Wireless Hope

It's a few days after Christmas. In that in-between time before the new year comes, I think it's typical to have that odd feeling that follows after a big event. Whether we feel relieved, or bummed about Christmas Day coming and going, I know that the holiday crash (combined with the weather/darkness at this time of year) can make one feel vulnerable to fear and depression. I know it's not just me; I've talked to plenty who are struggling too. Therefore, I felt it was important to post something and address the elephant in the room. Being honest and vulnerable helps create a safe place for others to share as well so we can lift each other up.

As I've mentioned previously, my word for this year has been "hope". I think I've had some good growth in this word. I've had to intentionally discipline myself into a new mindset; because hope isn't a feeling or an idea. Hope is a person: Jesus. When you rightly define "hope" as Christ Jesus, your perspective changes and it transforms your life.

That's what I have most absorbed about Christmas in recent years. I am pretty "bah, humbug" about everything else. Christmas isn't just a "day" or a season either. Christmas IS Christ. Christmas IS hope. That hope is with us EVERY DAY in our hearts as believers because He is Immanuel; God with us. 

 

In Matthew 1:22-24 and Isaiah 7:14, we see that the Lord told us He would give us a sign; that the virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and that He would be called Immanuel. When we hear that, or read it in the Word, it's easy to just hear and see words without really thinking about what they mean. But, when thinking of it recently, the word "sign" is what stood out to me. The word for sign in this verse is the Hebrew word, "oth" which means: "a signal (literally or figuratively), as a, flag, beacon, monument, omen, prodigy, evidence, etc. -- mark, miracle, (en-)sign, token".

As far as signs go, I don't know what other sign could rival this kind of sign that is being talked about here! "Immaculate conception" is truly an understatement! It is LITERALLY impossible, but as Mary was told in Luke 1:37 NOTHING is impossible for the Lord! He is the ONLY ONE who can accomplish such a thing. That's the assurance that Mary had when she asked the angel, "How can this be?"

Undoubtedly, there are a lot of things that happen in life that make you wonder "why". There are things that take us by surprise; pleasant and unpleasant. Especially when it comes down to the hard things, the disappointing things, and the downright awful and unfair things, we wonder....."HOW can this BE?"  In these seemingly impossible situations, we who are believers KNOW that what the Word says is true; that nothing is impossible for God. He proved it with this sign, our beacon of HOPE, that nothing is too hard for Him! Are our situations too hard for US? Yes, they often are. That is WHY we need HIM. We cannot do anything or overcome anything on our own strength. John 15:5 says that apart from Him, we can do nothing, but Philippians 4:13 says that we can do ALL THINGS....THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens us.

We also need other people to help us in times of need. Immanuel shows up in many different ways when we need Him; and that often comes through other people who share who He is in the form of love, compassion, and kindness. We too get opportunities every day to be Immanuel as well. Having one another keeps us going when we feel like we can't go on anymore and we want to give up.

I can think of no better example of this than in the audio book that I just finished. I often listen to Holocaust survivor stories to give me hope. I can't think of anything more terrible than the horrors of Nazi Germany. Hearing the testimonies of those who have survived, and HOW they survived, is so amazing to me. Every single testimony I’ve heard talks about the many different ways people risked their lives in order to help others continue to live; and sometimes that help even came from the most unlikeliest of places and people. I HIGHLY recommend that you read "The Happiest Man on Earth: The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor" by Eddie Jaku. It's only a couple hundred pages, but the way he conveys such important life lessons makes it something that I will likely read again (he also has a widely viewed TED talk that's worth watching as well). This particular part is what really stood out to me and made me cry more than any other portion:

I can tell you that I would not be here today without Kurt. Thanks to my friend, I survived. We looked after each other. When one of us was injured or too sick to work, the other would find food and help the other. We kept each other alive. The average survival time of a prisoner in Auschwitz was seven months. Without Kurt, I wouldn’t have made it half that far. When I had a sore throat, he cut his scarf in half and gave me one so I could recover. People saw us wearing the same scarf and assumed we were brothers; we were that close.

Each morning, we would wake up and, before work, we would walk around the blocks and talk, to keep our spirits up. We would hide little presents for each other behind a brick I had carved out in the toilet wall –soap, toothpaste, pieces of rags.

These moments of friendship and gratitude were necessary in order to survive that inhumane place Hitler had created. Many people chose to take their own lives rather than go on. It was so common there was even a phrase to describe it: go to the wire. AuschwitzII-Birkenau, a subcamp of the much larger Auschwitz camp complex, was surrounded by an electrified barbed-wire fence. To touch this fence was certain death and so, to end their lives without giving the Nazis the satisfaction of killing them, people would run to the wire and grab it. I lost two good friends this way. They went, naked, holding hands, to the wire. I do not blame them. Certainly, there were many days I would have preferred to be dead.

We were cold, we were sick. Many times, I said to Kurt, ‘Let’s go. What is the point of living, only to suffer tomorrow?’

Kurt refused. He would not let me go to the wire.

This is the most important thing I have ever learned: the greatest thing you will ever do is be loved by another person.

I cannot emphasize this enough, especially to young people. Without friendship, a human being is lost. A friend is someone who reminds you to feel alive.

Auschwitz was a living nightmare, a place of unimaginable horrors. But I survived because I owed it to my friend Kurt to survive, to live another day so that I might see him again. Having even just one good friend means that the world takes on new meaning. One good friend can be your entire world.

This, more than the food we shared or the warm clothes or the medicine, was the most important thing. The best balm for the soul is friendship. And with that friendship, we could do the impossible.

Eddie is very much right. In fact, on the day I had listened to that part, I had just had the kind of day where I felt like “running to the wire”. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to give up in life…. and even ON my life. In fact, many years ago, I was listening to my friend Shane talk about how he lost his brother to suicide. If ever there was a more heartbreaking “how could this be”, it’s when something like that happens. He couldn’t help but wonder about all the “whys” and felt like it was all a waste and nothing good could come from it. I made him a promise right there; that the one good thing to come from his brother’s life would be that I would live mine…which is exactly the kind of thing Eddie Jaku was talking about. There would be no “waste” because I would keep my word to my friend and go on living no matter how hard or dark it seemed. Sometimes, that promise was the last thread on the end of my rope that kept me from “going to the wire”. I would remind myself, “I promised Shane” and have told him over the years about how many times he and his brother had continued to save my life.

I hope all of us can name at least ONE friend in our lives that will keep us from “going to the wire”; that “pulls us back from the edge” as the other phrase goes. We all have bad days, but we have a GOOD SAVIOR! We have a friend in Jesus; and in other friends in whose hearts He lives. May we continue to have friends, and BE the kind of friends, who can testify to the fact that Immanuel LIVES...that He’s WITH us and that we stand WITH each other through the good and bad times. As Hebrews 10:24-25 says: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (NIV)

I’m here to testify to the fact that yes, with God, all things are possible! He has done impossible things in my life and has worked things things out for His good purpose in my life (Romans 8:28). Like Eddie, I owe it to my family and friends to keep going. More than anything, though, I owe it to Jesus to honor Him with my life. If I'm still here, it is because He needs me to be here. I cannot and will not give up for any reason because as Eddie also says in his book, "where there is life, there is hope." Put Jesus in that sentence, "where there is life, there is Jesus"...and where there is Jesus, there is LIFE. Because Christ lives in me, HOPE lives in me.

There is absolutely no reason for me to ever give up; no matter how I feel or how bad things seem. Even as I sit here writing this, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm feeling better than the day I first listened to that part of the book. I was having a stressful day. My body was giving out due to sickness and weariness (on top of my daily pains in my body that never stop due to arthritis, degeneration, fibromyalgia, etc.), and I just didn't want to keep pushing myself. My feelings change constantly and so do my circumstances. Satan would love nothing more than to take advantage of a weak moment in a difficult day to put an end to everything good that God wants to do. The Lord doesn't waste our pain. He has a plan for everything you are persevering through right now; Eddie Jaku is proof of that and so are the countless Biblical heroes of the Bible (including the greatest conqueror of all time: Jesus Christ). Also, right after that hard day, Earl showed up at my office with another beautiful present for me that had belonged to his dearly departed wife. His gift of love, hugs, prayers, and thoughtfulness lifted me up so much! I put it on right away; which amazingly complimented the dress that I was wearing. My plain red dress never looked so good and I felt like Cleopatra or something lol. I wore it proudly that whole day and into the evening for the "Light of Life" service that night. I had the honor of sharing a portion of what I'm now sharing with you in this blog. Hope breeds more hope if we cooperate with what God wants to do.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Surround yourself with good friends who will never let you "go to the wire"; and for whom you would also do the same. Find yourself a Kurt, Shane, or Earl. Don't go through life alone! Find a good counselor too. I got one of those; plus some good spiritual sisters and mamas that speak life into me when I need it. I also work hard to be that same kind of person for others and I check in on people whenever God brings them to mind. Have Hope. Be Hope. Share Hope! Immanuel lives in us! If you haven't asked Him to live in your heart, invite Him in TODAY (Romans 10:9-10). Confess and repent of your sins, and be born again; filled with HOPE and eternal life! Amen!

 

If you need immediate help, PLEASE reach out to the suicide prevention line. It's free and confidential.

Cherry Coke Blessings

It's been quite the week. Yesterday, was "hump day'; and I'm sure glad that I got over it! At this point, it's been more of a "if you don't laugh, you'll cry" kind of week. It's been yet another chapter of "you can't make this stuff up." Yet, I can't help but feel full of genuine hope and thanksgiving as I realize that maybe I truly have grown and embraced "Hope" as I've leaned into my word for this year. It wasn't 'the word I had wanted or expected, but it was definitely the word that I needed' (a variation of a line from the most excellent movie "Slumberland"). 

I've just recently finished listening to the Lysa TerKeurst audiobook "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered". Like most, I've had many disappointments of varying degrees in my lifetime; and quite a few in this last part of the year (including the past few days and weeks). One of the things in the book that stood out to me is how she said we are "between two gardens". Perfection only existed in Eden before the fall of man; and until we have perfection fully restored at Christ's coming, we live in the "in-between" where nothing is perfect. Thanks be to God for the choice Christ made in another garden, the Garden of Gethsemane, to make reconciliation and restoration possible! He chose to say "yes" to the cup of suffering that He knew was before Him. Because of what Christ has done, we have Salvation and Hope in our hearts! Eternity is set within us (Ecclesiastes 3:11, 2 Corinthians 1:21-22). We are not perfect, but we have Emmanuel...God with us (Matthew 1:23). HE is perfect and is the blessed focus that we ponder and cherish even more during Christmastime. He never leaves us (Deuteronomy 31:6-8, Joshua 1:5). How truly marvelous it is that we, fragile clay jars that we are, are a home for Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 4:7). Holy Spirit is WITH us and IN us; the deposit guaranteeing what is to come (2 Corinthians 1:22, 2 Corinthians 5:5, Ephesians 1:14). He had redeemed us and called us by name and says,"You are MINE!" (Isaiah 43:1).

Faith comes by hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17). Remembering, reading, and declaring these scriptures gives me so much peace, confidence, assurance, security, and yes.....HOPE! HE never disappoints! All that He is (and ever will be) is more than we can ever ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:19-21). Even if things don't look like how we want or expect them to right now, we have the assurance that He is working everything out for us and that we won't be put to shame (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, Psalm 34:5). That promise is not only for this in-between, but for eternity. We aren't going to get to heaven and be like, "this is it?" It won't be like being promised an incredible Willy Wonka Experience only to be duped and gaslighted. It won't be a long awaited series finale only to end in an unbelievable disappointment. No. Our Hope is an anchor for our souls (Hebrews 6:19). Chip Ingram describes the Biblical definition of "hope" as "a solid done deal". It's not an "if", it's a "when".

This true and solid hope is the kind of definition and picture that I need; especially right now in the midst of so much "hope deferred" that makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12). The perils of "in-between" living can make us forget that real hope is beyond the temporal things. We have to look beyond the failures and disappointments and find the redemption that lies in the imperfections. Like I mentioned before, I have had a lot of examples of that recently. My most recent list consists of a freaky and crazy Nipsco power outage that resulted in a lot of fried electronics in our house (yet, thankfully, we aren't dealing with a burned down home like some others are right now). Our furnace is out, my son's TV and classic N64 is toast, and so are a few small countertop coffee appliances. And, we just discovered this morning that my beloved Yamaha piano from Sweetwater won't turn on (not gonna lie, I am crying over this one). Oh, and the saga of our van continues with even more things amiss every time we think it's "fixed." My husband is also still trying to find a new job and just found out today that the one he was "hoping" for is not going to happen. Then, there are the typical stresses and annoyances that I've been dealing with at work during our busiest time of the year. I literally feel like I'm living out scenes from "Office Space" as I do the same kinds of "TPS" tasks over and over again. Add to that the minor petty annoyances that just seem to add insult to injury. I had used my much hard-earned Dunkin' reward for my free large coffee yesterday only to have that drink taste like warm cough syrup (a taste that we've become very familiar with this past month due to whatever hacking-cough plague we've contracted and can't fully get rid of). Oh, and that delicious blueberry muffin that I also ordered on the app? Yeah, not available after all; and the substitute chocolate chip muffin just wasn't as good (and this kind of thing happens a LOT at this location). But, I smile and accept the replacement every time because I know what it's like to work in customer service. I never want to be "that" customer. I gulped down my hard earned cough-syrupy coffee with my not-so-good (and not blueberry) muffin. Though, it was my second attempt at redeeming a reward on a restaurant app that prompted me to write this post.

I went to Domino's yesterday because I had a promo for a free 5 cheese mac & cheese with a 10 dollar minimum purchase (it's not REALLY "mac" and cheese, by the way lol. It's penne; NOT macaroni....but that's another misunderstanding and somewhat disappointment lol). Not only was it not even close to the hype I've seen advertised, but that Caesar salad that I ordered? Yeah, didn't have it when I got there lol. "We only have the garden salad. Is that ok?" Hmmm....let me think. No, it's not lol. However, I accepted the garden salad and gave the employee a big smile and said "sure". Then, something else unexpectedly happened. After he had already given me my 20 oz. bottle of Cherry Coke that I ordered, he gave me a 2 liter of it as well. He said it was just a little "I'm sorry" kind of gesture. I thanked him and accepted it. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Sometimes, that love even comes in a 2 liter bottle of Cherry Coke. We don't overcome evil with evil; we overcome it with good (Romans 12:21).....and sometimes a little soda lol.

God really is faithful! The Cherry Coke blessings have been abundant! A friend of ours lent us a bunch of space heaters when my husband had called to see if he happened to have the part to our burned out furnace that we needed. The furnace itself is actually going to be temporarily fixed when the part we ordered gets here, but we're getting a new furnace due to the great timing and generosity of another friend who has one to give (and install) for us at a later date. Yeah, you read that right! A new furnace was something we were going to ultimately need in the near future anyways (and the one we have isn't actually adequate for the size of our house) so we feel really blessed that we are going to have what we DO need. The parts for the van are also things that are fixable and not too expensive (and Uncle Frank continues to be a blessing in helping us fix it!). And, with the exception of the N64 (and possibly my piano), we have spares of the other things that got burned out. I'm just glad it wasn't something like the washer, dryer, fridge, etc. We're going to order a new power supply for the piano (and pray that that's all it is). The office stuff? Yeah, I'll get through it (and I got caught up on those "TPS" reports yesterday lol). 

December 2013

Brokenness, messed up orders, and fried appliances aren't ideal, but there is restoration, replacement, and kindness that covers all those little things; AND the big things too. In fact, today marks 11 years of Chris and I being together. For many reasons I won't get into, we shouldn't have been able to make it together this far....but GOD! CHRIST covers ALL things big and small; and His blood goes a lot further than just a gift of soda sugary love! A bottle of soda may make me smile and feel a little better (and a bit more "seen") in the moment. Bigger than that, though, the love of Jesus ALWAYS makes me feel secure, loved, known, and truly hopeful and assured. He's my bread of life. He provides for us; and I trust Him to also give Chris the best job at the right time just like He did the past four times. What He did before, He WILL do again. That's my Hope, because my Hope is in Him and not people. God's promises are "a solid done deal" that I can bank on. He keeps telling me, "Don't worry, little sparrow." I won't. His hand of favor is on me and my family. I know this and I trust Him. The blood of Jesus cannot fail me and it covers my "in-between" life.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! There is peace that transcends all understanding as we bring all our prayers and petitions to God with THANKSGIVING (Philippians 4:5-7). Praise Him! Emmanuel is WITH you; ALWAYS! Stay anchored and remember that you are worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:7). God bless you!

My Word for 2024: Hope

I truly can't believe I'm already composing a blog post about my word for 2024! Not only does it seem like 2023 went by super fast, I also feel like I still have a lot of growing and healing to do with my previous word. My word in 2022 was the same way. Both were difficult but BEAUTIFUL words that carried a lot of growth with it. Those words have been everything for me and I am very grateful for all that God has brought me through and how I've become closer and more in love with Him than ever! He truly has been (and will continue to be) my refuge and safe place; more than enough for me. 

Given how weighty the previous two words have been, I was hoping for a bit of a break and that I would get something like Isaiah 40 (like I did in 2020) or "Come" in 2021. And there it is right there: I was "hoping." 

Last week, I had been praying, journaling, and waiting for my word. A lot of things were heavy on my heart and I was unburdening myself to the Lord. I felt emotionally drained and weary. I really needed refreshment and restoration. 

As my lunch break ended, I was leaving the sanctuary and getting ready go back to work. Suddenly, something caught my eye. The decorative bulletin board to my left had several words on it, and the one closest to me said "hope." I've seen this bulletin board many times, but for some reason, it's like it jumped right out and begged to be seen out of the corner of my eye as I walked past it. I'm like, "Hope. Could that be my word?" I had mixed feelings about it. At first, I thought it was restful, beautiful, and the perfect word for me. It made me feel good, relieved, and hope-ful! Yet, simultaneously, a part of me wanted to shut it down because it seemed too generic, cliche, and simple. As always, I wanted to be sure, so I shelved it in my mind for consideration and waited for further confirmation. I was still hoping for something that I considered a "better" word. I knew I was being a little bit too much like Red and a little less like Andy with that mindset. I had no reason to treat hope like a "dangerous thing" when I knew that true hope does not (and never could) disappoint, because it's JESUS! In fact, that verse had been coming to my mind a LOT, and here it is in context:

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. - Romans 5:1-5

When you look at those verses altogether, it would make perfect sense that "Hope" would be the word that follows "Refuge" and "Enough". All the problems and trials that I have had in these past few years HAVE helped me develop endurance and have strengthened my character. Now, I need to progress to being strengthened by my "confident hope of salvation." I want to increase in faith; being secure in Christ and comforted by the fact that I'm filled with love by the Holy Spirit. God will not disappoint me and it's ALWAYS safe to hope in Him!

Another verse that kept coming to my mind is this one: 

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. - 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

That definitely screams "hope" to me! I have been feeling every bit like a fragile clay jar. Yet, I am filled with the great treasure that is the Holy Spirit. No matter what has happened, He fills me and never abandons me. He builds me up and restores me. Always.  

It didn't take long for confirmation to come. The very next day, I was bent down and getting something from under the sink in my bathroom cupboard. When I began to stand and lift my head up, my eyes met smack dab with this jar of beauty cream on the counter: renewed hope in a jar. My gosh, you can't make this stuff up lol! I was like, "Seriously?! You've got to be kidding!" I laughed because this is so like God to do this with me; and I also heard "There's Hope in Front of Me", by Danny Gokey, playing in my head lol. I'm like, "Ok, but I still need that third sign." He was very quick about it. Again, I couldn't help but laugh because it's just too perfect! I had a stack of clean clothes sitting in a pile that were waiting to be hung up (I know! Tsk, tsk!). I took the top shirt off of the pile to wear, and what do you think I uncovered as I did so? Yep, that's right! I uncovered "hope"!! 

"Really. For real?!" I thought. Wow lol! I just couldn't get over it. There it was again; staring me right in the face! I laughed and shook my head, "Ok, ok. I get it." 

Next, something else came to my mind. I happened to think about a gift that was recently given to me by my friend, Anita. It was a cross with a word on it. "The word is 'hope' isn't it?" I said to myself. Yep, it sure is; and it has Romans 5:5 on it (as well as Philippians 1:20). 

I journaled all of it later in the day and went to biblehub.com to look up the word: ἐλπὶς elpis . It seemed that "hope" was indeed my word. Nevertheless, I asked God if he could make one of those verses show up somewhere in the next few days; so I could be extra sure. Or, if the number 1680 (the number in the concordance) showed up, that would be cool too. Up until today, I hadn't seen any further confirmation, and I was telling myself, "Melissa, you already know. It's 'hope.' Why are you fighting it?" I know very well why. It's because of all the times I DO hope and things don't work out. "But that's just the people and things of this world. That's not where your hope is anyways," I told myself. Yes, I know that. Maybe that's exactly why I need this word. I was reminded of this in the movie "Slumberland", which I watched this weekend for only the second time since it came out (and I highly recommend it!). You may not get the dream you want, but you're going to get the dream you need. "Hope" isn't the word I really wanted, but it's most certainly the one I need. It's basic, simple, and beautiful; and those aren't bad things. In fact, Andy is right: 

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

"Hope" isn't  meant to be an overused word or cliche. True hope is much deeper than that. It's time to really rest and soak in the REAL hope. Jesus is my hope NOW and for all eternity. He is with me NOW; and I'll also be with Him whenever I go home (or when He comes back for me/us; whichever comes first). I will NOT be disappointed! All the people, things, and cares of this life will all be gone, but my eternal hope is always real and certain. 

Today is the first day of this new year; 365 days of new opportunities and each of those days that we get is a gift from the Lord! As a wonderful bonus, God did confirm that verse for me once more as I was looking back at this old post of mine about Red and Andy for this post. I also had the pleasure of seeing this post in my Facebook memories. There's no doubt about it! I can be confident of my hope, which is Christ, and look forward to all that is to come:

For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die.

- Philippians 1:20.

So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. 

- Hebrews 6:18-19

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I genuinely HOPE and pray that this will be a blessed year for us all! Our "hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." On Christ the solid rock we stand, all other ground is sinking sand! Stay anchored! He is our firm foundation! Amen! God bless you!

COVID-19: Our Own Shawshank Redemption

Have you ever seen "The Shawshank Redemption"? Granted, there's a lot of language and content issues, but there are also many important lessons in it too. I've been thinking about that movie a lot lately because there are a lot of scenes that apply to my feelings right now (and probably to all of us in this current season of life that we're walking through together).

The first clip I want to talk about is this scene where Red is describing being institutionalized:

These walls are funny. First you hate 'em... then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes... you get so you depend on 'em. That's institutionalized.

I know what you might be thinking, but this post isn't about arguing the fact that our freedoms are being taken away in favor of government taking control of our lives. Listen to Rush Limbaugh or the folks on The Daily Wire for that. I'm talking about the heart; the personal stuff. Sometimes, in an effort to cope with tough things, it's common to go to one extreme or the other. In my case, you might have read different posts of mine where I've talked about my journey in becoming more "gray" rather than so "black and white." When I realize that I am going too far to one end or another, I work to get back to the gray zone. Thankfully, I've learned over the years how to recognize it and "reset" a lot quicker (prayer takes care of it!). 

Last week, I realized that I was feeling emotionally "institutionalized"; I had begun living within walls that I'd built up in order to protect myself. At the start of the COVID-19 stuff, I had a LOT of emotions; primarily anger, sadness, and disappointment. I dealt with it to an extent, and then decided to ignore it and move on. However, the emotions that I have been trying to ignore (in favor of "adjusting and adapting", and notoriously being "the strong one") were still there and couldn't be suppressed anymore. I realized that I had gotten so used to "the new normal" that I had been becoming more apathetic. I was like Red in this clip where he cautions against having hope; saying that it was a "dangerous thing". His buddy, Andy, couldn't fathom it. Despite his circumstances, he had been holding onto hope in an effort to retain something that no one could take from him. Actually, I had been an "Andy" up until recently when I realized that somehow I had become numb and indifferent due to too much "successful" adjustment. I've noticed that I frequently switch to "Red" mode when dealing with the possibility of too much disappointment. I don't want to "hope" because it's too "dangerous". So, I start living within the self-protecting institutionalized walls of indifference so that I don't have to be open to the possibility of pain and disappointment. Grief felt like a luxury that I couldn't afford. I didn't have time for it. Why should I mourn, be sad, or open myself up to the opportunity to slip deeper into those emotions and become depressed? Instead, I chose to deny those emotions because I felt it was a waste of time to hurt or be upset about things I couldn't control.

When I realized that my emotions were becoming atypical of my normally empathetic and sensitive heart, I had to take some prayer time to deal with it. I had to pause and question why I felt indifferent and apathetic. I confronted the fact that I stuck my grief in a box and buried it inside without processing it. I knew I had been doing it; it was an old coping mechanism that I had used during the dark days of my divorced years. I learned how to toughen up to the point where I could just focus and forget the pain; refusing to let myself fall apart. However, when you have that box full of unprocessed grief, trauma, and pain, the lid will eventually blow off. Something will trigger it, and it could come when you least expect it; and at the wrong moment in time where you're not prepared to deal with it. Bad things can happen when suppressed emotions come to the surface; especially if you're with other people or in a public setting.

Thankfully, my realization came more privately. It was a text that triggered it and made me ask myself, "Why am I feeling this way?" It should have made me feel happy, but I felt angry instead. My anger surprised me because it didn't fit the situation. It made me get real with that fact that I had been closing the door to "hope" and staying "comfortable" in "the new normal" (even though that "new normal" wasn't "comfortable" at all)! If I embraced the hope of something that gave me joy, that would mean that all the sadness would bubble up regarding all the people and things that I miss. I don't want to think about the sadness of missing people and events, so I've distanced even BEYOND "social distancing". A life devoid of risk doesn't equal safety, folks. It's a life defined by fear and that's no life at all!


As I acknowledged my feelings, brought them before the Lord, and confronted the many lies one by one, I remembered these verses:

And hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. - Romans 5:5 (NRSV).

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18 (NIV).

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. - Matthew 5:4 (NIV).

There is time for everything under the sun. Yes, even a time to be sad. It dawned on me that if I was denying my grief, I was shutting out Jesus. Do I not want Him to be close to me in my brokenheartedness? Would I really say "no" to being BLESSED in my mourning; denying the COMFORT that He promises? Oh, Lord, forgive me! I want and need you to be close to me! If this broken heart means that you are close, I am so grateful! Bless me in my mourning and comfort me! Turn my tears of sorrow into joy (Psalm 30:5).  I know that it's ok to cry and fall apart sometimes. If I want to continue feeling empathy and compassion for others' pain, I have to remember not to fear my own. Like another clip from another movie that I recently shared with a friend:

It's not their pain you're afraid of. It's yours, Charles. And as frightening as it can be, that pain will make you stronger. If you allow yourself to feel it, embrace it, it will make you more powerful than you ever imagined. It's the greatest gift we have: to bear their pain without breaking. And it's born from the most human part: hope. - Professor Charles Xavier; X-Men: Days of Future Past.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Remember, this is just a season! Spring is coming; both literally and spiritually! Winter is ending; renewal and rebirth is coming! "Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." - John 12:24. Much good is going to be produced from this time of suffering together (Romans 8:28). We'll all love and appreciate each other more. I'm sure we're going to have moments where we feel like Joseph; deeply moved at the sight of our loved ones that we can hardly contain our tears (Genesis 43:30). I fully anticipate that I, and many others, will be crying with joy when we get to go back to church again, see family and friends, etc. It's all ok! You can cry because you miss them now and you can cry when you finally get to see them later! Jesus is there in our joy AND sorrow! Don't forget: "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." God bless you!

Mining for Gold

This has been a difficult, painful, emotional, and draining kind of week (or two) in so many ways. There were a lot of surprising, frustrating, and unexpected things that have occurred that have been very disappointing, shocking, and blood boiling. Though, there have also been good things that have also happened because of the unexpected. It's all a picture of how God truly does work things out for good for those love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). 

I'm glad I took this day off of work to rest; not only because I knew that I would get home late from last night's Casting Crowns concert, but because of the need to hit the "pause" button. I've been reflecting on everything with a lot of tears and intense emotions, but then it caused me to ask myself a few questions: Is this the lens I want to see this through? Is this what I want to dwell on and remember?

 

No, it isn't. In the mines of this current time, there are nuggets of priceless and precious gold. The dirt and darkness are part of the experience, but not the focal point. The objective is always to persevere through the tough stuff; the rock and the hard places. You find the gold when you don't give up and use the Light to banish the darkness. Jesus always illuminates the way when you carry Him with you and before you. He is the One that makes it possible for you to see, move, and push forward. Without Him, you're stuck; you can't get to the other side of the tunnel (and you certainly won't find any sparkling treasure to excavate). 

My daughter, Gianna, praising Jesus.

I'm choosing to look at the "haves" rather than "have nots"; the gems and not the pebbles and rocks. Yesterday, for example, didn't go as planned (over an hour jammed in traffic, among other things). We missed the first half of the concert. However, it really is about quality over quantity. The part we got to enjoy was so deep and rich. Our hearts were still full and the girls and I were blessed to share it with my Aunt Jennie. Apparently, she had had a rough day at the "mine" too, so we were all refreshed together by what we DID get to enjoy. We still heard some of the most touching songs ever; LIVE! I still got to see the peace and joy on my girls' faces as they soaked in God's presence and worshiped Him. I also got to unexpectedly share it with a family member that I love, treasure, and don't get to connect with very often (though, Gianna hogged her to herself as much as possible... but who can blame her lol?). Aunt Jennie is so much like Grandma; inside and out. The familiar warmth of her smile, hugs, and laughter was salve to my soul and her positivity and encouragement help lift the sadness from my day. That's what Grandma was always good at; she sure was a good "miner". I know that both of us strive to be the same way; and that only comes from the faith in Christ that we all share. Priceless and precious indeed!

Grace and peace to you, my friends! If you've been having a tough time in the mines too, I encourage you to focus on the gems rather than the dirt and rocks. Christ is the light! In Him, there is no darkness (1 John 1:5). Read the first chapter of 1st John today and be encouraged! There is light! There is hope, joy, and redemption! There is Jesus! God bless you!

When It's Hard to Find the "Wonderful"

For many people, Christmastime is "the most wonderful time of the year." For others, those song lyrics are the last thing they want to hear because for one reason or another, it's hard to get excited about Christmas. Personally, every time my co-worker mockingly and randomly sings that line to me, I give him a "bah, humbug" kind of look.  It can be a struggle to have the Christmas spirit when you work at the Salvation Army and the "wonderful" time of the year is the most crazy busy time of the year.

As exhausting as all the busyness is, I know it's all worth it. Struggling families will be getting assistance and generous donors are ensuring that I still have a job to do as I process monetary gifts and take care of business. The ministry goes on because of this "wonderful" but busy time of year. God supplies all the strength and endurance I need to persevere through a long December; even with an ongoing cold & cough that is only now starting to taper off. I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). Jesus is the one that propels me onward. He keeps me looking forward to the mystery and hope of the upcoming new year as the current one wraps up. What a blessing it is to see the world through "Kingdom" lenses; an eternal perspective. Christ is my confidence! He gives me peace and joy even on the most weary days. 

The only thing that sometimes gets me down is when I become aware of the emptiness and sadness of others. Christmas and New Year's doesn't look bright and shiny to them. Fear has drowned out Hope because they have forgotten (or don't know) His name. The holidays have come at a bad time because they've just lost a job, a home, a loved one, or maybe more than one of those things at once. They may be dealing with a severe illness or injury, an addiction, or financial struggles. They may be a veteran struggling to overcome PTSD and are still fighting a war; the fight for the will to live. Some have buried parents, siblings, and even babies and children. Others have friends and relatives who are incarcerated; whether literally, figuratively, or both. 

The scenarios I mentioned all have names and faces attached to them; most of them are the people I listen to, hug, and pray with when they're coming in for help. You may not know the ones I know, but chances are you know someone who is going through this kind of pain and grief (maybe it's you). It's far too easy for Satan to use these tragedies for his gain; all he has to do is keep the focus on the problems rather than the One who solves them. He cleverly keeps our attention fixed inward rather than upward; on that next fix, hook up, lottery ticket, shopping spree, or alcoholic beverage. It's all about keeping you obsessed with filling the void; returning to empty wells or salt water that can't quench or satisfy. In fact, some of those wells are downright contaminated with poison; yet the compulsion to draw from them remains and the cycle continues. The negative emotions and depression deepens and digs its hooks deeper into your soul; becoming more and more of a stronghold and stumbling block.

The good news is that there IS "good news"; "tidings of great joy" for ALL people (yes, YOU too)! It's the Gospel message and the whole reason this season is truly "wonderful": Jesus. I can vouch for the fact that He is the only One that can rescue and restore a heavy heart and weary soul. He is the key to freedom from those strongholds! I've been to the empty and toxic wells as much as anyone else. Because of my own struggles, I can promise you that Hope really does deliver, because that deliverer's name is Emmanuel; "God with us." He is the way, the truth and the life, who gives us living water. Turn away from the kind of water that isn't good for your soul and turn to the one and only pure water source. Christ's living water is fresh, pure, and sustaining. HE is the answer you seek. Be a wise man (or wise woman) and journey towards the Savior who has come to rescue and restore you! Fall on your knees before the Savior. Humble yourself before the One who humbled Himself as well. Our Creator came to Earth in the very human form in which we ourselves are made. God came to be with us so that He could also die for/deliver us, and then live IN us through the Holy Spirit. He was forsaken so that we would never have to be. In your greatest need and brokenness, He is with you. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. You are not alone! What a most wonderful time of year it is indeed! HE makes it wonderful!

Grace and peace to you, my dear friends! Please, pray for those that are seeking, hurting, grieving, and needing to know the hope and joy that the Prince of Peace brings. In this season of giving, look for every opportunity to do the most good. Give spare change to the Salvation Army red kettles (or volunteer to ring the bell!!), adopt a family for Christmas, donate food to the pantry, smile at strangers, visit a nursing home, etc. As John Wesley said: "Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can." Don't waste a moment to make an impact! Be the hope of Jesus everywhere you go; through your words and actions. Love well! Additionally, if you are reading this and are desperate for the hope and peace I've shared about, please comment or contact me. I would love to listen to your heart, hear your story, and pray for you! God bless you!

Being a Force for Good

Today is the National Day of Prayer. It's also Star Wars Day (may the fourth be with you!). At first, it felt odd and awkward that these two days are sharing the spotlight. After thinking about it, however, I see how it's very fitting.

Every day, we need Jesus more than yesterday. His mercy, grace, joy, and peace are all things that we desperately need; even more than the air we breathe. Without Him, we have no hope...because He IS hope....our "only hope." Ponder these verses from Lamentations 3:22-24:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

 

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

Let that sink in. Because of His unfailing love and compassion, we are not consumed. The dark side of this world can't eat us alive or rob us of the victory that was accomplished on the cross. Every new day is a fresh new display of His faithfulness and goodness. He renews and restores our souls and gives us our portion of grace for the day; whatever that daily bread looks like, He provides it like He did the manna for the Israelites.

We live in a time where it's easy to become discouraged and depressed. We look at the sith lords in power and feel like we'll forever be dominated by greed, power, and war. Yes, tyranny and injustice is hard to witness; but we do not have to be consumed by it. The previous verses remind us of where our hope and joy is found and Psalm 23 tells us who takes care of us. The government doesn't have our backs (and probably never will) but the Lord, our Good Shepherd, always does!

If we truly want to see change, we have to go to the source: our hearts. In 2 Chronicles 7:14, the ever popular verse for this day, we see how to do that: 

 

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves 

and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, 

then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

 

Don't just glaze over the words here. There is some HEAVY stuff in it and we won't see change until we're truly putting these commands into practice. We need to HUMBLE ourselves; that means surrendering and laying down our pride. We need to pray; opening our hearts listen and obey as we earnestly seek His face. That means, pursuing Him, knowing Him, and obeying Him and His commands. That's where the next part comes in; turning away from our wicked ways (repentance). Only then can He heal our land when we confess and repent of our sins and ask for forgiveness. It doesn't matter what the government makes legal or illegal. What matters is that WE obey God and repent from our own wickedness. If we SEEK Him in prayer and in His Word, we will KNOW what is right and wrong. We will see things change because people will be living according to God's commands even if they're not the "law of the land."

If there's anything that we can learn from Star Wars, it's that there is always going to be evil and conflict in this fallen world. We should keep fighting the good fight until our dying breath (1 Timothy 6:12, 2 Timothy 4:7). Jesus already gave us the victory and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Keep your armor on (Ephesians 6:10-18) and stay connected with other believers; no one is meant to fight alone! To battle the darkness around us, and within us, remember 1 John 4:4: 

 

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, 

because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

 

This One that is in you, friends, is the Holy Spirit! He's always with you and never leaves you. He is supreme, sovereign, perfect, and REAL! He's beyond anything "the Force" could ever be....and He's living in YOU! Isn't that amazing?! Or, if you have yet to know Him (and would like to invite Him into your heart) please don't wait any longer! Confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord and that God raised Him from the dead. Accept and believe in Him as your Savior and you will be saved (Romans 10:9-10)! Confess your sins to Him; He is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Your name will be recorded in the Book of Life and the Holy Spirit will come to live in your heart right away! He's the deposit guaranteeing what is to come!! You will belong to Jesus and His family! Be sure you contact me (or another strong Christian friend that you know) and tell them about your decision for Christ so that you will have someone to walk with you on your journey and help you take your next steps of faith!

 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! We are a "force" for good in this world when we are living according to the Spirit (Romans 8:3-5). Let's pray hard today, and every day; surrendering ourselves to the will of God as we repent and seek His face! Amen!

 

 

"It's Not Over Yet!"

It's strange how much things can change within a week. Last week, I was composing a post that was full of optimism and hope. I had just been to a Cruz rally with my family and felt good about what the Indiana primary results would yield the next day. My heart was so full!

Needless to say, I was shocked, ashamed, and disappointed by the end of Tuesday evening. I guess the one consolation is, the counties I grew up in were both won by Cruz and the county that I currently reside in only went to trump by 1,100 votes. I was also proud of Fort Wayne (Allen county) that was won by Cruz. Maybe that's why I had so much faith in my beautiful conservative Indiana. I was raised in areas that were (and are) Christian and conservative. The people I knew/know were mainly against Trump, so I thought that things would go well. I figured the Indy and South Bend areas might be different, but I still thought that everything would work out.

The shock, anger, and sadness of the loss weighed heavily on the hearts of my family and I. The emotions were magnified when Cruz suspended his campaign so soon after the results were final. I don't know who cried more; me or the kids. Paige asked when we were moving to Canada, and Gianna bawled and said over and over again that she didn't want Trump and begged for Jesus to return within seconds to take her away. She also voiced something that was lingering in my own heart: "How will we ever stop abortion now? It will never end!" Though, as my good friend Cathie reminded me, we just have to keep saving them one by one. Even if legalized murder continues to go on, we have to keep caring and educating so that hearts and minds can be changed and people will choose life instead of of death.

The next morning, I kept thinking about King David in 2 Samuel 12:15-23. He fasted and prayed for his sick child until the child died. Then, he got up. He pulled himself together, cleaned himself up, ate, and carried on as normal. In my heart, I also felt that this was what I must do. I had fasted, prayed, and hoped for the best. During that time, I felt that God gave me the following words to prepare me for whatever was to come. Here is what I shared on Facebook that Tuesday afternoon before the results:

Fellow Hoosiers, PLEASE vote today! Your vote DOES matter because YOU matter. Your FAMILY matters. Your JOB matters. Your BELIEFS matter. ANYTHING and everything that matters to you WILL be affected (for good or for bad) depending on how you vote or if you neglect to vote at all. It's not only your right and honor to vote, but it is your duty as a patriot of this great land that we live in called "America"! I urge you, brothers and sisters, VOTE.....and vote WISELY! Do it for you, your family, and your children! Don't undervalue what your voice means just because you think you're only speaking for yourself (because you're not!). 

It's no secret for whom my votes were cast (‪‎Ted Cruz‬, ‪Jim Banks‬, ‪Marlin Stutzman‬). They got my vote because GOD gets my vote. I vote for the ones who follow His ways, not their own way. If we keep voting out of our own selfishness and ignorance, we will reap the fruit of it. We will continue to have a nation that is vulnerable to our enemies and be stripped of the right to protect ourselves when our right to bear arms is ripped away from us. We will also continue to see our taxes raised and wasted senselessly; and Planned Parenthood will still keep robbing us of our money as they continue to rob our nation of innocent human life to sell for profit. 

If evil continues to thrive, it's not because God allows it....it's because WE do! It isn't the will of God for us to hurt and suffer. He longs to heal us and give us life abundantly. However, how can He give it if we won't accept it? How can we receive it if we don't choose it? We all have free-will. Our choices determine whether we live in victory or defeat; live and thrive, or decay. It is imperative that we elect people that share our worldview because we are CHOOSING them to make crucial decisions on OUR behalf! YOU are picking who gets to sit in that congressional/senate seat, or oval office chair. Whose hand do you want signing important legislation? Whose mind do you want making life and death decisions? What kind of heart do you want deciding how to use and spend your hard earned money? It SHOULD be a person who is a servant of the Lord because He who serves the Lord knows how to best serve others and have your interest at heart over his own. He will govern with godly wisdom, common sense, and character. 

I'm pleading with you one last time......allow God to speak to your heart and give you the wisdom, discernment, and conviction to make the right choice! May God bless you and may ‪God bless America!

I asked myself (and I'm asking you, brothers and sisters): Is God still good, unfailing, and worthy of our praise? Yes, yes, yes....He is...and His love endures forever!!! It made me think of "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns and the old song "I Will Praise The Lord" by Ray Boltz. PEOPLE have failed, but God has not. In fact, in the midst of my stages of grief, God comforted me in an amazing way! I had not intended to listen to the radio on the way to work that morning, but it was already on when I started the car. The very first song that played for me was "It's Not Over Yet" by For King & Country. I had heard it countless times before (and had actually been feeling burned out on it). However, it was like I was listening to it for the first time because the words seemed to be so clear and profound:

They are inside your head
You got a voice that says
You won't get past this one
You won't win your freedom
It's like a constant war
And you want to settle that score
But you're bruised and beaten
And you feel defeated
This goes out to the heaviest heart
Oh, to everyone who's hit their limit
It's not over yet
It's not over ye-et
And even when you think you're finished
It's not over yet
It's not over ye-et
Keep on fighting
Out of the dark
Into the light
It's not over
Hope is rising
Never give in
Never give up
It's not over

Can I just say, "Wow!"?!! My heavy heart felt like it had hit its limit; fighting the good fight in this political war while being told by opposing forces in my head (and in the world) that there's no winning this one. There's no hope for freedom. The American ideals and "one nation under God" is gone. Yet, I am encouraged to "keep on fighting"! It's NOT over! "Out of the dark...into the light...it's not over....hope is rising....never give in...never give up...it's not over!"  

If there's anything we know about God, it's that He likes to show up and show off at the last minute, doesn't He? ;) Everyone thought it was over when Jesus died on the cross, and the disciples went back to their "normal" lives. But....what happened next?! That's why I feel that God was reminding me that this fight isn't over! Even Ted Cruz said that he was going to continue fighting. This whole thing could be a big strategic move (Reagan did this same thing). Or, it could just mean that he's still going to fight the good fight in the senate. Cruz or no Cruz, God is still God and He gets the last word no matter what does or doesn't happen with politics or all the drama in the world. He is with us....always!

As if this song weren't enough, there were four more songs that played right after the first one that spoke to my heart: 

"Blessings" by Laura Story 

"Tell Your Heart To Beat Again" by Danny Gokey 

"The River" by Jordan Feliz

"Press On" by Building 429

I have put these songs (as well as the other songs I mentioned) into a YouTube playlist so you can hear the music, see the lyrics, and allow the words and common themes to speak to you as well. Each and every song spoke to me as if God was having a whole conversation/pep talk with me! It all fit together perfectly! I was renewed with fresh hope and faith as well as the desire to persevere and praise Him no matter what! 

I'd like to think that we could still have a godly leader if people in the remaining states will still vote for Cruz and prevent Trump from getting to 1237 delegates (which will obviously get Cruz the nomination on a second ballot at the convention). But, even if that (or some other miracle) doesn't happen, it's all going to be ok. No matter what catastrophe Obama, Hillary, Trump, or anyone brings about in America, we will persevere. We will fight the good fight until the day we die or until Jesus comes back; whichever comes first. If our nation truly has become so godless as to vote for its own destruction, God will let us have what we asked for. We'll be like the Israelites wandering around in the desert; moaning and complaining when we could be in the Promised Land if we would only shut up and listen. History doesn't HAVE TO repeat itself, but if we refuse to learn from history, we will most certainly keep repeating it. 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I truly hope that things can miraculously turn around for the better in these next few months before the nominations are official. No matter what happens, though, I will not give my vote of consent to Trump, Hillary, or anyone that goes against my faith in Christ. I will not be a part of that. If that means voting for a third party, write-in, or not getting to vote at all, I'll do it. I don't answer to people. I answer to God; and my aim is to always be on the same side as Him! May God bless you and may God bless America as we fight the good fight and press on in faith! It's not over yet!!! :)