This is the final blog in the trilogy about the subject of rejection. And, happily, this is also the best of the three because this blog talks about the healing that we can receive after rejection. We don’t have to carry the pain forever!!
Beth Moore cites 1 Peter 2:4-10 and how we who are rejected by men are CHOSEN by God. Just as Jesus was rejected and killed by HIS OWN CREATION, we too can expect to be rejected by our own brothers and sisters. And, just as Beth pointed out, when we are rejected, they are rejecting HIM more than they are US. HE lives IN us (Luke 6:22, Luke 10:16). It’s because of this fact that I have learned not to take rejection personally anymore. I’ve realized (specifically within the last year) that it is GOD they are TRULY offending and rejecting (though, of course, I am saddened and upset when people reject my Savior). God will have His say about the ones who reject Him. I like how Beth brought up 1 Samuel 8:7 where God says: “…Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.” Therefore, I won’t get all worked up about someone’s opinions, judgments, condemnation, or rejection of me; because it‘s truly not about “me.” Any time I start to forget, the Holy Spirit reminds and assures me, “It’s not about you, Melissa.” Praise God for that!! It’s all about HIM!
Furthermore, Beth described both the sovereignty and supremacy of God. He is Lord of all things and all situations. He both permits and restrains what He wills, and it’s ALL for our good and because He loves us!! In fact, sometimes, rejection is a blessing! She asked if any of us could look back at a time where we were rejected and realize, now, that it was the best thing that could have happened. She said it likely didn’t feel good at the time, and we hated it more than anything, but it was for our benefit. Case and point with an old boyfriend or girlfriend. We may have thought that they were right for us, but looking back, we see just how wrong that relationship was for us! She said that sometimes, God allows that door to slam shut in our face for our own good!! I can’t count the number of times that God shut doors for me and spared me so much anguish! I didn’t see it at the time, but I see it NOW as I look back! One such example was when Mitch and I were dead set on purchasing a certain house. It had a big yard and Mitch’s “dream garage” (what is it with men and garages?! LOL). Everything was great on the outside, but the inside was small and had a few problems; including a bit of water in the basement. However, we REALLY wanted the house. We made one or two offers, and the sellers wouldn’t accept them; we were REJECTED! It was frustrating, but later on, we found the house that we live in now, and it was clearly better that the other house (and our offer was ACCEPTED)!! It may not be the greatest on the outside, but it’s WONDERFUL on the inside (and the insides are what count most anyways - Matthew 23:25-26). Also, we found out later that the house we wanted so badly was filled with toxic mold!! PRAISE YOU JESUS FOR SHUTTING THAT DOOR!!!!
There are many times we don’t understand the “doors” in our lives. Some are open and some are closed. And, other times, doors that were once open become shut (and vice versa). Beth said sometimes, you have rejection on one hand so you can have reconciliation on the other. Perhaps the rejection of a friend, spouse, relative, etc. opens the door for reconciliation between you and another person to reconcile who previously kept their distance because of the relationship you had with the one who rejected you. The scenarios are endless, but there is a purpose for all of them!
Speaking of reconciliation, that was the subject of discussion after we watched the Beth Moore video. The church counselor emphasized that reconciliation isn’t always necessary or wise in all situations. There are cases in which relationships are so toxic and unhealthy that reconciliation should not be made (such as in cases of abuse - whatever form that may take; physical, sexual, mental, emotional, verbal, etc.). Also, it is wiser to peaceably part ways if the relationship in question is causing division, strife, dissension, quarrels, etc. (Proverbs 15:18, Proverbs 22:24, Romans 16:17-18, 2 Timothy 2:23, Titus 3:10). We are to make every effort to live at peace with each other (Romans 12:18) and sometimes, peace can only occur if ties are broken (whether temporarily or permanently as the Spirit leads). One must learn to let go of control and let God handle those who have a hard time getting along with others and cannot refrain from stirring up drama and conflict. No one can control or change another person, and it’s important to know when to step aside and let the Holy Spirit take over so the person can learn, grow, and experience change and healing in their heart (something only God can do and we got to know when to stop interfering and hindering that process and be obedient in stepping aside). Yes, it’s difficult (especially if it’s a family member or someone you are really close to) but REAL Agape love that comes from the Holy Spirit will enable you to do what’s right; even when it’s difficult and painful.
Needless to say, of course, there SHOULD be forgiveness regardless if you’re reconciled or not (for the sake of your own heart more than anything). Unforgiveness is poisonous and will imprison and enslave you. There’s no peace and joy in that, and it only serves as a gateway to other fruits of the sinful nature like bitterness, anger, hatred, etc. Those fruits are the perfect example of the negative effects of rejection, if undealt with, and how that “vacancy” (as mentioned in the previous blog) can cause us to invite unpleasant elements into our lives that should never be welcomed! Or, maybe even worse, we invite in what would ordinarily be a good thing only to become too dependent on the fulfillment that we THINK we’ll get from it (more food, money, clothes, a new job, new friends, new love interest, new baby, etc.). Those things are “good” but they don’t address the heart of the issue - only Jesus can heal, fill, and fulfill the void(s) in your heart! I should know, every one of those “good things” served as a solution to my “vacancy” at some point or another in my life - but did NOT satisfy beyond a temporary high. Having too much of a “good thing” will be your downfall if it becomes an idol and is elevated above God! God doesn’t like the competition (Exodus 20:5). Hopefully, you won’t have to have a humbling and painful wake-up call in some way or another in order to realize that. God may allow you to lose that which you hold dear in order to help you re-adjust your focus (case and point, the current economy crisis. Be careful who/what you put your hope in! We‘ll reap what we sow, America!!!).
One final note that Beth Moore concluded with was something that really touched my heart. It was the fact that in 1 Corinthians 13:8, Paul assures us that “love never fails.” Isn’t that glorious?! Beth said that the Greek transliteration for that is ekpipto which means “to drop away,…to fall (away, off).” In other words, she said, it doesn’t drop to the ground. One way or another, the “fruit” (love) you offer and invest in people is accepted. It’s not all for nothing!! If they reject it, God catches that “fruit” before it hits the ground. HE accepts it! GOD is love, and Isaiah 55:11 tells us that His Word won’t return to Him void and empty!
I pray that these words have blessed you as much as it has blessed me! I am overjoyed at knowing that the love of Christ that I share with people NEVER falls to the ground! My efforts are never wasted; even if they aren’t accepted by the recipient. Also, Beth said that if we didn’t know the pain of rejection, we wouldn’t know the joy of acceptance! If the “failed” love of others had never failed at all, how would we appreciate the UNFAILING LOVE of God? Those are some powerful thoughts! I pray that they will be as precious to you as they are to me!! Cling to the fact that there is ONE who never fails! I may fail you, and others may fail you (though it surely is never my intent….but be prepared! I am human and I do make mistakes!) but God never will! Thank goodness!!
Grace and peace to all of you! I pray that all of us may rejoice in the joy of acceptance rather than the rejections of our past. Here’s to hoping that we all have our “rejection tinted sunglasses” off and that we will be blessed with healing, joy, forgiveness, and peace!! God bless you all!!
Showing posts with label Rejection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rejection. Show all posts
Monday, October 27, 2008
Rejection (Part 2)
In the previous blog, “word pictures of rejection” was explored. Now, it’s time to look at the “wounds of rejection” in connection with the definitions of rejection we just learned about.
Beth Moore made several different points in this section. Point number one is that “Rejection can wound deeper and last longer than hosts of other injuries.” She even went as far to say that we translate rejection more than we do acceptance. Psalm 27:10 says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Yet, we so often miss the promise of that verse because we are so focused on our pain. We overlook the comfort and cling to our misery; we just can’t let go! We focus on the rejection of our parents, siblings, friends, spouse, etc. more than we do God’s enduring guarantee of unfailing love and acceptance from Him!
In illustrating the preceding concept, Beth put on a pair of old-fashioned sunglasses that were her grandmother’s. She says she often puts them on and just looks in the mirror (and it looked rather humorous! LOL). She said looking through the tint of those ridiculous looking glasses is like looking at the world through the tint of rejection. We won’t take off those ridiculous glasses and instead, everything is colored and tainted by those lenses of pain. Everyone else pays for the offenses that OTHERS cause us. We view everyone through that filter and punish them for the mistakes others made in our lives. Beth encouraged us all to take our glasses off! It’s time to see clearly!
The next point she made was: “Rejection tempts us to invite things into our lives we might never have welcomed.” She said it’s that neon “vacancy” sign inviting things in that we never dreamed that we would! Trauma cripples us and leaves us vulnerable. The longer we wallow in our pain and refuse treatment for our recovery, the more prone we are to further infection!
The third point she made is much like last one: “Rejection can empower us to act in ways we never dreamed of behaving.” How many times has our own pain caused us to lash out irrationally towards someone that didn’t cause our original pain to begin with? Or, maybe we have started to act and be a totally different person than what we were before in order to cope with our pain. Maybe we have turned to some sort of addiction, lifestyle, or person in order to cope. Beth cited an example of someone marrying someone they barely knew just to get back at the prior person that rejected them. She said, “Yeah, I sure showed them!” Who’s REALLY being punished, though? One’s own hasty decisions most often turns out to be YOUR punishment, not theirs! Revenge isn’t so sweet!
The last point she made was: “Rejection claims two erroneous repairs: To recover what rejected it“ and/or “To reject what rejected it.” I’m sure we have all been on both the giving and receiving ends of both of these scenarios! Beth said that in the first case, we are trying desperately to hold onto what rejected us. Sometimes, it’s a good thing to reconcile and other times, it’s a blessing in the case of situations where the relationship is toxic. Either way, however, that kind of desperate dependency isn’t healthy. A person’s worth isn’t dependent on whether or not they are approved and accepted by what rejected them. No one controls your worth, just as you can’t control theirs!
The second claim of rejection (rejecting what rejected you) is just as harmful if you are coming from that place of control. One example I can think of is when someone breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Then, after they change their mind, they attempt to get back together. The person that was first rejected then reconciles just long enough to reject them back. Beth Moore said it’s the “I’ll reject you before you can reject me” mentality - and it’s a person’s way of trying to have the “last word.”
If you’re like me, every single rejection scenario has probably played out in your life. One person in our group brought up grade school. There is a LOT of rejection that goes on in our school years! Personally, I felt rejected a LOT! I wasn’t in the “popular” crowds. So, I know how it felt to be “left out” and I tried to be inclusive to others (especially if they were the “new kid” at school). Though, I have had my moments where I was just as bad as the other kids and I sat by and said nothing, or laughed along with people when they picked on the kids that weren’t accepted. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. We’ve all been rejecters and rejectees; both past and present (and most likely in the future). It’s the kind of fallen world we live in.
Rejection is a sad part of life. Though, there is redemption in rejection!! The ray of light to this subject is in the next blog!! Grace and peace to all of you!!
Beth Moore made several different points in this section. Point number one is that “Rejection can wound deeper and last longer than hosts of other injuries.” She even went as far to say that we translate rejection more than we do acceptance. Psalm 27:10 says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Yet, we so often miss the promise of that verse because we are so focused on our pain. We overlook the comfort and cling to our misery; we just can’t let go! We focus on the rejection of our parents, siblings, friends, spouse, etc. more than we do God’s enduring guarantee of unfailing love and acceptance from Him!
In illustrating the preceding concept, Beth put on a pair of old-fashioned sunglasses that were her grandmother’s. She says she often puts them on and just looks in the mirror (and it looked rather humorous! LOL). She said looking through the tint of those ridiculous looking glasses is like looking at the world through the tint of rejection. We won’t take off those ridiculous glasses and instead, everything is colored and tainted by those lenses of pain. Everyone else pays for the offenses that OTHERS cause us. We view everyone through that filter and punish them for the mistakes others made in our lives. Beth encouraged us all to take our glasses off! It’s time to see clearly!
The next point she made was: “Rejection tempts us to invite things into our lives we might never have welcomed.” She said it’s that neon “vacancy” sign inviting things in that we never dreamed that we would! Trauma cripples us and leaves us vulnerable. The longer we wallow in our pain and refuse treatment for our recovery, the more prone we are to further infection!
The third point she made is much like last one: “Rejection can empower us to act in ways we never dreamed of behaving.” How many times has our own pain caused us to lash out irrationally towards someone that didn’t cause our original pain to begin with? Or, maybe we have started to act and be a totally different person than what we were before in order to cope with our pain. Maybe we have turned to some sort of addiction, lifestyle, or person in order to cope. Beth cited an example of someone marrying someone they barely knew just to get back at the prior person that rejected them. She said, “Yeah, I sure showed them!” Who’s REALLY being punished, though? One’s own hasty decisions most often turns out to be YOUR punishment, not theirs! Revenge isn’t so sweet!
The last point she made was: “Rejection claims two erroneous repairs: To recover what rejected it“ and/or “To reject what rejected it.” I’m sure we have all been on both the giving and receiving ends of both of these scenarios! Beth said that in the first case, we are trying desperately to hold onto what rejected us. Sometimes, it’s a good thing to reconcile and other times, it’s a blessing in the case of situations where the relationship is toxic. Either way, however, that kind of desperate dependency isn’t healthy. A person’s worth isn’t dependent on whether or not they are approved and accepted by what rejected them. No one controls your worth, just as you can’t control theirs!
The second claim of rejection (rejecting what rejected you) is just as harmful if you are coming from that place of control. One example I can think of is when someone breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Then, after they change their mind, they attempt to get back together. The person that was first rejected then reconciles just long enough to reject them back. Beth Moore said it’s the “I’ll reject you before you can reject me” mentality - and it’s a person’s way of trying to have the “last word.”
If you’re like me, every single rejection scenario has probably played out in your life. One person in our group brought up grade school. There is a LOT of rejection that goes on in our school years! Personally, I felt rejected a LOT! I wasn’t in the “popular” crowds. So, I know how it felt to be “left out” and I tried to be inclusive to others (especially if they were the “new kid” at school). Though, I have had my moments where I was just as bad as the other kids and I sat by and said nothing, or laughed along with people when they picked on the kids that weren’t accepted. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. We’ve all been rejecters and rejectees; both past and present (and most likely in the future). It’s the kind of fallen world we live in.
Rejection is a sad part of life. Though, there is redemption in rejection!! The ray of light to this subject is in the next blog!! Grace and peace to all of you!!
Rejection (Part 1)
These past few weeks, I have been attending the “Living Beyond Yourself” Beth Moore study group. This is the first time I have ever read/watched anything of Beth Moore’s, and I must say, I am getting so much out of it!! This is a great study on the fruit of the Spirit and so much more!! I wish I could blog everything that we have been learning, but there is SO MUCH to it! I highly recommend this to everyone! If you have a chance to do this study, DO IT! It’s SO WORTH IT!
One thing in particular that I wanted to share is what we learned last week. In the video we watched, Beth Moore talked about this nasty three-syllable word that none of us like: rejection. It’s interesting what images and feelings come to mind when we hear that word isn’t it? When I heard it, I thought “Oh boy, I don’t want to sit here and listen to her describe it! I’ve had enough already!” However, I stayed, listened, and took it all in. I’m glad I did, because it really helped me; and I felt the nudge to blog it because I know that everyone can relate to this! So, if you have been rejected (and we ALL have!) keep reading! As Beth Moore said, “there is life after rejection”!
Since she covered so much in the video, I will break it up into the three parts she did and put it into three different blogs. This first part is “Word Pictures Of Rejection”. Part two is “Wounds Of Rejection”. And finally, part three is “Divine Healing”. Here are my notes from part one:
Beth Moore said that “all we need to create an environment for rejection is relationship.” I think the majority of us have figured that out! You can’t very well be rejected unless you connect with someone first. This is why some avoid socialization and relationships altogether. We fear eventual rejection and all the emotions that come with it. Eventually, we realize that the closer we get to a person, the greater the potential there is for them to hurt us if something should ever go wrong in the relationship. So, naturally, we sometimes build walls to protect ourselves. It’s hard to face the certainty that in this life, we WILL experience rejection. Even Jesus’ disciples betrayed and rejected Him (and many still reject Him today!). If this happens to our own Savior, then what would make us exempt?
Beth Moore defined rejection in several different verses. In Mark 8:31, Jesus talked about how He was going to be rejected by many, killed, and then after three days be resurrected. Beth said: “The Greek transliteration for rejected (apodokimazo) means to reject as the result of examination and testing of one’s qualifications for an office. Later, it came to mean to put out of office or place, to reject, disapprove, refuse.” In other words, this meaning of rejection boils down to “I’ve put you to the test and you don’t measure up.” Who among us has failed someone’s “measure up” test? Everyone one of us has been judged, condemned, and rejected by SOMEONE at some point in our lives. We’ve all been on both sides of the spectrum too. We have all been judged as well as the judges. We’ve all set expectations for ourselves and other people. We’ve failed others, and others have failed us. It’s painful; both on the giving and receiving ends.
Another definition of rejection comes from the scripture in Isaiah 53:3 which reads: “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Beth said: “Strong’s definition of the Hebrew for rejected (chadel) adds the meaning: vacant.” Vacant. That’s another ugly word isn’t it? Vacancy equals “emptiness” and who likes the presence of emptiness? Lingering voids nag at us. Unsatisfied longings are a “stronghold waiting to happen.” Sadly, I’m sure we can all think of an example of that! What kinds of things have we allowed into our “vacancies”; to fill us as a result of the void that rejection left?
Lastly, Beth gives us Galatians 4:14 in which Paul says: “And my temptation which was in my flesh ye despised not, nor rejected; but received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.” Beth said the Greek transliteration here is ekptuo Ek meaning “out” and Ptuo meaning “to spit.” (She said Ptuo is the sound your mouth makes when you spit!). So, rejection is “spitting out” something or someone. Have you ever been “spit out” (or been the spitter?). Not pretty is it?
Now that we have established that rejection is being put out, spit out, and left vacant, we can now delve into part two which deals with the “Wounds Of Rejection.” We all have wounds; we’ve all been hurt (and have hurt others). However, there is hope and healing!! We needn’t bear the weight of rejection for our whole lives! If you want to know how to let go and move on, read parts two and three!! Grace and peace to you!!
One thing in particular that I wanted to share is what we learned last week. In the video we watched, Beth Moore talked about this nasty three-syllable word that none of us like: rejection. It’s interesting what images and feelings come to mind when we hear that word isn’t it? When I heard it, I thought “Oh boy, I don’t want to sit here and listen to her describe it! I’ve had enough already!” However, I stayed, listened, and took it all in. I’m glad I did, because it really helped me; and I felt the nudge to blog it because I know that everyone can relate to this! So, if you have been rejected (and we ALL have!) keep reading! As Beth Moore said, “there is life after rejection”!
Since she covered so much in the video, I will break it up into the three parts she did and put it into three different blogs. This first part is “Word Pictures Of Rejection”. Part two is “Wounds Of Rejection”. And finally, part three is “Divine Healing”. Here are my notes from part one:
Beth Moore said that “all we need to create an environment for rejection is relationship.” I think the majority of us have figured that out! You can’t very well be rejected unless you connect with someone first. This is why some avoid socialization and relationships altogether. We fear eventual rejection and all the emotions that come with it. Eventually, we realize that the closer we get to a person, the greater the potential there is for them to hurt us if something should ever go wrong in the relationship. So, naturally, we sometimes build walls to protect ourselves. It’s hard to face the certainty that in this life, we WILL experience rejection. Even Jesus’ disciples betrayed and rejected Him (and many still reject Him today!). If this happens to our own Savior, then what would make us exempt?
Beth Moore defined rejection in several different verses. In Mark 8:31, Jesus talked about how He was going to be rejected by many, killed, and then after three days be resurrected. Beth said: “The Greek transliteration for rejected (apodokimazo) means to reject as the result of examination and testing of one’s qualifications for an office. Later, it came to mean to put out of office or place, to reject, disapprove, refuse.” In other words, this meaning of rejection boils down to “I’ve put you to the test and you don’t measure up.” Who among us has failed someone’s “measure up” test? Everyone one of us has been judged, condemned, and rejected by SOMEONE at some point in our lives. We’ve all been on both sides of the spectrum too. We have all been judged as well as the judges. We’ve all set expectations for ourselves and other people. We’ve failed others, and others have failed us. It’s painful; both on the giving and receiving ends.
Another definition of rejection comes from the scripture in Isaiah 53:3 which reads: “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Beth said: “Strong’s definition of the Hebrew for rejected (chadel) adds the meaning: vacant.” Vacant. That’s another ugly word isn’t it? Vacancy equals “emptiness” and who likes the presence of emptiness? Lingering voids nag at us. Unsatisfied longings are a “stronghold waiting to happen.” Sadly, I’m sure we can all think of an example of that! What kinds of things have we allowed into our “vacancies”; to fill us as a result of the void that rejection left?
Lastly, Beth gives us Galatians 4:14 in which Paul says: “And my temptation which was in my flesh ye despised not, nor rejected; but received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.” Beth said the Greek transliteration here is ekptuo Ek meaning “out” and Ptuo meaning “to spit.” (She said Ptuo is the sound your mouth makes when you spit!). So, rejection is “spitting out” something or someone. Have you ever been “spit out” (or been the spitter?). Not pretty is it?
Now that we have established that rejection is being put out, spit out, and left vacant, we can now delve into part two which deals with the “Wounds Of Rejection.” We all have wounds; we’ve all been hurt (and have hurt others). However, there is hope and healing!! We needn’t bear the weight of rejection for our whole lives! If you want to know how to let go and move on, read parts two and three!! Grace and peace to you!!
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