Monday, July 7, 2008

My Birthday Wish

As many of you may know, today is my birthday. And, in case you are wondering, I am 26 years young. ;) (Yes, I know…..I'm "just a kid" to most of you!! Ha ha.)

So, what did "the kid" do for her birthday? Well, I'm not doing much today, but yesterday I had a good day. Church was AWESOME (which I will blog about later) and the rest of the day was great too. Mitch, the kids, my Dad and stepmother, and I all went out to eat. We went to Carlos O'Kelly's where I was subjected to the sombrero and the singing. Then, we did some shopping, followed by a movie with the kids (which I will likely review later if I get the chance).

All that was great, but do you know what would be even greater? My birthday would be so much sweeter if someone else shared my birthday. What I mean is not a regular birthday, but a spiritual birthday. I would be thrilled if I knew that someone had their "re-birthday" today!!! That is my ultimate birthday wish!! Even hearing some awesome stories of how God touched their life would be great!! I want to hear lots of God-stories and see people get saved!! That is what I would love more than anything!!

Therefore, I would like to share a beautiful and amazing God-story with you!! I read this over a week ago and have been waiting for the right moment to share it. It may look long, but it is worth the read!! I couldn't stop once I started!! It's a TRUE STORY that comes from one of my friends on sparkpeople.com (and she gave me permission to share this story). I pray that it blesses you as much as it blessed me; and brings you to a place of rebirth and new life if you don't know it already! Read it!! It's amazing!! Here it is in her own words:

From New Age to New Life

"Wow, oh my god dad, thank you for these tarot cards!" I said, as I bounced and jumped in my seat with excitement! How could he have possibly known just how much I had wanted these cards for my birthday? Honestly, my dad was such a traditionalist. How would he even know of their existence? (Let alone approve?!) I was shocked at the fact that he was actually knowledgeable about this stuff. Hmmm.... little did I know that my dad was 'up with the times'. How cool was that?

For years I had watched Sylvia Brown, and John Edwards (to name a few), encourage and astound others with their supernatural abilities to communicate with spirits and foretell the future. Don't we all want to know what lies ahead? Especially if everything around us looks so bleak. I especially wanted to know my purpose in life, because the life I was living couldn't be all there was! I was completely obsessed with what they believed and I dreamed of being just like them. And I myself had gone to several psychics over the years, fascinated by their endeavors to foretell my future. Of which many, were very accurate which only drew me further into the occult (although at the time, I didn't realize it was the occult). I was spiritually hungry for the spirit realm. Nothing excited me more than the unknown. From the time that I was a little girl, there was something about the spirit world that captivated me. I was raised and taught that God existed. I knew about Him. I knew about Jesus, but I didn't really know them. And I wasn't certain if God really was real. Was He a person, force, Spirit or just the universe?

Anyway, it had been about 5 years, give or take since my mom had passed away with breast cancer. My heart was broken and I yearned for her arms to wrap around my ever diminishing body. My sorrow, frustration and pain led me to a struggle with bulimia and anorexia. I longed for her laughter to permeate my home. But life had been excruciatingly unfair. "How could God, (if He actually existed), be so cruel as to take away my mother?" I thought. For years I had tried to find Him, but nothing. I tried Buddha. With eyes, he couldn't see. With ears, he couldn't hear me. With a mouth, he couldn't speak to me. He was a statue. Nothing more. A mere statue made with human hands. A carved image. Where was the logic in worshipping a statue?

I tried to reach my "higher self." What a joke that was. And very difficult I might add. Even if I did reach my higher self, who would take care of me? And why would I even want to be my own god? How much comfort is there in trusting in myself? (Not much!)

I tried religion. I went back to the foundation of what I was taught. It was boring, stuffy, repetitious and too conservative for my charismatic personality. It wasn't real to me. If God was real, how come I couldn't find Him in church? I still didn't know if God existed. But, I was convinced that I would find a way to my mother, either through these cards or ......through becoming a medium myself. I believed in my heart that she was just a trance away. Besides, how much harm could there be in reading cards and speaking to the deceased? If I could just tap into the spirit realm, then I knew that I would finally get some closure. I had questions, and believed if I could reach her from the other side, she could enlighten me.

I not only battled a food disorder, but insomnia--probably from the bi-polar disorder, had adopted me as its very own victim too. Endless nights of reasoning and analyzing, wishing and hoping that somehow, some way mom would know just how much I loved her and that I never knew how terminal her cancer was. Oh how I would have done things differently had I known or understood! How could I be so naive? Why couldn't I see what was going on? Or perhaps I selfishly blocked out the reality of death's piercing sting only to be saddened by its truth?

Soon, I thought, I would have these answers. "Practice....practice and more practice" I thought.

I was obsessed with seeking mom and the unknown spirit realm. Something in me hungered for a deeper more spiritual and satisfying life. Up until this point in my life, nothing had made any sense. Nothing in my life mattered anymore. The bulimia had robbed me of any possible attempts at enjoying food. Fear had paralyzed me from undertaking anything exciting or new. (Fear of failure, fear of confrontation--people pleaser; perfectionist, fear of winter driving etc). Drugs and alcohol had become my means of escape, peace, comfort and support. Only heaven knew how depressed I was in my marriage and how the kids only added to the sorrow that so deeply wove in and out of my heart.

The more I invested in the cards, the more I found myself wanting more. They consumed my every thought and my every waking moment. Every time I played and practiced, I got better and better and then one day....it happened. I received my own spirit guide. With his help, I received more accurate information that astounded some but brought them back for more. Yet more and more my world became darker and darker as though a black cloud hovered over us.

More years passed with more drinking, drugs, psychic readings and spiritual trances, endless arguments and near divorce with my husband. All the while depression raging within. As much as I wanted to believe that I was living a life of ecstasy; partying and playing with the spirits (and experiencing some terrifying dark phenomena), tapping into the unknown-- I was miserable. Suicide entered into my mind with a vengeance. My life was spiraling out of control and I felt alone, trapped and very much afraid. And when I thought that nothing could get any worse.....it did.

I found out my mother in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer too. "How could this be happening?" I thought. "Why, why God, is this happening? And why are YOU doing this to me? I remember crying out to Him, "Please God, don't take her away from me too, please God....please" I cried with tears streaming down my face clouding and blurring my vision. With my arms hugging my legs and my head resting upon my knees, cradling myself like a baby and sobbing uncontrollably, I desperately asked, "God, if YOU ARE REAL, please God....change my life. I can't handle my life anymore. Show me God, how to have peace physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Here, here I am... I need You. If You are real, please God help me"

Over the next few weeks, my life became unbearable. I watched as my mother-in-law suffered with the same symptoms my mother had to endure...and again, I was helpless. As she withered away and suffered horrifically, I was having post traumatic stress symptoms. There was nothing I could do....NOTHING. I couldn't and didn't believe in miracles, so the outcome was hopeless. Nothing but panic and anxiety. The only way to escape it in my mind, was through more drugs (marijuana) and alcohol.

Well, it was late December. Our friend came over. We rolled a joint, took a drag and within seconds, perhaps minutes, something strange was going on. I suddenly saw black, my heart began to palpitate, and I felt as though my body was ticking to an unfamiliar rhythm. I had no idea what was taking place, but whatever it was, I didn't appreciate it. I began to pace back and forth, self-talking to try to calm my nerves. My legs were trembling almost as though every nerve was pulsating out of my skin. And my heart felt like it was gonna explode out of my chest. This was far more serious than any anxiety or panic attack. I'll tell you, I sure sobered up fast! As the evening progressed, without any sleep at all, I made vows to God that I would serve Him if He didn't let me die. I vowed to quit the drugs and alcohol and to try living a better life. All I knew is that whatever was going on in my body, I had never experienced before and I couldn't explain why. Nothing was different. It was the same whiskey, and the same marijuana yet my body was having an extreme reaction. What used to be my best friend, now became my worst enemy! For 30 some hours, the symptoms continued without any moments of grace but I was too ashamed to go to the hospital and figured they'd probably label me as nuts anyway.

A week had passed, but my situation and life hadn't. Again in sorrow, I chose to light up a joint. This time, promising myself that nothing would happen since I wasn't mixing alcohol with it this time. With silent expectation of pure bliss, I inhaled its sweet substance when suddenly, my heart began to race irregularly ....AGAIN! I couldn't believe it! My body was violently rejecting a simple joint! But why? Why now? And the fear that came along with it overwhelmed me. What was happening and why? Again, I paced back and forth. Trying to meditate and self-talk myself to a calm and quieted state. HUH.....that didn't work. Nothing was working. Every nerve in my body was ticking uncontrollably. My mind was tormented with thoughts of death and my heart was racing like nascar near victory. I thought I was having a heart attack. An unbelievable 26 hours passed without sleep, comfort or calm. And again, without grace. On the twenty sixth hour (again give or take), I lay on my bed; nervous ticks and all, tears caressing every inch of my body as I was drenched in fear and sorrow, I cried out to God...., AGAIN "God please, IF YOU ARE REAL, save me. Help me get passed this. Please God, I need You. I need peace and I need this to stop."

Immediately in my minds eye, I saw the words, "Show me God how to have peace physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually" flashing boldly. And instantly, at that moment a light entered the room and a Presence of peace, God Himself, the real, true and living God, came upon me. It was absolutely amazing! From the top of my head to the souls of my feet, peace swept over every inch of my body silencing and ceasing every tick, every tremble and all fear was completely and utterly diminished. At that moment, I knew that I knew that I knew that God was in my room and He heard my prayer. I knew that my spirit was encountering the true God and that the reason my body rejected those substances was because He heard me that night in the bathroom and it was the beginning to answered prayer. And it was the beginning of my new relationship, not religion with the true and living God!!!

The next day, all I wanted was a bible. Something in me desired to read the bible. It was the weirdest thing. Never in my life did I ever imagine a desire to read the bible! Yet, I couldn't stop this new hunger inside. God wanted to introduce Himself. He wanted to distinguish Himself from all the other gods. He wanted me to know who He was....He wasn't a statue or a force. He wasn't the universe--no, He created it! He wasn't a church, but He was/is this beautiful God who calmed me and gave me a peace that I had never experienced any other way!

As a read my new bible, God would literally speak to me. I would sit and talk to God in prayer, and ask Him question after question and low and behold, He would lead me to scriptures that would answer those very questions! It was really unbelievable. It wasn't as though I knew the scriptures or even knew where to find them, but somehow I could hear in my spirit, "Leviticus 19:26 & 31 or whatever." I mean really, I didn't even know if there was such a scripture. But out of curiosity and hunger, I would search the bible for that very scripture, and sure enough, it was there!!

It was that very scripture that made my jaw hit the floor. This is what it said and still says, " You shall not eat anything with blood, nor shall you practice divination or soothsaying....give no regard to mediums and familiar spirits; do not seek after them, to be defiled by them; I am the Lord your God!!!!!!!!"

Sometime later, I was woken up at 3:00am, with a voice that said, "Throw away all that you have that is occult. Your crystals, books, tarot cards and cloth."

I tell you, I knew it was God again. I remembered the scripture and what it said. Now He was asking me to throw it all away because He didn't want me to be defiled by it. I got up and I did throw it all away.

I know this was a long story, but a story worth being told! God speaks. God is real. God is distinguished and cares that you know exactly who He is. Just like you and I have a name, so does He.

This God is the God of the bible. And He sent His Son Jesus to die for us. This may not make any sense, but it is truth. God is a God of miracles and love. I have been completely healed and delivered from bi-polar disorder, bulimia and anorexia! And, God restored our marriage!!

I pray that you meet Him and come to know Him. Your life will never be the same again. I know mine hasn't and I have never lived such a beautiful, fulfilling, successful, passionate, and blessed life!!

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