Walking on the Water

Last week, I skipped out on posting a weight-loss update because there was really nothing to post (considering I had stayed the same - a horrid 201 pounds). I didn't want to post anyways because I have been beyond frustrated. I had been feeling that the majority of my ups and downs were unfair and undeserved considering all the effort I put into losing (especially during the Fit Life challenge). At the end of the challenge, I was 195-ish. Then, it came time for our vacation/mission trip to The Galilean Children's Home. Naturally, most people gain a few pounds over vacation. Though, I had expected (as last time) that when I did, it would fall right back off the next week as it usually does (once your body realizes that you are back to your routine). Usually, I lose what I gained and then some. So, it was hard to gain about six pounds and then feel like you got back into a rut (especially when I was sick and had no appetite for the first part of the week and thought that the consolation prize would be that I WOULDN'T gain!). Ugh, how could everything go so wrong?!

Needless to say, these last 2-3 weeks have been tough (and rather strange). I had fully intended on keeping my momentum going and then, naturally, I got thwarted. The vacation weight was expected, but not the illness and extreme moodiness, frustration, etc. that I have been experiencing was not. The emotional roller coaster is what sadly leads me to get into old habits of having more "cheat days" than I should and moderation becomes far from my mind. Despite the warnings and nudges from the Holy Spirit, I ignore the foreshadowing of "Very well. It's your choice, Melissa. But, remember, there are consequences." 

I can never quite figure out why I stupidly and willfully make wrong choices in temporary moments of weakness when I KNOW that I am horribly sabotaging myself (and all the blood, sweat, and tears I have put in). I once heard Beth Moore say that sin's greatest lie is that it can give you more than what it takes away. It really "clicked" with me as probably the truest and most revealing thing about sin that I have ever heard! Yet, I still struggle with overeating; even though I KNOW that it will never give me more than it takes away (well, except for the massive and generous amounts of pounds it "gives"). No matter how many times I realize that I'm trading a moment of extra calories and temporary satisfaction for extra pounds, I still give into the temporary way too often! Such is the tragedy that is this mess of sinful flesh!

Another thing I can't quite figure out is how I can be so consistent about exercising (even though there are many days where I HATE it and don't want to do it) and so inconsistent about my nutrition. My mistakes with food practically waste my progress with fitness. Then, there are those that have the opposite problem. They are fabulous with their nutrition, but they hardly ever work out. Both situations keep you stuck on a plateau and from getting the results you want. If only I could figure out how both types of people could learn to do well in BOTH areas instead of just one! If only we could share/swap motivation, somehow, and get the best of both worlds! 

With that being said, I did work out a lot last week. I have taken more "rest" days here and there since finishing the Fit Life challenge, but I think that's a good thing. Typically, I work out 5-7 days a week and for a while, there wasn't a single day where I rested. Without the pressure to perform for a team/challenge, that has eliminated some of the weight-loss stress which, in itself, can cause you to have stunted progress. So, even though I still sometimes feel "annoyed" by taking a day off, I do so when I have to (like if I am on the go and busy all day - which might be a workout in itself anyways). In fact, I didn't work out yesterday and that was partly because it was Sunday (and I was tired and needed the break) and because I gave blood. However, I took full advantage of the fact that they tell you not to skip meals. So, I ate whenever I felt the need to (and a little beyond that). Yesterday was not an "in range" calorie day. Generally, I wouldn't be as bothered by fudging up, but the majority of my week was filled with mishaps and overindulgences. I don't think I had many days where I stayed in range (and I didn't always get all my water drank either - one day of that due to the fact I dropped and broke a FULL water bottle! ARGH!). I have been clumsy and careless in more ways than one this week! 

Despite all this, I am down 3.6 pounds today and am at 197.4 pounds. Oddly enough, however, I really wasn't a bit excited. For one, this is weight I have already gained and lost a few times over. In my mind, this hardly counts considering that I was lower than this a couple weeks ago when I went on vacation. Secondly, I feel that I didn't deserve it at all because my eating was so poor (even though my exercise was great). I would LOVE to trade this week's loss with a week in which I did my all and totally deserved to see a number like this and didn't. You know what I'm saying? 

Today's loss is a pleasant (but undeserved) surprise. I think it was a combination of being a pint lighter in blood and in doing some workouts that I hadn't done in a while (including getting to run TWICE on the Greenway!! YAY!!). My body has actually been a little sore this week; which is actually a little bit of a pleasant feeling because you know that things are changing. So, I feel that I am headed in the right direction and I am determined to do better. Spring is here and things are brighter and better in a lot of ways (even if the allergies come with it!). 

One of the changes I am most looking forward to is undertaking Chalean Extreme. What happened to Power90? Well, after a great deal of consideration, I returned my Power90 to beachbody.com(and am awaiting my refund so I can purchase Chalene's program). It's not that it was ineffective or that Tony Horton isn't awesome, but it just wasn't for me. If there's anything that I have learned about exercise, it's that I have to find something I enjoy, or I will hate it all the more and sabotage myself with stress, dread, and eventually giving up on it. Not only do I have to change up my exercises and keep things fresh, but I also have to be true to my preferences. This would have been avoidable in the first place if I had just ordered Chalean Extreme to begin with, but I had heard so much more about Tony Horton and felt I HAD TO do his. Like I said, it's nothing against him (his programs are great!) but it's not for me. The workouts that I tried were just a little dull and repetitious and everything from the people (which were few) to the set (very bland) and the music (very lame) bored me! Though, maybe I should have opened and tried the other DVDs that I bought, but I figured if I wasn't really liking the first couple workouts, it wasn't likely I would like any of his others. I guess Chalene's personality style, music, sets, energetic people to watch, variety of moves, etc. is just more "me" and I better enjoy working out when it's her on the TV screen. And, her program is very similar to Tony's, so I believe I will get the same results (and I will stick with her as I already have with Turbo Jam). I would also LOVE to try her "hip hop hustle" sometime as well! She is just SO FUN and inventive and everything about her is entertaining, effective, and more enjoyable!

Well, I guess that's my report for this week! I've had lots to think about and learn lately, and it's all been good for me in the bigger scheme of things. So, while I know some of you like to think I'm too hard on myself, it's really not like that at all. Besides, who doesn't have moments like these? As unpleasant as they can be, they are beneficial and crucial to growth. Sometimes, you have to experience the frustration of learning the same lessons over and over again because the repetition cements truth into your mind. After several years of doing this, I can tell you that I'm improving as I continue to learn (and relearn) what I need. It's probably taking me longer than it should, but I'm still going! :) If I can only remember that faith and focus on Christ needs to be the center for this (and anything I do) I will walk on water! My moments of sinking feelings are the result of looking in the wrong direction (or looking directly at the raging waters beneath my feet). What I need to be doing most is remembering that Jesus is right in front of me; always with me. He may allow me to sink so that I can learn a faith-filled lesson, but He will never let me drown! Though, being empowered by the Holy Spirit is voluntary. I have to allow Him to help me by yielding and calling out to Him; realizing that my ways have a proven track record of failure. Yet, it is those failures that pave the road of growth and all those stepping stones of mistakes can still be of help to me (Romans 8:28). In my weaknesses, He is strong. I'm learning to be more appreciative and thankful for His grace and His downright awesomeness!! ;) 

To wrap it all up, watch this YouTube video of Britt Nicole's song "Walk on the Water". I love this song! God bless you all! Thanks for your support! Grace and peace to you!