Last Sunday, Chad hit a “hot topic” so to speak. In continuance with the Colossians series, the next scripture verses in line happened to be Colossians 3:18-19 which talks about husbands loving their wives as well as wives submitting to their husbands. Of course, Chad also pointed out that in Ephesians 5:21, Paul also told us to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. In other words, submission is a mutual respect and not something that should be demanded or lorded over another person. We need to remember the definition of love as outlined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 which tells us that love is patient and kind. It’s not envious, boastful, proud, rude, selfish, or easily angered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs and it delights not in evil but rather, in truth. Love protects, trust, hopes, and perseveres.
The more we are “with” Christ and hidden in Him, the better we understand real love. And likewise, the opposite is true. The more we are just trying to do things on our own, the more we miss the point and the less we understand real love. Chad said that when we just do “the best we can” we are devoid of “with”. When we just do our “best” in the flesh (separate from God) we can’t do a thing. Jesus said in John 15:5 that He is the vine and we are the branches. Apart from Him, we can’t do anything. I know that’s true, because I never have true success when I try to do things on my own. Nothing ever lasts when I do things on “my” terms. I am nothing without Christ!! If He were not in me, I would have no fullness, no life, no joy, no anything. I would be empty, lonely, and my life would be meaningless.
The more we accept this concept, the better our lives will be (and particularly in our relationships). As we all know, it is very hard to love people on our own. Speaking from experience, there are a lot of people that I have struggled to love - but through the grace of God, and Him living in me, He has enabled me to do so beyond my human ability. I’m so grateful for that!!
Chad said that sometimes, it’s especially hard to love in our marriages when we begin seeing just how different we are. Aside from the fundamental differences between men and women, he also described the concept that many of you might already be familiar with. He said he got it from a book called “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage”. I also think there is another book that describes this concept called “Men Are Like Waffles; Women Are Like Spaghetti”. In other words, men are very compartmentalized and women are very connected. They have these “boxes” in which everything is separated and basic. For women, however, everything is connected - like a long piece of tangled wire or spaghetti. Men’s boxes don’t “touch” but for us, EVERYTHING touches!! We can go from topic to topic, but men only focus on one at a time (which is why we can talk for hours and hours and most men usually can’t). ;)
Chad used a lot of humor and a lot of his own experiences to describe these concepts. So, if you’re curious to know, you can click on the link provided to learn more!! It was a really great message, and I enjoyed it a lot!!
Grace and peace to all of you!!
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
"Fireproof" Will Be Hotter Than "The Dark Knight"
We live in a world where media is one of the strongest influences in our lives. The ability the media has to form our opinions and mold our behavior and our lives is astounding! Everything we watch, read, and listen to has an effect on how we think and behave.
This is one concept a church in Georgia fully understands; which is why they want to use the power of the media for good (that is, to further God’s Kingdom). This church is the one responsible for producing the movies “Flywheel” and “Facing the Giants.” Both movies had little, if any, publicity. However, both have spread like wildfire through word of mouth and their second movie did remarkably well in the box office (over $10 million dollars total gross. Not bad for a small time movie made by a church with a $1 million dollar budget, unpaid volunteer actors, and only ONE movie camera!!). It just goes to show that people really do want wholesome and moral entertainment. And, beyond that, it also has true nourishment for the soul at its core in that it seeks to develop one’s character through the Biblical principles that are woven into the captivating and thrilling storylines.
Their newest movie, “Fireproof”, (starring Kirk Cameron) is the latest addition in providing meaningful and purposeful entertainment. I was beyond moved when I watched the trailer on their website (and they have a myspace as well if you want to check it out!). I was so moved that I cried because it was like that movie was made for me (I won’t go into details, but those that know me and my situation will understand when they view the trailer).
Anyways, I just wanted to spread the word about this movie. It comes out September 26th. With all the hype about “The Dark Knight”, I though I would take the time to talk about a movie that’s actually worth it. Wouldn’t it be GREAT if this movie topped the charts; a movie WORTH watching, appreciating, and taking to heart? Shouldn’t we be sending Hollywood the message that THIS is the type of movie that we want to spend our dollars on? After all, aren’t THESE the messages and values that we should be supporting in our entertainment choices?
Visit the links provided and see if you agree. I pray that we will all go out and support this movie when it comes out and that Hollywood will be knocked off their feet when they see the mad rush to see this - they’ll never see it coming!! Wouldn’t it be great to hear the “chatter” about a positive movie with real depth and morality in it? Let’s get the world abuzz and encourage others to see it!! The substance of this movie will touch hearts and change lives if we let it - it’s already touched mine (and that’s just from the trailer!). Spread the word everyone!!
This is one concept a church in Georgia fully understands; which is why they want to use the power of the media for good (that is, to further God’s Kingdom). This church is the one responsible for producing the movies “Flywheel” and “Facing the Giants.” Both movies had little, if any, publicity. However, both have spread like wildfire through word of mouth and their second movie did remarkably well in the box office (over $10 million dollars total gross. Not bad for a small time movie made by a church with a $1 million dollar budget, unpaid volunteer actors, and only ONE movie camera!!). It just goes to show that people really do want wholesome and moral entertainment. And, beyond that, it also has true nourishment for the soul at its core in that it seeks to develop one’s character through the Biblical principles that are woven into the captivating and thrilling storylines.
Their newest movie, “Fireproof”, (starring Kirk Cameron) is the latest addition in providing meaningful and purposeful entertainment. I was beyond moved when I watched the trailer on their website (and they have a myspace as well if you want to check it out!). I was so moved that I cried because it was like that movie was made for me (I won’t go into details, but those that know me and my situation will understand when they view the trailer).
Anyways, I just wanted to spread the word about this movie. It comes out September 26th. With all the hype about “The Dark Knight”, I though I would take the time to talk about a movie that’s actually worth it. Wouldn’t it be GREAT if this movie topped the charts; a movie WORTH watching, appreciating, and taking to heart? Shouldn’t we be sending Hollywood the message that THIS is the type of movie that we want to spend our dollars on? After all, aren’t THESE the messages and values that we should be supporting in our entertainment choices?
Visit the links provided and see if you agree. I pray that we will all go out and support this movie when it comes out and that Hollywood will be knocked off their feet when they see the mad rush to see this - they’ll never see it coming!! Wouldn’t it be great to hear the “chatter” about a positive movie with real depth and morality in it? Let’s get the world abuzz and encourage others to see it!! The substance of this movie will touch hearts and change lives if we let it - it’s already touched mine (and that’s just from the trailer!). Spread the word everyone!!
Monday, July 14, 2008
How the Media Uses the Lies of the Magic Mirror
[This is part four in the blog series regarding the book I’m reading: “Trapped in the Magic Mirror.” If you missed the earlier blogs, or need to re-read, you can read them by clicking the links here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3]
In chapter three of “Trapped in the Magic Mirror”, the author talks about the impact of the media in regards to romance. She says that while sexual and violent conduct have been studied, as to their effects on the development on a child’s brain, romance has been largely ignored. Maybe that’s because it has yet to be identified as a problem.
When you take into account that the vast types of media contribute to the thinking patterns that last a lifetime, one would think that more studies would be relevant and beneficial. What child doesn’t remember their favorite childhood movies, old-school commercials, music, etc.? Those memories last a lifetime and influence our long term choices. Take the very simplest example of a commercial. How many kids, who are now adults, are using favorite name brand products because of the messages they heard about them when they were younger? How many people have a favorite commercial jingle in their mind when they buy a certain product from the store? The media is incredibly influential and has an amazing ability to persuade and influence our opinions (sometimes permanently!).
This is especially true of children. In a quote from the book, the author says: ”Neuroscience has proven that the information we see and hear repeatedly as children causes the formation of new neural pathways as our young brains develop.” The greater the exposure, the greater the risk of a permanent mindset. And, these mindsets have the ability to become strongholds if they are based on falsehoods. In addition to that, the author asserts that “our most primitive emotional responses and beliefs about life are laid down very early in childhood, and the more they are reinforced by experience, the more deeply rooted they become.”
Wow!! That’s a big dose of truth medicine isn’t it?! It kind of makes you want to be more careful about what you see and hear doesn’t it? In fact, it was also pointed out that having visual and audio combined only increases the impact that a concept has on a person’s brain. Yeah, all the more reason to be careful of television, movies, and video games!!
This concept of influence is what keeps the media machine running. It goes unchallenged and unchecked because we keep feeding our minds with whatever they crank out; whether it be good or bad. Many times, we use the “it’s only pretend” or “it’s not real” justification in order to create a sense of immunity to the mind games that the media plays with us. Though, are we really that immune? I should say not!! We are very easily influenced - whether we are aware of it or not. Even if we know that something isn’t true, that doesn’t stop many of us from blurring the lines between fact and fiction. We are simply just not that aware of how easy it is to be duped and brainwashed; and we imitate everything we see despite the “do not try this at home“ warnings (who of us hasn’t seen a report on kids imitating stunts from MTV’s show “Jackass”?). This kind of makes me think that maybe the Amish are a lot smarter than we give them credit for since they have enough sense to avoid all these methods of influence and “mind control”. ;)
I’ll be the first to admit that I have had moments where the fantasy/reality lines have been fuzzy to me. I’m sure we have all had these moments!! If you think you haven’t, I will venture to say that you’re lying because we have all lied to ourselves at times and have been gullible to different schemes and brainwashing. In fact, I could deviate from the topic by going on a political tangent in order to prove it…..but I won’t (since it‘s pretty hard to convince a brainwashed person that they are indeed brainwashed). Instead, I will cite the case and point with the romance issue.
Romance is hardly (if ever) painted in a negative light. So, seeing it as harmful is rare. Therefore, we are oblivious to the fact that our overly romanticized movies, television, and music are hurting us. We still go on thinking that we can be swept off our feet by that perfect mate and live happily ever after because that’s always how the story goes in the storybooks and movies. We start believing that love is all about “feelings” and all the good pleasures that “falling in love” brings. The truth of the matter is, real love begins when all the warm fuzzies wear off and you’re seeing the person for who they are. Love really is a choice; not a “feeling.”
That’s not to say that the feelings are an altogether bad thing. Our feelings do serve as a bit of a guide in choosing a mate. We all have hormones and brain chemistry that stirs us up and initially attracts us to the person we want to be with. Though, it’s because of those very same chemicals that we are “blinded” by love. The author describes all the interesting details of the “biochemical process”, but I won’t get into the specifics here. Though, the bottom line is, these “feel good” chemicals wear off after about two years. If that’s true, that should be the mandatory time a couple should be together before even THINKING about getting married; thus ensuring a clear-headed mind based on real love and not mere feelings.
So, what happens when the feelings wear off? Well, needless to say, I felt like she was talking directly to me when I read this: “Unfortunately, many couples assume that when the chemical soup goes sour, that means they’re no longer in love. This belief has even more power when a woman is addicted to that euphoric feeling, needs it in order to feel good about herself, and is anxious and unhappy when her need for romance and excitement is no longer being met by her husband. This is when we are most likely to start eating for comfort and looking for ways to relieve the boredom and anxiety that begins to bubble in the secret places of our hearts.” She also says that this also becomes the point where women decide they want to have a baby in order to fill up that empty space that their husband isn’t filling.
Egad!! That sounds like me!! I’ve definitely used food and children to try and “fill the gap.“ At least I have seen/realized it and have been working to change it. (Jesus is the only true “gap filler”). Is there anyone else that can relate with me on this? Come on, girls, be honest! Or, maybe you’re a guy and you can relate to how the author says men are just as addicted to romance as well; but more sexually rather than emotionally (no surprise there!! LOL). She says, “The two-year mark for a marriage is often the time when men who are not strong in their relationship with God and committed to monogamy, and who deeply crave sexual intensity will initiate affairs with other women. Certain narcissistic men will continue that pattern throughout marriage. Men often confuse intense sexual feelings with real love.”
Whether you are a man or woman, I’m sure we can all relate to the romantic letdown at some point in our lives. And, a large part of it is because of all the unrealistic romantic messages that the media feeds us. It’s engrained into our minds as the high standard and expectation for “love” and many of us don’t even know it! Is it any wonder we have a hard time being content? We are trying to achieve and retain the impossible dream!!
This book is really working on me!! I don’t know about you, but I sure want to get rid of all those fairy tale mindsets in my mind!! Even though those mindsets might be strongholds, conquering them is not impossible. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says: “(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Through Christ, we have the spiritual weapons to tear down the spiritual strongholds. We can take those thoughts and mindsets captive and train ourselves to be obedient. There is hope for the “hopeless romantics”, even me!! ;)
I look forward to reading the rest of this book and blogging about it. Until the next chapter, read and ponder the study questions provided within this book (and consider buying a copy for yourself!!) Grace and peace to you. God bless you all!!
Chapter Three Questions
1. In what way(s) has secular television programming encouraged us to form irrational and false beliefs about life?
2. Do you agree that women today are in more bondage to romantic thinking than they were years ago? Why or why not?
3. As you were growing up, how did your family and friends view the romantic content of secular television programs?
4. How might a woman’s dissatisfaction with her husband relate to her dissatisfaction with herself?
5. Are there ways your husband shows you real, biblical love even when he isn’t demonstrating romantic love? How are you showing him real love?
6. What types of things do women do to fill the empty space created by anxiety about their husbands’ waning attention and the loss of the romantic experience?
In chapter three of “Trapped in the Magic Mirror”, the author talks about the impact of the media in regards to romance. She says that while sexual and violent conduct have been studied, as to their effects on the development on a child’s brain, romance has been largely ignored. Maybe that’s because it has yet to be identified as a problem.
When you take into account that the vast types of media contribute to the thinking patterns that last a lifetime, one would think that more studies would be relevant and beneficial. What child doesn’t remember their favorite childhood movies, old-school commercials, music, etc.? Those memories last a lifetime and influence our long term choices. Take the very simplest example of a commercial. How many kids, who are now adults, are using favorite name brand products because of the messages they heard about them when they were younger? How many people have a favorite commercial jingle in their mind when they buy a certain product from the store? The media is incredibly influential and has an amazing ability to persuade and influence our opinions (sometimes permanently!).
This is especially true of children. In a quote from the book, the author says: ”Neuroscience has proven that the information we see and hear repeatedly as children causes the formation of new neural pathways as our young brains develop.” The greater the exposure, the greater the risk of a permanent mindset. And, these mindsets have the ability to become strongholds if they are based on falsehoods. In addition to that, the author asserts that “our most primitive emotional responses and beliefs about life are laid down very early in childhood, and the more they are reinforced by experience, the more deeply rooted they become.”
Wow!! That’s a big dose of truth medicine isn’t it?! It kind of makes you want to be more careful about what you see and hear doesn’t it? In fact, it was also pointed out that having visual and audio combined only increases the impact that a concept has on a person’s brain. Yeah, all the more reason to be careful of television, movies, and video games!!
This concept of influence is what keeps the media machine running. It goes unchallenged and unchecked because we keep feeding our minds with whatever they crank out; whether it be good or bad. Many times, we use the “it’s only pretend” or “it’s not real” justification in order to create a sense of immunity to the mind games that the media plays with us. Though, are we really that immune? I should say not!! We are very easily influenced - whether we are aware of it or not. Even if we know that something isn’t true, that doesn’t stop many of us from blurring the lines between fact and fiction. We are simply just not that aware of how easy it is to be duped and brainwashed; and we imitate everything we see despite the “do not try this at home“ warnings (who of us hasn’t seen a report on kids imitating stunts from MTV’s show “Jackass”?). This kind of makes me think that maybe the Amish are a lot smarter than we give them credit for since they have enough sense to avoid all these methods of influence and “mind control”. ;)
I’ll be the first to admit that I have had moments where the fantasy/reality lines have been fuzzy to me. I’m sure we have all had these moments!! If you think you haven’t, I will venture to say that you’re lying because we have all lied to ourselves at times and have been gullible to different schemes and brainwashing. In fact, I could deviate from the topic by going on a political tangent in order to prove it…..but I won’t (since it‘s pretty hard to convince a brainwashed person that they are indeed brainwashed). Instead, I will cite the case and point with the romance issue.
Romance is hardly (if ever) painted in a negative light. So, seeing it as harmful is rare. Therefore, we are oblivious to the fact that our overly romanticized movies, television, and music are hurting us. We still go on thinking that we can be swept off our feet by that perfect mate and live happily ever after because that’s always how the story goes in the storybooks and movies. We start believing that love is all about “feelings” and all the good pleasures that “falling in love” brings. The truth of the matter is, real love begins when all the warm fuzzies wear off and you’re seeing the person for who they are. Love really is a choice; not a “feeling.”
That’s not to say that the feelings are an altogether bad thing. Our feelings do serve as a bit of a guide in choosing a mate. We all have hormones and brain chemistry that stirs us up and initially attracts us to the person we want to be with. Though, it’s because of those very same chemicals that we are “blinded” by love. The author describes all the interesting details of the “biochemical process”, but I won’t get into the specifics here. Though, the bottom line is, these “feel good” chemicals wear off after about two years. If that’s true, that should be the mandatory time a couple should be together before even THINKING about getting married; thus ensuring a clear-headed mind based on real love and not mere feelings.
So, what happens when the feelings wear off? Well, needless to say, I felt like she was talking directly to me when I read this: “Unfortunately, many couples assume that when the chemical soup goes sour, that means they’re no longer in love. This belief has even more power when a woman is addicted to that euphoric feeling, needs it in order to feel good about herself, and is anxious and unhappy when her need for romance and excitement is no longer being met by her husband. This is when we are most likely to start eating for comfort and looking for ways to relieve the boredom and anxiety that begins to bubble in the secret places of our hearts.” She also says that this also becomes the point where women decide they want to have a baby in order to fill up that empty space that their husband isn’t filling.
Egad!! That sounds like me!! I’ve definitely used food and children to try and “fill the gap.“ At least I have seen/realized it and have been working to change it. (Jesus is the only true “gap filler”). Is there anyone else that can relate with me on this? Come on, girls, be honest! Or, maybe you’re a guy and you can relate to how the author says men are just as addicted to romance as well; but more sexually rather than emotionally (no surprise there!! LOL). She says, “The two-year mark for a marriage is often the time when men who are not strong in their relationship with God and committed to monogamy, and who deeply crave sexual intensity will initiate affairs with other women. Certain narcissistic men will continue that pattern throughout marriage. Men often confuse intense sexual feelings with real love.”
Whether you are a man or woman, I’m sure we can all relate to the romantic letdown at some point in our lives. And, a large part of it is because of all the unrealistic romantic messages that the media feeds us. It’s engrained into our minds as the high standard and expectation for “love” and many of us don’t even know it! Is it any wonder we have a hard time being content? We are trying to achieve and retain the impossible dream!!
This book is really working on me!! I don’t know about you, but I sure want to get rid of all those fairy tale mindsets in my mind!! Even though those mindsets might be strongholds, conquering them is not impossible. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says: “(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Through Christ, we have the spiritual weapons to tear down the spiritual strongholds. We can take those thoughts and mindsets captive and train ourselves to be obedient. There is hope for the “hopeless romantics”, even me!! ;)
I look forward to reading the rest of this book and blogging about it. Until the next chapter, read and ponder the study questions provided within this book (and consider buying a copy for yourself!!) Grace and peace to you. God bless you all!!
Chapter Three Questions
1. In what way(s) has secular television programming encouraged us to form irrational and false beliefs about life?
2. Do you agree that women today are in more bondage to romantic thinking than they were years ago? Why or why not?
3. As you were growing up, how did your family and friends view the romantic content of secular television programs?
4. How might a woman’s dissatisfaction with her husband relate to her dissatisfaction with herself?
5. Are there ways your husband shows you real, biblical love even when he isn’t demonstrating romantic love? How are you showing him real love?
6. What types of things do women do to fill the empty space created by anxiety about their husbands’ waning attention and the loss of the romantic experience?
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Lies of the Magic Mirror and The Reality of Truth
[This is part three in the blog series regarding the book I’m reading: “Trapped in the Magic Mirror.” If you missed the first two parts, or need to re-read, you can read them by clicking here and here.]
In chapter two of “Trapped in the Magic Mirror,” the author delves further into the differences between fantasy and reality. Of course, as we grow older, we all learn how to tell the difference (mostly!). ;) Sometimes, though, those lines still get blurred. It happens in our quest for that “something more.” We imagine what it will take to fill that void and we do all we can to acquire what we think we’re missing. Even if everything looks perfect from the outside, sometimes, we are still screaming on the inside and we wonder if anyone hears us. Have any of you felt that way before? I know I have!! We all tend to gaze into those “magic mirrors” in order to see and attain what we wish was reality.
The author says: “The magic mirror is a metaphor for the illusions we harbor in our hearts about how life is supposed to be. The voices that speak to us from that mirror are our critical parents, our carnal friends, the media, and our own selfish wills.” Isn’t that the truth!! And, of course, the more we look to those people and things in our mirrors to fulfill our ideals, the more we ensnare ourselves into the “magical thinking” that the author refers to. “Magical thinking” is unrealistic and confusing because it blends fantasy with reality and leads us to make all sorts of bad choices.
My favorite part of this chapter is when she identified the “Five Fatal Falsehoods” as well as the “Fabulous Five” truths!! She said that any or all of the lies could be present. In fact, believing just one can very well be enough to start messing up your thinking and behavior. Indeed, one bad apple really can spoil the whole bunch!! So, here they are as stated in the book:
Five Fatal Falsehoods
1. If I strive to be beautiful, sexually attractive, and successful by the standards of the world, my husband will be entranced by me. This will make me feel good about myself and I will bask in the reflected glory of his love.
2. If my husband really loves me, he will change into the man I need him to be.
3. If my husband doesn’t treat me well, God has forgotten me.
4. If I love others more than I love myself, they will need me. Being needed will make me feel loved. I must always put the needs of others first.
5. If bad things happen to me or if I don’t have the desires of my heart, there must be something wrong with me.
Fabulous Five Truths
1. Your husband cannot make you feel good about yourself if you don’t feel good about yourself already. Only God has the power to make you feel good about yourself. A husband does not have the power to rescue you from the cinders and turn you into a princess. You must bask in God’s reflected glory. If you do not feel beautiful in God’s eyes, you will never feel beautiful in your husband’s eyes.
2. Real love means accepting people as they are, and not expecting any person to change to make you happy. You can pray they will change for their own good, but not for yours.
3. God has not abandoned you, even when your husband doesn’t treat you well. If you turn to God, he can work in the situation for your good.
4. Being needed is not to be confused with being loved. A person exhibiting true love strives to help the other person to be less needy by encouraging individual spiritual and emotional growth. But it dose not mean that you always put the other’s needs first by not treating yourself well. You must love your neighbor (husband, child, etc.) as you love yourself -- not more than you love yourself.
5. God does not give you the desires of your heart unless your heart is fixed on him. He changes your heart to line up with his will. Denying you what you want may be the most loving thing God does for you. God doesn’t reward you for being good by giving you everything you want.
Insightful isn’t it? And, I think those lies and truths apply to so many more areas than just marriage alone! I can personally say that I have identified with every single one of those falsehoods at one point or another in my life. I could give you an example for each of them!! Though, I am glad to have realized the truths that shatter those falsehoods. The truth really does set you free!!
The biggest lie that underlies them all is the lie of “you’re not worthy.” I can vouch for that one as well!! I battled that big lie for a long time until some good Christian prayer warriors prayed over me and the bondage of that lie was broken and I was set free! And, I think I’m only one of the many women in this world that struggles with this lie. We are all told that we have to be beautiful, attractive, successful, alluring, and some kind of super-woman. We think that if we can be all that, everyone will treat us well, our husbands will adore us, and the world will be at our feet and God will just smile down on us and bless us with everything we deserve. But, when all the perfect peaches and cream dreams never materialize, we are left feeling disillusioned and let-down. Then, our devastation gives way to our embracement of that big lie of unworthiness and we go through life feeling self-defeated and invaluable.
These lies are poisonous!! And, the lies end up getting passed down to the next generation as well. The cycle just keeps on repeating and the endless habit of working for everyone else’s affirmation, approval and attention becomes our focus and we become addicted to it. The author says that “measuring our worth by the world’s standards - instead of God’s - is like trying to nourish our bodies on candy. We’re never full, never satisfied, never nourished.”
For our own sakes, and the sakes of our family and loved ones, we have got to stop this cycle!! We got to learn to be content with the beautiful lives God has given each of us rather than dreaming about an ideal fake life (or someone ELSE’S LIFE!) that isn’t ours and will never be ours. It’s time to stop wanting “to be the ultimate desire of a man and the ultimate envy of other women.” It’s time to focus on Christ. He always satisfies. He offers us thirst quenching living water; not "dead water." The more you are satisfied with Him, the less you’ll want and need others to fill in the gap (which they truly can’t fulfill like Jesus can anyways!).
I embrace Jesus as my “Prince.” Like the author says, her husband is not her prince. “He is just a very good husband. Jesus is the only one worthy of the title of Prince.” Amen to that!! Let us forsake our own pursuits of vain perfection. Let us be perfected and fulfilled by Christ!
Chapter Two Questions
1. How do you typically respond when your spouse doesn’t even come close to meeting your expectations?
2. To what extent do your find yourself trying to please people rather than God? Why is this distinction important to recognize?
3. How do you measure your self-worth?
4. Many women believe that if they are just good enough, pray more, and work harder at being a perfect wife that everything will change -- especially their husbands. What is wrong with this belief? Why?
5. When we view our husbands as princes, what kind of pressure does that put on us? On them?
In chapter two of “Trapped in the Magic Mirror,” the author delves further into the differences between fantasy and reality. Of course, as we grow older, we all learn how to tell the difference (mostly!). ;) Sometimes, though, those lines still get blurred. It happens in our quest for that “something more.” We imagine what it will take to fill that void and we do all we can to acquire what we think we’re missing. Even if everything looks perfect from the outside, sometimes, we are still screaming on the inside and we wonder if anyone hears us. Have any of you felt that way before? I know I have!! We all tend to gaze into those “magic mirrors” in order to see and attain what we wish was reality.
The author says: “The magic mirror is a metaphor for the illusions we harbor in our hearts about how life is supposed to be. The voices that speak to us from that mirror are our critical parents, our carnal friends, the media, and our own selfish wills.” Isn’t that the truth!! And, of course, the more we look to those people and things in our mirrors to fulfill our ideals, the more we ensnare ourselves into the “magical thinking” that the author refers to. “Magical thinking” is unrealistic and confusing because it blends fantasy with reality and leads us to make all sorts of bad choices.
My favorite part of this chapter is when she identified the “Five Fatal Falsehoods” as well as the “Fabulous Five” truths!! She said that any or all of the lies could be present. In fact, believing just one can very well be enough to start messing up your thinking and behavior. Indeed, one bad apple really can spoil the whole bunch!! So, here they are as stated in the book:
Five Fatal Falsehoods
1. If I strive to be beautiful, sexually attractive, and successful by the standards of the world, my husband will be entranced by me. This will make me feel good about myself and I will bask in the reflected glory of his love.
2. If my husband really loves me, he will change into the man I need him to be.
3. If my husband doesn’t treat me well, God has forgotten me.
4. If I love others more than I love myself, they will need me. Being needed will make me feel loved. I must always put the needs of others first.
5. If bad things happen to me or if I don’t have the desires of my heart, there must be something wrong with me.
Fabulous Five Truths
1. Your husband cannot make you feel good about yourself if you don’t feel good about yourself already. Only God has the power to make you feel good about yourself. A husband does not have the power to rescue you from the cinders and turn you into a princess. You must bask in God’s reflected glory. If you do not feel beautiful in God’s eyes, you will never feel beautiful in your husband’s eyes.
2. Real love means accepting people as they are, and not expecting any person to change to make you happy. You can pray they will change for their own good, but not for yours.
3. God has not abandoned you, even when your husband doesn’t treat you well. If you turn to God, he can work in the situation for your good.
4. Being needed is not to be confused with being loved. A person exhibiting true love strives to help the other person to be less needy by encouraging individual spiritual and emotional growth. But it dose not mean that you always put the other’s needs first by not treating yourself well. You must love your neighbor (husband, child, etc.) as you love yourself -- not more than you love yourself.
5. God does not give you the desires of your heart unless your heart is fixed on him. He changes your heart to line up with his will. Denying you what you want may be the most loving thing God does for you. God doesn’t reward you for being good by giving you everything you want.
Insightful isn’t it? And, I think those lies and truths apply to so many more areas than just marriage alone! I can personally say that I have identified with every single one of those falsehoods at one point or another in my life. I could give you an example for each of them!! Though, I am glad to have realized the truths that shatter those falsehoods. The truth really does set you free!!
The biggest lie that underlies them all is the lie of “you’re not worthy.” I can vouch for that one as well!! I battled that big lie for a long time until some good Christian prayer warriors prayed over me and the bondage of that lie was broken and I was set free! And, I think I’m only one of the many women in this world that struggles with this lie. We are all told that we have to be beautiful, attractive, successful, alluring, and some kind of super-woman. We think that if we can be all that, everyone will treat us well, our husbands will adore us, and the world will be at our feet and God will just smile down on us and bless us with everything we deserve. But, when all the perfect peaches and cream dreams never materialize, we are left feeling disillusioned and let-down. Then, our devastation gives way to our embracement of that big lie of unworthiness and we go through life feeling self-defeated and invaluable.
These lies are poisonous!! And, the lies end up getting passed down to the next generation as well. The cycle just keeps on repeating and the endless habit of working for everyone else’s affirmation, approval and attention becomes our focus and we become addicted to it. The author says that “measuring our worth by the world’s standards - instead of God’s - is like trying to nourish our bodies on candy. We’re never full, never satisfied, never nourished.”
For our own sakes, and the sakes of our family and loved ones, we have got to stop this cycle!! We got to learn to be content with the beautiful lives God has given each of us rather than dreaming about an ideal fake life (or someone ELSE’S LIFE!) that isn’t ours and will never be ours. It’s time to stop wanting “to be the ultimate desire of a man and the ultimate envy of other women.” It’s time to focus on Christ. He always satisfies. He offers us thirst quenching living water; not "dead water." The more you are satisfied with Him, the less you’ll want and need others to fill in the gap (which they truly can’t fulfill like Jesus can anyways!).
I embrace Jesus as my “Prince.” Like the author says, her husband is not her prince. “He is just a very good husband. Jesus is the only one worthy of the title of Prince.” Amen to that!! Let us forsake our own pursuits of vain perfection. Let us be perfected and fulfilled by Christ!
Chapter Two Questions
1. How do you typically respond when your spouse doesn’t even come close to meeting your expectations?
2. To what extent do your find yourself trying to please people rather than God? Why is this distinction important to recognize?
3. How do you measure your self-worth?
4. Many women believe that if they are just good enough, pray more, and work harder at being a perfect wife that everything will change -- especially their husbands. What is wrong with this belief? Why?
5. When we view our husbands as princes, what kind of pressure does that put on us? On them?
Monday, February 11, 2008
A Weekend To Remember: Day 1
Well, I have returned; and I have MUCH to talk about!! This was a weekend that I will never forget!! A LOT happened and I will break it down day by day in three blogs! So, I will begin by talking about day one: Friday.
As many of you know, the “Renew Your Vows Banquet” (sponsored by Christian radio station Star 88.3) was Friday. I went to my friend’s salon to get my hair trimmed and styled. While I was there, there was a girl with very long hair preparing to get a major haircut so that she could donate it. This was something I have always wanted to do as well. In fact, a guy at church commented on how long my hair was getting and suggested that I donate it when I got my hair trimmed for the banquet. I had thought that my hair wasn’t long enough to donate, but figured maybe it would be the next time - as I continued to let it grow. However, Jenny said that I had plenty there to donate and so I thought, “ok, why not?!” So, I DID IT!! I’m not one that likes to have short hair, but it was worth it. I may miss having my long hair, but there is someone out there who misses their hair even more. Therefore, I am happy to part with mine.
So, after that, I got all dressed up and Mitch and I said good-bye to our kids at my Dad’s house (the whole weekend without the kids! Oh boy! LOL) and we left for Fort Wayne!! We checked into our hotel, and then went to the banquet.
When Mitch and I arrived at the banquet, the Star 88.3 staff made us feel so welcome and they were so complimentary and kind and made me feel special. They even took pictures of us (for the website I was told - though I don’t see where they have posted any pictures) and Melissa Montana later commented to us that we were like “the couple of the night” and said I looked like homecoming queen. LOL That was really touching to me, because I really did feel like a princess and that night meant a lot to me!!
The evening was a beautiful celebration of love and commitment to our spouses. Lots of couples and pastors were in attendance. We even seen other couples we knew. In fact, our friends, Tom and Patrice Felger - the founders of The House of Hope of Northeastern Indiana - were there! And, interestingly enough, Tom and Patrice had even gone to Jenny’s salon earlier in the day. (In fact, Patrice was there as I was getting my hair done!).
The banquet was a sold out event!! Some of the couples had even attended last year’s banquet. There were couples of all ages and stages. Some had been married for 40 years or more. And, there were even some newlyweds!! The youngest newlywed couple had only been married since New Year’s! How precious!
When it came time to renew our vows, two of the pastors described how we were such a witness to the world. In a culture full of divorce, we were examples that marriage could be successfully done. Every marriage has its problems, but like they explained, if it’s a marriage of a three strand rope (God, husband, and wife) it’s not easily broken. Boy do we ever know that!! I praise God for holding us together because there were so many times where we could have broken apart. But, because of that strand of God, we are making it!! Nevertheless, the rivers of tears effortlessly flowed down my face as I gazed into my husband’s eyes and seen the love, commitment, and sincerity in his heart as he spoke his vows of love to me. And, I cried once again as I echoed them back; much like I did originally on our wedding day. LOL I’m so mushy!! I can never get through something so emotional without crying!! Ha ha.
In addition to the tender-hearted moments, the concert by Natalie Grant was equally touching and enjoyable!! She sang and shared some stories and she even made her new CD available to everyone!! It doesn’t officially get released until tomorrow, but we had the privilege of being the first to purchase it early. ;) We got both of her albums at a discount. I just LOVE her music!! She has such a beautiful voice and a beautiful heart. Check out her website and/or myspace. Some of her most well-known songs are “Held” and “The Real Me” (two of my personal favorites).
Well, that concludes my synopsis of day one!! Be sure to read my blogs on the other two days as well!! It just kept getting better and better!! If you want to see pictures and video of the weekend, be sure to read blog three in which I included a picture album link as well as my You Tube video playlist!
As many of you know, the “Renew Your Vows Banquet” (sponsored by Christian radio station Star 88.3) was Friday. I went to my friend’s salon to get my hair trimmed and styled. While I was there, there was a girl with very long hair preparing to get a major haircut so that she could donate it. This was something I have always wanted to do as well. In fact, a guy at church commented on how long my hair was getting and suggested that I donate it when I got my hair trimmed for the banquet. I had thought that my hair wasn’t long enough to donate, but figured maybe it would be the next time - as I continued to let it grow. However, Jenny said that I had plenty there to donate and so I thought, “ok, why not?!” So, I DID IT!! I’m not one that likes to have short hair, but it was worth it. I may miss having my long hair, but there is someone out there who misses their hair even more. Therefore, I am happy to part with mine.
So, after that, I got all dressed up and Mitch and I said good-bye to our kids at my Dad’s house (the whole weekend without the kids! Oh boy! LOL) and we left for Fort Wayne!! We checked into our hotel, and then went to the banquet.
When Mitch and I arrived at the banquet, the Star 88.3 staff made us feel so welcome and they were so complimentary and kind and made me feel special. They even took pictures of us (for the website I was told - though I don’t see where they have posted any pictures) and Melissa Montana later commented to us that we were like “the couple of the night” and said I looked like homecoming queen. LOL That was really touching to me, because I really did feel like a princess and that night meant a lot to me!!
The evening was a beautiful celebration of love and commitment to our spouses. Lots of couples and pastors were in attendance. We even seen other couples we knew. In fact, our friends, Tom and Patrice Felger - the founders of The House of Hope of Northeastern Indiana - were there! And, interestingly enough, Tom and Patrice had even gone to Jenny’s salon earlier in the day. (In fact, Patrice was there as I was getting my hair done!).
The banquet was a sold out event!! Some of the couples had even attended last year’s banquet. There were couples of all ages and stages. Some had been married for 40 years or more. And, there were even some newlyweds!! The youngest newlywed couple had only been married since New Year’s! How precious!
When it came time to renew our vows, two of the pastors described how we were such a witness to the world. In a culture full of divorce, we were examples that marriage could be successfully done. Every marriage has its problems, but like they explained, if it’s a marriage of a three strand rope (God, husband, and wife) it’s not easily broken. Boy do we ever know that!! I praise God for holding us together because there were so many times where we could have broken apart. But, because of that strand of God, we are making it!! Nevertheless, the rivers of tears effortlessly flowed down my face as I gazed into my husband’s eyes and seen the love, commitment, and sincerity in his heart as he spoke his vows of love to me. And, I cried once again as I echoed them back; much like I did originally on our wedding day. LOL I’m so mushy!! I can never get through something so emotional without crying!! Ha ha.
In addition to the tender-hearted moments, the concert by Natalie Grant was equally touching and enjoyable!! She sang and shared some stories and she even made her new CD available to everyone!! It doesn’t officially get released until tomorrow, but we had the privilege of being the first to purchase it early. ;) We got both of her albums at a discount. I just LOVE her music!! She has such a beautiful voice and a beautiful heart. Check out her website and/or myspace. Some of her most well-known songs are “Held” and “The Real Me” (two of my personal favorites).
Well, that concludes my synopsis of day one!! Be sure to read my blogs on the other two days as well!! It just kept getting better and better!! If you want to see pictures and video of the weekend, be sure to read blog three in which I included a picture album link as well as my You Tube video playlist!
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