be a mystery, but it can sometimes be thought provoking and/or entertaining.

Such is the case with a particular memory of something I would have never considered significant (though it is somewhat humorous) that comes to my mind every now and then quite randomly. Maybe I remember it because it sort of turned into a running joke (and if you know me, you KNOW how I love running jokes - and I usually don't forget those!). At the time, though, it really wasn't supposed to be funny because it involves a prayer request.

Let me set the stage for you. It's in my home town and in my home church. It was during "Kid's Klub"; which was a weekly after-school VBS type of thing. We had a time where we all got together for prayer. We always took requests and, of course, you sometimes heard some very sweet and innocent requests for things that you tried not to snicker about. It was hard not to laugh when some of the younger kids would ask for prayer about something you might think was silly (or when an older kid made a strange and inappropriate prayer request for someone or something that didn't exist - and everyone knew it except the adult in charge and couldn't figure out why we were trying not to laugh).

Imagine, then, a sweet little girl who had apparently lost her cat. I can't remember her name, but when called upon to share her request, it was: "that Squeaker comes back." She was always dead serious about it too! So, we prayed for Squeaker to come back....over and over again....week after week...for a long time! Eventually, enough time had passed that it became obvious that Squeaker probably wasn't coming back. Yet, this little girl (or some other little kid that knew Squeaker) would bring it up. In fact, I know there were several of us that were always just WAITING for her or someone to make that request! It almost didn't seem like prayer time without it! Yet, we would always try hard not to laugh as we would whisper to each other, "It's pretty obvious Squeaker isn't going to come back!" or something a little more harsh like, "Squeaker is probably dead!". You can see, then, where I'm getting at with the running joke! Squeaker finally quit being brought up as a legitimate prayer request, but every now and then, just for laughs, one of us couldn't resist saying it (but could never request it without laughing a little). I commend Karen and the other adults for not kicking some of us out. Well, actually, I think they did eventually; us older kids anyways. Sometimes, we just couldn't refrain from being obnoxious.....yes, including me - I'm sorry to admit! Oh yes, I'm sure you're shocked (well, some of you might be lol). Anyways, that's another story! ;)

I guess, for some reason, I am intrigued by Squeaker; the cat I never knew but that became so infamous! Clearly, he was a special cat or he wouldn't have been missed and prayed for so much. To my knowledge, he never did "come back" and I don't think anyone knows what fate befell poor Squeaker (but if any of you do, please let me know!). There are just so many unanswered questions, isn't there?

Squeaker remains that strange and funny memory that sometimes gets me to thinking about other "squeakers". All of us have had prayers that have seemingly gone unanswered; whether they were "big" prayers or "little" prayers that maybe we thought didn't matter much. We pray for our "squeakers" and that our prayers will be answered in the way that we want. Yet, it doesn't always work that way. The free-wills of others, and God's will, are in the mix too and so things don't always work in concordance with our own will. Perhaps our "squeakers" don't want to come back; or maybe they can't/shouldn't. Maybe we need to let go of them. Maybe there's a good reason why we don't get an answer (or maybe we do but it's not the answer we had hoped for). It's complicated. Though, we are assured that God will work it all out for good (Romans 8:28) and that His ways are better and higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9).

This is the first time in a while that I felt strongly about posting a blog like this. As you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging as much as I used to. However, I felt that this was something I had to share. God meant this blog for someone. In fact, it's probably more for me than anything. For a while, I have felt that my prayers (in what I feel is my pathetic prayer life anyways) have all been "squeaker" prayers. I'm having a hard time seeing answers and I often wonder if there ever comes a time where you stop bringing up certain things and just let them go. Yet, we are told to be persistent in prayer. I can't help but wonder, however, if God ever chuckles at some of my prayers the way we laughed about Squeaker. Though, I'm sure the only thing God laughs at is the fact that we would think that anything is too big or small for Him for us to mention. He's Lord of it all; and He cares SO DEEPLY (1 Peter 5:7). No matter how many times we mention the same people, things, or situations, He doesn't tire of listening to us. I think we just get tired of praying and the waiting that follows (guilty here!). There is so much uncertainty because we aren't in control and so we desperately want a resolution and so we ask for those prayers to "come back" to us; to be answered the way we think they should. How often, however, do we truly know what we are asking for? He knows us better than we know ourselves! Dear Jesus, help us to trust you!

Here's one prayer that I hope isn't a "squeaker" one and that is: I pray that our desire (particularly my own) comes back; our desire to keep praying no matter what. To P.U.S.H.: "Pray until something happens" (whatever "happens" looks like). I hope and pray that the nagging doubts of the enemy that say our prayers are nothing but a squeak in God's ear would be gone in Jesus name! Satan loves being able to convince us that praying doesn't matter and that God doesn't hear us and is tired of listening - but that's not true! He delights in us (Psalm 149:4), but even Jesus knew that it wasn't about having it our own way but God's (Matthew 26:39). HIS way should be our delight (Psalm 119:174). If it is, we are sure to see the desires of our heart granted (Psalm 37:4).

Grace and peace to all of you!! God bless you all as you continue to pray! Remember, nothing is too big or too small for God! If he cares about every sparrow (and Squeaker) how much MORE does He care for you?! Much. VERY much (Matthew 10:28-31)!!

Hoping for "Extreme" Progress!

2010-04-27T00:43:00.002-04:00

I have remarked before that I workout consistently (more often than not) but struggle with my nutrition. This past week, however, it seemed to be the opposite situation (werid, huh?!). I actually did pretty well with my nutrition! I feel I ate well, and there was only one day where I didn't track my calories (yeah, that would be Sunday at the baby shower where there was food and....um...cake!). All the other days, I stayed within range....or a few calories over a couple times. I still worked out, but I didn't burn as much as I typically do (and I took Monday off because I had an exhausting weekend). I was kind of relaxed. Perhaps it was because I knew I was going to start ChaLean Extreme and that this would be my last opportunity to take it easy. ;)

Anyways, I am at 196.2 pounds (which is a loss of .8). So, I almost lost a full pound. Not bad for a "low key" kind of week. I am hoping that now that I'm doing ChaLean Extreme, I will start seeing a lot of positive changes on the scale (and on my body). :)

Since I'm on the topic of ChaLean Extreme, I will say that I am GLAD that I exchanged my P90 for it! I should have gotten it in the first place (which was my first instinct). Yeah, I guess you really should follow your gut (especially if you want to lose it lol). I am hoping I will finally tone up and build muscle and truly burn off this fat! Gosh, I am BEYOND tired of all this fat! And, after doing Chalene's workouts a couple times already, I feel like maybe this will truly be what gives me the boost (and results) that I need. It's intense, but the time goes fast and I almost enjoy it (yeah, I don't know if I will ever truly "enjoy" strength training!). Chalene does make strength training doable. Everything about her and how she does things makes workouts more fun! Yeah, I say that NOW...but once I get the heavier weights that I should be lifting, I might not say that (gosh, I nearly cried today just doing it with the weights that I DO have lol!). But, I know that on most of the exercises, I wasn't "failing" on my last reps and therefore, am not lifting enough. So, I guess it's nice to know that I'm stronger than I thought. ;)

I look forward to getting through my first week of ChaLean Extreme. I only hope that I have enough energy to go around! In addition to a new workout, I got a garage sale to get ready for and a daughter with an ear infection to keep dealing with (oh my gosh, to say she is difficult to give medicine to is an understatement!). Needless to say, I have been (and am) exhausted! Motherhood has its varying degrees of difficulty. I always dread when Gianna gets sick. I would much rather give medicine to Casey because he has no problem swallowing a teaspoon full of anything....but her?!! Oh my gosh, you would think I was giving her a super-sized glass of seaweed juice or something the way she carries on! It's just a teaspoon.....A TEASPOON! Yet, she cries and screams and fights it so much! Oh, the delights of a twice daily antibiotic (and that's not including the Motrin for pain!). Though, the ear finally appears to be draining so I guess that she IS getting better! However, we still have many more delightful days of medication disbursement left! You know, I didn't think there was much I hated more than strength training, but if you gave me a choice between that and giving my daughter medicine,.....um.........yeah! Strength training is bliss compared to the emotional and mental torture of giving Gianna medicine! My dread for that is far more intense than my dread for strength training (no joke, people! You have no idea!).

Well, here's to hoping that I survive the week and that progress is on its way!! God bless you all and thanks for your prayers and support (I need it so much!).

A Mixed Bag Blog

2010-04-20T16:07:00.002-04:00

I know that this isn't typical for me, but this blog is going to be sort of a mixed bag - a VERY mixed bag! There has been so much that I have wanted/needed to blog but I haven't gotten around to it. So, forgive me for being scatterbrained!

First off, my weight-loss update for this week is that I am down .4 pounds to an even 197. I am grateful, because I wasn't sure which way the scale would go this week. I walked and ran a lot last week (and burned a nice amount of calories) but I only did strength training twice instead of my usual three. This was an extremely busy weekend, so I didn't get too upset with myself for not getting that third strength training day in. Besides, I hate strength training and I totally think that running around all weekend and holding/hauling bags of pageant stuff, and what not, should count as strength training....and likely cardio as well! So much walking this weekend! My feet can attest to the fact that I have been moving a LOT! Which, I assume, made up for my lack of food-tracking this weekend. I know I didn't do my best, but I could have done a lot worse. So, the fact that I pretty much maintained (and lost that tiny bit this week) is good enough for me!

This could also be the week where I start getting better progress! As I mentioned before, I got my refund from beachbody.com for that Power90 I sent back (and purchased Chalean Extreme instead). The UPS tracking says that it's in transit to its final destination right now, so maybe I'll get it today (instead of Friday like they told me). That would make it nice, because I took yesterday off and was totally lazy. So, I was going to do my strength training today. I will wait and see if that box shows up in a little while. If not, I guess I will do one of my other strength training videos one last time before starting Chalean Extreme on my next strength training day. I look forward to a fresh new bunch of exercises and am hoping for good results!

That's pretty much it for my weight-loss update! The other thing I wanted to briefly blog about was our trip to the Galilean Home. I mentioned tidbits here and there, but I haven't really given a full report. Considering that I was sick a majority of the time, and this was a much different trip than my first time, I guess I don't have as much to say. Last year, a team got together and we all went (and we plan on doing that again the second week of June - mark your calendars!). I blogged things day by day. This time, however, I will give a condensed synopsis.

Basically, my family and I spent our Spring Break down there and Maggie (who had been volunteering there) came back home with us. While we were there, the kids got to enjoy pre-school with some other kids and Mitch helped with some light construction. I helped take care of the babies as best I could, but my illness got in the way (mainly the beginning of the week). Thankfully, I was well enough by Thursday to actually help take some of the babies to the prison to see their Mamas. We also got to celebrate Casey's 7th birthday with some delicious chocolate cake that Maggie provided for us. Spencer, one of the kids at the home, was also celebrating his birthday (the day after Casey's).

Overall, we had a good time in spite of illness and a few other incidences (like when Casey decided to pull the fire alarm for some reason). The week went by so fast, and so did the drive home! On the way down, I had horrible body aches and was feeling awful! On the way back, Maggie and I watched "Gone with the Wind" so that took care of the driving time lol. It also helped us forget that we were packed in the van like sardines considering that we had all of our stuff (plus Maggie's) packed in there.

I guess that's pretty much all I have to say about that. Next things worth mentioning are the events of this past weekend. I was/am hoping to blog them separately. Though, in case I don't, I'll just mention a few things. One of them being that Mitch and I enjoyed our much anticipated trip to Indy on Thursday to hear George W. Bush speak at the Life Centers event (which also included Mike Pence, Miss America Katie Stam, and Sandi Patty). We enjoyed hearing him speak about his faith, life in the Oval Office, and so many other things. Though, I thought that he talked more about that than he did actual pro-life content (in my opinion, Mike Huckabee's speech last year was much better in that regard). Still, it was a great evening and we enjoyed hearing the things he had to share. He really had the crowd laughing a lot! He really does have a sense of humor and knows how to take/make a joke (even at his own expense) lol. Oh, and a BIG THANK YOU to our friend, Cindy, for watching our kids (it was a late night!).

I also enjoyed Sandi Patty's testimony of how she and her husband adopted their son, Sam, who is now a teenager. They both had children from previous marriages and were trying to work on their blended family; not quite deciding for sure if they wanted to add to it. She said they had talked about adopting a boy and naming him Sam (after his father, I think). They kind of placed it on the back burner and she just prayed that if God wanted them to do it, He would just place a baby in their lap. She said be careful about prayers like that lol. She said that she was contacted about finding a family for a baby boy whose adoption fell through. She and her family talked about it and long story short, when they came to see him in the hospital, the boy had ironically already been named (and you'll never guess the name!). Yep,...."Sam". She said there was a little heart with his name on it and rainbows on it too. She sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in honor of him and the fact that his birth mother chose life for him. How precious is that?!

Speaking of love and charity, I want to finish up this blog by congratulating Angela Witte, the new "Queen of Charities" pageant winner (and Miss Congeniality too!). If I get around to blogging more about the pageant and the whole experience, I'll be sure to include more details and such. In the meantime, you can check out the photos I've posted on Facebook (and some professional photos will be uploaded soon, I'm told). The main thing that I want to say, at the moment, is that I went into it hoping that I could help raise money for charity, bring awareness to the ones that I cherish most, have fun, and make new friends! I'm not sure that I did all that well at raising funds (though, I tried!) but as for the rest, I feel that I have definitely accomplished that! If there's one thing I value most about things like this, it's the fact that I get to make connections/friendships with such amazing people! That alone makes the experience worthwhile!

Well, that's all for now! Thanks for reading!! God bless you all!!

Walking on the Water

2010-04-12T15:19:00.001-04:00

Last week, I skipped out on posting a weight-loss update because there was really nothing to post (considering I had stayed the same - a horrid 201 pounds). I didn't want to post anyways because I have been beyond frustrated. I had been feeling that the majority of my ups and downs were unfair and undeserved considering all the effort I put into losing (especially during the Fit Life challenge). At the end of the challenge, I was 195-ish. Then, it came time for our vacation/mission trip to The Galilean Children's Home. Naturally, most people gain a few pounds over vacation. Though, I had expected (as last time) that when I did, it would fall right back off the next week as it usually does (once your body realizes that you are back to your routine). Usually, I lose what I gained and then some. So, it was hard to gain about six pounds and then feel like you got back into a rut (especially when I was sick and had no appetite for the first part of the week and thought that the consolation prize would be that I WOULDN'T gain!). Ugh, how could everything go so wrong?!

Needless to say, these last 2-3 weeks have been tough (and rather strange). I had fully intended on keeping my momentum going and then, naturally, I got thwarted. The vacation weight was expected, but not the illness and extreme moodiness, frustration, etc. that I have been experiencing was not. The emotional roller coaster is what sadly leads me to get into old habits of having more "cheat days" than I should and moderation becomes far from my mind. Despite the warnings and nudges from the Holy Spirit, I ignore the foreshadowing of "Very well. It's your choice, Melissa. But, remember, there are consequences."

I can never quite figure out why I stupidly and willfully make wrong choices in temporary moments of weakness when I KNOW that I am horribly sabotaging myself (and all the blood, sweat, and tears I have put in). I once heard Beth Moore say that sin's greatest lie is that it can give you more than what it takes away. It really "clicked" with me as probably the truest and most revealing thing about sin that I have ever heard! Yet, I still struggle with overeating; even though I KNOW that it will never give me more than it takes away (well, except for the massive and generous amounts of pounds it "gives"). No matter how many times I realize that I'm trading a moment of extra calories and temporary satisfaction for extra pounds, I still give into the temporary way too often! Such is the tragedy that is this mess of sinful flesh!

Another thing I can't quite figure out is how I can be so consistent about exercising (even though there are many days where I HATE it and don't want to do it) and so inconsistent about my nutrition. My mistakes with food practically waste my progress with fitness. Then, there are those that have the opposite problem. They are fabulous with their nutrition, but they hardly ever work out. Both situations keep you stuck on a plateau and from getting the results you want. If only I could figure out how both types of people could learn to do well in BOTH areas instead of just one! If only we could share/swap motivation, somehow, and get the best of both worlds!

With that being said, I did work out a lot last week. I have taken more "rest" days here and there since finishing the Fit Life challenge, but I think that's a good thing. Typically, I work out 5-7 days a week and for a while, there wasn't a single day where I rested. Without the pressure to perform for a team/challenge, that has eliminated some of the weight-loss stress which, in itself, can cause you to have stunted progress. So, even though I still sometimes feel "annoyed" by taking a day off, I do so when I have to (like if I am on the go and busy all day - which might be a workout in itself anyways). In fact, I didn't work out yesterday and that was partly because it was Sunday (and I was tired and needed the break) and because I gave blood. However, I took full advantage of the fact that they tell you not to skip meals. So, I ate whenever I felt the need to (and a little beyond that). Yesterday was not an "in range" calorie day. Generally, I wouldn't be as bothered by fudging up, but the majority of my week was filled with mishaps and overindulgences. I don't think I had many days where I stayed in range (and I didn't always get all my water drank either - one day of that due to the fact I dropped and broke a FULL water bottle! ARGH!). I have been clumsy and careless in more ways than one this week!

Despite all this, I am down 3.6 pounds today and am at 197.4 pounds. Oddly enough, however, I really wasn't a bit excited. For one, this is weight I have already gained and lost a few times over. In my mind, this hardly counts considering that I was lower than this a couple weeks ago when I went on vacation. Secondly, I feel that I didn't deserve it at all because my eating was so poor (even though my exercise was great). I would LOVE to trade this week's loss with a week in which I did my all and totally deserved to see a number like this and didn't. You know what I'm saying?

Today's loss is a pleasant (but undeserved) surprise. I think it was a combination of being a pint lighter in blood and in doing some workouts that I hadn't done in a while (including getting to run TWICE on the Greenway!! YAY!!). My body has actually been a little sore this week; which is actually a little bit of a pleasant feeling because you know that things are changing. So, I feel that I am headed in the right direction and I am determined to do better. Spring is here and things are brighter and better in a lot of ways (even if the allergies come with it!).

One of the changes I am most looking forward to is undertaking Chalean Extreme. What happened to Power90? Well, after a great deal of consideration, I returned my Power90 to beachbody.com(and am awaiting my refund so I can purchase Chalene's program). It's not that it was ineffective or that Tony Horton isn't awesome, but it just wasn't for me. If there's anything that I have learned about exercise, it's that I have to find something I enjoy, or I will hate it all the more and sabotage myself with stress, dread, and eventually giving up on it. Not only do I have to change up my exercises and keep things fresh, but I also have to be true to my preferences. This would have been avoidable in the first place if I had just ordered Chalean Extreme to begin with, but I had heard so much more about Tony Horton and felt I HAD TO do his. Like I said, it's nothing against him (his programs are great!) but it's not for me. The workouts that I tried were just a little dull and repetitious and everything from the people (which were few) to the set (very bland) and the music (very lame) bored me! Though, maybe I should have opened and tried the other DVDs that I bought, but I figured if I wasn't really liking the first couple workouts, it wasn't likely I would like any of his others. I guess Chalene's personality style, music, sets, energetic people to watch, variety of moves, etc. is just more "me" and I better enjoy working out when it's her on the TV screen. And, her program is very similar to Tony's, so I believe I will get the same results (and I will stick with her as I already have with Turbo Jam). I would also LOVE to try her "hip hop hustle" sometime as well! She is just SO FUN and inventive and everything about her is entertaining, effective, and more enjoyable!

Well, I guess that's my report for this week! I've had lots to think about and learn lately, and it's all been good for me in the bigger scheme of things. So, while I know some of you like to think I'm too hard on myself, it's really not like that at all. Besides, who doesn't have moments like these? As unpleasant as they can be, they are beneficial and crucial to growth. Sometimes, you have to experience the frustration of learning the same lessons over and over again because the repetition cements truth into your mind. After several years of doing this, I can tell you that I'm improving as I continue to learn (and relearn) what I need. It's probably taking me longer than it should, but I'm still going! :) If I can only remember that faith and focus on Christ needs to be the center for this (and anything I do) I will walk on water! My moments of sinking feelings are the result of looking in the wrong direction (or looking directly at the raging waters beneath my feet). What I need to be doing most is remembering that Jesus is right in front of me; always with me. He may allow me to sink so that I can learn a faith-filled lesson, but He will never let me drown! Though, being empowered by the Holy Spirit is voluntary. I have to allow Him to help me by yielding and calling out to Him; realizing that my ways have a proven track record of failure. Yet, it is those failures that pave the road of growth and all those stepping stones of mistakes can still be of help to me (Romans 8:28). In my weaknesses, He is strong. I'm learning to be more appreciative and thankful for His grace and His downright awesomeness!! ;)

To wrap it all up, watch this YouTube video of Britt Nicole's song "Walk on the Water". I love this song! God bless you all! Thanks for your support! Grace and peace to you!

The Souvenir that Nobody Wants to Bring Home

2010-03-29T12:20:00.000-04:00

Well, we’re back from our visit to The Galilean Children’s Home. Today, I resume my regular fitness and nutrition routine. I couldn’t be happier to do so because my weigh-in today wasn’t good at all!! I was actually rather surprised considering that last week, I was rather sick. I’ll blog about the trip later, but for the majority of the week, I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t have much of an appetite because my stomach hurt and from Tuesday-Thursday this princess had to do a lot of sitting on the porcelain throne. Considering all that, you would think that I would have lost 5-10 pounds (that’s how I felt anyways). After all, I didn’t eat much for a good portion of the week and it didn’t seem as though anything stayed in my system long anyways. Yet, I STILL have a nasty surprise on the scale today!

Even though I obviously couldn’t work out last week due to being so sick, I didn’t think that would affect me so terribly considering that I wasn’t eating that much (well, until I started feeling better by the weekend). So, I guess the weekend coupled with this “time of month” is a rather “heavy” disadvantage. Well, they always say that you come home with more than you left with when you go on vacation. Though, I had hoped that I wouldn’t bring extra pounds home with me this time; but I guess that is always a souvenir that most can’t avoid bringing back.

So, how bad is it? Well, it’s bad: 201 pounds bad! Yeah, I know….awful!! I was in the mid 190’s when I left, so even though it’s only a few pounds up, that still puts me back in the 200’s (though this is VERY temporary - I can promise you that!!). This is typical of vacation anyways. Usually, the next week, I lose whatever it was that was gained (and maybe a little more). So, I look forward to a big loss next week as my body gets shocked back into submission.

Nevertheless, it’s still very disheartening to always feel like so much hard work (that takes weeks and months to show success) can be undone in only a matter of days. It REALLY upsets me. Do you ever get so mad that you just wish you could cut your fat off?! Gosh, if it were only that easy to take a pair of scissors and trim your own chicken legs the way you do the real stuff that you buy at the store!!

I’m pretty frustrated and moody. All I want to do is cry. I am so weary of battling and trying so hard; and am BEYOND tired of being the “fat girl”. It’s one of those days where I just want to give in and give up. Of course, I know better than that, but I wrestle with this feeling at least once a month (obviously!).

I know all of you are super supportive of me, and I can about imagine all the nice and encouraging comments you will leave. However, sometimes a girl just doesn’t want to hear it (and I think you ladies understand). I don’t think I want to hear “don’t worry, you’re still doing great…you’ll get there…muscle weighs more than fat…..this stuff happens…..etc.” None of it really helps at the moment, so please spare me….I would appreciate it. Actually, I don’t know why I even continue posting updates like this because I don’t really want to all that much. Though, I know it’s good accountability, so I suppose that’s why I keep it up.

Anyways, that’s all I’ve got at the moment. I will blog about my trip as soon as I can. Please, keep me in your prayers if possible. God bless you all!

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle All The Day!

2010-03-21T03:27:00.000-04:00

Well, today is the day! We're going to The Galilean Children's Home! Please, keep us in your prayers as we travel and pray that our hearts will be ministered to just as we hope to minister to them (I get to take care of babies all week!! HOORAY!!). Also, pray that The Galilean Children's Home will get the funds they need. The economy has its obvious effect on donations. They are also in desperate need of volunteers! If you would, please pray about how you could possibly meet those needs!! Please, check out their link!!

I'm sure I will have much to say when we get back!! Until then, I look forward to possibly meeting my favorite "Kentucky person" (LOL) Shane. ;) That, and I am eager to see Maggie and bring her back home with us. She has been volunteering at the Children's Home for a few months. She's the one that's in the title of this blog because "Maggie Doodle" is one of her nicknames. I looked up the lyrics for "Polly Wolly Doodle" and reworked them to fit my Maggie Waggie Doodle lol! I was going to video myself singing it (and post if for fun) but I didn't have time. Maybe I'll post one later when I get back! :) If you know Maggie, you'll totally understand what I'm singin' about lol! In fact, if you forget what her laugh is like, watch this video and refresh your memory lol.

Anyways, pray for us.....and enjoy these lyrics in the meantime lol! I've also included a couple videos of my favorite versions of "Polly Wolly Doodle"; one by Shirley Temple and the other by The Chipmunks. God bless you all!!

Oh, I'm goin' down South for to see my pal

Singin’ Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!

My pal, she is a spunky gal

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well I'm on my way!

For I've packed my bags so I can see my Mags

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!!!

Oh, my pal, she is a maiden fair

Singin’ Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!

Together we are a goofy pair

Singin’ Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!

Fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well I'm on my way!

For I've packed my bags so I can see my Mags

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!!!

Oh, I love my Mag and I have for years

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

She cracks me up ‘til I cry tears

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well I'm on my way!

For I've packed my bags so I can see my Mags

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Oh, I’m travelin’ to the Galilean Home

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Now my Mags won’t have to be alone

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well I'm on my way!

For I've packed my bags so I can see my Mags

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

I will make her laugh any time I choose

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Because I love to hear my oinking goose

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

We’ll have so much fun, just wait and see

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Then she will come back home with me

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well I'm on my way!

For I'm ready now, to see my pal

Singin' Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

Singin’ Maggie Waggie Doodle

Singin’ Maggie Waggie Doodle all the day!!

*Click here to read Precious in His sight: The Galilean Home children by founder Jerry Tucker. Also check out Faith, hope, and room for one more: One family's spiritual journey of shepherding abused and handicapped children from around the world*

The Final "Fit Life" Results

2010-03-18T01:04:00.002-04:00

Alright, people! I said I would let you all know when I had the final Fit Life results and here they are! The overall biggest loser was one of my teammates, Gina!! She lost 33.5 pounds and 13.5% of her body weight!! Way to go Gina!! That’s awesome! So glad that someone on our team was the “biggest loser”!

Speaking of teams, the overall winning team was the black team. I don’t know about anyone else, but that took me by surprise! I had thought that our team (blue) and the yellow team were neck and neck for first (so I have no idea where the black team came from) but congratulations! I’m not sure what place our team got, but I’m proud of our team regardless.

This week has felt a little more relaxing now that I don’t have to think about a weigh-in (well, other than my own personal weigh-ins). Do you know what I did (well, didn’t do) on Monday? I DID NOT WORKOUT! Not only did I not feel like it (had a headache) but I just wanted to finally take a rest day. Oddly enough, however, I felt really strange doing that. I felt very bothered; like I was being lazy. I also had a tinge of fear that taking the day off was going to bring my momentum to a screeching halt and turn on my rebellious streak of “I’m just going to do whatever for a while.” Dangerous!! However, I DID workout Tuesday and Wednesday, and am going to for the rest of this week. Sunday will be my next rest day, because I will be going to the Galilean Home that day and will be on the road. I might try to workout while I’m there, but it’s obviously not going to be my main priority. All I’m hoping for is that “vacation mode” won’t undo all my progress thus far! It takes SO LONG to lose the weight, but gaining it back happens about as soon as you can blink your eyes (well, for me it does!).

Well, that’s all I got for ya! The only other thing I have to say is a totally off topic mention of the recent article I wrote for Examiner.com about Saint Patrick’s day. Please feel free to read and subscribe! I hope you enjoy it! Oh, and a big “thank you” to Cy and Lisa for inviting us to their big bash! ;) I have never eaten so much green food in my life lol! Ya’ll are my kind of people! So much fun!!

God bless you all, and thank you for all your support!!

My "Fit Life" Finale

2010-03-15T23:37:00.000-04:00

Tonight was the last Fit Life weigh-in; and I’m relieved, to say the least! This challenge/competition has been great, but I’m glad that it’s over!! Even though it was a great jump start, motivation, and means of some accountability, it sometimes felt like a lot of pressure. After all, no one likes to gain a pound and bring down their team or feel like they are ever a disappointment for not losing as much as others. It’s been a good experience, but I would probably think twice before doing something like that again.

I don’t know when we will know which team (and individual) is the winner, but all I know is that I am SUPER PROUD of my team! Everyone pretty much did their part and that’s why we have always been in 1st or 2nd place from week to week. I can’t wait to see how we finish out! Way to go team; and thank you, Blake, for your help as well!! I hope we “brought it” and brought it well!! We strived to be a “jacker-free” team! LOL! I hope we made you proud!

I’ll post the final results when I know, but for now I will just post my own results. If we’re going by my own scale, it’s as follows:

Starting weight: 207
Ending weight: 193.2
Pounds lost: 13.8
Weight-loss percentage: 6.66% (Ew! I wish I could have 7.77% or something!)

Fit Life weigh-ins at the gym:

Starting weight: 209.5
Ending weight: 193
Pounds lost: 16.5
Weight-loss percentage: 7.88%

There’s only one catch. The first weigh-in that we had was botched because we all weighed in on different scales and some of them weren’t functioning correctly. So, the second weigh-in that we had is what we’re counting as the starting point. It’s a REAL BUMMER for most of us who lost the most between that first and second weigh-in (yeah, like me!). So, that means that my numbers are:

Starting weight: 204
Ending weight: 193
Pounds lost: 11
Weight-loss percentage: 5.39%

Regardless, I do feel that I did a good job. I gave it my all and it got me moving steadily in the right direction after being stalled in my progress for quite some time. I had hoped that I would lose 10-15 pounds during this challenge and I am proud to say that I did! Thank you, Jesus! All glory to God!!

Thirteen pounds is a great start this year, but I still got forty-three pounds left to lose! Even though it often seems like this is going to take forever (or that I’ll never make it) I know I will - eventually. I just hope that it will finally be this year! January 2007 was when I started getting really serious about losing weight, and yet, here I am in 2010 still trying to “get there”. I should have already gotten there by now! Though, in these three years, I think I have learned a lot and that I’m better equipped and able to finally reach that goal of 150 that always seems so far away! A lot of “trial and error” goes a long way! Sometimes, it takes time to learn what does and doesn’t work for you. Nothing is “one-size-fits-all”. You really do have to find the balance that works for your body, and it takes accomplishments (as well as failures) to find it. Even then, you’re still always changing and reworking; hoping and praying that God will help you to get it figured out! Yeah, if it weren’t for Jesus, I wouldn’t have any success at all!!

For now, at least, I’m just happy that I’m almost to the 180’s (again!). For some reason, I have never been able to get beyond that. The closest I got was in the fall of 2007 when I got to 178, but that didn’t last long. Now you all probably know that being an “80’s child”, I really do love and appreciate the 80’s so much! However, THESE 80’s aren’t the kind I want to cling to and remember fondly lol. Even though I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again…I’m glad to be out of the 200’s and to soon be out of the 190’s (and to not go back again, and again,…). I really want to “get out and stay out” this time.

One last thing that I would like to share (and give God some praise for) is for the fact that I went to an endocrinologist and got a bunch of tests run. They FINALLY found out what my big problem is (and surprisingly, it wasn’t wheat/gluten as I had suspected - and THANK GOD FOR THAT!). You know what it is? It’s a vitamin D deficiency!! Oh my gosh, now that I know, it seems so obvious! I mean, seriously, in the winters I get more moody than normal (seasonal affective disorder). I knew that it’s because of decreased sunlight and I knew that vitamin D was the element in sunlight that we all need. Yet, it STILL didn’t dawn on me to take a vitamin D pill (or maybe I just didn’t think I needed to since I take a multi-vitamin). So, the doctor put me on a high dosage of vitamin D to take for a month, and then I will take an OTC vitamin after that. Hopefully, I will see some real improvement in my energy level, and my pain and fatigue will decrease. I feel relieved, as well as hopeful, that I will finally start feeling better very soon!! Hallelujah!!

Well, that’s my update for this week! Thank you, everyone, for reading and supporting me!! I will continue to keep you posted on my ongoing progress, because this journey sure isn’t over yet!! I’m going to keep the momentum going!! God bless you all!

The Stress Factor

2010-03-09T22:20:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I posted my frustration about the “tough days.” Though, however tough things may be, I remain optimistic. Yet, it’s REALLY hard to remember to do so when you weigh-in and see that you aren’t where you thought you’d be. The scale showed a loss of like 1 and a half when I weighed in at the gym, but it’s only because I was so upset (and nervous about not having a loss at all) that I didn’t eat anything before I went. Didn’t have an appetite much at all.

Ok, so I KNOW that as a woman, that “time of month” factors in. But still, I worked SO HARD last week! I worked out every day (as always) and even bumped up my calorie burn from 3,000 calories a week to 3,500+. I feel that I have been doing well nutritionally too, so there’s no reason (in my mind) for not having a fantastic loss. It’s beyond frustrating to me, and it just seems WRONG! You know what I mean?

The “muscle weighs more than fat” and “you probably lost inches” or even the “you’ll have a good number next week” stuff doesn’t mean much in the moment when all you can think of is how you want to explode! You are just beyond shocked (and angry) that all the hard work, sweat, and tears aren’t seeming to amount to anything. As I’ve told a few people, it’s a horrible feeling to feel as though you gave it your all only to earn a tenth of an inch of progress on a yard stick. Sure, progress can be slow (but “look how far I’ve come”). Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once I “get over it”, all of that stuff will sound fine. But, until then, things are not “fine.”

Maybe the only other factor not yet fully considered is the “stress” factor. How can you tell if you are “stressed” and that it’s factoring into the weight-loss hindrance? You hear the trainers talk about it on “The Biggest Loser”, but exactly how do you define stress? I guess I haven’t thought of myself as being stressed, but maybe I am. So, if that’s the case, how does one truly de-stress? The answer: more quiet, more prayer, more Jesus.

I want to finish strong for the last weigh-in on Monday. Whatever happens, I will still be proud of my progress and of what I’ve done. No matter what the scale says, I have no reason to be ashamed. I am doing well, and no one and nothing can tell me differently. I know you all are proud of me, I’m proud of me, and God is proud of me. I will continue doing whatever I can and I will “get there” (eventually). Maybe things will continue to be slow (and very frustrating) but it WILL NOT MAKE ME GIVE UP!! I’ll keep remembering something Grandma once said, “Once she’s got something in her head, even the devil can’t change her mind!” True that! ;) He can throw whatever he’s got at me, and maybe it will trip me up, but I always get back up! He can do a lot of things; but he can NEVER make me QUIT! Sometimes, it really does payoff to be a strong-willed child (note to self: remember this every time you have a rough moment with your mini-me daughter!). ;)

All glory to God!! Grace and peace to you all! Thanks for all your support and prayers!

Going "Home" For Vacation

2010-03-09T21:03:00.001-05:00

Guess what?! Spring is almost here! Yay! Not only that, but SPRING BREAK TOO!! So, do you have plans for Spring Break? If not, maybe you will now!!

On Sunday, March 21st, my family and I will be going to The Galilean Children’s Home in Liberty, Kentucky. You might remember me talking about it before (I blogged about my first trip last June.Click here to read about it!). Ever since I went the first time, I have been aching to go back!

Maybe most people don’t think of mission trips as a “vacation” (or maybe they think of it as a “working vacation”). However, if you read some of the definitions of the word, you’ll find that it means many things. It’s a “respite”; a break from your every day life. It’s a period of time in which normal every-day activities are “suspended”. You are away from home and visiting someplace else. It doesn’t necessarily have to be an exotic beach get-away with umbrella drinks in order to be satisfying and relaxing.

I am truly looking forward to my “respite” from my typical activities! Though, in some ways, it will be much of the same. I will be taking care of kids (babies, to be more precise! Yay!). Ordinarily, I probably wouldn’t consider it much of a break from my typical life, but as I’ve said before, there’s nothing typical about The Galilean Children’s Home. When you’re there, you never feel like you are “working” in any sense of the word. You are serving; there’s a difference. And, while you’re serving, you are enjoying every minute of it because the fellowship and atmosphere is so sweet! There are few (if any) distractions, and it’s peaceful there. There is so much Christian unity and love there, and that’s what I love most about that place! More often than not, it feels like you are “home” in a sense that you have always known, yet, never known. I imagine that that’s how we will feel when we get to heaven; that we have always lived and belonged there, even though we hadn’t been there until that moment. Your heart just knows what “home” really is, and when you’re there, nothing else matters. Furthermore, your heart never forgets it and it longs to be there when you are absent from it. It’s why I have longed to go back “home” ever since I left!

If you think I’m exaggerating, come see for yourself!! If you are interested in going, let me know!! L.A. Brown, who is coordinating this trip, will be finalizing details with me in soon. The basic plan, right now, is that we will be leaving on Sunday (the 21st) after the second service at Life Church (about 12:00 p.m.). We will return the following Sunday (the 28th) in the afternoon or early evening.

Trust me, people, you will always remember the time you spent your “Spring Break” at The Galilean Children’s Home! It will be one “vacation” you will never forget!! Whether you are loving and caring for babies and kids, hanging out and/or caring for the disabled kids/adults, or building/fixing things that need attention on the grounds, you will feel AMAZING knowing that you are doing Kingdom work! Not only will you be ministering to them, but they will most certainly minister to you in ways that you’ll never see coming!! I can’t even begin to describe to you how much I feel I have grown in faith and character since going there (and I can’t wait to recharge my batteries!). God moves in amazing ways! I can’t wait to see what He does this time (and to have my family with me is all the sweeter!!).

Please give this some prayerful consideration!! I hope you can join us!! Oh, and my friend Maggie (who is currently down there) will be riding home with us!! Yay!! I can’t wait to see her (and to have another road trip with her lol!). I am SUPER EXCITED about all the people that I’ll get to see and all the many more memories that we’re sure to make!! I hope to share many of those memories with YOU, so let me know!! God bless you all!!

The Tough Days

2010-03-06T23:39:00.000-05:00

“Ugh, I don’t want to workout!” We all have days like that (well, I definitely do!). Actually, it can be more often than not. Usually, however, I exercise anyways. The days that are the hardest are the days like today; when you’re feeling moody, hormonal, blah, and just about every emotion in-between. You can’t really explain why you feel the way you do (if you‘re a woman, you understand!) and you really feel like just saying “ah, forget it!” for the day.

Sometimes you do “forget it”. Other times, you push through anyways. Even then, it can be really hard because everyone on the workout video is smiling. “What are YOU smiling about?” you want to ask. “Oh, that’s right. It’s EFFORTLESS for you and you have a perfect body! That’s why!” Then, whomever is leading the video, says something really lame like “are you having fun?” or “you there at home, you‘re doing great!“ or the real kicker, “you’re gonna look so good!“. It’s at that moment, for some MYSTERIOUS reason, that you want to scream “shut up!” and put your foot through the TV.

These are the tough days; the days where you can’t tell if what’s pouring down your face is sweat or tears (or both!). All the fear of “what if I never get to goal?” starts to turn into doubts of “that’s right, I never will…I should just give up!” as well as anger, “I HATE being fat! I’m so tired of it! Why does it have to be so hard?!” It makes you want to explode and then binge on something to finalize your defeat.

But then, you get through it. Why? Because you know the difference between truth and lies. You remember that you can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13) and that He will give you the strength to overcome. You remember that your emotions are fleeting and that no matter if you’re feeling bad physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, you will make it! And, as you’re lying there on the floor after doing some killer ab work, you actually manage to smile with relief and feel grateful that it’s over (and hope that it all pays off). You resolve to keep clinging the victory. Satan may assault you, but he’ll never knock you out because Christ is the champion and has already won for you! ;)

Sometimes venting (and even laughing) about struggles like this can do wonders! It’s why I wanted to post this because I know that it’s something that a lot of us can relate to! So, if you are reading this (and are nodding your head and smiling/laughing) remember to keep persevering! Yeah, I’m not going to tell you to “hang in there” because I know how much that cliché annoys me and how I about want to “hang” up the towel even more when I hear that ridiculous phrase! I guess maybe the better phrase is the one that Red Green says (and it always kind of makes me smile): “Remember, I’m pullin’ for ya! We’re all in this together!” It also makes me want to break out into the “High School Musical” song……. ;) LOL! Oh my gosh, now that’s going to be stuck in my head for a while! So catchy!!

Ok, well, here’s to getting through the tough days! Here’s to prayer which carries us and gives us the strength to endure and refuels us when we fall (becomes sometimes, we just wanna pass out!). Knocked down, but not defeated! We’ll always rise back up! We got the King of Kings as our coach; always in our corner! God bless you all!

Fit Life = Way of Life

2010-03-01T23:37:00.001-05:00

After a disappointing weigh-in last week, I was hoping for a better one this week. Things were looking pretty good exercise-wise. I met (and exceeded) my goal for calories burned. I worked out every day in some way, and the next phase of Power 90 was a little tougher (and I burned a lot more). I still had some nutrition issues (namely Friday when I was baking sweets for a bake sale - yeah, brownie batter/cookie dough, etc. just spells “doom” for me!). However, I actually came out on top this week!! Two pounds down!! Hallelujah! ;)

This means that my weight-loss percentage is over 5% now! I’ve lost 11.4 pounds! I had hoped to lose 10-20 during this challenge (with 15 being kind of being the number I hope to hit). I have two more weeks left! If I can lose four pounds total over the next two weigh-ins, I will make it (the final weigh-in is in two weeks, on the 15th).

As of right now, I’m not the “biggest loser” overall, and I’m not sure which team is currently in the lead. We seem to toggle between 1st and 2nd place a lot. Regardless, everyone seems to be doing well (those that are still around anyways lol). Blake was right; there were a lot of “jackers”, but most of them are gone now.

Well, I think that’s about it for this week! Pretty short and sweet!! We were missing Monica, again, this week. Though, me and a few other gals got to do some yoga tonight. Never done it in class form, but have done some here and there in Power 90 and Turbo Jam when they throw some yoga stretches in the mix. It’s pretty good stuff (and there was no emphasis on the goofy spiritual stuff - just the exercise). It’s good for stretching, balance, and flexibility. Though, it’s low-impact and not a huge calorie burner. So, being unsatisfied with a 200+ calorie burn, I did some Turbo Jam when I got home. ;) I’ve already got a good start to this week. Counting yesterday, I have 1,000 of my target 3,000 already burned!

Thank you all for reading and supporting me through this!! I’m going to finish strong (and keep going even after “Fit Life” is finished!). “Fit Life” will continue to be a “way of life” for me! I WILL get to goal! Can’t wait! Then, I’ll just have to maintain; and maybe then I can relax a little more and not have to work/push so hard. Won’t that be nice?! Amen!

Mall This Over!

2010-03-01T09:20:00.007-05:00

Every now and then, I blog about something a little funny/strange/random. This is one of those times….

This may not seem to be anything special, but it has really stirred my curiosity. It has to do with a couple that I see at the mall. Nearly every time I go to the mall, they are there. It’s not uncommon to run into familiar faces pretty much every time I visit, but I hardly see the same people consistently every time. This couple is the exception; and I don’t even KNOW them!!

I actually took a picture of them this time (from the back). Maybe next time, I will be in a position to take a picture of them from the front without making it look obvious or stalker-ish lol. But anyways, here they are:

They look perfectly casual and ordinary, right? In fact, maybe some of you who live around here have seen them yourselves (feel free to leave a comment if you have!). Yet, there is something very extra-ordinary (and maybe even strange/mysterious) about this couple.

The first thing that stands out about this couple is the woman. Every time I see her, she is wearing those horrible “Mom Jeans” and HUGE eyeglasses (which you can’t see in this picture, obviously). That’s probably why I can always recognize them; because I remember her “look” lol. I also always remember that man’s silvery hair and the cell-phone (or whatever it is) that’s clipped on his belt (she usually has something clunky clipped on her belt too). It’s almost like they are in some kind of “mall uniform” of their own design.

This leads me to believe that they aren’t your average shoppers! In fact, I have NEVER EVER seen them with a shopping bag of any kind! Ok, maybe they are “mall walkers” and they are just trying to get in some exercise. That would certainly explain why they are there so much. Though, they aren’t exactly in “fitness” attire of any kind. But, maybe at their age, it doesn’t really matter because they aren’t really looking to break a sweat. Or, maybe they just like to walk the mall together for fun, and to people watch (and enjoy people watching THEM lol).

The scenario that is more intriguing to me is that maybe, they are some kind of “secret agent” or something lol. In fact, I always jest about it to Mitch. I’ll say, “Hey, Mitch! You know that couple that we always see up here! There they are!” Last weekend, when I took this picture, I had said “Hey, Mitch, the secret agents are right behind us!”

Ok, maybe it’s because I always watch “Chuck” and I’m in that mindset lol! Though, it IS possible, isn’t it? After all, what reason would they have for being at the mall if they aren’t really shopping or exercising? You can’t go to the mall that many times and NEVER buy anything! That’s not possible (well, in my mind it isn’t lol).

The only glitch in the theory is that I can’t possibly fathom how either of them could roundhouse kick anyone in the face (if it ever came to something like that). How much wiggle room does she have in her high-waisted “Mom Jeans” to do that? You know, if she wore a fanny pack, she might be able to smuggle in some sweet spy tools and get away with it, wouldn’t she?! Though, I can’t imagine what they would be! Or, maybe they are a totally different type of undercover agent. Maybe they are “mystery shoppers”; in whatever way that could mean lol. Or, maybe they are a type of underground mall security force (much more stealthy than the Paul Blart sort!). I don’t know! I just think that they are very suspicious; and they fascinate me lol! If any of you have been to the mall and have seen these people (and have your theories) feel free to share! ;)

I would also welcome your comments and theories as to what you make of this strange sea creature we saw in the fish tank at the mall. Oh, and please help me figure out what the word “Amish” is doing on a restaurant sign that is Mexican in nature!! Thanks for reading/commenting!! Hope this blog entertained you and brought a smile to your face! ;)

I'm In A Charity Pageant And Need Your Support! :)

2010-02-25T00:21:00.006-05:00

When I say the word “pageant”, what comes to your mind? I’ll bet they’re the same things that come to my mind as well: gorgeous girls, swimsuits, crowns, and of course “world peace.”

I don’t know if most people have a favorable opinion of pageants. Personally, I’ve never fancied them much. I’ve done a couple fashion shows, but they were non-competitive and all you had to do was model clothing. They were just for fun, and I was perfectly content with doing things like that (you might remember The Salvation Army Fashion Show that I was in, back in September).

However, the opportunity has come up for me to be in a pageant. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get involved, but this isn’t your standard beauty pageant. This pageant is the Salvation Army’s “Queen of Charities” pageant. The focus isn’t about outer beauty but rather, inner beauty (and there are NO SWIMSUITS! Hallelujah!). ;) The pageant focuses on the contestants’ poise and charitable works; and all the money raised benefits The Salvation Army.

Now THAT is a pageant I can get into! Not only will I get to fellowship with other women, but I will be advocating/representing my favorite charities (as well as raising money for one!). The added bonus is getting to dress up and be girly! How can I say “no” to all of that?!!

The only thing left to do now is wait for the big event; which is on April 18th (I will let you know when you can get tickets!). The only other thing I can do in the meantime is ask for support and sponsors. Even though this is an optional part of the experience, why would you want to be involved in a charity pageant and not raise money for charity? Therefore, I am hoping that my loving family and friends (and their businesses) will be eager to support this charity by sponsoring an ad in the program. If you’re a business, this would be a GREAT opportunity for you to advertise your company’s ad and information in the program (and support a great cause at the same time!). And, if you’re one of my awesome friends or family members, you can just send your amount along with a “best wishes” message for me that will be printed in the program! Oh, that would make me feel SO LOVED! ;)

Additionally, there is one more way I can raise money. I can have a “kettle” displayed at someone’s business. All I need is for a business to volunteer to promote it (and have written consent from you to do so). I will decorate and bring my kettle to you so that you can display it at your cash register (or wherever) and people can drop their spare change into it. I must have my kettle turned in by April 10th; so the longer it can be displayed, the better! Once again, all the money will go to The Salvation Army (and your business will look REALLY good to your customers as you show your charitable spirit of support!). The kettle money will also count as “votes” for an “audience choice award” at the pageant. The one with the most sponsors will be awarded as well. While I am not concerned about “winning” these awards, I am VERY concerned about trying to do whatever I can to encourage others to give generously for the cause (especially in an economy like this where organizations are getting less and less donations). This is not about “me”; it truly isn’t. Whatever “glory” I gain, I will give back to Him; because it’s not mine. This is about Christ and helping His people. My greatest award and achievement will be whatever hearts I can win to Christ through this (that’s always my goal!). I am already “titled” and “crowned” as a child of God. Nothing can top that!! I am an ambassador for Christ and a co-heir with Him. I’m already a “queen”, and winning or not winning a pageant won’t change that (2 Corinthians 5:20, Romans 8:17).

Below, you will find the information form. You can either give your information and check (payable to THE SALVATION ARMY) to me, or mail it to them directly (specifying that it is me that you are sponsoring). If you have any questions, let me know!! Remember, all of this is for CHARITY (and tax deductible)! All of the money helps feed and clothe people in the community and sees to it that children don’t wake up to an empty sight underneath the Christmas tree this year. My friend, Jama, is the coordinator of this event. She has told us all so many stories of how countless families have been blessed because of the kind hearts of people, like you, who give so generously. I can also say that personally, The Salvation Army helped a VERY dear friend of mine have a beautiful and special Christmas last year. That tearful and heartfelt moment full of happy children, a full refrigerator, and a stress free holiday couldn’t have been possible without the generosity of caring strangers; who displayed their faith by helping others. You have NO IDEA what a difference you will make in someone’s life; and it might just be someone you know!!

My hope is that God would be glorified and that His light would shine in me as I participate in this! I know that money is tight for so many people, but I’m hoping that there would be an outpouring of support anyways! I know I have a lot of GREAT friends, so I’m expecting GREAT things! ;)

God bless you all, and thank you for supporting me!! Make sure that you give me (or mail) your contribution before the deadline of MARCH 15th!!! Thank you so VERY much!! ;)

EVENT PROGRAM ADVERTISEMENT ORDER FORM

Business Name:

Contact Person:

Address:

City:

State: Zip:

Telephone:

Ad Size (circle)

Platinum ($500) Gold ($250) Silver ($100) Bronze ($50)

Friends and Family ($25)

Amount Paid:

$________

Signature of Purchaser:____________________

Your advertisement will appear in the Miss Queen of Charities 2010 Pageant Event Program on April 18, 2010. In order to ensure proper placement, we request that you respond no later than March 15, 2010.

Please include this form and make checks payable to:

The Salvation Army

2901 N Clinton

Fort Wayne, IN 46805

The Pride Smasher

2010-02-23T23:37:00.002-05:00

It was the weigh-in I had always feared; the one I was determined to never see. When you’re on your own it doesn’t sting as much, but it seems to crush you when it happens in a team setting. The scale at the gym showed me up a pound (mine at home showed +0.8). I felt horrible!

Jenni and Debbie reassured me that it happens. After all, it’s not like I was the only one. However, I had worked out every single day (as I typically do) and this wasn’t supposed to happen to “me.” Despite the “it’s ok” talk, I could hardly stand it! “No, it’s not! It’s not me!” I said. I told them I would go get my five bucks and be back to give it to them.

I was fighting back the anger and the tears as I went to the van to get my purse and eat my after weigh-in/before workout snack (hadn’t eaten much all day because of the pending weigh-in). I was so upset that I didn’t want to eat at all, but I knew I shouldn’t workout on an empty stomach. All I could think was, “I hate you, food! I hate you!” as I cried and forced myself to eat. I felt humiliated, angry, frustrated, and like a miserable failure. I never wanted to “add” to my team - not ME, not EVER! Even staying the same would be better than a GAIN! HOW could this have happened?

Well, I knew what had happened. The same thing that ALWAYS happens! Everyone hits their plateaus, but it was more than that. Every time I start losing my focus or relaxing a little too much, this happens. I haven’t been reading my verses lately and last Saturday, when I went to a birthday party, I totally threw caution to the wind. Of course, in my mind, I always think that I can afford to blow it every now and then. Normally, that would probably be true but it’s a huge risk to do that so close to a weigh-in. Not only that, but I knew I wasn’t as good as I could have been and I didn’t burn as many calories as I normally burn (even though I worked out EVERY day). Yet, I had thought that my good choices would outweigh the bad - but apparently not.

As I tried to process my emotions in the van before going back inside, I realized that it was so much more than just the extra pound. Sure, the humiliation, weight-gain, and paying-in was awful, but I had also had a rough day. I was feeling pretty bad physically. Since eating better (the majority of the time) I notice the difference in how I feel when I eat badly (and Saturday‘s screw-ups must not have worked out of my system yet). When I eat junk (and I highly suspect gluten) I have a lot of physical pain and generally don’t feel well. That day, I had seen an endocrinologist (well, the nurse practitioner). Some blood tests have also been done. So, I’ll see what’s up pretty soon, but I was frustrated nonetheless. My emotions had been messed with a little when it was suggested that I go low-carb to jump start my weight-loss (even though I told her I had already lost ten pounds). ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! I already measure food and count calories, and am trying to avoid gluten, and NOW I’m supposed to do one more stinkin’ thing?! Not that it’s an altogether bad idea, but really…….seriously…….ONE MORE THING?!!!! I don’t think so! I will try to be more mindful of my carb range, but I’m not going to “buy a carb book” or anything. I am not going to have my mind on food more than I have to!

You know, all I could think of when the low-carb stuff was mentioned was the fact that Jesus said all foods are clean (Mark 7:19). It’s about balance and moderation. If food becomes the focus and the obsession, this is just going to keep going in a bad direction. Counting calories is good accountability for me, but it’s not something I want to do forever. If there’s anything that “The Lord’s Table” course taught me, it was that I don’t want food to be my focus! I don’t want to drive myself crazy with the “wisdom” of people, doctors, and whomever is trying to tell me to do/don’t eat this or that. Gosh, we might as well not eat at all! Dairy is bad; except when it’s good. Carbs are bad; except for the “good” carbs (whatever that means). Meat is bad, gluten is bad, organic only, etc. We’ve heard it all! I try not to listen to all the “science” and restrictive nonsense, but it’s hard when food HAS to be a part of your life and someone is always out there telling you what to do to maximize your health, get thin, etc. However, we are told not to be deceived or let anyone judge and condemn us for our meat or drink. We should not destroy the work of God for the sake of food (Colossians 2:16, Romans 14:20). Whatever we do, or eat, or whatever, just do it for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Let’s not be deceived by “fine-sounding arguments“ (Colossians 2:3-4). It’s exhausting! Don’t you think?

I think what upsets me the most is the fact that I’ve been doing this so long and feel like all I am ever doing is chasing a 150 lb. golden carrot on pole that is strapped to my back. No matter what I learn, or how good/bad I do, I just never get to that golden weight. I’m SO TIRED of being the fat girl in this house! Everyone else can eat whatever they want! They don’t have to eat what I eat (and WON’T no matter how much I want them to try) and I can’t eat what they eat. It’s unfair to us all and it frustrates me when I’m trying to think of how to eat at home (and all eat the same thing). All I want to do is cry because this is the hardest thing in the world to battle because you can’t abstain from food. Everyone has to eat. It would be so much easier to just go cold turkey from just about anything else and never have to go near it again,…but this? I hate that this is always going to be a forever battle in my life! Those of you, like my husband, who maintain a steady weight with little to no effort (and can eat whatever/whenever you want), you have no idea how blessed you are!

All of this weighed heavy on my heart as I sat in the van. All I could ask was “why?” God doesn’t always answer the “whys”. Instead, he sometimes answers with another question. Mine was, “Well, what did you learn?” The temptation was to go with Satan’s twisted view: “I learned that no matter how hard I try, it will never be enough - and neither will I. I failed my team, my blog readers/supporters, You, and myself. I don’t want to workout here tonight. I feel like everyone is staring at me. I’ll just go home and workout.” However, I knew that those were lies and that the BIGGEST failure is if I refused to tough it out and face the gym (and my peers - who were already working out anyways). Furthermore, most of us know that if someone is trying to victimize you, you NEVER allow yourself to be taken to another location (your chances of survival drop). I immediately realized that if I allowed Satan to take me to another location, there was a chance that I would allow myself to engage in more self-pity, tears, etc. and excuse myself from working out at all.

Realizing the assault for what it was, I made up for my bad decisions by making a good one. I decided to force myself to look at and accept the blessing of failure; because I needed to fail. Sometimes, that’s the greatest gift that God can allow. Like Karen Kaehr once said, “when we’re broken, we’re teachable….God doesn’t waste our pain.” I remember that EVERY time I feel so low that I just want to give up (or give all to the point of overcompensation). I had to remind myself that it wasn’t “all or nothing” and that the weigh-in was a total pride smasher. I needed to know what it felt like to be a “gainer” instead of a “loser”. I needed to be reminded that I am not “above the law” and can’t “win” every time. Furthermore, I will be more compassionate of other “gainers”. I haven’t purposely looked down on anyone for gaining, but I admit that being part of a team has made me more adamant about not gaining. Hence, if anyone gained (my team or not) I would find it slightly irritating. Now, I am the “irritant”, and I needed that!

No matter how much we would like to think so, this isn’t “The Biggest Loser.” Not everyone is going to lose every single week. Our real lives aren’t a reality show and we can’t expect the same degree/rate of success. Our personal bests are good enough and if we have “gains”, it really is “ok”. Well, not REALLY “ok” as in “it doesn’t matter” but “ok” in the sense that if we are all at least putting forth a good effort, we don’t have to shame ourselves. I don’t have to feel bad. My gain wasn’t the result of a complete lack of effort. Who knows, it could be muscle gain or just the stockpile of the small mistakes starting to catch up. Overall, I’m happy with how I do and even though I am tempted to agree with Joy that my “the scale isn’t all that matters” talk from last week is rubbish, I think I will still stick with that line lol. ;) The gain sure does entice me to think that the scale really does hold all the sway, but deep down, I know it doesn’t. Like I said a while back, it can “Judge A-Weigh” but my true progress can’t be measured with a scale!

I paid my five bucks and worked out at the gym that night. Even though my Monica wasn’t there (missed you, girl!) I did treadmill and weight-machines (Blake wasn’t there either!). It wasn’t the most fun I had had at the gym, but it was definitely one of my more focused times (and I feel I ran/strength trained well). I left the gym feeling better and it’s always nice to vent via exercise rather than venting through self-pity (or a big food binge of comfort!). I also felt peaceful as I got ready to drive home. I had a “be still” and “breathe” type of moment. It felt nice and relaxing. Praise God!

This is going to be a better week! I am going to refocus the way I should and do a better job of listening to my wonderful personal trainer: God. I am also going to do my best in the next level of the Power 90 workouts (which I started today). I definitely burned more calories (and I think I felt it more too) so hopefully, that will show in the days/weeks to come!!

Thank you, everyone, for your support (and for reading my updates). I’m always happy to share the good/bad with you and what I learn along the way! God bless you all!!

Ten! :)

2010-02-17T19:55:00.004-05:00

It’s always fun when you can surprise yourself. This past weigh-in was definitely a surprise! I didn’t expect to really lose much (and even feared a gain). I had had at least one day where I really went over my calories (and that was Saturday) and I figured that would really sabotage my weigh-in on Monday. However, I was careful on Sunday and made sure not to eat or drink a whole bunch before the weigh-in on Monday. So, my scale (and theirs) showed a one pound loss!! Praise God for that! That means that since starting Fit Life five weeks ago, I have lost 10.2 pounds (weight loss percentage: 4.93%)!! ;) I’m 196.8! All glory to God!

It seems like our team, and pretty much everyone, is doing well! Regardless of who’s your teammate or not, everyone is always happy for each other’s losses (at least I am!). Being able to encourage each other and celebrate our successes together is such a blessing!

Working out together is great too! Monday is the only day where I am not a “loner” and working out at home. I always look forward to working out with my teammate, Monica, and seeing my other blue shirt brethren (as well as everyone involved in Fit Life). It’s always a joy to see Joy (and God only knows how much I love that gal; and I appreciate her heart so much!!). I also love seeing Jenni because she is always fun, positive, and motivated (even if she’s killin’ us with some wicked exercises that should not be attempted that many times by a human body!). Yeah, Blake wasn’t there, so we got our strength training done in Jenni’s class (on the ball). Monica and I looked at each other and we were like, “I miss Blake!” LOL. Who would have ever thought that we would prefer the torture of P90X more than Jenni’s version of torturous pain?! She said we would probably be sore, but seriously, I am not feeling it to any sort of degree like I did with Blake’s exercises (even though we were all suffering greatly on those balls!). While I am grateful that I am able to walk (unlike last week lol) I kind of missed the insane pain, in a way. After you feel better 3-4 days later, you do feel like you’re stronger lol.

I am eager to see what my next weigh-in will be. Next time should be even better because now, I am past my “time of month” PLUS I have my P90 program now!! I have been using it since I got it about the end of last week. Granted, I’ve only done the beginning/introductory type phase so far, but I’m wondering if I should have just gone for P90X. I guess I will see once I do the tougher phases. ;) I like that the time goes fast and that it burns a decent amount of calories, but I sort of get bored with how much repetition there is. However, I needed to change up my exercises so I will keep with it. Maybe it will be better when I try the other workouts. At least it’s nice to have more exercises to choose from rather than JUST Turbo Jam (though, I am missing Turbo Jam!). What I will like even MORE is when the weather warms up and I can run on the Greenway again!! Sooooo looking forward to that!!

Well, that’s the update for this week!! Thanks for reading and thank you all for your support!! And in celebration of the "Big Ten" lost, watch this hilarious video of a Japanese guy trying to speak English! It came to mind because there is a part where this guy says ten a bunch of times lol. I've heard that the Japanese have some very strange game shows; and this is no exception! Mitch and I laugh so hard every time we watch it!! So, here's to hoping that I will lose "ten, ten, ten, ten...." more pounds!! LOL

Judge A-Weigh!

2010-02-08T22:45:00.000-05:00

In the beginning, weigh-in days are exciting! The first couple weeks or so, the scale tells you lots of nice things and your momentum builds. Then, after you’ve stabilized a little, the scale says, “Sorry. This weigh-in is not an instant winner. Thank you and try again next week!” Yeah, the meager consolation is that there isn’t a gain, but it's still a little disappointing.

That’s where I’m at right now. Last week, I lost one pound. This week, only two tenths of a pound which brings me to 197.8 pounds. I didn’t think it could get much skimpier than a one pound loss, but TWO TENTHS?! Ok, I AM grateful that I didn’t gain anything, but it’s frustrating when you know you’re doing pretty well (and exercising EVERY day - burning 3,000 or more calories every week) and it’s not paying off! It’s aggravating when you feel like you look and feel better (and KNOW you really gave it your all) and there is nothing to supposedly show for it.

However, the gym scale said differently (-3 pounds) but that's because I was concerned that it would show zero (or a gain) because of what I weighed at home. So, I made sure not to eat/drink a whole lot and just have a snack AFTER the weigh-in, and have dinner after my workout instead of before going to the gym. That must have made the difference. Though, their scale and my scale now say the same (usually, theirs is two pounds more than mine). So, I hope that doesn't mess up next week's weigh-in somehow. Guess I should do the same thing for next week's weigh-in too! ;)

I think our team is doing pretty well! There were several members that I didn't see at the gym, but there were four of us that did a P90X lower body workout with Blake tonight (and we were all feelin' it!). It was intense; and we weren't even using weights! There were two times where my legs totally gave out and I fell down - but I guess that's a good sign that it's working lol. ;) I can't wait to get my own DVDs later this week (though, it's the basic P90 and not 90X - I'll work my way up to that!). I've been doing Turbo Jam for so long, and I think transitioning to a better and more intensive workout routine will help me to start progressing again. The body needs something fresh or it will get too used to what you're doing and quit working for you.

With this in mind, I'm not thinking too much about the scale itself. It can't accurately judge success in every sense of the word. Though, to most of us, the scale seems to be the defining factor of progress. It’s the judge’s gavel that confirms a verdict of success or failure. Each weekly weigh-in feels like “judgment day”. However, as I pointed out in my recent article on Examiner.com, the scale doesn’t reflect the total picture of growth and victory (please, feel free to read that article!).

Success is multi-faceted. It isn’t merely confined to one aspect; namely, the scale. There are so many variables in the mix and the scale only measures one of them. The scale can only tell me what I have lost or gained in physical pounds. It cannot measure gains or losses emotionally/mentally/spiritually. Yet, as humans, we have the tendency to think one-dimensionally and so we cheat ourselves out of depth.

If I’m honestly looking at the many views of this bigger picture, I like what I’m seeing! I can truly say that I’m proud of my progress and that I’m not a slacker (or a “jacker” lol). While I’m not perfect by any means, I’m more self-controlled than I have been. I feel like I’m being more accountable and that my portions are better controlled and that I am making better choices. I am also trying to push harder when I exercise, and I hardly have a day where I DON’T workout. I always say that I will have one rest day, but exercise is now so much of a habit (even though I don’t always like it) that I feel annoyed if I don’t do SOMETHING.

I also feel like my strength, energy, and endurance is building. My stress level is lower and my mood also seems to be improving (well, aside from this “time of month” which is more than likely factoring in with my stalled progress at the moment). I also continue to hear others say that they can see the changes in me (and my clothes DO fit better; or are getting bigger as I get smaller).

The bottom line is, there is no ultimate measuring stick for progress. It’s different for everyone and there are lots of ways to see/measure success! No one can look down on me; not even the scale! ;) I’m giving it my all, and that will always be good enough. It sort of reminds me of how Jesus asked his disciples about who others said He was. They gave all sorts of answers, but then He asked “who do you say I am?” Peter saw and knew Jesus for who He was, and confessed Him as the Christ and Jesus blessed him for it (Matthew 16:13-20). Yet, later on, Peter was the very one to deny Christ when he was questioned by others after Jesus was arrested (Matthew 26:75, Mark 14:71-72).

We are all "Peters". Sometimes, we display amazing faith, confidence, and success and sometimes we don‘t. Whether it’s weight-loss or not, we’re not going to be perfect (Romans 3:23). Everyone has their high points and low points, and usually things don’t turn out exactly the way we hope or think they should. However, we shouldn’t be asking a scale, people, the media, etc. “who do you say I am?” We should continue to ask God, “who do you say I am?” Why? Because God’s answer isn’t based on how good or bad you do (Ephesians 2:8-10). It has NOTHING to do with you and no one or nothing can influence God‘s view of you (John 8:15, James 4:11-12). On the other hand, the world ALWAYS has an ever-changing answer of who we are supposed to be based on the current trends, sciences, doctrines, and personal opinions. No one can keep up (or measure up) to that! It’s impossible; not to mention ridiculous (1 Corinthians 3:18, Ephesians 5:6, Colossians 2:4). We don’t live to please men, but God (Galatians 1:10, 1 Thessalonians 2:4). Why try to earn the approval of the world and their “salvation” when Christ’s blood is what paid it all and sets you free (1 Peter 3:18, Galatians 5:1)?! You’re not under law, but GRACE (Romans 6:14, Galatians 2:21). Praise God! Aren’t you glad that Jesus doesn’t have a “jury of your peers” influencing His verdict on you?! ;) I think we would all be doomed if he did! I don’t want the scale, Hollywood, or the fitness gurus sitting beside Him saying “by our calculations, she’s no good!”

That, my friends, is the most WONDERFUL thing about Jesus! Whenever you ask Him “How am I doing? Who do YOU say I am?“ the answer is always the same, because HE never changes like the world does (James 1:17) His answer is based on love, compassion, mercy, understanding, and grace. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). There is no judgment or condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1-2). He loves and accepts us completely and unconditionally and gently molds us through His loving discipline into the likeness of His Son (Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6, Romans 8:29). He doesn’t roll his eyes, crack the whip, and say “Well, you screwed up! Straighten up! What’s the matter with you? Can’t you do anything right?” (actually, that’s what Satan says). Rather, His Holy Spirit assures us and builds us up with the fact that we are His children and He loves us (Acts 20:32, Ephesians 4:16, Romans 8:17). NOTHING can separate us from the love of Jesus (Romans 8:35-39). It’s an amazing comfort to me, because on days like this where I am tempted to feel like I’m not “good enough” because of a scale, Jesus says: “I’m proud of you! I accept you! Don’t give up! I am with you, always!” (Romans 15:7). Thank You, Jesus, for never leaving me and giving me the strength to do all things (Philippians 4:13)! I WILL get there!

So, my dear scale, judge a-weigh! Ha ha! You can measure my outsides, but you can never measure my heart (1 Samuel 16:7). Neither you, nor anyone else, defines me or my growth and success! I am defined by Christ, and my Daddy is proud of His princess!! I know I have many brothers and sisters who are proud of me too, and we are all in this together!! God bless you all!!

"Every Pound Lost Is A Battle Won!"

2010-02-02T17:18:00.002-05:00

Well, this was the week. After two consecutive weeks of 3-4 pound losses, I hit a “one-er” this week. Though, as one friend pointed out on my status on Facebook, “every pound lost is a battle won.” Amen! So true!!

I am grateful for every single one of those pounds lost! Since starting Fit Life at church, I have lost 9 pounds in three weeks (praise God)! That is a HUGE step up from how I was doing prior to that! Even though I have been working out consistently for some time, I have tried hard to work out even more. There has hardly been a day where I haven’t worked out in some way. And, when I do work out, I try to push a little harder and give as much as I can.

It also helps that my exercise is finally worth the time and effort I put into it now that I am doing better with my eating. The accountability of being on a team, plus trying to stick to better foods and a calorie range, keep me in check. I overeat far less when I am being mindful of what/how much I am eating. In “The Lord’s Table” course, they advised not to do such things and to only eat when hungry and to focus on Christ and not the food (and they say things like calorie counting encourage the food focus). While I do agree with what they are saying, I know that we are all individuals. When I tried sticking with what they were saying, it wasn’t enough for me because I didn’t know when to STOP eating. Tracking what I’m eating helps remind me what a good portion size is and how much is “too much.” Not only that, but I still enjoy foods that I like and I’m not restricting myself by being extremely rigid with the calories 100% of the time. Balance and moderation are, indeed, the key to success.

I also continue to read some food related Bible verses every day and pray for the strength and desire to keep doing well. Nowhere is it more vital than when I am grocery shopping. So many times, I see things that I want to get (especially if it’s on sale) and I pick it up, look at it, read the nutritional info., realize it’s not worth it, and then put it back (more often than not). It pays off to listen to nudges of, “Put it back. You don’t need this….don’t lie to yourself and pretend like you would have self-control with THAT in the house.” Christ keeps me honest. He reminds me of the fact that one “can’t eat what’s not there” and that I shouldn’t even tempt myself with foods that ALWAYS cause me to lose self-control. For right now, at least, they don’t have any business being in my home. I am going to continue setting myself up for success. It’s such a simple thing! Don’t bring crap into your house that is going to make you screw up! Keep buying the stuff you SHOULD be eating!

Speaking of which, I always notice that when I eat foods I “should“, I DO feel better! More often than not, I eat 4-5 fruits/veggies a day now. The more I do that, the more that I feel like I am honoring God (and myself) by putting beneficial foods into my body. I also notice how bad I feel physically/emotionally when I eat too much (and when I eat a greater portion of stuff that isn’t always good). You are what you eat; you get what you put in. Nothing is “off limits”, but there are “limits” to everything. Paul says the same thing in 1 Corinthians 10:23: “’Everything is permissible‘—but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible‘—but not everything is constructive.”

So, that’s my update for this week! The only other thing I was going to say was that I used the treadmill for 35 minutes at the gym yesterday while I was waiting for Blake to get there. Then, he did show me some P90X exercises. One of my teammates told me that it was intense and to let her know if I could still breathe afterwards! ;) While I could still breathe, Blake said: “You might be a little sore tomorrow.” Heck, I was already feeling it! You know that feeling after you get done working out on some equipment, or roller-blading, or something like that? Yeah, well, my arms and upper body felt like that! LOL! I felt like something was still weighing them down after I has finished (and it felt strange to move!). It was over 40 minutes that I worked out (but well worth it! Over 1,000 total calories burned last night!). ;) Though, I think I will start out with P90 (and order that first) and then work my way up to P90X. It was pretty obvious that while I COULD “bring it”, it took all I had to do so! ;) Blake said, “not bad.” LOL! I had feared that going by the fact that I couldn’t even do a machine assisted chin-up that I was REALLY going to have a hard time (I felt like such a wimp when I could barely pull myself up!). Hopefully, in a few months, I will have built up some strength! ;) Though, I was pretty proud of myself! I gave it my best and for a girl, I did pretty well!! ;)

Thank you, everyone, for your support!! God bless you all!!

Yesterday's Rally and March for Life

2010-01-31T19:49:00.008-05:00

Yesterday, Mitch and I went to the annual rally and March for Life in Fort Wayne. To read highlights from the event, please read the article I posted on Examiner.com (and please subscribe and pass it along! Please, remember to credit me if you decide to write for them as well!). That article took me four hours to organize/compile, write, and post and I had some technical issues that made me lose it (good thing I had saved my own copy elsewhere! So much for the "auto save" feature that was supposed to prevent that!).

Since articles aren't supposed to be "bloggy" or about the writer, I saved some of the good stuff for my own blog (like these two pictures). This picture is of Cathie Humbarger and I. She works tirelessly to put together and promote events like this and she is always fighting hard for life! As some of the other speakers said, she is truly one we all look up to and a pro-life hero! ;)

This picture is of Abby Johnson and I. As you will read in my article, Abby Johnson is the Planned Parenthood worker that resigned after seeing an ultrasound aided abortion. What she saw totally changed her heart and her life! I was so honored to hear her speak and to get to talk to her in person! She is another amazing pro-life hero that is now working hard to expose Planned Parenthood and motivate others to stand strong for life!

There are a couple things that I wanted to mention that I couldn't fit into my article. One of them being that Cathie reported that we have yet another abortion provider in Fort Wayne. The glimmer of hope is that, once again, a Women's Care center has opened across the street (which has led to a lot of women coming to the "wrong door" and subsequently, getting REAL help!). ;) Praise God!!

The other thing I wanted to mention was a little bit about some of the Planned Parenthood secrets that Abby revealed. The laws and patient safety ordinances that help restrict abortions are having a positive effect on Planned Parenthoods because it's making it harder for them to operate. However, there are instances in which they are being able to skirt around the laws. Abby talked about going to NAF (National Abortion Federation) conferences as well as CAPS (the Consortium of Planned Parenthood Abortion Providers) and how they stategized to beat the system. She was right when she said you would have a hard time googling information about CAPS because it's very secretive (but I was able to find this link).

Abby said that she learned about how Planned Parenthoods were going to get around a law that said that the RU486 (abortion pill) could only be given by a doctor who administers abortion. She said that women in more rural areas didn't often get to the big city clinic where that could be done. So, they are setting up pcs, web cams, and a cash drawer in these smaller clinics to where the women sit in front of them and she gets the pill administered to her by a doctor in a totally different clinic via the web cam! He/she just simply presses a button on his computer, that is wired to the little drawer in the clinic that she's in, so that the pill is dispensed to her! The worst part about this is, these rural area girls are in danger of hemmorhaging and having blood clots because of this pill and if they have complications like that, their nearest ER could be miles away (not to mention the fact that her "administering doctor" isn't anywhere near her!). So, by the time she gets medical care, it may be too late!!

In instances where things like this occur, Abby said that Planned Parenthood doesn't even report them until 1,000 patients have experienced a problem!! So much for women's health! Not only do these women not get follow up with their "doctors" (especially doctors like these that they have never even meet in person) but they get no real patient care. Once you're done, you're done. They get you in and out and that's all you get.

This is only the tip of the iceberg! I would like to think that anyone reading this would be outraged and horrified. Even if you aren't pro-life, I would think that the fact that a corporation is acting illegally and placing people at mortal risks would be enough to get upset about. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with things like this!!

So, what can you do to help? Well, for one, you can spread the word (and even forward this blog). Write/call/e-mail your representatives and do whatever it takes to spread awareness and get the ball rolling!! If we band together, we can get it done!! God bless you all!!

The Momentum Continues! :)

2010-01-26T01:10:00.001-05:00

Praise God! The momentum continues!! I am down 3.2 pounds this week! Thank you, Jesus!! So, by my scale, that’s 202.2 to 199!! Oh yeah!! The one at the gym weighs differently (and I go there in the evening); 204 to 201 by theirs. So yeah, 3.2 + 4.8 from the week before = 8 pounds in two weeks!! I’m very thankful! Couldn’t have done it without Jesus!!

Gosh, I can’t remember the last time I was happy about weigh-ins! I just hope that the trend continues and I stay free from the “p” word (plateau). Usually, after a while, the nicer numbers slow/stop and it ends up just being 1 or 2 a week (though, that’s the general recommendation anyways). I guess when you watch “The Biggest Loser”, you would like to think that losing a lot from week to week is something you can do (and keep doing) too. It depends on how much you need to lose too, though, anyways.

I can’t think of anything else other than the fact that I didn’t get to “bring it” like I had hoped. For some reason, Blake wasn’t there to help train. I couldn’t find anyone that knew the reason why, but something must have come up because he’s not the type that just doesn’t show. So, maybe next week I will get the opportunity to “bring it” and see what P90 is like (I hope). It will also be great to be shown how to lift/do things the right way. I’m pretty sure I do alright, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if you are doing things with proper form. It’s nice to have someone who knows what they’re doing help you figure that out for sure. That’s what I was hoping for; to learn from Blake’s expertise so I can maximize my performance, weight-loss, and avoid injury causing mistakes.

At the very least, it’s nice to be able to use the gym once a week for free! I ran on a treadmill for 20 minutes and then did weight machines for 35 minutes (and yet, still felt like doing a 20 minute Turbo Jam workout when I got home). So, I really sweat it out; and it felt great!

It also felt great to be around other people from church (and to see how our teams are doing!). I think there were a few people that had to pay-in because of a pound or so gained, but most people are losing. I think my team is doing pretty well - oh, and we got our blue team shirts (I’ll have to take a picture, soon, and post it!). Pretty awesome!

Well, that’s it for this week’s update!! Here’s to keeping the momentum going!! Thank you, everyone, for reading and cheering me on! I’m so appreciative of everyone’s positive comments and support! God bless you all!!

Praise God for Progress!!

2010-01-19T23:49:00.001-05:00

It’s been a week now since I started “Fit Life” at church (click here to see last week's blog because I forgot to post it other than on spark). Yesterday was weigh-in day and I am happy to report that I have had GREAT success!! According to my scale last week, I was 207. This week, it showed 202.2 which means I lost a total of 4.8 pounds! Though, if we’re going by the weigh-ins at the gym, my numbers are a little different. I weighed in at 209.5 last week and then 204 this week which would make my weight loss 5.5 pounds! Either way, I’m pretty much five pounds lighter!! Praise God!! To Him be the glory, because I couldn’t have done it without Him!

I’m happy with the amount lost! My scale actually showed me closer to 200 earlier in the week, but I had muscle gain/fluid retention. That’s something that always makes me wonder a little bit and I hope that it never interferes to the point that it shows a gain because, as you know, if I gain weight I have to pay five bucks per pound!! I don’t want to have to do that! I am hoping and praying the momentum will continue, but it usually has it’s ups and downs pretty quickly after that first week of initial success. I think I was also all the more successful because prior to that, I hadn’t done anything nutrition or exercise wise in a couple weeks because of the illness I had. My scale measures body fat and my percentage is down by 1.4% so I am happy about that! ;)

I’m satisfied with the progress I have made in this past week. I tracked everything, and even on the days that I went over on my calories, it usually wasn’t by much and that is the one thing I have tried to be “loose” about. I’m being strict and disciplined, but I don’t want to be THAT rigid. Not only that, there are times where I really am physically hungry and as long as I’m not eating when I’m already full, I don’t worry about it too much. I also don’t worry about being perfect in every area or about total restrictions. If I go over in sodium or something, I’m not going to obsess about it or worry. If I eat ice cream or something sweet, I’m not going to feel bad. I’m not going to say I can never enjoy something that I like; I’m just not going to eat a truckload of it. In fact, there were several times where I cut things that I normally wouldn’t have, but still enjoy it. For example, I actually said “no” to cheese on my sub at Subway (which I usually don’t do). I said “no” to a large size latte and got a small with NO whipped cream and I enjoyed it slowly (usually, I get the largest and gulp it down quickly). And, probably my proudest moment, was when I went to a baby shower and ate NOTHING (that’s right! I had no chips, hot wings, cookies, OR the delicious looking chocolate cake - which I NEVER refuse!). I chewed gum and drank my water instead and then savored a delicious salad and sandwich at Panera bread afterwards (and they print the calories right on the menu and I picked low-calorie things!). Ok, so I DID eat that Baby Ruth candy bar that I won at the baby shower later on that night, but that was the first I had eaten a candy bar in a while and like I said, it’s ok to say “yes” sometimes. ;) Especially when I got 4-5 fruits and/or veggies nearly EVERY DAY and didn’t miss a day where I didn’t have my full 8 glasses of water!! ;) I was a good girl!!

Not only did I do pretty well with my food, but I did great with exercise too. Most know how much I HATE strength training, but I did it THREE times last week (lately, I had only been doing two) and cardio the rest of the days. The ONLY day I didn’t work out was Sunday. I’ve been a tad sore here and there (which is good) but I could stand to be sorer and know that I’m working all the harder. ;) That’s why I asked Blake (my trainer and team leader) to work me out hard next Monday. I used the weight machines Monday instead of going in with most of the people into the kick-boxing class (since I do Turbo Jam at home) because I wanted to get some strength done and over with for the week. I’m not a machine person (at least not for cardio exercises) but I think I like machines for strength (well, when I’m not sitting there wondering if I’m using the equipment right and having a bunch of gym rats look at me like I’m a moron! LOL).

I am looking forward to another week of success! Every morning, I read a bunch of verses to get me started and focused. I am hoping that I will start having them memorized the more I read them and that I will keep my focus on Christ where it belongs. He is my strength and He fuels me to do all that I can do. I am lost without Him! Praise God for getting me through this week!! On to the next!

One of the biggest things I look forward to (aside from seeing success at the weigh-in on Monday) is next week’s workout one-on-one with Blake. I told Blake that I viewed him as the “Jillian” and that I wanted him to let me have it next week and asked him if he would show me what to do (because thus far, no one has really gotten any “in your face“ training like I think we all expected). He said, “Ok, but you’d better bring it!” I said, “Oh, I’ll bring it!” (no,….there will be no “spirit fingers” when I bring it on!! LOL I just had to say that!). He said he was going to have me doing some P90 exercises. In fact, I’m hoping that maybe I can get that system from beachbody.com soon. I REALLY need a good (and fresh) strength training routine. He said P90X is the best, but it’s more advanced and P90 would be good for me just starting out. That’s good, because I have heard how intense P90X is and while I am not scared of the intensity, I know that my back/neck probably shouldn’t be pushed too much until maybe I’m a little more fit. I have to be sensible and listen to my body. I’m not afraid to push and be tough, but I think it will be best to start with the basic P90 as Blake said. I can’t wait to see what he’s going to have me do! LOL (Don’t worry, Shane. He’s not as frightening as Jillian! I can take it!!).

Well, that’s the lowdown!!! I’m thrilled to keep continuing on and am more encouraged and convinced that this REALLY will be the year I will get to 150!! ;) Wow! I can only imagine how much better and healthier I will be and probably how much of a difference it will make in the amount of pain I usually have to deal with. I look forward to being lighter and having a load lifted off of me! Praise God!! Also, thank you all for being supportive and cheering me on!! It means a lot to me!! God bless you!

A Love Note

2010-01-06T16:32:00.000-05:00

I just finished a small book called “Love Notes from God” by Mary Hollingsworth. It was a book that was given to me some time ago by my dear friend, Cheri. She also included several precious notes of her own (each including some amazing insight into God and the scriptures). The final note of hers that I read was at the end of the book when I was reading little stories about being lost and found (and coming home). She gave this verse from Song of Solomon 2:4 which reads: “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.”

The way Cheri described it is beautiful: “He hoisted himself - the banner of love - up on a cross to fly over us. No banner of man can come close to the banner He waved.”

Amen to that! It reminded me of Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 23:5-6: “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing….Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."

Did you ever realize that the whole chapter of Luke 15 is devoted to the lost that was found and their homecoming? There are THREE stories telling of His love for us. We stray like sheep, but He pursues us and finds us. He celebrates every lost soul that is found! And, like the woman who finds her lost coin, He is overjoyed at finding something so precious and priceless!

Next, we see the infamous story of the prodigal son. No matter what he had done, the Father rejoices and welcomes him home! His love for him abounds. He feels no anger, resentment, hatred, judgment, or condemnation towards his son; only mercy and grace. This is how a good and loving parent treats their child. How much MORE so, oh gracious Father, do You show this to us?! You throw that party! You are glad to see us! You rejoice over us with singing! You prepare the banquet feast! We dine with You and spend our time in Your presence underneath that beautiful banner of love! How awesome!

Dearest friends, this is how much God loves us! Pause for a moment to think about it and take it all in. Let it sink down deep into your soul. If it moves you to tears, let it out as you let His love in! Breathe and be still. Praise the Lord!

Take a look at those verses again. It often helps to read God’s Word and to personalize it with Your own name (when you see the pronouns you/me) because, after all, His Word is for you! It speaks to your heart! Let it speak! Put your name in the place of the blanks and read it to yourself. Know that you are SO LOVED! Grace and peace to you! May His blessings rest on you all, His beloved:

He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. (Solomon 2:4). The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. (Psalm 23:5-6).

“I bring you, _____, to the banqueting house. My banner over you is love. I am with you, ____. I am mighty to save. I take great delight in you, _____. I will quiet you with my love, _____. I rejoice over you with singing. I prepare a table before you, _____, in the presence of your enemies. I anoint your head with oil and your cup runs over. Goodness and mercy shall follow you, _____, all the days of your life and you will dwell in my house forever!”

"Jacked" on Jesus! :)

2010-01-06T00:21:00.002-05:00

The time has come!! It is the new year and it’s prime time for losing weight! Yes, this has been a goal of mine EVERY year for the past I don’t know how many years! I have had my successes as well as setbacks. I’m still not at “goal” but I hope to be this year - finally. If ever there was a big kick in the pants to get started, it’s now! That’s because Life Church is doing “Fit Life” and this challenge isn’t for sissies!! They said it’s a big commitment and boy are they right! We had our informational meeting last night (just before the premiere of the new season of “The Biggest Loser”). A LOT of people showed up (but we shall soon see how many will last! Muah ha ha!!).

The commitment doesn’t scare me! I love it! Gives me clearly defined goals/boundaries! I know I can do it because I have done it before. I have sparkpeople.com to help me track my food and exercise. All I have to do is dig in my heels with my stubborn resolve and be super-strict on myself as I was when I first started spark in 2007 (and lost over 40 pounds). I have been consistent with my exercise, but not my nutrition. Now, I am ready to refocus and this challenge is already revving me up!

When we had our meeting, we paid twenty bucks (which covers our t-shirt and the cash prize for the team that wins - which they’ll split the money). The BIGGEST LOSER is the one who wins the BIG PRIZE - a week in a timeshare of their choice! I’m going to run this race to win, baby!! I don’t know if I will be the big winner or not (I probably don’t have as much to lose as some) but I’m going to work hard regardless! That and I don’t want to be one of the people that will have to pay five bucks per pound if they gain one (oh yeah, you heard right!). So, there is PLENTY of motivation to go around: trip, cash prize (or cash loss if you GAIN!), and your teammates!

We are meeting every Monday night to weigh-in and workout together (the rest of the week, we workout on our own time). This works out great because I normally weigh-in on Mondays anyways. I was primarily just going to post this kind of thing on spark (where I usually do) but I have decided to share it on the rest of my blogs as well (because your support motivates me and the extra accountability would be good for me as well - and if I can help inspire someone, even better!). So, be looking for a weekly update! Our starting weigh-in will be Monday and we are doing this for eight weeks.

The best part is, I got GREAT people on my team (though, I’m sad that Jenny Elliott and I didn’t get to be on the same team, as we had hoped!). Even better is the fact that when we were told who our team leader was, I got the JILLIAN of the bunch!! Oh yes, my team leader is personal trainer BLAKE RINGGER (Maggie, please stop drooling! LOL). He’s buff and downright tough as nails about nutrition and fitness! I’m proud as peaches to be on his team!

In standard “Blake” fashion, he proceeded to tell us how he would know in the next meeting or two who was “serious” or not and who the “jackers” would be (whether on our team or the other teams). We all laughed, but know exactly what he means. You always got some that are pumped up like truck tires but they either deflate easily or pop under pressure. The ones that “jack” around will either drop out quickly or just slack-off and not work very hard. Nuff said!! Though, as far as I can see, neither I nor anyone on my team is a “jacker” (though I think a lot of us are “jokers.” What? Laughing burns calories!). I’m very glad of that! No worries! We got each other’s backs (and our own!). The others teams should fear us!! LOL (Sorry, Jenny, nothing personal!).

Ok, I’m not trying to talk “smack” about “jack” or anything. I just wanted to take a walk on the lighter side before talking about the overall picture which is very serious. The fact of the matter is, our lives need to be about glorifying God and taking care of the temple that He dwells in; our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19, 1 Corinthians 10:31). The first and most important lesson I learned when I took “The Lord’s Table” course is that if we are to have any success, Christ has to be our motive. Christ should be our focus and our goal; everything else is just a bonus. I’m not fool enough to think that nutrition, fitness, and this challenge will carry me through this. CHRIST will be what motivates and carries me. I will NOT succeed apart from Him! It’s a fact! I will most CERTAINLY fail if I try this without Him (because I always do when I try and do it on my own steam)! Therefore, I must pray and seek Him MUCH more! HE is my ultimate personal trainer! To Him be the glory!! Jesus, it’s all for YOU!

I am hoping with all my heart that I will prioritize and make sure that my soul is nourished and exercised in faith before anything else. If I do that, I will succeed in whatever I do through Christ! To help with that, we were told that Chad’s sermon series for the next few weeks would be on “momentum” and keeping ourselves going in life with Christ as our fuel! I am really excited about this series! It seems as though all the tools are in place to get me going in the right direction (and I’m thrilled to have so many of you along with me for the ride! Thanks for the support and encouragement!).

Grace and peace to all of you! Here’s to hoping that none of us are “jackers” - unless we are “jacked up” on JESUS!! ;) Praise God! He always lifts me up and never lets me down!!! God bless you all!!

Welcome to Snuggieville!!

2010-01-01T23:37:00.008-05:00

Well, it’s officially 2010! Everyone always hopes for a wonderful new year and we all eagerly anticipate the joys we hope it will bring. Therefore, let’s start the new year off right - with some humor!! Yes, my friends, it is time to laugh……..WELCOME TO SNUGGIEVILLE!!

What is “Snuggieville” you may ask? Well, unless you have been living with Osama Bin Laden in a remote cave somewhere, I would think that it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out what I’m talking about (and you never know, Osama Bin Laden might be using one of these on those cold chilly nights in his cave!). I am talking about the “Snuggie.” Oh yes, they are EVERYWHERE!! You have probably seen them in every store you shop in! The box has a very comfy and content looking woman on the front and she’s wearing one (whether it be blue, pink, or leopard print). They even make them for kids (and DOGS) too!! Oh the joy (or to most, the HORROR!). It’s the infamous “blanket with sleeves”!!

For quite some time, I have been making fun of the Snuggie (and my friends and I have been having some good laughs about it). My favorite jestings come from my dear friend Adam who complains that the Snuggie is a “bathrobe turned backwards” and that “if you can’t figure out how to work a blanket, you deserve to be cold!” My friends, Amy and Shane, have also added their two cents worth here and there. Amy has said that they’re ugly, but that they could possibly be improved with a cool belt or some “bedazzling.” ;) Shane…….well….Shane is just too good for a Snuggie!

We have all enjoyed talking about the ridiculousness of Snuggies and have laughed ourselves silly over them. However, this greatly stirred up my curiosity about WHY Snuggies are so popular and if they are all they are cracked up to be. Then, I started kind of wanting one - just as a joke (and to take some awesome pictures!). My friend, April, wanted to be the one to grant my snuggly wish and so she bought me one - A PINK ONE!!!!! *Thank you, April! YOU ROCK SISTA!*

So, what did we do? WE TOOK PICTURES!! Oh yes, did we ever!! We had a blast! And, I just had to incorporate some “accessories” in with my Snuggie in order to give a little “wink” to my friends. The belt, bling, and tiara are for Amy. The sunglasses….for Shane (of course! What else?!). And the sunflower…for Adam (you would only understand that if you seen his profile picture). Then, April and I just took a bunch of pictures to demonstrate just how ridiculously HUGE the Snuggie is (and I think that plus the camera adds more than just ten pounds!). Oh, and Adam is totally right…..it IS a bathrobe turned backwards! Though, to a bathrobe’s credit, it actually CLOSES! The Snuggie does not! It leaves your backside feeling strangely exposed (like a hospital gown, I’m afraid). But, you learn not to mind so much because you are too busy pretending to be a Jedi as you endlessly flaunt your arms and position them in ways that Obi-Wan would (like using your enormous sleeve as a muff). Dang it, Yoda, where is my light saber?! Complete not my ensemble is!!

The entertainment factor alone is reason enough to own a Snuggie. However, I have discovered that its original intended purpose (warmth) functions fairly well. It’s convenient when you want to be covered (but not smothered) by a blanket and want to have your arms free. In fact, I am wearing this “pink nightmare” right now as I type! Yes, it’s shameful (and a downright disgrace) to all you anti-Snuggiekins….I know. I have betrayed you all with my conversion (to Adam, president of the “anti-Snuggie alliance”, I am so sorry! Well, kinda! LOL)!! Though, I still agree strongly that it is one of the strangest, most ridiculously redundant inventions ever conceived…..but gosh darn it, it’s a barrel of laughs! How can you not want to laugh yourself silly when you see it (or wear it)? Me,….I am tickled pink!! Ha ha!!

I hope you have enjoyed this blog and your grand tour of “Snuggieville.” While I wouldn’t wear it on an airplane like the gal on the box (it’s true! LOOK AT IT!) or want to be buried in it, I will wear/use it some around the house. Besides, in my daughter’s eyes, she says I look like a beautiful princess lol! Oh yes, look at my fluffy pink gown!! I’m gorgeous!! Yeah, roll your eyes all you want…….but you KNOW you want one!! Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it! Go ahead and get you one! You know you want to! No one has to know!! ;) Get Snuggified!!

Warm wishes and big laughs to you all (and may the force be with you!). ;)

"I Can Love You Better"

2009-12-19T12:59:00.003-05:00

Today was Scott Kaehr’s funeral. I can’t remember the last time I was so moved. I couldn’t stop crying after I saw his widow, Karen, because she and the entire room was heavy with sadness. Kent said, however, that Scott didn’t want people crying for him, but for the ones who don’t know Christ.

Scott was passionate about Christ! How wonderful it is that he is with Him NOW! It stirred my own desire for Jesus so much (which is just what I needed right now). In clips from his last sermon, Scott shared how he felt God saying that He loved him. Kent asked us if we had heard God say that to us. In my heart, I was thinking “not lately.” Emotionally, I have been very numb (to say the least). I won’t go into a bunch of details at the moment, but I’ll just say that grace like rain washed over me and I am doing much better. I don’t want to love or be loved by anything or anyone more than Jesus. I could feel Him say, “I can love you better.” It keeps echoing in my mind. He’s the ultimate love, and no one can out-love Him. He always has (and always will) love me most and love me better than anyone. He belongs to me, and I belong to Him. It’s Christmastime, and we celebrate the fact that He came to us, and for us, and He invites us to come to HIM.

Scott always made a point of telling us how prideful and arrogant he could be and how he wrestled with it. He always said we needed to humble ourselves and surrender. All of that, and more, resonated so much stronger with me today. I can’t even begin to describe all I thought and felt during the beautiful service today (which Scott requested that it be not about him, but about Christ). There was an altar call at the end, and so many people went up (praise God!). I prayed and thanked God where I stood, with Casey by my side. I also pondered what he might have been thinking, and about the day where he might be one to go forward when he’s old enough to understand. I know, and Scott knew, that nothing is more important than Jesus.

I was concerned about the state of my heart lately, and how I would even prepare to enjoy and celebrate Christmas. Now, everything has been made right again. I don’t have the words to explain or express it all. All I know is that I am grateful for Christ and grateful for the impact He made on Scott because it has impacted us all. I venture to say I am jealous of the fact that he gets to be in heaven with Jesus right now. How glorious that must be! I want that too! I can hardly wait! Until then, I will remain faithful; trusting and clinging to Christ until my day comes.

Whether you knew Scott or not, please watch his last sermon. Ironically, he was showing people his casket and talking about the reality of death and the choice we all have to make. Please, please, watch these videos (there‘s three of them because Facebook only lets you upload so many minutes of footage at a time - you do NOT have to have a Facebook account in order to see it). I promise you will be glad you did!! Grace and peace to you, and God bless you all!! (Keep praying for Scott’s family - especially his wife, Karen, and that she will be empowered and strengthened by Christ and have all she needs to endure).

Part 1

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=320153665569 (Sermon starts at minute 9:48)

Part 2

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=320266825569

Part 3

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=320602255569

Simple Blessings

2009-12-13T16:00:00.005-05:00

A few days ago, I got something in the mail. It was from my dear friend, Holly. Imagine my delight and surprise as I opened the gold envelope and found two little packages of limited edition coconut M&M’s and a note which read: “Simply because I think you ROCK! : ) Enjoy… Holly”

I was profoundly touched! You should have seen me! I was giggly and squealing with girly excitement. I had my hand to my heart and was like, “Awww!! She loves me!” On her blog, she had talked about those limited edition M&M’s and ever since then, I had been looking for them (but hadn’t found any). How thoughtful of her to send them to me (and to attach such a sweet note to them - and on HELLO KITTY PAPER, NO LESS!).

Words can’t describe what that meant to me! It was such a sweet, simple, kind, and thoughtful gesture. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal to just anyone, but it encouraged me GREATLY and spoke love to my heart! It was exactly what I needed! It meant all the more to me because it was sort of “random.” It’s not my birthday, and it’s not quite Christmas. Yet, she took the time to listen to a little “nudge” to do something nice for a friend. Add to that the fact that she actually had to take the extra time to go to the post office, and probably wait in line in order to get that mailed, and I appreciate it even more (because I’m the type that tries to avoid the hassle of the post office). Those of you who are Moms totally understand why that is AWESOME!! So yeah, this little gift is a HUGE deal for me! My dear friend, who is a busy wife and Mom, sacrificed some valuable TIME! She thought of me, and went beyond just a “good intention” or a nice idea.

Simple things really do mean the most. Yet, we underestimate just how much our simple gestures and random acts of kindness mean to others. We even push it aside because we are just too darn busy! We don’t want to lift a finger unless we have to because it’s just not “convenient” for us to spare five minutes or more. So, we brush it off as “no big deal” and that it probably wouldn’t matter anyways - all because we don’t want to put forth some minimal effort. Thank the Lord for people like Holly; who genuinely cares more for others than herself! Though, what she did is easy enough for anyone to do, but as I mentioned, Moms like us are busy. We’re taking care of our families and barely take care of ourselves. So, to go out of our way (and maybe make a special trip to the post office) can be a bit of a chore; and who needs another “chore” on their endless to do list? Yet, she said “yes”….to me (and to God)! It was as if she said: “I thought of you and you are definitely worth my time. Here’s a little something that I know you’ll enjoy! I don‘t want you to miss out on some limited edition cand

y, in case you can‘t find it yourself. You deserve it! And, as an added bonus, I’ll even write my note on Hello Kitty paper just because I know you love it (and because I love YOU!).”

This is but one of the many “simple” blessings that I have experienced lately. One of the other

ones was when Casey brought me something he made at school. He sweetly said, “Merry Christmas, Mom!” and gave me a picture with those words on it. He had also drawn a Christmas tree, presents, and two stick figures (representing he and I) on it. I smiled and lavished my praise and thank-yous on him as he sheepishly grinned from ear to ear. He also saw to it to bring me two more pictures just like it lol. The best part is, I think he does it more for me than for the sake of praise and approval. He really does love to make me smile (though, I’m practically going to cry right now lol). I am so incredibly blessed!!

So, to my dear Holly, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! Thank you for hearing me bang on my silver bowl (if you all don’t know what I’m talking about, please read my recent post: “Bowls of Steel”….and Mike Huckabee‘s book “A Simple Christmas“).

Grace and peace to all of you!! Here’s to hoping and praying that more people will be like Holly and hear the sounds of silver bowls (yeah, “Silver Bells” are overrated! LOL). Remember, you never know just how special your words and actions are to someone! Never underestimate just how much you can significantly impact another; and that often times, those simple things you think are “no big deal” are the BIGGEST deal of all!! God bless you all!! Merry Christmas!!

God on the Greenway: The Last Run

2009-12-12T00:48:00.003-05:00

It’s December. The days are shorter and it’s getting colder. Some people actually bundle up and run outside in this weather. Me? Not likely! Even though I REALLY miss running on the Greenway, I think I will just stick to doing Turbo Jam at home until Spring comes.

The last time I ran on the Greenway was late October. I remember how nice the weather was and thinking that it would probably be my last run. So, I just tried to enjoy it and take it all in. The Fall scenery was colorful and beautiful and I was listening to worship music on my iPod. I also reflected on the many things that God has taught me during my runs this year (and the blessed fact that I had even begun running!). It certainly had been an amazing and unexpected journey!

I’ve enjoyed blogging about the many things that have touched my heart as I’ve run on the Greenway. I’ve shared most of them, but there were also many time where I just let myself “be”. Often times, I get so excited about sharing things that I don’t enjoy the moment enough to learn it first myself. I remember when God impressed that concept upon me in 2008. It happened as I was searching for the meaning/lesson in a driving adventure in which I got messed up in my directions. I knew God was trying to teach me something, but I was so caught up in it that I couldn’t learn at all! That’s when this profound statement came to mind: “You’re too busy looking for a lesson to learn one.” I’ve never forgotten that!! Therefore, I have been learning to take the pressure off myself when it comes to blogging. As much as I like to learn and share, I don’t want to miss being fully present in the moment by wondering too much about what I should learn and how I will blog/share it later. I’ve been able to enjoy my runs with God (and life in general) a lot more that way! ;) I still need work, though!

I’m finding that things flow a lot easier when I start to relax and just “be”. If God wants to show me something, He will. If not, I don’t have to worry about learning something if all He wants me to do is just enjoy His creation and His presence. Sometimes, that’s all that is necessary. Maybe even the biggest lesson is that there is no lesson. Kind of like the days in which I would run from my house to the Greenway instead of driving there. I usually took the same route and on my way there, there’s a building that I run past. I don’t know if it’s vacant or what, but the front door has a window in it and right there at that window is a life-size cardboard cutout of John Wayne. I remember being startled the first time or two I passed it! I thought it was an actual person and it took me off-guard! However, I got used to it quickly and jokingly started giving a wave or a head nod to it as I smiled and ran past. I also started thinking of ways how I might incorporate Mr. Wayne into a Greenway blog. However, it never happened. The only thing that ever came to my mind about “Cardboard Wayne” is that he just is what he is. In fact, he sort of became my little reminder about the “no lesson” concept. Running by him reminded me to just be present and enjoy fun and unexpected things like him without having to make relevant sense out of it.

My last run was a “Cardboard Wayne” kind of run. I didn’t think about learning or blogging; I just decided to run and enjoy!! It was a good and peaceful run. I was able to run the full four miles which ended up being 60 minutes and over 800 calories burned. I was pretty happy about that!!

The one thing that I thought would be the icing on the cake was if I could come back and take some pictures! I had always intended to take some of the Greenway, but never remembered to bring my camera with me. Since I happened to finally think of it (and had a little bit of time left before my small group) I decided to go home and get my camera and come back. The colors of autumn had been very generous to the Greenway; I knew I just had to take some photos!

Mitch and the kids came back with me to the Greenway. I had Mitch drop me off at one end and meet me at the other (that way, I would only have to

walk two miles instead of four round-trip). Normally, I wouldn’t have minded doing four, but I didn’t have much tim

e and I had already run four for the first time in a while (and my hips were already feelin

g it). It took me 75 minutes to walk those two miles and take all the shots that I wanted. And, at the end of the Greenway, there is a bench where I often sit to rest, reflect, pray, and praise God after my run. I used my tri-pod to take a picture of myself on that bench (and in the positi

on I am usually in). I hope you enjoy the photos!! (Just click here).

Grace and peace to all of you!! I pray that the things I have learned have also helped someone else in their faith journey! We’re all in this together!! God bless you all!!

Newness Under the Son

2009-12-10T01:27:00.001-05:00

When you have the "be still and know that He is God" moments, you realize that nothing else compares to the awesome wonder you have for who He is, all He does, and how He loves. When you soak up the grace that He pours out, the sorrows melt away and He fills you; really fills you. Nothing and no one else can do that; or even remotely come close.

If only the reality of those moments of clarity would embed themselves so incredibly deep that you never forget it for a second; never to be deceived by a deception of Satan who tries to steal your joy. However, in this world, it’s all too easy to forget. It’s all too easy to wander away from the presence of God and forget everything that is important. Life gets “complicated” because we don’t remember to keep it “simple”. We become like Solomon and start searching for something new to captivate us and then realize the simple truth that the only thing that never gets old is the true newness that only God can give you. Everything under the sun is vain and meaningless; it all gets old sooner or later. There is only one thing that is continually new (rather SOMEONE). It‘s Jesus! He is always refreshing, restoring, and fulfilling. He’s amazing! The more you get of Him, the better! He truly satisfies your heart’s desire and doesn’t leave you empty.

For some time now, it’s been on my heart to re-read (and re-post) something that I wrote last year. I always feel weird saying “I wrote”, though, because I don’t really feel like “I” ever write anything. I have no ability on my own to write anything worthwhile. If any blog has an impact, it’s because God did it. I can’t even tell you how often I am blessed (and re-blessed) as I read over the things that end up getting typed on this screen. When you just KNOW that God is teaching you something, and that you couldn’t have possibly come up with it on your own, that’s simply the greatest thing ever! I think that’s why He’s been nudging me to repost the following blog because He knows that I need the reminder just as much as anyone. I confess that I have been very stressed and depressed. That’s pretty typical for me during the winter, which is why I always dread October through about February. This year, it has seemed to be a little worse than normal, but I think I am starting to “snap out of it” like I usually do. It just takes prayer and perseverance (and the support of TOTALLY awesome friends! Thanks to all who have, and are, praying for me! I deeply appreciate it! Thank you for carrying me and helping me bear my burdens!).

I hope the following blog helps you as much as it did me. I also hope that you will consider reading “A Simple Christmas” by Mike Huckabee. It’s a short little book, but it’s very touching (as well as humorous). I was deeply moved and encouraged by it, and it was a great boost for me. May we all remember that true peace and joy really does come from the simple things; the things that don’t come from a store and all wrapped up with paper and bows. Grace and peace to you all!!! Merry Christmas!!

***

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."Ecclesiastes 1:9 (NIV)

Do you ever feel like Solomon, like there is nothing new and that everything is just the same old thing? Does it seem like everything just repeats itself over and over again? Such is the case with me the older that I get (and I am only 27!). I find that there is nothing "new under the sun" and that everything just cycles and repeats in a monotonous routine. It's how I felt when beginning to write because I struggled to come up with something beautiful, inspiring, and focused on the reason for Christmas.

Though, the more I tried, the more cliché it seemed. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing cliché about Christ's birth and the miracle of what God has done for us. What I'm talking about is the tireless beat of the drum at this time of year. The whole "in the midst of your shopping, get-togethers, etc. don't forget that He's the reason for the season." I mean, don't we all know that by now? We are reminded of it every single year. Yet, everything repeats. We get through the holidays, celebrate a new year, and the seasons change, holidays come and go, and everything just keep going and repeating.

How do we stay fresh in a world that has gone stale? How do we find the "newness" under the sun? Well, my friends, I think that we need to think about things a little differently than Solomon. He was probably the wisest human to ever live, and yet, he seemed so empty. That is why he came to the conclusion that there was nothing "new" and that all had been done before because he had "been there, done that" so much. Hence, he became bored and discontent when there was seemingly nothing new left to discover or experience. So, of course there was "nothing new under the sun" because nothing under the sun can fulfill! ALL of it will grow cold and lose its luster! This world cannot offer us anything that lasts.

Thankfully, since Solomon's time, we have been blessed with something truly new: the new covenant! Now THAT would have been something for him to discover and experience! Maybe he wouldn't have been so bored if he could have had the renewal that all of us can have in Christ every day of our lives! Though, even with all this "newness" at our fingertips, we STILL get bored because we are still searching for fulfillment under the sun rather than the SON!

This concept provokes deep thoughts in my heart. It stirs me because I know that I get "bored" a lot. Though, I don't suppose there is much excuse for that when there is so much joy, fulfillment, and LIFE in Christ (which is FAR from boring)! Yet, we still get stuck in the temporal things and wonder why we are wasting away inside.

Christ never gets old, and the newness doesn't lose it's luster. It's our desire for him that sometimes wears away. We get busy, distracted, and overloaded with responsibilities (and even the blessings) of our lives. Just like Solomon, we can have so much and still be so bored and discontent. Dear friends, this need not be! Jesus said that he came to give us life to the fullest (John 10:10). Life isn't found in the temporal things, but the things that are unseen and non-material (2 Corinthians 4:18). The unseen things are what last, and what will fill us and bring us joy. These are the things of the Spirit; the untouchables that we cannot get our hands on, but fill us beyond measure! It's the loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled moments that bring us unfathomable renewal, and keep us from getting bored, apathetic, and on a downward spiral in our lives (Galatians 5:22-23).

I pray that we would do more than just "survive" the season and breeze through all the traditions, rituals, etc. I pray that we will remember the "Jesus is the reason for the season" mantra, but that it will truly sink into our hearts. I pray that the newness the Son brings will fill us up with gladness as we focus on the freshness that Jesus can bring to each moment of our lives; whether we have experienced them over and over again or not!!

Grace and peace to all of you!! Have a truly blessed Christmas as you celebrate the Son!!

Pilgrims, Indians, and Dinosaurs

2009-11-25T23:02:00.007-05:00

For some reason, Casey is just crazy about holidays! Whenever he knows one is coming up, that's all he talks about! Maybe it's because they learn so much about it at school, and sing the songs, make the crafts, etc. I've heard tons of songs/chants about turkeys, pilgrims, Indians, etc. It's all so cute and it reminds you just how fun, exciting, and simple the whole essence of the holiday is (as well as our heritage). It's all too easy, as an adult, to forget the joy of a holiday (or any day/moment). It's nice to be reminded of the simple joys!

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday because it's nearly untainted by the media and doesn't come with a bunch of hype (well, other than hearing about "after Thanksgiving" sales). It's a time where we are reminded to think and reflect on our blessings and truly be grateful. It's a humble and beautiful thing, and something that should be done every day.

With that being said, I don't have much else to say because there isn't much I can add to something as pure and humble as Thanksgiving. As I said, I was reminded of

just how simple and wonderful everything can be when you are looking at it through the eyes of a child. That's why I wanted to share this very cute (and somewhat humorous) picture that Casey brought home from school. I hope it brings a smile to your face and warmth to your heart as it did to mine (the part I thought was most funny is that he didn't forget to include a remote control! That's a boy for you, right? LOL!!). I asked Casey who the people were in the picture. The guy at the door is "Squanto", the one on the chair is a "pilgrim", and the one holding the remote is an "Indian". I think we will be able to make his Thanksgiving wish come true in regards to letting him watch his beloved dinosaurs on TV at Papaw and Mamaw's house, but I don't think that any real pilgrims or Indians will be in attendance around our table (although, I venture to say, I often feel as though my children act like wild Indians - and I don't mean that disrespectfully to any Native Americans who are reading). Although, the kids COULD wear the special hats that Casey made at school - one pilgrim hat and one Indian hat. That would make for a good picture! LOL

All the hand-print turkey projects, coloring pages, and other crafts have all brought a smile to my face. Though, the one thing that most blew me away was the beautiful cornucopia that he drew. At first, I thought it was a coloring page that he simply colored, but no.....HE DREW/COLORED it himself!!

Personally, I marvel at his artistic ability and interest in drawing because I don't know that I could top him! Seriously, I don't think I could draw much better than him!! And, the best part is, everything he makes comes from that amazing pure heart of his! He's just so innocent and honest about what he's drawing!! And, once again, his depiction of Thanksgiving includes dinosaurs lol. He made sure to include many of them around the cornucopia. ;) I chuckle to think of a dinosaur sitting around the table at that very first Thanksgiving. Can you imagine trying to share a meal with a T-Rex (without BEING a meal?). Ha ha!

So, here's to hoping that your Thanksgiving is beautiful, bountiful, and humble!! Grace and peace to you as you reflect on all your many simple blessings!! And please know, I am SO GRATEFUL for all of you who are in my life!! God bless you all!!

Bowls of Steel

2009-11-20T15:47:00.005-05:00

Some of the most moving and teachable moments come when you don’t expect them. In a way, it’s almost like a sneeze. It comes out of nowhere, but it wells up inside you and then demands to be released. Often times, it can be awkward (and sometimes painful) but you feel relieved for having gotten through it and releasing the impact of that moment.

I had such an experience today as I sat down to read “A Simple Christmas” by Mike Huckabee. As most of you know, I had the opportunity to meet him (again!) at his book signing in Indianapolis. This isn’t his first book, but it’s the first book of his that I have read (thus far). While waiting for his arrival, I eagerly began reading it. Some of his stories are little humorous while others are more serious. Today, I read one of those more somber stories and the impact of it kind of snuck up on me (but gave me much to ponder and reflect on).

Mike Huckabee really knows how to tell a story, and the story I just read had to do with his Uncle Garvin. He shared about the good times he and his sister had with him and how they always looked forward to his visits. Uncle Garvin was a bachelor, and fairly well off (and always dressed in a suit). He described him as having to answer to no one, and being very independent.

He said all of that changed when Uncle Garvin found out that he had cancer. In those days, it was pretty much a death sentence (and such was the case for him). Uncle Garvin ended up living with the Huckabees for the last few months of his life. Mike said it was such a difficult time. Being twelve years old, it was a hard adjustment to have to give up your room and help take care of a person who is having his life stolen from him before your very eyes. He said, “In so many ways, I became a man that year. I was forced to face the realities of death and the uncertainties of life. I saw life in its ugliest form, when a disease robs a person of his strength, his pride, his privacy, and his ability to choose even the simplest things. More than being robbed of my youth, I was endowed with an extra dose of maturity and adulthood the very year I would become a teenager, 1968.”

Though, as often times is the case, it’s the hardship that most shapes your character, deepens your faith, and molds you into a better person. He concluded the chapter with these words: “My sister and I didn’t get much that year for Christmas. We had been prepared to not expect much because all our resources needed to be used to care for Uncle Garvin and there really wasn’t time for much else. But in many ways, it was one of our most meaningful Christmas experiences ever, not because it was a happy one, but because it wasn’t. It was meaningful because through it we learned that the real meaning of Christmas is not giving toys but giving God’s grace in person to someone who is no longer in a position to give back. It was a very simple Christmas, and maybe the best one of all.”

The whole time I was reading that precious story, the tears were just streaming down my face. The way he recounts a story with such depth, detail, and emotion always touches my heart. He truly has a way of connecting with people, and it’s no doubt because of such wonderful people, like Uncle Garvin, that shaped his heart and life. Every experience, whether pleasant or painful, has developed his character and enabled him to “pay it forward” to others. I admire people like Mike Huckabee, because they never waste a moment. They cherish every experience and hide it in their hearts; sharing it at just the right moment with others so that their lives might be touched and blessed.

Oddly enough, my kids were watching an episode of “Arthur” on TV as I was reading that chapter. Amazingly, it happened to be an episode where the characters were dealing with the fact that their beloved school lunch-lady was battling cancer. One of the kids ended up writing to Lance Armstrong for help with coping with their friend’s disease. Lance made an appearance in the episode and offered his own advice and shared his story. I just found it stunning that God would bring two stories about cancer, perseverance, and love to my attention at the same time. I never saw it coming, and it was a tender and heart-wrenching moment for my sensitive heart, but it was such a blessing.

When you ponder and empathize with a person’s story, you open yourself up to sharing a portion of their pain. It changes you. It shapes you. It helps you to examine your own heart and gleam from their stories life lessons that can help you on your own journey. For me, it spoke richly of compassion, love, sacrifice, and faith. It also reminded me of my own “Uncle Garvin” (in my case, my Uncle Brett). Like Mike, I deeply enjoyed the few times a year I got to see my Uncle. He was a bachelor too, and was always doing his own thing. And, like Uncle Garvin, he struggled with the inevitable drawback of independence which is loneliness. Mike Huckabee said that Uncle Garvin would bang on a stainless-steel bowl with a wooden spoon in order to summon them to his room for whatever need he might have had at the moment. He said, “It would be years before I came to realize that he didn’t strike that bowl and have us running to his side simply because he wanted us to refresh his water, fiddle around with the covers on his bed, or rearrange the newspapers in the room. That bowl was a cry for something far more important; it was a call for the presence of another human being in that room so that he wouldn’t spend those awful and painful waking moments with a condition worse than a cancer --loneliness.”

These stories were a reminder to me of just how precious fellowship is and just how thankful I am for the blessed family and friends in my life who bring me so much joy! It also reminds me of just how great the need is to reach out to those that aren’t so blessed, and who are battling loneliness, grief, and illness. Some of them don’t have steel bowls to bang in order to be heard. For many, their cries are silent for whatever reason. They go unheard and unremembered; or we just become deafened to the sounds because we shut them out for any number of reasons. It reminds me of all the people I saw in the nursing home when I used to visit my great-grandmother in the last year or so of her life. They were aching for attention and fellowship; a simple smile, a kind word, a tender touch. My kids would excitedly run down the hallway as they smiled and watched. Some of them desperately begged them to stop because they wanted to talk to them, touch them, look at them (fee free to read/re-read the blog I posted about that and how Casey was a model example of compassion and love). Such simple things, but so necessary and fundamental! It was heartbreaking to watch them (and my Grandmother) sit there in the nursing home; just WAITING for those occasional opportunities for human contact and interaction. We underestimate just how precious and important it is! I’ll never forget how Grandma looked at me one time and said, “Never end up in a place like this.” Even though she was blessed more than probably most of the people there (because she had a lot of family that cared for her and visited her) it still had to be incredibly depressing and lonely. I can hardly imagine, and it makes me feel all the more blessed (and all the more guilty in the times I indulge in apathetic pity-parties in what I think are my “low” moments).

As we all approach the holidays, I will do more than remember these stories. I will try to make the most of every opportunity I have to answer the call of a banging bowl. Not only does it mean the world to those who are trying to sound the alarm with their wooden spoons, but it has an everlasting impact on oneself (just as Mike Huckabee shared). You never know if it’s going to be your last moment (or theirs). That’s why it’s important to make every moment count and to have the greatest impact possible! You never know when it’s going to end. For my family and I, Uncle Brett was taken so suddenly and tragically (by accident). For Mike Huckabee, it was gradual and they had to watch the process of death unfold before them each and every day. I don’t know which is more painfully difficult. I don’t think there is any way to compare because each situation is a unique horror all its own. Though, we all stand to gain the same opportunities, which are to grow in faith and maturity and to learn to appreciate and love both friends and strangers even more (which C.S. Lewis talks about in “A Grief Observed”. I HIGHLY recommend reading it!!).

Pain is a raw thing. Like anything that’s raw, it can be a hot and time consuming process to go through the heat and the flames that sear our hearts. But, as one of our pastors always says: “Feel the heat; face the fire; find the gold.” As we feel the heat and the pressure of each trying situation, we are obligated to face them. If we boldly confront the pain and embrace the gold we are meant to find in it, we will be all the richer for it. The heat isn’t a pleasant thing, but through it, we are refined and “steamed to perfection” and it “brings out the flavor” of our character into a better and more savory taste. We have more to offer the world after going through such times of testing, and it’s in that way that those times of pain can be a gift. Though, it’s up to us to make the most of it. It reminds me of a forward someone shared with me about an egg, a carrot, and some coffee grounds. Hot water does different things to each of them. Some are like the egg and they become hardened. Others are like the carrot and they become mushy and fall apart. Still others become like the coffee grounds in which the hot water brings out their flavor and the process ends up producing a beautiful end product. With each object, the effects of the hot water can’t be avoided or undone. The object will forever be changed after coming into contact with the hot water. The only choice we have in the matter is our reaction to the water. So, the question is, which of these three things will we choose to be?

Grace and peace to all of you, my dear friends!! May you all be blessed as you face each day! Every day is a wonderful new day that the Lord has made; one to rejoice and be glad of, regardless of our good or bad circumstances. We have the promise that everything will work out (Romans 8:28). Embrace it and believe it! Cherish every moment and make the most of every opportunity (and may you never look at a steel bowl or wooden spoon the same way again). Above all, allow each experience to shape you in a positive way that will glorify His Name! God bless you all!

God on the Greenway: Yielding

2009-11-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

If there’s one thing that I have learned the importance of, it’s the value of yielding!! I’ve learned this principle the most while running around town and on the River Greenway. Yes, I admit, I most enjoy running uninterrupted. However, yielding is something I have had to learn and practice frequently (especially if I want to live to run another day!). ;)

You might recall that I once blogged about how I had to stop and tie my shoes. I pointed out that it’s better to stop and tie loose ends at that point rather than risk being stopped more roughly via a trip or a tumble! It’s a surrender issue either way you look at it. Either you surrender and fix a problem (and possibly save yourself from unpleasant consequences) or, you surrender to your pride (and possibly pay for it later)! Regardless, I think surrender is often inconvenient and loathsome to us, but since it MUST be done (one way or the other) which choice is obviously the better one?

The surrender/yielding issue has come up so many times in my running. One day in particular, I had it staring me right in the face! It happened as I was waiting to cross an intersection. I waited for the little white walking man to light up and when he did, I started running across. As I did, a huge tour bus (or something like it) was turning right in front of me!! I had a split second to decide what to do. If I continued, I would have been road pizza! But, because I YIELDED (even though I had the right of way!!) I was spared! I remember standing there in that intersection; looking at the short distance between me and the front of that bus and how close I had come. I looked up at the driver and threw my hands up in the air and said, “EXCUSE me!” I couldn’t clearly read the driver’s lips, but I think he/she was about as stunned as I was! I think they also knew that they were in the wrong and they waited as I finished getting across.

I thanked/praised God for saving me and for giving me the presence of mind to make the right split second decision. I wondered to myself about what I might have done had I had the mentality of, “No, it’s MY turn! I have the right of way! I shouldn’t have to stop! I’m going to keep going!” If I had an “about me” attitude, it literally would have killed me! The Bible isn’t making stuff up when it says: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.“ - Proverbs 16:18 (KJV). Pride can and will kill you, but yielding saves your life! “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” - Matthew 10:39 (KJV). If you live for self, you’ll lose yourself (soul). However, if you lose yourself for Christ, your retain your self (soul) and live forevermore!

Yielding is an issue of either stubborn resistance or humble surrender. I know our sin nature makes it incredibly hard for us to do the right thing, but it’s not impossible. In fact, I think it’s simple enough that a DOG can do it! You can train a dog to yield to its master can’t you? Why can’t we yield to ours? I saw the perfect example of that on another occasion when I was running on the Greenway. I was going past a couple walking their dog when I saw it lay down behind them. I didn’t understand what it was doing. Most dogs get excited and try to come up and sniff you or something, but not this one. I thought that maybe this dog was tired from the heat or maybe just wanted to sit and watch me go by for some reason. Or, maybe it was just being a little “difficult” with its owners and didn’t want to walk anymore. However, I found out that none of these things were true! When I passed them again, after I had turned around, the dog once again laid down when it saw me coming. I smiled and asked the people if she was hot or tired. They said, “No, we trained her to do that.” I was just blown away by that! I thought it was amazing that they had instilled in the dog that kind of humbleness and respect! Like I said, many dogs on the Greenway are so excited and wrapped up in their own adventure of walking, sniffing, and um…..well, you know…that they don’t have time to “wait” on anyone or anything (remember Hitch…the inspiring, but hyper, dog?). This dog was a refreshing exception! I was humbled and refreshed by her graceful behavior. She had respectfully “bowed” (in a sense) to me. She laid down and put me above herself. It makes me think of these two verses:

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” - Philippians 2:3 (KJV)

“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." - Luke 14:11 (KJV)

What would happen if we honored God (and others) more than ourselves? What would happen if we ALL put pride and selfishness aside? What if we stopped pursuing our own desires and agendas and just bowed down in respect, humility, and service a lot more often? Can you imagine how much sweeter this world would be if we treated one another with this kind of mutual love and respect? Personally, whenever I see a glimpse of this, I grab onto it and treasure it in my heart. I cherish those moments and use them as fuel for my own behavior. Of course, I’m not perfect, but I strive to have a yielded heart of servanthood and submission!

Grace and peace to all of you! I pray that each and every one of us will learn to put our pride aside and yield to the Father’s Will! Pride can only bring us misery and destruction, but surrender brings us joy and life!! Yes, it can be difficult, but it’s far less painful than self-made problems resulting from our refusal to yield!! God bless you all!!

God on the Greenway: Sunglasses

2009-11-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

I love sunglasses! In fact, I have several pairs; all different colors and styles. As much as I love them for style, I also love them for their purpose. That’s why I often wear a pair when I am running on the Greenway. Otherwise, the sun can be nearly blinding!

Of course, there are often days where sunglasses aren’t extremely needed. Either it’s cloudy, or the sun is almost set for the day (I usually run in the evenings). I often start out wearing them and then perch them on my head when it starts getting dark. However, the darkness is so gradual that I often end up wearing them for longer than necessary. Then, when I finally realize how dark it has gotten, I take them off and I’m like, “Whoa!” I feel a little disoriented for a second as I adjust to the dim light. What a difference! It’s like a veil being lifted!

Every time I have done that, I think about the metaphorical sunglasses we all wear. They are like masks. I read once that people who habitually wear sunglasses sometimes do it as a comfort or as a way to kind of hide behind a wall. It’s a form of protection (besides the obvious protection from the sun). I’ve caught myself doing that. When you wear sunglasses, no one can see your eyes and look into them. The eyes are the window to the soul; the lamp of the body (Matthew 6:22, Luke 11:34). Sometimes, like on the Greenway, I like “hiding” myself from people. I don’t want to look at them or have them look at me. I’m focused on my run and I don’t want to be bothered. So, if I have my glasses on, they can’t see if I’m looking at them or not and wouldn’t be able to make a judgment about whether I was staring at them or ignoring them. It’s kind of like in the movie “Big Daddy” where Adam Sandler’s character gives the little boy some sunglasses so that he can put them on and be “invisible” if he feels shy or scared. That’s another reason I like wearing my glasses on the Greenway. I’m not only shielded from the glare of the sun, but of the glares (whether real or not) from others. I become invisible! ;)

That’s probably why I forget to take them off when I should. I become so comfortable in them that I don’t want to take them off; even as my view becomes darker and darker. It’s SO EASY to end up doing that in real life as well! We are wearing our metaphorical sunglasses. Whatever style or shade of lens we have, we are shielding ourselves from something and building a false sense of security. Maybe some are wearing the “invisible glasses” (like me). Or, on the flip side, maybe they are the “LOOK AT ME!” sunglasses. You don’t want to be invisible. On the contrary, you are practically BEGGING for someone to notice you and pay attention to you! So, you do that by setting yourself apart with a “trademark” kind of look (like Dennis Rodman who is so “cool” that he has to wear them all the time).

In addition to whether we want to be noticed or not, we also got different “shades” don’t we? Some glasses are nearly transparent; open, inviting, and not really trying to hide anything. Then, you have the REALLY dark shades or shades that are tinted different colors. You know how there’s that saying about having the rosy tinted glasses? Yeah, some people view the world in beautiful shades while others see the world as a dark place.

In all instances, I think there comes a time where we have to take the glasses off and face the sun (more specifically, the Son). We have to break out of our comfort zones and allow the light to shine in our darkness. Yes, we often fear the light and think it will be too much, but how soon we forget all that the light chases away (and that light brings warmth as well as clarity). Light is GOOD! It opens our eyes to the fact that darkness isn’t our comfort or our friend. It’s LIGHT that liberates us!

Psalm 84:11 says: “For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” (KJV). God is my light AND my protection! Pretty awesome! He is my lamp who turns my darkness into light (2 Samuel 22:29). I don’t have to grope in darkness like a drunkard (Job 12:25). I choose light, for it is better than darkness (Ecclesiastes 2:13). I will live as a child of light (Ephesians 5:8) for that is what He calls me to do (1 Peter 2:9). I do not belong to the darkness (1 Thessalonians 5:5). I will do my best to make sure His light shines in me and that my light will burn brightly and not be a dark one (Luke 11:35).

Grace and peace to all of you!! I pray that you are all walking in the unveiled light of God’s glory!! There is warmth, beauty, and clear sight in Him! If you haven’t experienced it, I pray that your day is dawning and that you will “see the light” (Matthew 4:16). John 1:5 says: “And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” I pray that everyone will indeed comprehend and understand the light that is shining in their darkness. It is Christ reaching out to save, heal, and restore!! God bless you all!!

Celebrating Brett

2009-10-25T20:01:00.010-04:00

Today is October 25th. Usually, on this day, I re-post something that I wrote in memory of my beloved uncle (who passed away sixteen years ago). This time, I’m not going to re-post that blog (though you can read it by clicking here). Even though it was a good post about processing grief, and learning how to appreciate the people in your life before it’s too late, I feel that now is the time to write a post that concentrates on celebrating his life. Everyone still misses him, and that‘s why it’s time to tell the world WHY we miss him. His life was a life that touched so many and he truly made an impact on everyone he met!

If I had to describe my uncle Brett in one word, I doubt I would be able to do it. Not only because I always have so many things to say, but because someone like him cannot be contained in one word. The uncle Brett I remember was an incredibly handsome, charming, funny, loving, and talented man who could really make you smile! And, as my Mom and aunt can attest to, he was also very ornery and they have been the butt of his jokes many times (though, my Mom has shared stories with me about how they pulled their own jokes on him!). The family and friends that know him best can probably tell you funnier and better stories than I can! The only ones I have are the ones that I have heard or have seen firsthand in the few years that I knew him (I was in fifth grade when he died).

One of the first memories that comes to mind is the time my Mom, brother, and I visited him at his place. He had his synthesizer set up and he allowed me to play on it. Without my knowledge, he recorded me as I played something from memory. Then, he boasted that he could play that same thing using only his nose! Of course, I thought that was impossible, but he proved me wrong - well, sort of!! I watched in astonishment as I heard my exact song playing as his nose moved up and down the keyboard! Knowing him (and the fact that I hadn’t played a simple chopsticks!) I figured he had tricked me somehow! Mom says my expression was priceless! He never would admit that he tricked me. In fact, he always insisted that he could still do it, but that it would have to be another time because he had a cold or something and couldn’t use his nose that day. ;) It was kind of a running gag between us. He was so funny! Grandma always said he was so good at getting people to fall for such outlandish things (he “got her” a LOT!). ;)

The other thing I remember most about him is his music. I would LOVE to be able to share a song of his with you, but I can’t. Everything he recorded is on cassette tapes. Maybe one day, we will have them converted but until then, you’ll have to take my word for it that he was VERY talented!! I remember we used to listen to his tape in the car non-stop! One of the ones that my brother and I liked best was “The Ice Cream Song”. It started: “Going to the Country Kitchen. I’ve got some dinner on my mind….” The chorus, addressed to the waitress, was something my brother and I always liked to say: “Helen, Helen, I want some ice cream. I used to get it here free all the time….all the time I want some ice cream.” I know, it’s hard to appreciate it or understand it if you haven’t heard it with the music, but trust me….it gets stuck in your head (I’m humming it to myself right now! Won‘t be able to get it out of my head!).

Aside from his original compositions, he also sang a lot of well-known songs. He used to have a band called “R-Tyme” (family/friends, I hope I remembered and spelled it correctly!) and I remember my brother constantly singing “Johnny Be Good” after seeing/hearing my uncle perform it. Uncle Brett made Michael J. Fox’s “Back to the Future” version look like child‘s play!

There are three other songs that I remember him singing/playing that I was especially fond of. One of them was “Rocky Top” (my brother and I LOVED this one!). Another one was “Alone” by Heart. He played that song on one of his visits to our house. I was really young, and I remember how much I loved the piano solo at the beginning of the song (and it always takes me back to that memory when I hear that song today). I remember I was dancing in circles like I was a ballerina or something. He was making up his own lyrics as he went along. I remember him singing that I was a pretty dancer or something. ;)

By far, the song/memory that stands out most in my mind is when he played the song “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon. It was during Thanksgiving 1985. I was three years old and my brother was a newborn and we were at my grandparents house. He played the song and his friend, Rosie, sang it. My Dad had a BETA recorder (um, yeah…..it preceded VHS tapes lol) and he taped it. Recently, my Dad got those tapes converted to DVD. The picture and sound isn’t very good, but it’s so precious to be able to watch again! I don’t have the right programs to convert it and put it on YouTube (and if I do, I don‘t know how to use it) so I just played it on the computer and videoed it with my digital camera and uploaded it that way. I hope you can see/hear it alright (and yes, the little girl running from Mom‘s lap to Grandma‘s is me)!! It is my great joy, honor, and pleasure to share it with you!!! This song has become “Brett’s Song” to many of us (at least to me). It used to be difficult for any of us to hear it (Mom used to change the station immediately if it came on the radio). Now, however, I can listen to it and enjoy it. Though, I do still tear up from time to time (see video at the end of the blog).

There is a lot more that I could say and share with you, but to tell you the truth, he really leaves me speechless. Greater than all of the things I mentioned was his love for others. He was extremely giving! And, towards my brother and I, he loved us as if we were his own and was extremely kind and generous to us in so many ways! I remember telling him one time that I had a “boyfriend” and he said, “Well, you tell him that he has to go through Uncle Brett first!” That always makes me smile, but yet, sad that my husband never got to “go through” him and get to know him (sadder still that he didn’t get to know our kids). However, I am glad that this world had him for the short time that he was here and I know that his legacy lives on (and so does he).

I hope that this blog, pictures, and this priceless video, has given you an idea of how amazing, funny, talented, and special my uncle was (and still is to so many!). I remember my Mom telling me that there were SO MANY people that came to see him at his viewing. I can only imagine the countless stories and memories that people have of him! If you are one of those people, and you would like to share, leave a comment! I would love to read them (as I’m sure all those that know and love him would too!).

Grace and peace to all of you!! Thank you for reading! It has been my joy to share these memories and I hope you have enjoyed them too!! God bless you!!

Blessed Peace and Rest

2009-10-21T23:03:00.001-04:00

In the past few weeks, I have had some rough moments. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say that emotionally and spiritually, I have felt down. In times like these, I cling to what I know and not to what I feel. Yet, it can be frustrating when you are waiting for your feelings to catch up to your faith.

I’ve had some of my dear friends say prayers over me recently, and each time I felt a renewed sense of peace. One of the many things that I often struggle with is just the personal pressure I unnecessarily put on myself (and my fears of letting others down if I don’t come through for people). Though, as I heard recently during the church service before my friend Jama’s baptism, we are human BEINGS and not human DOINGS. The preacher is absolutely right in that he was saying that we get so caught up in the daily grind of “doing” that we forget how to just “be”. That is one message that I constantly need reminded of! It brings to mind a verse that was shared with me years ago about how we “do and do” and refuse rest. It’s in Isaiah 28:12-13: to whom he said, “This is the resting place, let the weary rest"; and, "This is the place of repose"—but they would not listen. So then, the word of the LORD to them will become: Do and do, do and do, rule on rule, rule on rule; a little here, a little there—so that they will go and fall backward, be injured and snared and captured. (NIV)

It’s not that our “doings” are bad things. After all, we do have responsibilities as well as serving opportunities. What it all comes down to is that “b” word (that I always find hard to define) which is “balance.” And, as the pastor pointed out, God CHOSE to rest on the seventh day. We must also choose to rest, to recharge, to remember to “be still and know” (Psalm 46:10). Otherwise, we will wear ourselves out and be just like those in that last verse. Overdoing it can definitely cause us to fall backward (rather, backslide) get us injured, snared, and captured (by the enemy). Think about it.

In connection with the “pressure” that I put on myself is usually an accompanying worry and/or condemnation. Of course, I truly know better than that because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1) but nonetheless, I still get attacked with it from time to time. Satan would love nothing more than to try to enslave me back into a shell of low self-worth and self-loathing. However, that’s what prayer is for! My sweet prayer sister and mentor, Kim, asked God to affirm to me what HE thinks of me. In my mind, the phrase was: “I think: I love you.” The response I felt was, “So what am I so afraid of?” (to the tune of that all familiar song by David Cassidy).

That moment wasn’t about the song, but about the concept. Though, remembering the tune is what keeps me singing it back to God any time I start to forget these two key verses:

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. - Romans 8:15 (KJV).

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. - 1 John 4:18 (KJV)

Do you know what God thinks of me (and you)? His first thought is “I love you.” If He loves us, why do we fear? That’s what I keep asking myself. As a daughter of the King, I am perfected in love. Grace doesn’t enslave me to fear, it’s what sets me free (Galatians 5:1)! My heavenly Father does not (and will not) condemn me and NOTHING can ever separate me from His love (Romans 8:38-39)!

Furthermore, I needn’t try so hard and be “doing and doing“ all the time. The Holy Spirit will do His job and I will be content with whatever role I have. As my brother in Christ prayed for me recently, I felt the Holy Spirit assure me that He does want me. The one thing He said was that I am overcompensating. Often, I go beyond where the Holy Spirit wants to go. The perfect example is of how Mary had Jesus work a miracle before it was time. He even told her that His time had not yet come (in other words, she was rushing Him) but out of love and honor for His mother, He turned the water into wine (John 2:1-11).

I know that I sometimes do too much (and say too much). No doubt most of it is probably good things, but I know that it takes away from what the Holy Spirit wants to do (if I try to do too much of His job or rush His timing). I don’t want to slow down or jump-start whatever process He has in mind by being too eager or impatient. I don’t want to limit Him or others by taking away from it all by being over-involved. All the more reason to remember to “rest” and “be” and to “wait” on the Lord. And if it takes a mild illness (such as I have been battling the last few days) to remind me of that, then it’s been worth it!!

This isn’t the first time I have learned this “lesson” but it seems like it takes repetition of a concept (and often in various forms) before something truly becomes cemented into your heart. I hope that I don’t have to learn it too many more times. ;) I hope that as I think on this more and more, I will become better at being concise with my words and actions and that I will no longer be one who “overcompensates.”

May the grace and peace of our heavenly Father be with you!! God bless you!!

God on the Greenway: Questions and Answers

2009-10-08T22:49:00.001-04:00

Indiana weather; love it or hate it, it is what it is. Temperamental? Yes, VERY! However, it has its way of giving you a few pleasant curveballs. Yesterday, for example, was that kind of day. It had been cool, rainy, sunny, and just about everything in-between for most of the week and that’s pretty much how it was yesterday too. Generally, it was cool and mainly sunny. Not too bad. It made for great running weather!

As much as I love the warm summery days, I also enjoy the cooler ones. Most agree that summer is probably the sweetest time of the year. However, each season has its perks. Summer may be sunny, warm, and bursting with life, but for people like me it’s also allergy season (not to mention humidity, sweat, and other unpleasantries). That’s why the coolness of fall is such a nice change of pace. I can run outside without having to take OTC allergy medicine to keep my itchy eyes and sinus issues at bay. Also, I don’t get as hot, sweaty, and uncomfortable. I don’t have to pray for some light sprinkles or a cool breeze to cool me off at this time of year! So, I pretty much have it made! Plus, who doesn’t like cozy sweaters, fireplaces, hot chocolate, and some light snow from time to time? And, as hectic as the holidays can be, they are still many fun moments of celebrations and togetherness. But yeah, of course there can be rough weather in the fall/winter months. When it’s extremely cold and dark outside, that’s no fun. I also get saddened by the dead trees and the fact that the wildlife and all of creation is starting to go into “sleep mode.” It makes me think of the beautiful song by Nichole Nordeman: “Every Season.” (Watch the video I found! It takes you on the beautiful journey through each season and the symbolism of Jesus and his birth, life, death, and resurrection! Think about it!).

As I prayed for the strength and endurance to run yesterday, I tried to concentrate on all the positives generated by the season change. I even decided to “change” things up on my iPod. Sometimes I listen to my own custom playlists. Other times, I just let it shuffle and have God choose my songs for me. In fact, the last time I ran, I ended up listening to some songs that I hadn’t heard in a long time (some even for the first time). All of them seemingly speaking a message to me from God. Each song I listened to had a couple common themes. One being that God was assuring me that He would never leave me (in fact, that was the title of one of the songs). The other one being a “hang in there” type of message. As much as I sometimes hate that cliché, I actually cherished it after that run because it had a fresh meaning to it and I truly had some hope. Those of you that are closest to me know why I say that and what I’m talking about here.

One of those “hang in there” songs was by Todd Agnew. It was off a CD that Mitch had gotten a long time ago. We both synced it to our iPods, but I had personally never listened to it. Imagine my surprise when the song “Still Has A Hold” started playing. At first, I wasn’t sure who was singing. It was only a voice at the start, and it sounded slightly off pitch (Todd Agnew sounds like a mix of Johnny Cash and Jeremy Camp - and I mean that in a good way). At first, I thought it was some corny song off of one of the kids’ albums that I have in my iPod (which I play in the car for them - when I can tolerate it anyways lol). I had already run into a few “kiddie tracks” in shuffle mode and had skipped over them. I was about ready to do it again, but my curiosity caused me to avoid pressing the “next” button. I soon realized that it wasn’t “kiddie music”. In fact, I really started liking the song. I was blown away by the music and the lyrics. I was also wondering why I hadn’t bothered to listen to it before! That song totally spoke to me. I felt like it was MY song! I probably listened to it 2 or 3 times!

Remembering that instance, I decided I would see what else was on his “Better Questions” album. So, for my entire run, I listened to Todd Agnew and was pleasantly surprised and moved by every track that played! His lyrics were so personal, thought-provoking, and pure; very real and honest!! Most of his songs describe the daily battle within; the doubts, despairs, and struggles that we wrestle with. The song “If You Wanted Me” talks about how he’s glad that he’s not Peter, King David, or John the Baptist. He says he would have likely been too afraid to walk on water or wait in a jail cell for his “day to die”. And as for King David, he sings “I think I’ve fallen for more than Bathsheba. Your creation’s a temptation for me. If you wanted me to love you only why’d you make the moonlight sparkle in her eyes?” That’s a candid confession that makes you think! He winds up the song with: “If you wanted me to die to myself why’d you make me fall so deeply in love with life? If You wanted me to surrender why’d You make these hands able to hold on so tight? And if You wanted me to be like You why’d You make me like me?”

It certainly makes you ponder. What are the answers to those questions? Todd himself doesn’t even answer them! In fact, that was the only thing throughout the album that I thought was missing. He sings the words that so many of us wonder and don’t have the guts to ask or say. He even brilliantly brings Paul’s words and thoughts to life from Romans 7:14-24 in the song “War Inside.” It’s all about how we KNOW the good that we ought to do, but we don’t do it. Instead, we disobey and do the very things we shouldn’t and that we hate to do. Indeed, it is a “war inside”; the war of the flesh vs. the Spirit. The subject also arises in the song “Funny” as well. The song talks about how things like the big fish that swallowed Jonah and Balaam’s donkey and how they could hear and obey God’s commands. Yet, we who are made in the image of God and are favored above the rest of creation can’t seem to listen to Him. “Funny” indeed! It’s sad and ironic.

He also sings about the church’s lack of empathy and unity in the song “Peace on Earth”: “As long as we say prayers for our children that we do not pray for others there won’t be…and as long as we take offerings for those in need to appease our guilt over our greed….there’s won’t be….there won’t be peace on earth.” Similarly, he sings in “Lovers in Our Heads”: “Are we more concerned with the fruit of another never noticing our own barren branches? Are we more consumed with casting stones at each other while ignoring the lovers in our beds? Our own beds in our heads.”

What if we started loving each other the way we should; acting like the family of God like he sings about in the song “Family”: “We are all family. If we’re all under one Father, that makes us all brothers.” He goes on to say that we don’t’ have to be like or look like each other to be brothers. We don’t have to talk or dress like each other. We don’t have to go to the same church or think/agree on everything. God is our Father and His Love is the tie that binds. Therefore, shouldn’t we be functioning in unity? Yes! Yes we should (and YES WE CAN! There, let’s put that saying to REAL use people!).

I’m not sure why Todd doesn’t take the next step in his album. The songs seem “unfinished” in a way. Why didn’t he close the songs with the hope and promise of the victory that God’s grace brings to our lives? Was his purpose just to stir up questions and get people thinking so they would start seeking for themselves? Perhaps. After all, I’m not saying Todd doesn’t know the answers to the things he sings about (I’m sure he does). Maybe he was just trying to do what Jesus did. Jesus often asked others questions; though, not for his own benefit but for theirs. He already knew the answers; they didn’t. Even still, He goes on asking so that we will pursue HIM for the answers. Maybe that’s what Todd meant in his “prelude” where he says: “I’ve got better questions than I have answers. Better dreams that I have plans. I’ve got better thoughts than I have actions. So I built my house on what I thought was solid ground. But I know it could be sand.”

As I finished my run (and the album) I gave God thanks and praise for getting me through and for blessing me so much through the music. I deeply appreciated how “real” Todd’s music is and the songs meant a lot to me (and God knew I needed that!). I could relate to every single one, and many of them had that “cliffhanger” feeling (which, as described, can likely be a good thing!). However, there is still a lot of value in the “buts.“ “Buts” mean (like I’ve heard Dr. Phil say): ‘Forget everything I’ve just said. Now I’m going to tell you what I really mean.’ Jesus is always the “but”; the REAL meaning! Todd sings about all the struggles we go through and the reality of how sinful and wretched we are…..BUT…….there’s GRACE! BUT……..there’s JESUS!! Because of Him, our sins get canceled out and what it “really means” is that God forgives and forgets because Christ saved us from everything that comes before “but”!

I mentioned Romans 7:14-24 earlier, but it doesn’t end at 24. There is a 25th verse that states that Jesus Christ is our deliverer. Romans 8 then goes on to say that there is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ and that we are to walk in the Spirit! Yes, my friends, that is our answer to all the questions! THAT is hope and truth!! Walking in the Spirit is where we find victory and eternal life!! Eternal life isn’t merely our reward in heaven with Christ forevermore as Todd sings about in “Martyr’s Song”. Christ’s sacrifice doesn’t just give us victory “later” but life NOW! John 3:16 doesn’t say “will have everlasting life.” It simply says “have”. In other words, you “have” it the second you believe in Him. Everlasting life starts from THAT POINT FORWARD!! Life doesn’t begin when you die, because you don’t truly die. Life keeps continuing!! Our victory in Christ is for now AND always! He came to give us life abundantly (John 10:10). So LIVE in victory! The war has already been won! He has set you free (Galatians 5:1 ) so don‘t despair! REJOICE!! “Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.” - Philippians 4:4. Live by the Spirit (Romans 8:4-5, Galatians 5:16) and don’t be mastered by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12 )!

Look at all these things: the weather, the seasons, the questions. All of these bring elements of change; often with uncertainties. We don’t always know what the weather will be like, but through technology we gain insight. We don’t always know EXACTLY how the seasons will pan out, but we know how they cycle and generally what to expect. Also, we live life with many questions; some of which we can’t and won’t have answers to until Jesus makes them all clear in the end. The one thing that is constant and certain in all of this is Christ. We have the assurance that He is the One and Only thing that never changes (Hebrews 13:8, James 1:17). Isn’t that wonderfully refreshing and assuring?! We can count on our wonderful and perfect Heavenly Father whose unwavering and unfaltering character remains steadfast and strong! Amen to that!! He’ll always be there for us; no matter what changes we go through or how our seasons of life transition. He will always be there to ask (as well as answer) the many questions we have. All of it fitting together according to His plan (Romans 8:28, Philippians 1:6).

Grace and peace to all of you!! May God grant you the ability to persevere in everything you go through as you embrace the divine destiny that He has for you!! Sometimes it will be difficult, but His hand has a hold on you! He won’t let you go; even if you let go of Him! He’s always there and He’ll never leave you! He loves you so VERY VERY MUCH!! He’ll see you through every struggle and tough decision and even pick you up and dust you off if you’ve made a bad one. His love and grace is amazing!! Never forget that!! God bless you all!!

Video: Steve and Me as Life Church (Spartan) Cheerleaders!!

2009-10-01T02:14:00.001-04:00

Last Sunday, our church had a "Ministry Fair." So, they needed some cheerleaders to help encourage people to get involved. In SNL Spartan Cheerleader fashion, Steve Surbaugh and I gave it our best!!! :) Thank you Kimberly Gerber for the excellent script!! You and Steve are awesome people to work with and you both ROCK (and yes, the choreography was AWESOME!). ;) Gosh, that was so much fun and I look forward to doing that again!! It was great getting to act so goofy on stage and bring glory to God at the same time!! LOL Who would have thought that such silliness could be a gift/blessing from God?!! To Him be the glory!! Uh huh, uh huh, UH HUH!!! "Check us OUT!!" :)

Video: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=293774450569

God on the Greenway: Decisions

2009-10-01T00:36:00.001-04:00

Before every run, there is a moment of evaluation. It’s a determination point. How far/long will I run? What is my pain level today? What am I capable of doing today? The answers to these questions shape what success I have on that particular run. The numbers my heart-rate monitor reflect in the end are the result of the decisions made before and during the journey.

The one thing that I can tell you with certainty is that regardless of how far or how long I run, there is one decision that stays the same: “I will do my best.” Sometimes, my best is 30 minutes on a busy or pain-filled day. Other times, it’s above and beyond that. My “best” can vary from day to day because every day is different. Though, my best is my best as long as I am giving it all I can. More and more, I compare my “bests” less and less because there is no comparison or competition (even against myself). As Aslan said to Lucy in Narnia, “Nothing happens the same way twice.”

Those were some of the things I was thinking of a couple weeks ago as I went for a run. I was wondering what my “best” would be like. The previous night, I had done a Turbo Jam video that I hadn’t done in a while and so I was feeling extremely sore. My back was feeling it the worst. So, when I pondered my plan of action on the Greenway, I started thinking about all the factors at hand. Time, I had. The pain….yeah, I had that too. The day - absolutely beautiful!! Clearly, my only obstacle was physical. I could definitely run four miles, but it was up to my body to cooperate. I prayed and thought out the possible ways that it could go. I could run one mile down and run one mile back. Or, I could run all the way down (2 miles) and then walk 2 back if my pain was truly bad. I wasn’t clearly decided on which option I would end up doing, but decided that when I approached the one mile marker, I would have a better idea of what I would do. Sometimes, you are absolutely certain about your objective and sometimes you’re not. When you’re not, baby steps will do.

As I began my run, I was taken in by the beauty of God’s creation as well as the great weather He had blessed me with. It was further enhanced by the Narnia soundtrack that I was listening to on my iPod (as I often do on the Greenway - it’s beautiful and peaceful music!). The more I ran, the more I enjoyed my surroundings and realized, I didn’t want to be done in just two miles - no matter how much it hurt. So, I knew that turning around at the one mile marker wasn’t happening (especially since I had plenty of time and I desperately needed to take advantage of it and burn as many calories as possible).

The next decision was whether I would turn around and run back two more miles or walk the last two? Without much thought, I decided on the first option. God had somehow numbed the pain in my back (or maybe it was the sports cream I used lol) and so I kept going. Even though my hips were what was feeling it the most (which is usually the case) I wanted to give until I couldn’t give anymore. I didn’t want to wimp out and walk if I didn’t have to yet.

As I reached the last mile or so of the journey, I almost wanted to quit. But, as often happens, I thought: “DON’T YOU DARE QUIT! NOT WHEN YOU’RE THIS CLOSE!” Not only that, but what business do I have quitting and saying “I can’t” when Christ tells me “YOU CAN!” (Philippians 4:13). Am I going to let Satan cut in on me while I’m running a good race (Galatians 5:7)? Absolutely not!! His pathetic attempts to get me to quit do NOT work (and he should know that by now but he still tries! He‘s just as stubborn as I am! LOL!).

Knowing that I would reach the end of my four miles in under 60 minutes, I resolved that that wouldn’t be the end. I WANTED that full hour! I wasn’t going to quit; even though I had gotten my four. So, I started running around the round-about at the end of the Greenway for those last 10 minutes or so. Sometimes, I feel silly doing that (yes, I have done it before!). You know what though? It IS silly! That is, if that’s all you EVER do! Some of us are on a round-about our whole lives and we never run the real thing because we are afraid to take a risk. We are afraid that we will stop and turn back or that we won’t make it. We are afraid of the unknowns and of so many variables. We are afraid; so very afraid! So, fear keeps us running in circles. But, at least it’s comfortable right? After all, we can stop doing that at any time and not have to worry about being stranded on the road we should have taken. Running circles in your own backyard is a lot safer than running down the street and back. However, do you really go anywhere? Why be like Will in “Good Will Hunting” and waste our time and talent just because of fear? In his particular case, a mind really was a beautiful thing that he was wasting. He was on a round-about; never stepping beyond the comfort of his own backyard. He was comfortable not taking risks because fear and pain told him that he shouldn’t. He wasted a long time believing that lie - and his friends knew it too. One of his buddies told him that he was sitting on a winning lottery ticket and was refusing to cash it in.

All these lessons were swimming through my mind as I finished up my run. I MADE IT! Sixty minutes and 800 calories! My pain was REALLY bad and yet, I did it! More importantly, HE did it. HE accomplished it in me! I didn’t do this on MY strength because truthfully, I had none!

You know what the icing on the cake is? It’s the fact that so many would probably think running four miles is a hellish nightmare and yet, I had run to hell and back lol. WHY would I do that? It’s because I know there is a reward at the finish line; cold water to drink and a hot shower. I will run the race and through Christ, go through hell and back because His blood already ensures that victory is mine and that I will cross that finish line and win! So, why give up? I got a reward waiting for me if I persevere (2 Chronicles 15:7, Hebrews 10:36, James 1:12).

This run caused me to think on my life and the race that I am running. Who or what am I letting cut in on me? Will I give up? What RIGHT do I have to give up when I have Christ saying that I can do it? Also, in what areas do I need to stop running in circles and take a risk? What fears do I need to surrender so that I don’t waste sitting on the winning lottery ticket? I don’t want to waste my mind, my life, and the talents He has blessed me with. Furthermore, I don’t want to cheat myself out of the rewards and blessings that God has for me. It’s clear. More often than not, the one cutting in on the race is “self.”

Grace and peace to all of you!! Keep running the race!! Persevere and be determined. Let no one (neither Satan, yourself, or others) cut in on you!! May you all have the courage to say that you “can” because HE says “you can!” I pray that you can get off any round-about in your life, surrender your fear, and start journeying towards your destination; knowing that even after you have gone through the best and the worst, there is water to quench your thirst and a hot shower to ease your pain! It’s all worth it! You will be replenished, restored, and rewarded in the end!! God bless you all!!

Walk for Life Grand Total Raised...

2009-09-28T17:56:00.000-04:00

I told everyone that I would update everybody when I got a final total on how much was raised for The Hope Clinc via the Walk for Life. Well, I have that total: $18,633!! :) In 2007, it was over $20,000. However, considering the economy (and what looked to be a smaller group of walkers this year) I'd say that is pretty good!! :)

I was also told that I was once again the top fundraiser (and that is because of all you generous people who gave!!). Thank you all VERY MUCH for supporting The Hope Clinic!! You will make a difference for so many women and babies!!

Also, if you are reading this and wish you would have given, it's never too late! You can always send a contribution to The Hope Clinic via the address provided (or, consider supporting the local Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area). Thanks again and God bless you all!!!

The Hope Clinic
165 W Water St.
Berne, IN 46711

Walk for Life Results!

2009-09-21T21:13:00.003-04:00

Ok everyone! Here is my final Walk for Life update!!

Even though I didn’t raise as much as I did two years ago, I still did pretty well! All total, I had $1,558.00 in pledges (see final leader boards)! When I know the grand total raised overall, I will be sure to post it in a future blog.

Thank you SO MUCH to all who contributed!! God bless you!! EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR is going to be a blessing to a woman who walks in the clinic doors!!

The walk was great and it was a BEAUTIFUL DAY! I pulled the kids in the wagon and my Mom also walked with me. Right before we started, Casey spotted a baby right away. Both of my kids just LOVE babies! They alert me to them whenever they see one! Casey went right up to a crying little baby named Noah and let him hold his finger. Casey just stood there; gazing at him and trying to talk to him. It was so precious!! Casey has always been one who appreciates and loves others whether big or small. The unconditional love and compassion that he shows others always blows me away and touches my heart!

I think that’s about all that I have to say. The only other thing I would like to mention is that the annual pro-life memorial day is coming up. Please see their website for details (and to order your t-shirts). Also, as I mentioned in another blog, check out the website for Project Ultrasound. Read the testimonies of women who changed their minds about abortion because they had the chance to view that life through an ultrasound.

Grace and peace to all of you!! Thank you all for your support!! God bless you!!

Financial Pledges

1. New York - $1,000
2. Indiana - $383.00
3. South Carolina - $65.00
4. Tennessee - $45.00
5. Arizona, North Carolina, and Ohio - $20.00 each
6. Texas - $5.00

$1,558.00 total!

Prayer Pledges

1. Indiana - 11
2. South Carolina - 3
3. North Carolina, Oklahoma, and Tennessee - 1 each

17 Prayer Warriors!

Men Vs. Women

Men = 4 pledgers and 1 prayer warrior! ;)

Women = 28 pledgers and 16 prayer warriors!

WAY TO GO LADIES (and thank you gentlemen!)

Participating States 9/50

Arizona
Indiana
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oklahoma
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas

Walk for Life Update: The Walk is This Saturday!

2009-09-16T00:17:00.000-04:00

Well, you have probably read my previous blog about the Fashion Show (which was a very tiring but rewarding weekend). Now, I am preparing for my next big weekend which is the Walk for Life on Saturday. Yep, it’s finally here! That is why I need all you last minute pledgers to contact me by FRIDAY so that I can have your name, address, and pledge written down before I get up early in the morning on Saturday to go to the Walk!

Two years ago, my dear friend Heather walked with me (and Kaden too!). He was just a baby then and she was a single Mom. Oh what a difference a couple years make!! Now, Kaden is two, and Heather and Kaden’s father (Aaron) are now married. Better yet, they now have a brand new baby daughter; Kathryn Joy. It’s a blessing to see her and her sweet family! Even greater than that is knowing that even when she thought she was going to forever be a single Mom, Heather made the choice for LIFE for Kaden! Abortion was NEVER an option for her (praise God for that!). And, because of a Crisis Pregnancy Center, she had the support and counsel she needed to get through those uncertain times!! Way to go Heather! I wish you could walk with me again, but I know that you have a new bundle of JOY to attend to! Though, I am proud to say, that my Mom (who will be visiting from South Carolina) has said that she is going to walk with me! Can’t wait for that!! ;)

The world needs more places like The Hope Clinic. We also need more caring people who will give and volunteer their funds and their time to help those in need. You might often hear the pro-choice activists ask “where are you when that child is born?” Well, there are MANY people that ARE there for the women when their child is born! We DO care and we DO see them through (will you find THAT at a Planned Parenthood??). If you want to read a good example of that, please read this story.

Do you need another reason to pledge? Consider the fact that a high percentage of abortion-minded women change their minds after seeing their baby in the womb (and The Hope Clinic is one of those places that provides Ultrasound). In fact, Saundra (whose story you read in one of my updates) once told me that that would have made all the difference for her if she had gotten to see her baby. Unfortunately, there are many clinics that can’t afford the machines. That’s where organizations like Project Ultrasound come in. They donate these life-saving devices to CPCs everywhere. Please, check out their site and consider supporting this organization with your prayers (and funds) as well!

I can’t even begin to tell you how vital and life-saving your prayers and pledges are!! I am so grateful to all of you who have stepped up and pledged so far! Some have been gracious enough to put their faith into action by giving me “at least five dollars” as I have been asking for in my blogs. Some have given even more than that. Whatever the amount, it will be blessed and multiplied! God will use your tax-deductible gift to save and transform lives! How can you put a price on that?

Here are the current leader boards. As you can see, there have been some changes (the major one being that New York just beat out Indiana in pledges - just like last time). Grateful as I am for that (a BIG thank you to my EXTREMELY generous pledger in New York!!!) I think us Hoosiers STILL have a chance of beating out New York if my peeps would start pledging REALLY soon!! Additionally, I would STILL love to see the rest of the states in the nation show up! I got over half last time, but I’m really lacking this time around! Remember, you have until FRIDAY!! Please, PLEASE CONSIDER PLEDGING!! Can ya’ll pledge AT LEAST FIVE BUCKS??? Five bucks….that’s not too much to ask is it? That’s your morning coffee at Starbucks, but that five for coffee won’t compare to saving a child’s life! Send me your name, address, and pledge amount to my e-mail: melissawalksforlife@gmail.com Thank you in advance for your generosity and kindness!! God bless you all!!

Financial Pledges

1. New York
2. Indiana
3. Tennessee
4. South Carolina
5. North Carolina and Ohio
6. Texas

Prayer Pledges

1. Indiana - 11
2. South Carolina - 3
3. North Carolina, Oklahoma, and Tennessee - 1 each

17 Prayer Warriors!

Men Vs. Women

Men = 3 pledgers and 1 prayer warrior! ;)

Women = 23 pledgers and 16 prayer warriors!

THE WOMEN ARE LEADING!!

Participating States 8/50

Indiana
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oklahoma
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas