Cross Walk

It is now October. This year has both simultaneously dragged on and flown by. As I've mentioned a lot already, there has been a lot of changes (both positive and negative) as well as grief; both personally and corporately. I cannot begin to list and explain them all. All I know is that my word for this year (Abide) seems laughable, ironic, and somewhat incompatible with the liminality that I've been experiencing this year. Everything seems very Twilight Zone-ish and the idea of "abiding" and remaining in such a weird in-between state makes me feel like it's harder to stay tethered to reality (because reality seems so much harder to grasp when I don't know how to make sense of or accept it). The last time I felt this disoriented and out-of-place was during the turbulence of 2010 - 2013 when I was getting divorced and having to adjust to a life and identity I didn't recognize.

Thankfully, at the heart of the word "abide", is the fact that it's not about abiding in my circumstances but abiding (remaining) in Christ; and Christ abiding in me. That is an anchor for my soul; the tether of all tethers that keeps me grounded. With a lot of intentional heart-work, I've been able to cope and adjust far better than I did fifteen years ago. Back then, I multiplied my pain by running to all the wrong things and away from Jesus. This time, I've done the opposite and can see the clear difference between how my current and former selves have chosen to endure and grow through changes, hardships, and grief. 

As I was reflecting about all this, I really sat deep in thought about how Jesus told us to deny ourselves and take up our crosses and follow Him. I know that none of us have all the answers to the "whys" of sufferings. Yet, as I absorbed Jesus' words, all the broken pieces seemed to come together like a mosaic; bringing the bigger and more beautiful picture together. 

First, there's the denial of self; the forsaking of our flesh and all of our pride and self-proclaimed wisdom. The decision to do so is an act of humility, admission, and surrender. It's a declaration of dependency on Christ. The choice to follow Jesus is twofold because He told us no one can serve two masters. Christ and the flesh go in two different directions; you can't follow them both. To follow one means to unfollow the other (Romans 8:12-14)

Next, there's the "take up your cross" part. It made me think about how individualized that is. We all have unique burdens and struggles to bear. My cross of suffering is a different one than someone else's. We all have hardships, traumas, losses, and sufferings, but the variances between us all are endlessly unique and nuanced. So, whatever that looks like for each of us, it really is "our cross to bear." We each carry our own, but we do have others believers to lean on and help us (Galatians 6:2-5). Even Jesus had an "inner circle". Peter, James, and John went "further in" with Jesus. Even as Jesus carried his literal cross, He had help from Simon of Cyrene. We don't have to (and shouldn't have to) go it alone. Pastor Roy recently had a great message about this! 

Now, here we are at that final part: "follow me." Follow Him? How? Where? At one point, He told His disciples that where He was going, they couldn't come (John 8:14-24, John 13:33-36). Do you know what's interesting about both of these scriptures? In John 8, He talks about them dying in their sins. In John 13, He urges them to love one another and that while they wouldn't be able to go where He was going now, they would later. His death and resurrection made the way possible for all of us to go where we could not come before! The sin that separated us before would separate us no longer! We will not die in our sins if our faith is in Him! And He knows those who love Him because they obey His commands; loving God and loving others. 

The big picture? Christ said the way to the Father is through Him (John 14:6). It is by grace that we are saved through faith (Ephesians 2:8). He is the Savior; not us or our works. We deny ourselves and admit that we cannot save ourselves and that His way, not ours, is the way we are going to follow (self-denial and surrender). Then, we armor up (Ephesians 6:10-18) and KEEP it on! That helmet of salvation is crucial! It's kind of like the Mandalorian; don't remove your helmet or allow it to be removed by others. Let the assurance of Christ's salvation guard your mind! "This is the way!" Now, use the rest of that armor on this journey to "where you are going". We are heaven bound, but we are not there yet. Until then, keep the breastplate of His righteousness on and your shield of faith up. Use it to deflect the fiery arrows of the enemy and strike down lies with the sword of the Spirit (Word of God). Keep the truth buckled around you and your feet always ready to walk in the Gospel of peace (and sharing it with others). Don't forget, we NEED others to share the Gospel with us as much as we do with them; we have nothing covering our backs aside from each other! 

The battle doesn't end until we take our last breath. We just have to keep fighting the good fight (1 Timothy 6:12). I know it's hard to carry that cross every day, but don't forget that it's HIS way that we are following! His yoke is easy and His burden is light; He will TEACH us (Matthew 11:28-30). We can cast our cares on Him because He cares for us (Psalm 55:22, 1 Peter 5:7). In THIS world, we WILL have trouble, but we can take heart because HE has overcome the world (John 16:33). Christ's own journey to the cross was no cakewalk either; why would ours be? From His birth to death, His life wasn't exempt from suffering. Think about all the hardship and chaos surrounding His conception, birth; and having to flee to Egypt afterwards. Think about all the persecution from the Pharisees and others which led to his arrest, torture, and execution. Even as He preached the Gospel and healed people, He didn't have a permanent place to rest His head. Our King never made His home in a palace or lived a life of creature comforts. He was born in a manager, slept wherever they were welcomed as they traveled, and was buried in a borrowed grave after suffering an excruciating and undeserved death on our behalf. 

Whatever burdens are nailed on our personal crosses that we carry have already been borne by our Savior. There's nothing He doesn't understand. He already suffered it all for us. Whatever we go through is to build our character and continue the journey of self-denial, picking up our cross, and following Him: 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. - Romans 5:3-5

Over the years, it's become apparent to me that it's far too easy to say "why me" out of self-pity instead of "why me" out of curiosity. When wallowing gets chosen over worshiping, I'm making myself the focus instead of Him. I have learned that where I fix my gaze MATTERS more than anything! Whatever/whomever is the focal point, that's who is being followed. If I follow my own flesh, I'll go in circles and spiral out-of-control. When I fix my gaze on Him, He shows me the way out and keeps my feet on the right path. I remind myself to stay curious and pursue the "whys" in Him. Curiosity and seeking Him leads to the discovery of such wonderful treasures that can't be found in anyone or anything else! He shows me and teaches me the things I need to know. Though, sometimes there are things that seem unfair or don't seem to make sense. However, God told me a long time ago that sometimes I have to be ok with not knowing things. That's a hard one, because like most people, I like to know and have the answers. But, maybe some things are just too much for my finite brain to comprehend from an infinitely good, wise, and perfect God.

I've also come to the realization and acceptance of the fact that the war never stops. It's no wonder we are told to put our armor ON, but we're never told to take it off. It's hard, and I get weary of it. Though, do I really expect to not face hardships and suffering? Where does it say that we ever put our cross down? It may sound bleak to sort of say the suffering never ends, but it's true and not true at the same time. We're assured that no matter what thorn we have in our side, His grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:6-9). To some degree, C3PO's lament of suffering being "our lot in life" is true. No one is exempt from it, but
we don't have to worry about it: 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7. 

This is how we deal with the suffering of the now until the time where there is no more. The old order of things have not passed away yet. Right now, we have to contend with a "time for everything". It's not ALL suffering any more than it's all pleasure either. Sometimes the cross is heavier and sometimes it feels lighter; but it's always with us and so is He (and so is the church). 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I'm still here for a reason, and so are you! Life is hard, but God is good; always. Forsake your flesh and surrender! Link arms with Jesus (and others) as you carry your cross, and follow Him all your days. You will get through this. You have crossed over from death into life (John 5:24). God bless you!