How Desperate Are We?

 "Just receive." That was the godly wisdom that was given to me by at least two different individuals as I was sharing about my big breakthrough. I had come to the Holy Spirit conference this past weekend full of hope and expectation; and the Lord didn't disappoint. 

It started on Friday night with praise and worship. At one point, people were raising their hands to receive prayer, so I raised mine for healing. My physical pain has reached an intolerable level in my back. The degeneration, arthritis, and inflammation is starting to make walking a lot harder. My feet always feel like I've been standing on concrete all day and my right leg gets so tight to where no amount of stretching loosens anything. I'm 41, but feeling like 81; moving slower and with so much effort that it's exhausting. I've prayed and pleaded for healing, but knew that even Paul wasn't relieved of whatever thorn he had in his side. I've truly been trying to make peace with living with it until I'm either healed here or in heaven. I pray, take medicine and vitamins, wear my back brace, and endure every day knowing that His grace is sufficient for me. 

This is what I reiterated to the young man that prayed for me. He felt a lot of heat as he was praying, but I wasn't feeling it yet. I knew it took time, and even Steve Nicholson (the speaker for the weekend) walked by and assured him that he wasn't done yet. The young man, who was also named Steve, kept praying. I also prayed over him and encouraged him as well. I told him that I was still very hopeful and would keep waiting to see what the Lord was going to do over the weekend. 

When I went to bed that night, it was a rough sleep. I woke up frequently because my pain was really bad; especially in my feet. Tingly, pins and needles, fire, you name it. It was super uncomfortable. Usually, even with pain, I can get to sleep quickly and usually stay asleep for the most part. Still, I was hoping for something better the next morning. 

For the first session on Saturday morning, Steve Nicholson began his message/teaching. It reminded me of the John Wimber Signs and Wonders Conference  (check it out if you never have; it's worth it!). For someone as incredibly sensitive and empathic as I am, it is pretty much a certainty that when Holy Spirit is being talked about, I'm going to be overwhelmed by Him. Right on cue, Holy Spirit took over as Steve was talking about Him; even before he started officially inviting Him to come upon us all and he started looking for signs of Him moving in people. I was used to the uncontrollable twitches, shakes, heat, and racing heart (as well as the likelihood that I would fall down if I attempted to stand up). In fact, there was a moment this weekend where my Fit Bit buzzed me and said that it detected a high heart rate even though I appeared to be immobile. I had to laugh to myself. I wasn't moving, but Holy Spirit sure was! I was sitting down, but the Lord was the one that was active!

I don't know if I can recall a time where I felt so electric (especially my hands)! I've felt it before, but the intensity was off the charts! He asked those who were experiencing it to come forward. I was eager to do so, but knew I had to be careful because I knew I was going down. I made it to the front and sat down before my body gave out under the power. It was overwhelming; and he kept saying "more, Lord." I was like, "Oh, Lord, how can I possible handle any more?!" At one point, he called out "self doubt" and I felt myself tense up and release a couple times. Then, the unavoidable moment where I involuntarily screamed a couple times as this huge wave of intense emotion bubbled up like a volcano and the pressure just burst forth; and I felt myself go limp in the chair as I cried and people prayed over me. It's still hard not to feel a little embarrassed and that others will just see me as being loud and dramatic (but I promise you, this isn't by choice). Thankfully, there's always others that are allowing Holy Spirit to work in them too, and you hear all sorts of things. Steve frequently reminded everyone that they're happy sounds; sounds of freedom, healing, and release. He's right. Any time I've ever had a moment like this, it's been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

This is when God broke through to me in a mighty way. He told me I was storing pain in my body, and then showed me a vision of Christ on the cross. That's where all the sins went; on Him. The perfect lamb. The scapegoat. I realized that God was telling me that Christ already took on all the sins of the world. He carried them. That was His job, not mine. Not that I intentionally WANTED to hold onto mine or anyone else's sins, pains, or ailments in my body; I just hadn't realized that that's what I was doing or how to effectively empty myself of it. He was reminding me that I wasn't supposed to be carrying what He already had. He was telling me to GIVE back to Him what He already died for. He allows me to feel deep empathy and emotion; enabling me to love and have compassion for others. I needed to know how to only feel it for the moment rather than feel/carry it for way too long. Whatever I feel in my heart and my body, I need to give it back to Jesus so that He can bring the healing for it; both for me and to share with others.

As I shared with a few people after the first session, I was encouraged to just keep receiving from Him; especially as I got more prayer for my back. It's hard sometimes, because I always want to be praying, engaging, and connecting. It really is important to just be still and wait. I started noticing that my feet weren't hurting anymore and I felt oddly taller. Some of the tightness in my leg was coming and going as well. My back was feeling downgraded in the pain level. In fact, I took off my back brace after that to experience the rest of the weekend without it. I haven't dared to be out and about without it since I first started wearing it last year, but I wanted to see if I could get a better gauge on where I was at. 

Saturday night, I couldn't stop smiling and felt like I was sleeping/resting in a truly "heavenly peace." I slept WAY BETTER than I had the night before! In fact, my husband's sleep on both nights mirrored mine; or, rather, I think I mirrored his that first night. I remembered just how often that happens and that it's probably some of the stuff I've unintentionally absorbed/stored. I prayed for and released/rebuked it. I even did the same with my high blood pressure and sleep apnea; because I didn't have either of those until Chris had it. I've also often prayed about generational health problems as well. I'll just have to keep giving it all back to Jesus and keep receiving the healing. 

I'm glad I had that personal moment, because it helped me as I prayed for and loved on so many other ladies later on. There was a lot I was able to share with them from the Lord, and I finally felt like I could experience all the various emotions around me without them "sticking" to me. I was able to have a chance to see if I could be rubber instead of glue; letting things bounce off and stick to the cross where it belonged after I felt whatever I was meant to feel in the moment and then release any sad or traumatic things that I was feeling around me. At one point, I and another woman that I was praying over, were breathing in that life-giving breath of God in sync with each other and feeling such peace and joy. That kind of symbiotic emotion is WONDERFUL to experience, embrace, remember, and hold onto forever! 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! All of this is but a fraction of all the amazing things I could share about this weekend. It was so rich in worship, fellowship, wonder, breakthrough, deliverance, and healing for everyone! But, I think I'll leave you with this sonnet that I wrote as I was journaling on August 1, 2022. It came to my mind during the final session as Steve was talking about coming to the end of ourselves and being desperate for Jesus. In America, we really don't know what it's like. Our persecuted brethren in other countries know. If we really want revival, breakthroughs, healings, miracles, and deliverance (both corporately and personally), we really need to be desperate for Holy Spirit. When we invite Him, expect Him, and make room for Him, He'll come. We have to get out of the way, and be ready to die to self. We have to relentlessly pursue Him; asking, seeking, and knocking without end! He will open that door for us to good things. Be desperate! Don't give up! I'm testifying to the fact that He answers our desperate cries: 

AWESOME ANSWERS!!!

So many times, we take things for granted; like our health. With so many people coming down with colds and the flu (my kids included) I just wanted to take a break to praise God that I haven’t gotten anything!! I hope that I will be spared from catching my kids’ colds and that God would continue to keep me healthy - so I can keep up with everything!! My prayers go out to all of you who are battling illness or injury. May God’s blessings and healing be with you as you recover.

So, since our kids were sick, our plans for church changed a little today. We were both scheduled to give blood at the blood drive at church today. So, Mitch went first and I stayed home with the kids. Then, I went to church when he came home.

Today’s blood donation experience was rather pleasant!! As many of you may know from reading my past blogs, I usually have a difficult time of giving blood - if I even get to at all!! Often times, my iron is one point low and I get turned away. Or, once I give, I get nauseous, dizzy, etc. and just take FOREVER! However, today was a GREAT day!! I was one point above the minimum (praise God!) and gave my pint in an all new record for myself: eleven minutes lol. So, I was also excited because being so quick, I could still catch the last half of the service and hear the message. However, this was one of those Sundays in which they chose to switch it up. They did the message FIRST and THEN the worship time. So,…. sorry peeps!! I will have to wait until they upload the audio on the church website, for me to listen to, before I can blog about it. Anyways, that’s ok, because I never did get around to blogging about last week’s message (which I will blog about once I finish THIS blog lol). By the way, feel free to listen to any of the past sermons I have blogged about on the church website!! Chad’s parable of the sower series (entitled “Noise”) is now on the site in its entirety!! If you liked my blogs on that, you’ll love to hear Chad preaching it!

Ok,….anyways…..I got a little bit more to say today because after church, I went to a prayer appreciation lunch. Members of the prayer team all gathered together for lunch, sharing, and prayer. It was great because Kim, Alicia, and Chris all shared about the vision, goals, and experiences of the prayer team and how they hoped God was going to grow us in the many different areas! I just can’t wait to see what else God will do in peoples’ lives and I‘m happy to be a part of the team!!

One of the high points of the lunch was when Kim had a family testify about the power of prayer and the greatness of God through their tough times; as well as the better times that followed. They had stepped out in faith and moved to Life Church’s sister church when we did a church plant a few years ago. They were also going through some tough medical circumstances with their son who was at Riley Hospital and getting surgeries for Spina Bifida. They were wondering how they were going to be able to pay for all their bills and miraculously, they said that God found a way and when they got their bills, they were ZERO!! She thought there must have been some mistake, but no. The doctor (who is a believer as well) had their costs reduced and then, the hospital eventually just wrote everything off. AMAZING!! God sure does provide and He always makes a way!!

He also made a way for them to adopt a special needs child; a child with Spina Bifida just like their son. The biological parents already had two children and they didn’t want a third. They had considered abortion, but then decided not to go through with it. Then, when they found out that the baby was going to have disabilities, they considered it once again (yeah, that just made me cringe and want to vomit!). But, they decided they couldn’t because it was too expensive to get one and they would have to go out-of-state to get a partial birth abortion (I know… the thought is horrifying!). I just thank GOD that even though that these parents are believers, God saved this child and found a new family for this precious little girl that we got the pleasure of seeing at this prayer lunch today!! It was just amazing to see how God orchestrated the whole thing, saved the baby, and provided a grant to the family to adopt since the child has special needs. God just took care of everything!!

These were just some of the many blessings that I was privileged to hear about today!! I am just so thankful that through prayer, we can move the hand of God!! I too have seen MANY answers to prayer in my life and in the lives of others that I pray for, as well as the people who tell me their “God-stories“. It would take me DAYS to tell you about them all!!

I’m eager to see more answers to prayer, which is why I’m going to mention a few requests right now. Of course, I am still requesting prayer for Haley Chaney. She is making amazing progress considering her brain injuries, and will be entering rehab soon. You can find her updates on her care page (you will have to register to view it). But, to briefly update you, she is trying hard to sit up, stand, and even WALK! She isn’t talking yet, but she is making motions and gestures. She is just amazing everyone with that determined and willful spirit of hers!! She is a living breathing miracle!! Continue to pray for healing and her progress and that she would be completely restored!! She and the Chaney family greatly appreciate your prayers!!

Also, continue to pray for Alyssa Shutt and her family (Alyssa was the one driving the car). She’s having an especially rough time emotionally. This whole community has just been hit really hard. A lot of our youth have been suffering lately. I think Satan is desperately trying to silence and oppress the young generation that is rising up against him and that is why so many of our youth are being afflicted. Well, Jesus is Lord in our community!! Satan, you are not welcome here and we are praying against you!! You can’t touch this!! :P We will not be silenced, torn apart, or destroyed!! We are united in prayer and love!!

I also have a request that Chris brought up before the people at the lunch. A little boy named Alex has leukemia and his brother, Samuel, is going to provide him with the bone marrow transplant this Friday. So, be in prayer for that. I guess Chris also said that their father had died from leukemia. So, they have been through a lot already.

I also have two unnamed requests. One is the one that I brought up in a blog previously (which I don’t have any updates or progress on as of right now). And, the other one is another request of GREAT importance!!! I can’t mention specifics, but just pray for God’s provision, healing, and just for God to do MIRACLES!! God has brought about much progress recently, but much more prayer is needed!! So, I thank you for being in prayer about these urgent requests!! If circumstances get better and allow me to reveal the nature of these requests, I will be sure to disclose it and let you know what your prayers have done!!

And, my final request is that you be in prayer for Mike Huckabee today. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, a bunch of people have been rallying for prayer for Mike today. So, please remember him in your prayers!! I don’t care what anyone says about his “chances.” Republican nomination or not, he STILL gets my vote; even if it comes down to a write-in!! None of us have to compromise our principles and vote for someone who doesn’t represent whole-heartedly what we believe in!! We STILL have a voice!! Please, pray hard for him and that God would just amaze everyone by making a way for Mike to become president!! There is NO ONE better suited for the job. There is NO OTHER CANDIDATE that is 100% pro-life, pro-marriage/family, pro-faith and freedom, etc. (and he ALWAYS has been!! He has NEVER wavered, flip-flopped his beliefs, or changed his position right before running for election…..unlike McCain….please read his contradictions for yourself at the link provided).

Anyways, I’m thankful for all that God has done, is doing, and WILL do!! Prayer is awesome!! It really does wonders!! Let’s all keep tapping into God’s power so that we can keep seeing his awesome answers and miracles!! Keep praying and keeping the faith everyone!!! God bless you!!