Welcomed Home to Heaven

This isn't the post I anticipated writing. No matter how bad things looked, I don't think any of us who were praying actually thought this would be the result. We prayed for and expected a miraculous healing. So many saw and prophesied it; and I do not believe it was wishful thinking. The faith of so many banded together to offer up powerful prayers. We all contended for it and we know that God is able (He's still good and nothing changes that). The stages of grief (shock, denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance) have cycled through so many times and acceptance feels elusive. We wanted to see a testimony of miraculous healing and for it to happen on Earth as it is in heaven. 

However, God decided not to reveal His power and glory in that way. Instead, the Father decided to give Melissa Coy the ultimate reward of coming home into His arms today. For that reason, we can all rejoice and know that we don't grieve like those that have no hope. 

In times like these, I think about something that Chip Ingram said in his "The Real God" book/series (which I HIGHLY recommend). When talking about the wisdom of God, he shares this point from A.W. Tozer: 

All God's acts are done in perfect wisdom, first for His own glory, and then for the highest good of the greatest number for the longest time. And all His acts are as pure as they are wise, and as good as they are wise and pure. Not only could His acts not be better done: a better way to do them could not be imagined. An infinitely wise God must work in a manner not to be improved upon by finite creatures.

As true and comforting as that fact is, it's still hard. For me, and for all of us, it's difficult to accept that Melissa Coy's work here on Earth was considered finished and that she was called home so soon. One of the many things that I'm grateful for is the fact that she got to see her one and only child, Addison, reach adulthood and graduate this year. She was there for all those milestones in his life, but what about all the ones to come? It hurts me so much to think about all those future events that she won't be here for. I had prayed so much for a King Hezekiah moment of reversal where the Lord would heal her and give her more time. Though, like her husband Derek shared recently, nothing stopped her from being there for her family and for others while she was here. No matter what she had to sacrifice or persevere through, she did it; and did it willingly. She made every moment count and it brought her joy; even though she had to push through so much physical pain (I know all of this too well myself because we both had/have the back issues). She was strong, determined, and exuded God's love in all she did. Going through life henceforth without her presence is a horrible new reality; though the spirit of God that was with her is with us too. The work and fruit of the Spirit doesn't ever disappear; it stays and goes on. In that way, she'll always be here because all she did in His Name is still here and the Kingdom will always continue without end. 

Please, pray for Derek, Addison, and the rest of the family/friends/church family. God's wisdom is a hard thing to comprehend and see clearly in the midst of so much grief. Though, what I've come to understand after many personal losses in life, it will lead to a brighter path and we'll be transformed by that healing process into a better version of ourselves for the Kingdom if we choose to align with it. If we choose to embrace the ways that God wants to use it all for His good purposes (Romans 8:28), we will be refined by the fires instead of being destroyed by them (Isaiah 48:10, 1 Peter 1:3-9). Sometimes, the best people are taken so the ones left behind can become better ones. Unfortunately, sometimes we seem to grow more/become better versions of ourselves as a result of tragedy rather than victory. Again, God's wisdom. Melissa got a glorious welcome home to heaven where she is pain/care free. We still have to deal with ours (and the pain of missing her) but this is hers and heaven's gain. The Kingdom will continue to advance in the aftermath of all of this because God is still good and the fruit Holy Spirit produced in her life will have ripple effects forever!

I'm reminded of a few songs right now that bring comfort in this broken place. I think of a cover song by Nightbirde (an AGT golden buzzer contestant who loved Jesus and also tragically lost her battle with cancer). She declares "my God did not fail" as she sings "The Story I'll Tell". I listen to it quite often; as well as her original song "It's OK". Mandisa (whose family I still pray for regularly, because the sudden loss of her is still a big hurt as well) has a song called, "He is With You". Also, Ryan Stevenson's "Eye of the Storm" and "When We Fall Apart" (which is about how he lost his mother to cancer). All of these songs help get the ache out while simultaneously remembering the hope of Jesus and giving Him praise.

Grace and peace to you, my friends. I hope and pray that all of us will draw near to God and He will draw near to us; for He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (James 4:8, Jeremiah 29:12-14, Psalm 34:18). God doesn't waste the pain; the testimonies and spiritual growth that is bound to happen in all of us who are walking through this will yield good fruit in time. Melissa's blessed homecoming will very likely lead to the opportunity for more people to share in that eternity as God does whatever He plans to do in all our hearts and it spreads for good. Blessed testimonies, miracles, and salvations can and will begin from where her earthly journey ended. Love never fails. God IS love, and He does not fail. Amen!

The Broken Place

This past week has really been something; and I know that it hasn't just been me. I've seen a lot of hard things going on; both in the world and from friends and family. Stuff has just been difficult and heavy; though there have been some good things happening as well. My husband DID get that job that I mentioned in my last post and it's been going great! Praise God! Also, things have changed a lot in my job; which has been very bittersweet and messy with the hellos, goodbyes, and transitioning into the familiar but unfamiliar. It's all a bit stressful. It feels very awkward and weird to have the positive and negative all crash together at once  It's hard to process. The mood swings have been all over the place (perimenopause and chronic fatigue/pain doesn't help things either).

There's far too much to share and unpack, so I'll just get to the main point of this post. I wanted to share a poem that I wrote a couple days ago with the hope that it will bless others who are probably feeling the same way right now. Poetry seems to be the outlet that helps me the most. Reading it back continues to help and refresh me as well. All the ways that God gifts us to help others helps ourselves too. He gives good gifts to us (Matthew 7:11, Luke 11:13, James 1:17). 

This poem is called "The Broken Place" (and also echoes another poem called "Renewed Warrior" that I shared in a previous post). I just want you to know that being in that place is ok. It's ok not to be ok (listen to one of my go-to songs about that). Stuff hurts and we don't have to pretend it doesn't.  

Speaking of that, I think Kent Butcher did very well with talking about this stuff in his guest preaching at Vineyard a while back (MUST watch!). If we remember that God is a safe place to spill out all the good, bad, and ugly, we'll get through it all much better. Jesus suffered; and suffered FOR us. He knows. He knows it all. We can have our "Lieutenant Dan Moments" in a thunderstorm and know that God hears and cares. Jesus said that in this world, we would have trouble, but to take heart because He has overcome the world (John 16:33). Our perfect, flawless, and all-powerful Lord and Savior went through hardships when He was here in the body. He was tempted by satan and He was persecuted, plotted against, tortured, and killed by the very ones who are made in His image. How or why would we be exempt from suffering? He was not exempt. God didn't spare His own Son from hardship and suffering. Why act like all this that is happening to us is something strange? 

 

One thing we do know is that we don't suffer as the rest of the world suffers. For those in Christ, there is always hope and the assurance that it will all work out for good (Romans 8:28). The devil prowls around us like he prowled around Christ; waiting for "opportune times". He doesn't attack us any less because we are believers. He will attacks us just as much if not more. Yes, we keep our armor on and pray continually to rebuke evil and demolish strongholds (Ephesians 6:10-18, 2 Corinthians 10:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Yes, we have the same power in us that raised Christ from the grave (Ephesians 1:19-20). Yes, He is able (Ephesians 3:20). Yes, He heals and does the impossible (Isaiah 53:5, Matthew 19:26, Mark 10:27, Luke 18:27). However, that doesn't mean we are bulletproof. Satan will never stop coming at us. We still live in a fallen world and bad things do happen to "good" people. Though no one is truly "good"; even Christ said "why do you call me 'good'?" Remember, He who has overcome all things STILL had to suffer and go through the perils of all the evil that was done to Him...even though He could have stopped it (but then the scriptures could not have been fulfilled). If anyone didn't "deserve" the persecution, trials, and sufferings, it was Jesus. Yet, He didn't rescue Himself. He even rebuked a well-meaning Peter for saying that suffering and death shouldn't happen to Him. Jesus saw that the real enemy wasn't Peter, but satan (because we war not against flesh and blood). He addressed and rebuked the true enemy in that moment. Satan's only goal is to steal, kill, and destroy, but the Father's goal is to accomplish a greater purpose through all we walk through. It's especially true when we persevere and mature through much suffering; building our character and lacking nothing after suffering "a little while" (Romans 5:3-6, 1 Peter 5:10, James 1:2-4). "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11.

 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Tonight's Friday Worship Night blessed me even more as Jeremy emphasized the wonderful grace that we get to walk in; the undeserved mercy and forgiveness that we do not (and could never) earn. Jesus paid it all. That's the Good News and always will be the Good News even when we get bad news (and there has been a lot of bad news lately; PLEASE pray and contend hard for the healing of my friend, Melissa Coy and the family of a former schoolmate of mine who is grieving the loss of her and her son in a tragic accident). Keep praising Him from whatever broken place you're in. He will restore you! God bless you!

The Abiding Place

Tomorrow, my husband is scheduled for a "final" interview at 10 AM. The definition of "final" wasn't clarified. We don't know if that means, "Last interview and then you're definitely hired" or "last interview and then we'll get back to you." As I mentioned a few days ago, it will be 9 months on the 9th that he has been without a job. In my mind, I think it would be fitting to get the "final" decision on Friday and have a new job be "birthed"; but God can do whatever He wants (and He will!) lol.

Weary are we of the endless cycle of interviews, waiting, ghostings, and rejections. My trust is in the faithfulness and goodness of God to provide (and He does and has all this time). In fact, in thinking about how tomorrow is May 7th (5/7), that syncs up with a few really good verses: 

For we live by faith, not by sight.  -  2 Corinthians 5:7

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? - Galatians 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7

Recently, I was thinking/feeling like things were so dark. I reminded myself that Jesus is there and is the light. I'm not wandering around blind; He holds me by my right hand (Isaiah 41:13). I thought, "Maybe it's only dark because I haven't opened my eyes. What do I need to open my eyes to so I can see?" I always get concerned that I'm missing something. I pray and ask all the time for an open mind, heart, ears, and eyes. I ask for wisdom, clarity, and revelation. The silence is deafening, but I get peace over and over again as I remember all the verses that continue to come up. I think about how my word this year is "abide" and even though that's hard, there is such a strength and anchoring to that word. I can walk by faith and not by sight because I know who holds my hand and leads. I'll run the good race and I won't let anything cut in, discourage me, or make me give up on the truth of God's promises. I'll give Him every care because He cares for me. 

Friends, I'm asking you to pray with me as we go into tomorrow's "final"! I'm just going to have to pray more diligently in the Spirit because I don't know what to pray anymore (Romans 8:26, Ephesians 6:18). I don't want doubts and past disappointments to strip my prayers of effectiveness. Prayers not prayed in faith fall flat (James 1:6). I trust the Spirit to pray and ask for the right things, so that will be my main focus. What do I know about the "right" job? Only He knows if this is the right one or not or if there is something "else" in mind; the "else" that I do not know, see, and have no idea about. 

I'm just in the "abiding" place; trying to bear "the weight as I wait". I'm abiding in who He is; and He is IN me and WITH me. That one thing is enough. It's the "work" of God to believe in the One He has sent (John 6:29). When I don't know what to "do", I just do the one thing: believe. I stay. I abide. That "works". When the Father just tells you "stay here...wait a minute", that minute can be a really long one; for us, not for Him. He is not bound by time like we are; and oh how slowly that time seems to pass. Wait and wait like an impatient toddler. But the Father's commands are good and when He says something, you can bank on it. 

"Abba, how long are you going to make me wait here?" Funny, isn't it? All the while He is working, but He has never turned His back and never left (Joshua 1:5). He's doing it all at the same time; doing all the behind the scenes things AND waiting WITH you while He is doing it. God is God. When He brings whatever it is I've been waiting for, it will be immeasurably more than what I have been able to ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I want to be right where He put me when it's time to say, "Here it is, my child. It's ready." Maybe that's when my eyes will be open to see as I hold my hands and hold the surprise He just placed in my waiting palms. What's more frustrating than being a parent and not having your kid ready when it's time lol? It's not like HE doesn't know, but what a patient Shepherd He is with these sheepish children of His. To Adam, "Where are you?" (Genesis 3:9). "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:9). To Peter, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31). "Melissa, didn't I tell you that you are worth more than many sparrows?" (Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:7). When the time is right (both in the now and in the ultimate end of time), are we going to be where He put us when He wants to give us what we've waited for? Position me where you want to, Lord. I want to be right where I'm supposed to be. I want to obey your instructions; even if it's hard, I don't understand, and the wait is long. 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Thank you for your support and prayers! The one good thing of many in this season is all the wonderful things I've been able to create/post/share. The things He speaks to me to help me through all this frustration, pain, and grief is hopefully a help to others as well. Keep abiding! The new wine and wine-skins will come! God bless you all!