A Milton Moment

During and after the Holy Spirit conference a couple weeks ago, I believed I was on my way to experiencing full healing and restoration in my body. My pain was decreasing and I have been praying and waiting for God to finish what He started. I have also prayed for others (as usual) and have seen amazing healing occur. Yet, here I am....still in a lot of pain and feeling every bit as terrible as before the conference. 

This morning, I was listening to a message by Chip Ingram. He was describing how much God loves us and how unconditional and unfailing His love is. That fact has always been the ultimate comfort and encouragement to me; knowing that He is the only one who totally and completely loves me. He always has and always will. He never leaves or forsakes. He's perfect and His love for me is perfect and unconditional. No one and nothing can love me like that except for Him. Everyone and everyone else will fail and let me down at some point, but He cannot and will not. 

However, I have to confess that I'm struggling right now. The degree of physical pain that I'm in (especially after feeling that I was finally getting healed) is a tremendous frustration to me. The anger and tears have been boiling over. I've told the Lord time and again that like Job, I'm not going to turn away from Him. I'll endure everything and still declare His goodness. Yet, at the same time, I can't comprehend how I can tear shingles off of a roof, grab the hem of His garment, or scream "Son of David, have mercy on me!" and still not be granted healing. My pursuit is desperate. I'm asking, seeking, and persistently knocking/beating on the door waiting for Him to answer. A Father knows how to give good gifts to His children. I wouldn't withhold healing from my own children; why is He withholding from me? I have learned to deal with and accept the loneliness and rejection from fellow broken humans. God is not broken; He is perfect and good and that's my hope and anchor. So, then, what is the hold up? Everything He says in His Word about who He is and how He loves me is true and I declare His Word out loud in prayer. Why, then, am I being overlooked? If it's going to be a lifelong thorn in my side like Paul's, why tease me with incremental or temporary relief? 

Right now, I feel like the Milton of God's children; desperately waiting my turn to have my cake and eat it too....only my turn never truly comes. Everyone else gets theirs (and I help everyone else and make sure that they get a piece) but I end up standing there empty handed; waiting and wondering. Everyone else can walk away and forget that I'm standing there like a fool while they enjoy their portions, but God is supposed to see me and say, "I didn't forget you. The last is first, you know. I saved the best piece for you." I'm still standing here; telling myself that it doesn't matter how long I have to wait around feeling like an idiot. I just need to smile and carry-on (and not burn the place down). 

Today has already been full of timely reminders. My friend, Earl, stopped by to pray for me (God always sends him to love, pray, and speak life to me just when I need it). Also, the "Give Him 15" post from Dutch Sheets today was a reminder to remember and be refreshed by powerful memories of moments we've had with God. That's why I've continued to wear my Holy Spirit Conference bracelet every day. I know what I felt and experienced and I know and trust who God is. I continue to invite Holy Spirit to come wash over me just as He did a couple weeks ago. I'm practicing the things I've learned that He's revealed to me. I'm holding onto the promises and declaring the truth; focusing on renewing my mind and thinking on all the "whatevers". He gives me my daily bread every day and I keep focusing on that; one day and one moment at a time. I'm still here and I will continue to endure. I'm hurting really badly; and I cry out to Him day and night. I'm still waiting with hands lifted up in worship and waiting to receive. I don't know what's going on or how long it's going to take, but I recently received a vision of an IV drip. I'm hooked up to Him. That medicine, healing, and power is flowing in; even if little by little. He's moving through my veins. I know it and I believe it. 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Thank you for reading. One of the last sessions from that conference was about telling people when you're struggling and under attack so people can pray for you. I'm asking for that right now. One of the other things I wrote down from that session was: "Great things happen in exile...will you stay faithful in the wilderness?" Yes, I will. I've been to the wilderness many times before and can now recognize it more easily and deal with it much better. My body may continue to die all around me, but I'm still being renewed every day (2 Corinthians 4:16). I continue to say "It is Well with My Soul." God bless you all!

How Desperate Are We?

 "Just receive." That was the godly wisdom that was given to me by at least two different individuals as I was sharing about my big breakthrough. I had come to the Holy Spirit conference this past weekend full of hope and expectation; and the Lord didn't disappoint. 

It started on Friday night with praise and worship. At one point, people were raising their hands to receive prayer, so I raised mine for healing. My physical pain has reached an intolerable level in my back. The degeneration, arthritis, and inflammation is starting to make walking a lot harder. My feet always feel like I've been standing on concrete all day and my right leg gets so tight to where no amount of stretching loosens anything. I'm 41, but feeling like 81; moving slower and with so much effort that it's exhausting. I've prayed and pleaded for healing, but knew that even Paul wasn't relieved of whatever thorn he had in his side. I've truly been trying to make peace with living with it until I'm either healed here or in heaven. I pray, take medicine and vitamins, wear my back brace, and endure every day knowing that His grace is sufficient for me. 

This is what I reiterated to the young man that prayed for me. He felt a lot of heat as he was praying, but I wasn't feeling it yet. I knew it took time, and even Steve Nicholson (the speaker for the weekend) walked by and assured him that he wasn't done yet. The young man, who was also named Steve, kept praying. I also prayed over him and encouraged him as well. I told him that I was still very hopeful and would keep waiting to see what the Lord was going to do over the weekend. 

When I went to bed that night, it was a rough sleep. I woke up frequently because my pain was really bad; especially in my feet. Tingly, pins and needles, fire, you name it. It was super uncomfortable. Usually, even with pain, I can get to sleep quickly and usually stay asleep for the most part. Still, I was hoping for something better the next morning. 

For the first session on Saturday morning, Steve Nicholson began his message/teaching. It reminded me of the John Wimber Signs and Wonders Conference  (check it out if you never have; it's worth it!). For someone as incredibly sensitive and empathic as I am, it is pretty much a certainty that when Holy Spirit is being talked about, I'm going to be overwhelmed by Him. Right on cue, Holy Spirit took over as Steve was talking about Him; even before he started officially inviting Him to come upon us all and he started looking for signs of Him moving in people. I was used to the uncontrollable twitches, shakes, heat, and racing heart (as well as the likelihood that I would fall down if I attempted to stand up). In fact, there was a moment this weekend where my Fit Bit buzzed me and said that it detected a high heart rate even though I appeared to be immobile. I had to laugh to myself. I wasn't moving, but Holy Spirit sure was! I was sitting down, but the Lord was the one that was active!

I don't know if I can recall a time where I felt so electric (especially my hands)! I've felt it before, but the intensity was off the charts! He asked those who were experiencing it to come forward. I was eager to do so, but knew I had to be careful because I knew I was going down. I made it to the front and sat down before my body gave out under the power. It was overwhelming; and he kept saying "more, Lord." I was like, "Oh, Lord, how can I possible handle any more?!" At one point, he called out "self doubt" and I felt myself tense up and release a couple times. Then, the unavoidable moment where I involuntarily screamed a couple times as this huge wave of intense emotion bubbled up like a volcano and the pressure just burst forth; and I felt myself go limp in the chair as I cried and people prayed over me. It's still hard not to feel a little embarrassed and that others will just see me as being loud and dramatic (but I promise you, this isn't by choice). Thankfully, there's always others that are allowing Holy Spirit to work in them too, and you hear all sorts of things. Steve frequently reminded everyone that they're happy sounds; sounds of freedom, healing, and release. He's right. Any time I've ever had a moment like this, it's been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

This is when God broke through to me in a mighty way. He told me I was storing pain in my body, and then showed me a vision of Christ on the cross. That's where all the sins went; on Him. The perfect lamb. The scapegoat. I realized that God was telling me that Christ already took on all the sins of the world. He carried them. That was His job, not mine. Not that I intentionally WANTED to hold onto mine or anyone else's sins, pains, or ailments in my body; I just hadn't realized that that's what I was doing or how to effectively empty myself of it. He was reminding me that I wasn't supposed to be carrying what He already had. He was telling me to GIVE back to Him what He already died for. He allows me to feel deep empathy and emotion; enabling me to love and have compassion for others. I needed to know how to only feel it for the moment rather than feel/carry it for way too long. Whatever I feel in my heart and my body, I need to give it back to Jesus so that He can bring the healing for it; both for me and to share with others.

As I shared with a few people after the first session, I was encouraged to just keep receiving from Him; especially as I got more prayer for my back. It's hard sometimes, because I always want to be praying, engaging, and connecting. It really is important to just be still and wait. I started noticing that my feet weren't hurting anymore and I felt oddly taller. Some of the tightness in my leg was coming and going as well. My back was feeling downgraded in the pain level. In fact, I took off my back brace after that to experience the rest of the weekend without it. I haven't dared to be out and about without it since I first started wearing it last year, but I wanted to see if I could get a better gauge on where I was at. 

Saturday night, I couldn't stop smiling and felt like I was sleeping/resting in a truly "heavenly peace." I slept WAY BETTER than I had the night before! In fact, my husband's sleep on both nights mirrored mine; or, rather, I think I mirrored his that first night. I remembered just how often that happens and that it's probably some of the stuff I've unintentionally absorbed/stored. I prayed for and released/rebuked it. I even did the same with my high blood pressure and sleep apnea; because I didn't have either of those until Chris had it. I've also often prayed about generational health problems as well. I'll just have to keep giving it all back to Jesus and keep receiving the healing. 

I'm glad I had that personal moment, because it helped me as I prayed for and loved on so many other ladies later on. There was a lot I was able to share with them from the Lord, and I finally felt like I could experience all the various emotions around me without them "sticking" to me. I was able to have a chance to see if I could be rubber instead of glue; letting things bounce off and stick to the cross where it belonged after I felt whatever I was meant to feel in the moment and then release any sad or traumatic things that I was feeling around me. At one point, I and another woman that I was praying over, were breathing in that life-giving breath of God in sync with each other and feeling such peace and joy. That kind of symbiotic emotion is WONDERFUL to experience, embrace, remember, and hold onto forever! 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! All of this is but a fraction of all the amazing things I could share about this weekend. It was so rich in worship, fellowship, wonder, breakthrough, deliverance, and healing for everyone! But, I think I'll leave you with this sonnet that I wrote as I was journaling on August 1, 2022. It came to my mind during the final session as Steve was talking about coming to the end of ourselves and being desperate for Jesus. In America, we really don't know what it's like. Our persecuted brethren in other countries know. If we really want revival, breakthroughs, healings, miracles, and deliverance (both corporately and personally), we really need to be desperate for Holy Spirit. When we invite Him, expect Him, and make room for Him, He'll come. We have to get out of the way, and be ready to die to self. We have to relentlessly pursue Him; asking, seeking, and knocking without end! He will open that door for us to good things. Be desperate! Don't give up! I'm testifying to the fact that He answers our desperate cries: 

Releasing Worry & Trusting God: Leaning In

Last month, when I posted "Releasing Worry & Trusting God: Manna Moments", I had no idea how much I was going to need it for myself! I have revisited it a few times; and not just because I was planning on making a "part two" post. My intent was to go deeper by exploring how to have faith when things are REALLY hard and not looking like it's going to work out the way we think. Trouble and conflict will always be present in life; and people and circumstances will frequently fail to meet our expectations. So, I was going to focus even more on the faith aspect of things by talking about people like Joseph, Job, and even Jesus. They all persevered through hardships because they knew and trusted the Lord as well as His purpose and timing. However, I was reminded (through my own current hardships) that focusing only on the faith aspect overlooks a very important part: the emotions in our heart. We can absorb the truth, change our mindset, and soak in His promises and white-knuckle it through the hard stuff, but if we don't address the heart, it's incomplete.

So, what do you do when your faith and emotions seem so entangled? What do you do in the MOMENT when things are fresh, raw, real, and overwhelming? How do you have faith when you're sold into slavery and eventually end up in prison for something you didn't do (Joseph)? How do you not fall apart when your family and livelihood gets wiped out and you're afflicted with physical turmoil too (Job)? How do you embrace being "strong and courageous" (Joshua) when you have to rise up to a monumental task or you're on the run from someone who wants to kill you (David)? How do you deal with sitting inside a prison wondering if Jesus really is the Messiah you thought He was (John the Baptist)? How do you cope when things don't look or feel very good and Romans 8:28 doesn't appear to be "working out for good" the way everyone tells you it will? 

Having faith doesn't mean that we can't feel. In fact, acknowledging and dealing with our deep feelings of fear, worry, sadness, etc. is what helps us build our faith even more when we face it and allow Christ to bring healing and wholeness. When we bury unpleasant and perceived negative emotions and trauma, we end up building up walls of protection and reacting out of an unhealthy and broken place.

The irony of all this is obviously timely. We haven't told many up until now, but my husband lost his job again; third time in two years. So, now my "part two" comes from the fresh experiences and perspective of an insider rather than a hindsighter or sideliner (if those even count as words).

On March 31st, I was at work and saw that Chris was calling my phone; and somehow, I knew in my gut what he was going to say. Yet, when he told me, I was calm. Maybe that was the initial grief stage of shock/denial, but I felt relieved. No more toxic workplace or dangerous and gas guzzling long commutes! I also felt confident that this recycled experience was old hash and we'd be fine. I knew that greater opportunities and blessings were ahead, so I was determined to be positive and full of faith. Yet, I knew my emotions would eventually catch up and I didn't want to deceive myself into thinking that they wouldn't. I know how grief works and that there would be more stages to come (anger, bargaining, acceptance). Those stages can also skip around and cycle. Yet, no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for an emotional roller coaster, it's never as easy as you tell yourself it will be. In fact, I think I've made it harder on myself by trying NOT to feel; even though I recently read a book about embracing emotions and processing/healing them through Christ. So, I suppressed my feelings as much as possible; because guilt would nag at me if I felt anything negative. I felt that leaning in to learn would lead to me giving in and sinking in (my all-or-nothing mentality rearing its head, of course). So, I would just pray and make myself re-read Psalm 34; concentrating on my word for the year (refuge) and remind myself that I already knew this year was going to be hard. "No shadow of shame is going to darken our faces....He's close to the broken hearted....He's going to rescue us....He's our Refuge." Those were/are the things I kept coming back to and soaking in. I also read Psalm 86 & 91  and thought about the things I learned in Chip Ingram's series "Finding God When You Need Him Most" that I listened to a few years ago. I was determined not to sink into a "swamp of sadness" like that foolish horse in "The Neverending Story" (which is the image that frequently comes to mind every time I think I'm starting to give into a quicksand of depression and despair). I even went back and re-read my "Manna Moments" post a few times; feeling encouraged and guilty at the same time as I "ye of little faith" finger pointed at myself for feeling even a smidge of fear, worry, or grief.

It wasn't until the Good Friday production of "The Passion" that I had a fresh revelation. Over every rehearsal and performance since I've been involved with 3:16 Community Theatre,  I've been ministered to and transformed in some way. It certainly was good medicine for me to be immersed in these performances these past couple weeks. Much like a recent Facebook post I shared, the REAL Jesus showed up through Jesse (the actor that played Jesus this year) and ministered to my heart! At one point, I was in the process of walking around "Jerusalem" before the show and felt so heavy-hearted because Chris and I had just learned that day that the job he was certain he was going to get wasn't meant to be. I kept telling myself that I needed to snap out of it and remember to "walk on the water" and keep my eyes on Jesus. I started praying in the Spirit; giving thanks, praising, and reciting parts of the Psalms to encourage myself. I just didn't have time for a fresh cycle of grief! I needed to "Paul and Silas" my way out of this with some chain loosening and wall shaking praise and prayers! But, if you're like me, even when you press that "emotion override" button to walk in faith, it can still feel awkward and fake because you still feel the hurt. That's when I felt God saying, "It's going to be ok, Melissa." I teared up and asked, "When?" Then, I heard that word, "Soon." I thought of that part in "The Chosen" (S2, Ep2) where Jesus says, "Ah, there's that word. Soon. It's the most imprecise thing in the world. What is soon? A few hours? A few days? Years? A hundred years? A thousand years? Ask my father in heaven how long a thousand years is. Then, talk to me about 'soon'."

As I thought about how long our "soon" would be, I wondered what I was supposed to do with all the emotions that I didn't know how to get rid of. I walked around and started thinking about Jesse and how he would grieve in the garden that night while we would sing, "Could you not tarry with me one hour? Could you not watch and pray while I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders....". It made me think of Dutch Sheets post about Jesus in Gethsemane; describing His agony and grief as He anticipated what needed to be done for us and how painful it would be. He had the weight of the world on His shoulders. He grieved deeply, but could (and did) say, "not my will, but yours be done."  Jesus experienced and expressed those difficult emotions and hurt to God AND still had faith at the same time. Faith and emotions can coexist! Much like when we're told that we can "be angry and sin not" (Ephesians 4:26). We are allowed to feel what we feel; it's just how we respond and heal that matters. .  

I wanted to kick myself for being so dull! How many times have I been the one to weep with people and encourage them to grieve; telling them to give themselves permission to do so? Yet, I had forgotten to give MYSELF permission to grieve because somehow I got it in my head that grief and faith couldn't exist together! I had to tell myself, "You're not weak because you hurt and mourn. Being strong doesn't mean you can't be broken. Brokenness DOES make me stronger."

Later that night, I mentioned my moment to my Chris. I said, "It's ok to hurt and to grieve. Faith doesn't mean we don't feel. Jesus grieved in agony in the garden...grieving in ours doesn't mean we don't have faith....I don't know what our 'soon' looks like, but I know our God and I know us. I know that I love you and am proud of you and that that remains true." It reminds me of the songs I've added to my HeartSpeak playlist this month. I know I can be confident that we can continue to be "Broken Together". We'll "Be Held", and find healing on the other side of "When We Fall Apart." 

THAT is the difference between "leaning in" and "sinking in". As a counselor friend of mine once said, "When we're broken, we're teachable." Brokenness really does teach us, grow us, refine us, and bring us fresh revelation and renewal. How often do we truly attain it any other way? How much stronger do we actually BECOME when we ARE broken and our exposed weaknesses have a chance to mend (IF we surrender to the One who can heal us)? We have a much greater opportunity to gain wisdom and understanding when we are going THROUGH pain and hardship because we're more open and vulnerable. Think about it. How open and teachable are we when we're in a state of self-perceived strength and wholeness? Our pride can get the better of us! We're at the peak of the mountaintop basking in victory and glory; forgetting that we were once in the valley and the struggle we went through to get to our highest points. Trouble in the valley seems so far removed when we feel on top of the world. But, that strength came at a cost. We had to go THROUGH the pain and hardship. "Through" being that key word. We walk THROUGH the valley; we don't pitch a tent and live there. He walks WITH us (and maybe some supportive brothers and sisters walk alongside us as well). THROUGH it, we acquire a new perspective that we might not have ever gained otherwise. If we are willing to sustain the pressing and crushing, that new wine will come! We can do ALL things THROUGH Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Yes, listening to and leaning into that brokenness is hard, but it's far less painful in the long run. If we allow ourselves to feel and listen to the pain and emotions, as if they're dashboard lights on our souls, we can understand and let Jesus fix what's going on underneath the hood. Then, we can move forward IN and WITH faith after Jesus has met us in our pain and helped us release it and heal. 

I think the problem with leaning in (at least for me), is that I frequently become overly cautious about unpleasant emotions. I want to avoid getting stuck in a deep well of sadness and self-pity. Therefore, it causes me to toughen up too much and put on that strong brave face; often resulting in avoiding and suppressing the pain. I should probably keep these two verses in mind: 

 

Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.                                                                                                                         -Proverbs 14:13. 

Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.                                                                                                                                       - Ecclesiastes 7:3.

 

Ignoring and suppressing emotions doesn't make them go away. That grief is still hidden behind that "brave face" and will leak out in other ways.This is NOT GOOD, and I KNOW that. In fact, I already learned and blogged this two years ago, so how could I have forgotten this so quickly; and ESPECIALLY after just READING a book about healing emotions?! My gosh, I really am a sheep; having to learn things over and over again. However, my Shepherd is so loving and patient. Growth and learning is a lifetime process. In this world, we will have trouble (John 16:33). Trouble happens over and over again; it has no end in this fallen world. So, we keep on learning and being tested; and hopefully, we find that we have "leveled up" and are gaining more XP (experience points, in case you don't speak gamer lol). For those of us in Christ, our hope is in that second part of John 16:33. We can take heart because Jesus has overcome the world and He doesn't waste our pain! It really can and does refine us! He really does work it out for good like Romans 8:28 says because of that important second part of that verse as well: for those that are CALLED according to HIS purpose! Yes, WE are CALLED to a purpose; HIS purpose. A purpose and plan beyond our pain and circumstances. He's always working it out for that Kingdom plan. But, in that moment where our faith and emotions seem messy and intermingled, it is OK to just be still and know that He's God; and that's enough. He'll sit with us in our pain and we'll just "be" and grieve for a bit.  

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Whatever we're facing, He'll heal and deliver us from it for His purpose and glory. Be still and know that He's God! Let your brokenness make you teachable! Allow Christ to help you discover the gems that are hidden in your pain and are waiting to be unearthed! Grief and tears aren't a waste of your time. Your tears are precious to Him and He collects them all (Psalm 56:8). Never forget that you are worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:7). Lean into the pain, but not too much to where you slip into despair. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). Stay anchored in your faith with prayer and praise; it will shake and break chains/strongholds and set you free (and do the same for others as well who witness your testimony). Paul and Silas can attest to that! God bless you!

****

Experiencing God When You Get a Raw Deal 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xM-tTs0q8Y 

Experiencing God in Times of Crisis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04Z_WCWII_Q  

Experiencing God When You Feel Like a Nobody, Going Nowhere

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9XEyZgX_fM 

 Experiencing God When You’re Troubled and Depressed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O4xYD1lfB4 

Experiencing God When You are Gripped by Fear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MY7hES1oOOA 

Experiencing God When You’ve Blown it Big Time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQTMbNeGBLo 

Experiencing God in Times of Confusion

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nykRgLfqkpQ

Embracing the Offensive God

Have you ever had a day that seemed like it had a "theme"; like it was an episode of a sitcom and you were trying to learn the overall lesson that was blanketed over it? That was my day yesterday and I felt like everything else that was not part of the dive into the rabbit hole just faded into the background like the typical clutter of ordinary days. 

The things that God revealed to my heart are so numerous that it's hard to even determine the origin of how I began my plunge into the depths. Though, I suppose it began as I was praying in the Spirit (as has been becoming my regular habit in the mornings). As I continued to do this on my commute to work, I remembered that I had just a few minutes left on the audio book that I had been listening to on the Hoopla app and decided to resume listening (by the way, this app is such a gift! You use your library card to check out free e-books and audio books!). 

To give you a little background, this book is "Jesus and the Disinherited" by Howard Thurman. This book was recommended by Ashley Siri; who recently shared about it in her message at church. It's unlike anything I expected. In fact, I don't think I knew what to expect at all. There is so much to unpack and contemplate in such a short book! I don't know how he got so many layers into it, but I think I'm going to have to go through it again (probably in e-book or physical book form) because the depth of the content is so stirring that you have to slow down. I had no idea what I was diving into; only that the title and subject matter was enough to draw me in. I'll try to untangle some of the web of wisdom from it, but I don't know if I can yet. I found myself thinking so much about what was said that I couldn't catch up to the next thing that was being described. 

As I went into work, my mind and heart was once again turning over the things I had heard; which seemed to be parallel with what I was already meditating on from this past week. If I were to attempt to summarize it in one word, I guess all I can really say is that maybe it all boils down to this one thing: offense. 

Offense comes in many forms and is experienced on all sorts of levels. When we are offended, we typically feel threatened and/or attacked. These threats and attacks are seen through the lenses of our culture, wounding, experiences, faith background, gender, skin color, you name it! All the facets that make up our identity contribute to how we see, experience, and perceive things. Howard Thurman did an excellent job of presenting the perspectives from all the various angles and stirs up the empathy and curiosity needed to stop, think, and truly take the time to understand. I wonder if he ever could have imagined the kind of "cancel culture" that currently exists which is all based around offense? If more people would read this book, we might actually stop this madness and begin the process of healing and unifying together! It just might help us tear down the walls of pride and protection that get built up as a result of the pain, anger, and unforgiveness that offense ushers in.

It's no coincidence that one of the many stories that he mentioned was a story that I was wanting to revisit and go deeper into ever since last weekend. It's the story in Matthew 15:21-28 where the Canaanite woman pursues Jesus for her daughter's healing. Fady, one of the IHOP students that I met last weekend, was talking about it with me as we were discussing persistence and contention for Casey's healing to come for his ears. He mentioned that on the surface, Jesus' encounter with the woman seemed so cold and offensive (I'm not going to go into all my deep digging, but here's a helpful explanation to get you started), but that we have to learn to embrace the "offensive God"; being relentless in our belief and pursuit of Him. No matter no matter how hard it is, we need to know and believe that He is GOOD! We'll receive our reward; just like the Canaanite woman and the persistent widow. We must keep contending!

This is EXACTLY the kind of thing that Howard Thurman goes to great lengths to explain in the book because we have to reconcile the offenses if we're to embrace Jesus and others. Breakthrough and healing can't come otherwise! It can be a hard thing; just read John 6:60-71! This is the part where many disciples desert Jesus. He outright asked "Does this offend you?" and asked His apostles if they too wanted to leave. Peter says, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” 

Oh, if we all could respond like Peter! Lord, we BELIEVE and KNOW who you are! There is no other that we can run to! If we cannot accept your words, which are words of eternal life, what words can we accept?! If your words offend us to the point where we become prideful, hardened, and unaccepting, we are bankrupt! Help us to work through every offense; whether it's offense at you or others. Help us to USE our offenses to run diagnostics on our soul so that we can discover our wounds and ask you to heal them (wow, it just dawned on me that this stuff is what we learned about in Vine school regarding healing prayer)!

As I continued to explore the depths of "offense", verse 71 jumped out at me because it mentioned Judas. So, I started exploring Judas. I found that it was after one of Jesus' anointings at Bethany (oh man, there's another side trail I won't go into but wow....check this out!) that Judas went to the Pharisees to discuss handing over Jesus. Why? It was more than just his selfishness and love of money. Judas, like the Pharisees, was offended at Jesus. His teachings, healings, and His display of mercy and compassion (even to "sinners"), were offensive to them. The hate and offenses that they had in their heart for "that" kind of woman, or for a tax collector, a gentile, a Roman, etc....was just too much to contend with. They could not accept it and rather than open their hardened hearts to the words of life and make it a WAY of life, their pride and hatred determined that it was too hard to embrace. 

As I kept digging in and praying over all of this, I brought my "offenses" to Jesus about Casey's healing. I know that he/we have to contend for it; and that realization is "offensive." Fady was also the one that talked about the story of the blind man, which contains the verse that God pointed out to me when Casey was a baby and we found out he couldn't hear: 

Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. - John 9:3. 

I have always believed that God's glory would be displayed in Casey. Up until recently, I thought that that was all that it meant (God definitely displays His glory through Casey in many ways!). It's not that I didn't want or ask for Casey to be healed and for THAT kind of glory to be displayed, but I had embraced Job's words of "shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Now, I have regrets regarding how infrequently we contended for healing in 18 years and how hard we have to contend for it now. Yet, I know God's timing and wisdom is infinitely greater than anything I can understand. God's grace covers all of this! I believe in who He is and His words of life and healing over Casey; and that it will happen for HIS glory and benefit when HE decides it's the most beneficial. I release the offense of not seeing it "yet" and believe that I WILL see it at some point. 

After releasing so much to the Lord, I felt like He was telling me to get my notebook from my purse. I write in it when He gives me insight. There is also a note tucked inside it. It's a page of prophetic words that were given to me by a very precious and dear friend of mine. I have read this note many times, and I felt Him saying "read it again." It wasn't until I reached the last part of it that I just stopped and started tearing up: "....walk out your calling - you are doing it! - even if it feels like it's slow & steady. Rest in the ordinary - in the gradual unfolding - He's got you!"  

Whoomp, there it is, folks!! Yet another confirmation that God is going to heal Casey's ears because these are the words that Casey heard himself! I don't know WHY it has to be "slow & steady" or WHEN it will happen, but it WILL! Waiting is hard because we don't know how long we are waiting (ask Abraham and Sarah!). Dear Lord, help me with this "gradual unfolding" and this "slow & steady" pace! It's like our outgoing Vineyard leader, Phil Strout, has said: we live in a "microwave culture" but with God, it's a "crockpot Kingdom."

It only gets more intense from here, folks! After that moment, I was due for an appointment to take Casey's hearing aids to the audiologist for repairs because they recently stopped functioning. Well, most specifically, the hearing aid for his "good ear" is acting up again; and we were JUST at the audiologist on April 1st and everything was fine! I thought maybe it was a sign; that God is taking them away because He won't be needing them (I sure hope so!). Of course, as of this moment, that isn't the case; still waiting for him to not need them to hear. In the meantime, Casey has to rely on lip-reading and sign language to communicate (which makes everything harder for him, his teachers, and all of us who interact with him). If there's anything I'm still struggling with, it's that. It's bad enough that Casey isn't healed yet, but to be without his hearing aids on top of it? Though, I just got a call before posting this that I can pick them up already and that they're good to go (thank you, Jesus!). 

When I left the audiologist yesterday, I started playing the remainder of the book on my Hoopla app while driving to the pharmacy drive-thru at Meijer. As I pulled up, I saw a blind man with his seeing eye dog. I know this man, so I stopped to talk with him and congratulate him on his new friend. As we were conversing, I asked him how long he'd been blind. He said his whole life; since like 18 months and that he couldn't see at all. He said his eyes were like glass. I told him I would love to pray for him and that I had a hearing impaired son whom I am currently contending for for healing. Then, he said the most heartbreaking thing ever: "I don't have the faith for that....I don't share your faith...I have seen too much, like with that girl running down those three kids at the bus stop, that I don't think anyone is in charge." He apologized a couple different times and said that was just how he felt. I just never would have thought this about him. He wasn't even angry when he said it and I have observed nothing but a kind spirit from this guy in all the time I've known him. I never would have guessed that this was where his heart was. I told him that I have seen the opposite; that even at my lowest when I was going through my divorce and feeling numb, God brought me back. I told him I had experienced so much that I knew He had to be real. "I'm sorry. I just don't share your faith," he said. I was at a loss for words, but one of the last things I said before we parted ways was that I hoped God would meet him where he was at. 

After I picked up my prescription and started the drive home, I prayed out loud: "Lord, he may not have the faith for it, but I do. Open his eyes, in the name of Jesus." I felt the Lord say, "I can't." Wait, what? "I can't. He's blind." Uh, yeah...obviously! Then, I remembered the book I was listening to and all I had learned that day. He's BLIND! He's blind like the Pharisees! Until his spiritual eyes see first, he can't comprehend the things of God or have the faith to accept and receive healing for his physical eyes:

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. - 2 Corinthians 4:3-4. 

Later on in the evening, I was telling my husband about this encounter; that I first needed to pray for the veil to be lifted and this man's spiritual eyes to be opened first (not coincidentally, I recently read all about this in "Intercessory Prayer" by Dutch Sheets). What we both have seen in life has been very different. He cannot see what I see because he doesn't have the lens of faith. I told Chris, "He has to have an encounter with Jesus first before He can see...." That's when I heard my own words and I stopped. That's what Victor had told me the night we were all praying for Casey! It's not like Casey doesn't already know and encounter Jesus, but this is obviously going to be something bigger and more powerful than anything he's ever experienced. It also dawned on me as I was praying this morning that just like the blind man has to "see" Jesus, Casey needs to "hear" Him. Casey often takes the voice of God literally; saying that he doesn't think he can hear Him because God's voice is a gentle whisper and "still small voice" and he says "I can't hear that because He's too quiet." I've been trying to encourage Casey to listen for God's voice with his heart/mind, but he's having a hard time comprehending what that means. Maybe that's the encounter and revelation we need to be praying for; that Casey will understand how to hear God's voice with his spiritual ears so the healing can come for his physical ears! We all know that this breakthrough is close and Gianna has shared with me a vision she had about him getting healed. I started to type it out here, but then felt like I wasn't supposed to publicly reveal the details. I'll hold onto it for now. All I know is that Jesus is the unveiler, revealer, and healer! We'll keep contending and pressing in, but it's all up to HIM! He does the work. He determines, the when, where, and how of it. 

One more thing that happened as I cried and prayed on my way to work was when I was asking God WHY He would even tell us about Casey being healed when it hasn't happened yet. Why even let us know it was coming and have us impatiently waiting for it? Why not just surprise us with it? I know He can do whatever and whenever; and I have learned to expect it. That's when He reminded me that up until a few months ago, Casey did not. He didn't think miracles like this still happened today. He thought it was only "back then" and he didn't have the faith for it anymore than the blind man does for his. God had to create that expectation for him and tell him it was coming. It was for Casey's sake, not mine, that we had to be told that it is on the way. Last Fall, we thought Casey was losing hearing and started going after his healing. Casey started taking it seriously and he had many powerful experiences with the Holy Spirit since then where we've been praying for him and he felt the presence of God. How kind of God to prep Casey; knowing that with his autism, it is helpful for him to have an awareness of what to expect. He had to lift that veil and show him that healing IS possible and still happens! Ever since then, he has been believing and asking for it! As a mom, it's hard to step back, but this is primarily between Casey and the Lord. These are his ears and his testimony. I want it so badly for him, but Fady's testimony of how his mom stepped back and let go (regarding his sister's healing) has been speaking to me too. As soon as she let go, God did His work in his sister. Alright, Lord, he's all yours! Work it out with him. You're in charge of this!

I feel so incredibly blessed by all the Lord showed me. Praying and digging into His Word really does bring about answers! Another book that I need to read or listen to again is "The Bait of Satan" by John Bevere. That's probably the most insightful book I've ever read regarding overcoming offense and learning to forgive! I strongly encourage you to check it out if you've read this long post of mine and find yourself wanting to know more! ;) My thanks to everyone who has been with Casey on this journey and those that have ministered to me as well. We're going to see a victory! Contend with me for Casey's healing and pray for that encounter that is going to bring it and for him to have his spiritual ears fully opened! Thank you, and amen!

Three Little Goals; One Big Start!

We all have what is called a "rock bottom." Even when we hit it, sometimes it still takes a while for it to become real and for us to do anything about it. That's how I have felt this past year; like I have hit my all-time low and just couldn't/wouldn't do anything to truly get up off the ground (and plunged myself into deeper sub-levels instead). Though, there were times where I thought things were getting better, only to get worse again. Though, as I explained in my last blog, a large part of that is my own fault. Bad choices and the flesh leading the spirit instead of the other way around. I made a mess on top of a mess and compounded my issues.

I've heard Dr. Phil say that sometimes something starts for one reason and then continues for another. Things happen that may or may not be in your control, but the way you choose to react is ALWAYS within your control! There is a lot about my divorce that I couldn't control, but how I coped with it could have been a LOT better! I won't detail my pain and mistakes right now, but what I will say is that I have finally had enough! Stuff happens, but the snowball effect doesn't have to! I don't have to allow things that ARE within my control to get OUT of control! I need to choose to make positive choices and remember that serenity prayer about learning to change what you can, accept what you can't, and have the wisdom to know which is which.

The things that I "know" need to transition to the things that I "do". Those that love me most (and even my own self) has told me to take time for me, heal, and wise up. I have struggled to find the meaning in that because the "how" of healing hasn't come easily. Maybe it should have (God being the obvious answer) but I chose indifference because I felt that with or without God, it really didn't matter anymore. I felt that my life is, and always has been, a mess regardless if God was my focus or not. So, what does it matter? In my heart, I knew/know it DOES make a difference and I need to truly remember the fact that I was much better off WITH God than without.

It's time to "forgive" God; as well as forgive myself. It's time to value and respect myself again and make peace with myself more than anything else. I need to stop punishing myself with my self-destructive behavior. Therefore, I am going to list a few steps that I am going to take right now to start bettering myself. The "all or nothing" Melissa wants to fix absolutely everything and go all out changing absolutely every single thing I can think of, but I realize it's overwhelming and unrealistic. That kind of pressure is what causes me to be harsh on myself again (and predestines me to burnout and failure). So, I won't attempt to fix everything all at once and I will be patient with myself in whatever steps I take (and accomplish) as I keep taking more. One day at a time, Melissa! Well, better yet, one moment at a time!

There are three things that I am going to do this week....

1. I am going to start reading Brian "Head" Welch's devotional book, "Stronger", once again. I had started it, but never finished it. At the very least, it will start feeding the faith that has dwindled away to next to nothing. And maybe, I will re-read C.S. Lewis' short and helpful little book "A Grief Observed" again. POWERFUL little read that details his own grieving process and rebuilding faith after loss.

2. I am going to be self-aware and mindful. I will do my best to challenge my thoughts and behaviors as they arise and reject the negative ones. Another Dr. Phil saying is that we don't break habits, we replace them with new ones. I have to choose and practice new habits and behaviors if I want to replace the old ones. I will be patient and remind myself that I have a lot to work on and while I can't fix it all at once, I am making progress. Any time I choose to affirm myself, and choose truth over lies, that is a success! I will apply the scriptures (that are still rooted in my being) whenever they come to mind in the situations I run across (like the one about not letting unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Confession: I have really developed a foul mouth that needs cleaned up!).

3. The kids and I will go to church on Sunday! I haven't been to church in months for various reasons (one being that I no longer feel that I have a church home). There is a church that I have always wanted to visit and that keeps coming to my mind every time I think about going back. I will finally go and check it out and see if maybe it would be a good fit/fresh start for us. If not, I will continue looking for a good fellowship of believers to get plugged in with.

I have so many other "changes" running through my head right now! I just want to keep going and going with "I'm going to start doing this...I'm going to stop doing that". That's what my "all or nothing" personality does! This is going to be hard to not start going absolutely crazy with trying to change so many things all at the same time. I have to remind myself to take it simple and slow...and I might actually change even more than I think without having to think TOO much! These three things are doable, and I will accomplish them this week!

I will remind myself of these goals the way Aslan told Jill in Narnia ("The Silver Chair")to keep reminding herself of the steps and signs she needed to remember to accomplish her mission. "Nothing else matters," he said. True that! This is priority number one and nothing else matters! I must remember my "mission" and concentrate on these goals! If I forget them, I will get distracted and off track just like she did in the story. I have to stay on track! I'll go over my goals out loud before I go to sleep; and even make myself identify and point out the things I did "right" that day.

THANK YOU to everyone who has been (and continues to be) in prayer for me! You love me more than I have loved myself! I appreciate it! I am getting there!! God bless you!

Rejection (Part 3)

This is the final blog in the trilogy about the subject of rejection. And, happily, this is also the best of the three because this blog talks about the healing that we can receive after rejection. We don’t have to carry the pain forever!!

Beth Moore cites 1 Peter 2:4-10 and how we who are rejected by men are CHOSEN by God. Just as Jesus was rejected and killed by HIS OWN CREATION, we too can expect to be rejected by our own brothers and sisters. And, just as Beth pointed out, when we are rejected, they are rejecting HIM more than they are US. HE lives IN us (Luke 6:22, Luke 10:16). It’s because of this fact that I have learned not to take rejection personally anymore. I’ve realized (specifically within the last year) that it is GOD they are TRULY offending and rejecting (though, of course, I am saddened and upset when people reject my Savior). God will have His say about the ones who reject Him. I like how Beth brought up 1 Samuel 8:7 where God says: “…Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.” Therefore, I won’t get all worked up about someone’s opinions, judgments, condemnation, or rejection of me; because it‘s truly not about “me.” Any time I start to forget, the Holy Spirit reminds and assures me, “It’s not about you, Melissa.” Praise God for that!! It’s all about HIM!

Furthermore, Beth described both the sovereignty and supremacy of God. He is Lord of all things and all situations. He both permits and restrains what He wills, and it’s ALL for our good and because He loves us!! In fact, sometimes, rejection is a blessing! She asked if any of us could look back at a time where we were rejected and realize, now, that it was the best thing that could have happened. She said it likely didn’t feel good at the time, and we hated it more than anything, but it was for our benefit. Case and point with an old boyfriend or girlfriend. We may have thought that they were right for us, but looking back, we see just how wrong that relationship was for us! She said that sometimes, God allows that door to slam shut in our face for our own good!! I can’t count the number of times that God shut doors for me and spared me so much anguish! I didn’t see it at the time, but I see it NOW as I look back! One such example was when Mitch and I were dead set on purchasing a certain house. It had a big yard and Mitch’s “dream garage” (what is it with men and garages?! LOL). Everything was great on the outside, but the inside was small and had a few problems; including a bit of water in the basement. However, we REALLY wanted the house. We made one or two offers, and the sellers wouldn’t accept them; we were REJECTED! It was frustrating, but later on, we found the house that we live in now, and it was clearly better that the other house (and our offer was ACCEPTED)!! It may not be the greatest on the outside, but it’s WONDERFUL on the inside (and the insides are what count most anyways - Matthew 23:25-26). Also, we found out later that the house we wanted so badly was filled with toxic mold!! PRAISE YOU JESUS FOR SHUTTING THAT DOOR!!!!

There are many times we don’t understand the “doors” in our lives. Some are open and some are closed. And, other times, doors that were once open become shut (and vice versa). Beth said sometimes, you have rejection on one hand so you can have reconciliation on the other. Perhaps the rejection of a friend, spouse, relative, etc. opens the door for reconciliation between you and another person to reconcile who previously kept their distance because of the relationship you had with the one who rejected you. The scenarios are endless, but there is a purpose for all of them!

Speaking of reconciliation, that was the subject of discussion after we watched the Beth Moore video. The church counselor emphasized that reconciliation isn’t always necessary or wise in all situations. There are cases in which relationships are so toxic and unhealthy that reconciliation should not be made (such as in cases of abuse - whatever form that may take; physical, sexual, mental, emotional, verbal, etc.). Also, it is wiser to peaceably part ways if the relationship in question is causing division, strife, dissension, quarrels, etc. (Proverbs 15:18, Proverbs 22:24, Romans 16:17-18, 2 Timothy 2:23, Titus 3:10). We are to make every effort to live at peace with each other (Romans 12:18) and sometimes, peace can only occur if ties are broken (whether temporarily or permanently as the Spirit leads). One must learn to let go of control and let God handle those who have a hard time getting along with others and cannot refrain from stirring up drama and conflict. No one can control or change another person, and it’s important to know when to step aside and let the Holy Spirit take over so the person can learn, grow, and experience change and healing in their heart (something only God can do and we got to know when to stop interfering and hindering that process and be obedient in stepping aside). Yes, it’s difficult (especially if it’s a family member or someone you are really close to) but REAL Agape love that comes from the Holy Spirit will enable you to do what’s right; even when it’s difficult and painful.

Needless to say, of course, there SHOULD be forgiveness regardless if you’re reconciled or not (for the sake of your own heart more than anything). Unforgiveness is poisonous and will imprison and enslave you. There’s no peace and joy in that, and it only serves as a gateway to other fruits of the sinful nature like bitterness, anger, hatred, etc. Those fruits are the perfect example of the negative effects of rejection, if undealt with, and how that “vacancy” (as mentioned in the previous blog) can cause us to invite unpleasant elements into our lives that should never be welcomed! Or, maybe even worse, we invite in what would ordinarily be a good thing only to become too dependent on the fulfillment that we THINK we’ll get from it (more food, money, clothes, a new job, new friends, new love interest, new baby, etc.). Those things are “good” but they don’t address the heart of the issue - only Jesus can heal, fill, and fulfill the void(s) in your heart! I should know, every one of those “good things” served as a solution to my “vacancy” at some point or another in my life - but did NOT satisfy beyond a temporary high. Having too much of a “good thing” will be your downfall if it becomes an idol and is elevated above God! God doesn’t like the competition (Exodus 20:5). Hopefully, you won’t have to have a humbling and painful wake-up call in some way or another in order to realize that. God may allow you to lose that which you hold dear in order to help you re-adjust your focus (case and point, the current economy crisis. Be careful who/what you put your hope in! We‘ll reap what we sow, America!!!).

One final note that Beth Moore concluded with was something that really touched my heart. It was the fact that in 1 Corinthians 13:8, Paul assures us that “love never fails.” Isn’t that glorious?! Beth said that the Greek transliteration for that is ekpipto which means “to drop away,…to fall (away, off).” In other words, she said, it doesn’t drop to the ground. One way or another, the “fruit” (love) you offer and invest in people is accepted. It’s not all for nothing!! If they reject it, God catches that “fruit” before it hits the ground. HE accepts it! GOD is love, and Isaiah 55:11 tells us that His Word won’t return to Him void and empty!

I pray that these words have blessed you as much as it has blessed me! I am overjoyed at knowing that the love of Christ that I share with people NEVER falls to the ground! My efforts are never wasted; even if they aren’t accepted by the recipient. Also, Beth said that if we didn’t know the pain of rejection, we wouldn’t know the joy of acceptance! If the “failed” love of others had never failed at all, how would we appreciate the UNFAILING LOVE of God? Those are some powerful thoughts! I pray that they will be as precious to you as they are to me!! Cling to the fact that there is ONE who never fails! I may fail you, and others may fail you (though it surely is never my intent….but be prepared! I am human and I do make mistakes!) but God never will! Thank goodness!!

Grace and peace to all of you! I pray that all of us may rejoice in the joy of acceptance rather than the rejections of our past. Here’s to hoping that we all have our “rejection tinted sunglasses” off and that we will be blessed with healing, joy, forgiveness, and peace!! God bless you all!!

Rejection (Part 2)

In the previous blog, “word pictures of rejection” was explored. Now, it’s time to look at the “wounds of rejection” in connection with the definitions of rejection we just learned about.

Beth Moore made several different points in this section. Point number one is that “Rejection can wound deeper and last longer than hosts of other injuries.” She even went as far to say that we translate rejection more than we do acceptance. Psalm 27:10 says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Yet, we so often miss the promise of that verse because we are so focused on our pain. We overlook the comfort and cling to our misery; we just can’t let go! We focus on the rejection of our parents, siblings, friends, spouse, etc. more than we do God’s enduring guarantee of unfailing love and acceptance from Him!

In illustrating the preceding concept, Beth put on a pair of old-fashioned sunglasses that were her grandmother’s. She says she often puts them on and just looks in the mirror (and it looked rather humorous! LOL). She said looking through the tint of those ridiculous looking glasses is like looking at the world through the tint of rejection. We won’t take off those ridiculous glasses and instead, everything is colored and tainted by those lenses of pain. Everyone else pays for the offenses that OTHERS cause us. We view everyone through that filter and punish them for the mistakes others made in our lives. Beth encouraged us all to take our glasses off! It’s time to see clearly!

The next point she made was: “Rejection tempts us to invite things into our lives we might never have welcomed.” She said it’s that neon “vacancy” sign inviting things in that we never dreamed that we would! Trauma cripples us and leaves us vulnerable. The longer we wallow in our pain and refuse treatment for our recovery, the more prone we are to further infection!

The third point she made is much like last one: “Rejection can empower us to act in ways we never dreamed of behaving.” How many times has our own pain caused us to lash out irrationally towards someone that didn’t cause our original pain to begin with? Or, maybe we have started to act and be a totally different person than what we were before in order to cope with our pain. Maybe we have turned to some sort of addiction, lifestyle, or person in order to cope. Beth cited an example of someone marrying someone they barely knew just to get back at the prior person that rejected them. She said, “Yeah, I sure showed them!” Who’s REALLY being punished, though? One’s own hasty decisions most often turns out to be YOUR punishment, not theirs! Revenge isn’t so sweet!

The last point she made was: “Rejection claims two erroneous repairs: To recover what rejected it“ and/or “To reject what rejected it.” I’m sure we have all been on both the giving and receiving ends of both of these scenarios! Beth said that in the first case, we are trying desperately to hold onto what rejected us. Sometimes, it’s a good thing to reconcile and other times, it’s a blessing in the case of situations where the relationship is toxic. Either way, however, that kind of desperate dependency isn’t healthy. A person’s worth isn’t dependent on whether or not they are approved and accepted by what rejected them. No one controls your worth, just as you can’t control theirs!

The second claim of rejection (rejecting what rejected you) is just as harmful if you are coming from that place of control. One example I can think of is when someone breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Then, after they change their mind, they attempt to get back together. The person that was first rejected then reconciles just long enough to reject them back. Beth Moore said it’s the “I’ll reject you before you can reject me” mentality - and it’s a person’s way of trying to have the “last word.”

If you’re like me, every single rejection scenario has probably played out in your life. One person in our group brought up grade school. There is a LOT of rejection that goes on in our school years! Personally, I felt rejected a LOT! I wasn’t in the “popular” crowds. So, I know how it felt to be “left out” and I tried to be inclusive to others (especially if they were the “new kid” at school). Though, I have had my moments where I was just as bad as the other kids and I sat by and said nothing, or laughed along with people when they picked on the kids that weren’t accepted. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. We’ve all been rejecters and rejectees; both past and present (and most likely in the future). It’s the kind of fallen world we live in.

Rejection is a sad part of life. Though, there is redemption in rejection!! The ray of light to this subject is in the next blog!! Grace and peace to all of you!!

Rejection (Part 1)

These past few weeks, I have been attending the “Living Beyond Yourself” Beth Moore study group. This is the first time I have ever read/watched anything of Beth Moore’s, and I must say, I am getting so much out of it!! This is a great study on the fruit of the Spirit and so much more!! I wish I could blog everything that we have been learning, but there is SO MUCH to it! I highly recommend this to everyone! If you have a chance to do this study, DO IT! It’s SO WORTH IT!

One thing in particular that I wanted to share is what we learned last week. In the video we watched, Beth Moore talked about this nasty three-syllable word that none of us like: rejection. It’s interesting what images and feelings come to mind when we hear that word isn’t it? When I heard it, I thought “Oh boy, I don’t want to sit here and listen to her describe it! I’ve had enough already!” However, I stayed, listened, and took it all in. I’m glad I did, because it really helped me; and I felt the nudge to blog it because I know that everyone can relate to this! So, if you have been rejected (and we ALL have!) keep reading! As Beth Moore said, “there is life after rejection”!

Since she covered so much in the video, I will break it up into the three parts she did and put it into three different blogs. This first part is “Word Pictures Of Rejection”. Part two is “Wounds Of Rejection”. And finally, part three is “Divine Healing”. Here are my notes from part one:

Beth Moore said that “all we need to create an environment for rejection is relationship.” I think the majority of us have figured that out! You can’t very well be rejected unless you connect with someone first. This is why some avoid socialization and relationships altogether. We fear eventual rejection and all the emotions that come with it. Eventually, we realize that the closer we get to a person, the greater the potential there is for them to hurt us if something should ever go wrong in the relationship. So, naturally, we sometimes build walls to protect ourselves. It’s hard to face the certainty that in this life, we WILL experience rejection. Even Jesus’ disciples betrayed and rejected Him (and many still reject Him today!). If this happens to our own Savior, then what would make us exempt?

Beth Moore defined rejection in several different verses. In Mark 8:31, Jesus talked about how He was going to be rejected by many, killed, and then after three days be resurrected. Beth said: “The Greek transliteration for rejected (apodokimazo) means to reject as the result of examination and testing of one’s qualifications for an office. Later, it came to mean to put out of office or place, to reject, disapprove, refuse.” In other words, this meaning of rejection boils down to “I’ve put you to the test and you don’t measure up.” Who among us has failed someone’s “measure up” test? Everyone one of us has been judged, condemned, and rejected by SOMEONE at some point in our lives. We’ve all been on both sides of the spectrum too. We have all been judged as well as the judges. We’ve all set expectations for ourselves and other people. We’ve failed others, and others have failed us. It’s painful; both on the giving and receiving ends.

Another definition of rejection comes from the scripture in Isaiah 53:3 which reads: “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Beth said: “Strong’s definition of the Hebrew for rejected (chadel) adds the meaning: vacant.” Vacant. That’s another ugly word isn’t it? Vacancy equals “emptiness” and who likes the presence of emptiness? Lingering voids nag at us. Unsatisfied longings are a “stronghold waiting to happen.” Sadly, I’m sure we can all think of an example of that! What kinds of things have we allowed into our “vacancies”; to fill us as a result of the void that rejection left?

Lastly, Beth gives us Galatians 4:14 in which Paul says: “And my temptation which was in my flesh ye despised not, nor rejected; but received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.” Beth said the Greek transliteration here is ekptuo Ek meaning “out” and Ptuo meaning “to spit.” (She said Ptuo is the sound your mouth makes when you spit!). So, rejection is “spitting out” something or someone. Have you ever been “spit out” (or been the spitter?). Not pretty is it?

Now that we have established that rejection is being put out, spit out, and left vacant, we can now delve into part two which deals with the “Wounds Of Rejection.” We all have wounds; we’ve all been hurt (and have hurt others). However, there is hope and healing!! We needn’t bear the weight of rejection for our whole lives! If you want to know how to let go and move on, read parts two and three!! Grace and peace to you!!

AWESOME ANSWERS!!!

So many times, we take things for granted; like our health. With so many people coming down with colds and the flu (my kids included) I just wanted to take a break to praise God that I haven’t gotten anything!! I hope that I will be spared from catching my kids’ colds and that God would continue to keep me healthy - so I can keep up with everything!! My prayers go out to all of you who are battling illness or injury. May God’s blessings and healing be with you as you recover.

So, since our kids were sick, our plans for church changed a little today. We were both scheduled to give blood at the blood drive at church today. So, Mitch went first and I stayed home with the kids. Then, I went to church when he came home.

Today’s blood donation experience was rather pleasant!! As many of you may know from reading my past blogs, I usually have a difficult time of giving blood - if I even get to at all!! Often times, my iron is one point low and I get turned away. Or, once I give, I get nauseous, dizzy, etc. and just take FOREVER! However, today was a GREAT day!! I was one point above the minimum (praise God!) and gave my pint in an all new record for myself: eleven minutes lol. So, I was also excited because being so quick, I could still catch the last half of the service and hear the message. However, this was one of those Sundays in which they chose to switch it up. They did the message FIRST and THEN the worship time. So,…. sorry peeps!! I will have to wait until they upload the audio on the church website, for me to listen to, before I can blog about it. Anyways, that’s ok, because I never did get around to blogging about last week’s message (which I will blog about once I finish THIS blog lol). By the way, feel free to listen to any of the past sermons I have blogged about on the church website!! Chad’s parable of the sower series (entitled “Noise”) is now on the site in its entirety!! If you liked my blogs on that, you’ll love to hear Chad preaching it!

Ok,….anyways…..I got a little bit more to say today because after church, I went to a prayer appreciation lunch. Members of the prayer team all gathered together for lunch, sharing, and prayer. It was great because Kim, Alicia, and Chris all shared about the vision, goals, and experiences of the prayer team and how they hoped God was going to grow us in the many different areas! I just can’t wait to see what else God will do in peoples’ lives and I‘m happy to be a part of the team!!

One of the high points of the lunch was when Kim had a family testify about the power of prayer and the greatness of God through their tough times; as well as the better times that followed. They had stepped out in faith and moved to Life Church’s sister church when we did a church plant a few years ago. They were also going through some tough medical circumstances with their son who was at Riley Hospital and getting surgeries for Spina Bifida. They were wondering how they were going to be able to pay for all their bills and miraculously, they said that God found a way and when they got their bills, they were ZERO!! She thought there must have been some mistake, but no. The doctor (who is a believer as well) had their costs reduced and then, the hospital eventually just wrote everything off. AMAZING!! God sure does provide and He always makes a way!!

He also made a way for them to adopt a special needs child; a child with Spina Bifida just like their son. The biological parents already had two children and they didn’t want a third. They had considered abortion, but then decided not to go through with it. Then, when they found out that the baby was going to have disabilities, they considered it once again (yeah, that just made me cringe and want to vomit!). But, they decided they couldn’t because it was too expensive to get one and they would have to go out-of-state to get a partial birth abortion (I know… the thought is horrifying!). I just thank GOD that even though that these parents are believers, God saved this child and found a new family for this precious little girl that we got the pleasure of seeing at this prayer lunch today!! It was just amazing to see how God orchestrated the whole thing, saved the baby, and provided a grant to the family to adopt since the child has special needs. God just took care of everything!!

These were just some of the many blessings that I was privileged to hear about today!! I am just so thankful that through prayer, we can move the hand of God!! I too have seen MANY answers to prayer in my life and in the lives of others that I pray for, as well as the people who tell me their “God-stories“. It would take me DAYS to tell you about them all!!

I’m eager to see more answers to prayer, which is why I’m going to mention a few requests right now. Of course, I am still requesting prayer for Haley Chaney. She is making amazing progress considering her brain injuries, and will be entering rehab soon. You can find her updates on her care page (you will have to register to view it). But, to briefly update you, she is trying hard to sit up, stand, and even WALK! She isn’t talking yet, but she is making motions and gestures. She is just amazing everyone with that determined and willful spirit of hers!! She is a living breathing miracle!! Continue to pray for healing and her progress and that she would be completely restored!! She and the Chaney family greatly appreciate your prayers!!

Also, continue to pray for Alyssa Shutt and her family (Alyssa was the one driving the car). She’s having an especially rough time emotionally. This whole community has just been hit really hard. A lot of our youth have been suffering lately. I think Satan is desperately trying to silence and oppress the young generation that is rising up against him and that is why so many of our youth are being afflicted. Well, Jesus is Lord in our community!! Satan, you are not welcome here and we are praying against you!! You can’t touch this!! :P We will not be silenced, torn apart, or destroyed!! We are united in prayer and love!!

I also have a request that Chris brought up before the people at the lunch. A little boy named Alex has leukemia and his brother, Samuel, is going to provide him with the bone marrow transplant this Friday. So, be in prayer for that. I guess Chris also said that their father had died from leukemia. So, they have been through a lot already.

I also have two unnamed requests. One is the one that I brought up in a blog previously (which I don’t have any updates or progress on as of right now). And, the other one is another request of GREAT importance!!! I can’t mention specifics, but just pray for God’s provision, healing, and just for God to do MIRACLES!! God has brought about much progress recently, but much more prayer is needed!! So, I thank you for being in prayer about these urgent requests!! If circumstances get better and allow me to reveal the nature of these requests, I will be sure to disclose it and let you know what your prayers have done!!

And, my final request is that you be in prayer for Mike Huckabee today. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, a bunch of people have been rallying for prayer for Mike today. So, please remember him in your prayers!! I don’t care what anyone says about his “chances.” Republican nomination or not, he STILL gets my vote; even if it comes down to a write-in!! None of us have to compromise our principles and vote for someone who doesn’t represent whole-heartedly what we believe in!! We STILL have a voice!! Please, pray hard for him and that God would just amaze everyone by making a way for Mike to become president!! There is NO ONE better suited for the job. There is NO OTHER CANDIDATE that is 100% pro-life, pro-marriage/family, pro-faith and freedom, etc. (and he ALWAYS has been!! He has NEVER wavered, flip-flopped his beliefs, or changed his position right before running for election…..unlike McCain….please read his contradictions for yourself at the link provided).

Anyways, I’m thankful for all that God has done, is doing, and WILL do!! Prayer is awesome!! It really does wonders!! Let’s all keep tapping into God’s power so that we can keep seeing his awesome answers and miracles!! Keep praying and keeping the faith everyone!!! God bless you!!

Update on Haley

I would like to thank all of my friends and readers who are faithful and blessed prayer warriors!! Please, keep praying!! Everyone's prayers for Haley are prevailing!! Here is the update that Tony and Angie posted today on Haley's Care page:

Family and Friends, praise God for hearing the prayers of his people. We have won another great victory today in the powerful name of Jesus. Today was a great day! Angie and I never thought we would be so happy just to see Haley yaaaaawwn…blink…glance around the room…then look at us with those big blue eyes.

The last time Haley was in ICU was when she was born. She was premature and only weighed around 5 pounds. They had to hook her up to some tubes then too, because she had trouble breathing. The emotion surprised us. Angie and I went back in time. It seemed strange to be celebrating the same simple pleasures 17 years later. We welcomed Haley into the world…again.

Last night around 2:00am, Haley was restless, coughing, and gagging. At 4:00am, she decided it was time for the vent tube to come out. She gave some BIG coughs, and the nurses pulled it out. She did wonderful! Her breathing was relaxed and all vitals were healthy. Haley woke up at about 8am..

They unhooked and unplugged stuff all afternoon. She is down to one IV for fluids and/or medication. She still has the nose feeding tube. NO tracheotomy for Haley! Yay God!

At around noon, the neurosurgeon’s assistant came and removed the ICP probe from Haley’s head. I watched as she unscrewed it with a little wrench and pulled it out…Ouch. It was the last piece of equipment that was a reminder of her “Critical” condition. Haley is officially classified as “Stable.”

At 2:30pm, nurses increased tube feedings and turned off IV fluids. It will take a while for all the medications to wear off. Haley is still very groggy. We are preparing for rehab and praying for miraculous healing of neural pathways and connections. She probably will be taken to the Rehab Hospital of Indiana in Indianapolis, maybe next week.

Prayer Requests: Complete healing or re-routing of neural pathways and brain tissue; for the Holy Spirit to continue to prompt all of us to be on our knees for miracles! Jesus is more than able and willing to do more than we can ask or imagine! The power of prayer is amazing. Jesus is glorified.

WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Tony & Angie C.

Pray for Haley

Today, I am urgently requesting prayer for Haley Chaney. There was a call to prayer and fasting yesterday at church and we met in the prayer room last night to gather in prayer for Haley. We will also be meeting tonight as well.

Haley is the daughter of Angie and Tony Chaney. Tony used to pastor the youth at our church and he and his family are blessed wonderful servants of the Lord!! Pray for Haley’s healing; and for strength and comfort for the family. If you want to read about the events that led up to Haley’s hospitalization, you can click on the link provided. You can also visit Haley’s Care Page to view updates, post comments, and let the family know that you are praying for them (you‘ll have to sign up to view/comment on the page).

This is such a rough time for the community. We have had a lot of heartache and tragedy amongst our youth in this area. Just recently, William Krinn was accidentally shot and killed by one of his friends, and it really sent shockwaves throughout the area. There are just so many hurting people right now. Pray for the healing of this community and for God to bring good things out of these tragedies. We do have the assurance that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). In fact, it was mentioned at the prayer meeting that the boy who accidentally shot William Krinn is now one of the people helping to comfort others who are coping with Haley’s tragedy. It was said that you would have never known that he was the same boy because only a short time before, he was so down and on suicide watch.

Also pray for Alyssa Shutt. She was the one driving when her and Haley were in the accident. Alyssa is fine, but she is understandably going through a hard time emotionally. Please pray for strength and encouragement for her and her family!

Alicia Hill read Psalm 91 last night as we prayed over members of the Shutt family - and for Haley. It’s a blessed comfort, and if you’re personally hurting as well, do what Alicia did and put your name in the Psalm and make it a prayer like she did when she prayed it for Alyssa:

Psalm 91

1 Alyssa that dwelleths in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2Alyssa will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3Surely he shall deliver Alyssa from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4He shall cover Alyssa with his feathers, and under his wings shalt Alyssa trust: his truth shall be her shield and buckler.

5Alyssa shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7A thousand shall fall at Alyssa’s side, and ten thousand at her right hand; but it shall not come nigh Alyssa.

8Only with her eyes shalt she behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9Because Alyssa hast made the LORD, which is her refuge, even the most High, her habitation;

10There shall no evil befall Alyssa, neither shall any plague come nigh her dwelling.

11For he shall give his angels charge over Alyssa, to keep her in all thy ways.

12They shall bear Alyssa up in their hands, lest thou dash her foot against a stone.

13Alyssa shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt she trample under feet.

14Because he hath set his love upon Alyssa, therefore will I deliver her: I will set her on high, because she hath known my name.

15Alyssa shall call upon me, and I will answer her: I will be with her in trouble; I will deliver her, and honour her.

16With long life will I satisfy Alyssa, and shew her my salvation.

I am also comforted by my daily Bible reading in which I read Psalm 119 today (which, of course, is the longest chapter in the Bible). The particular verses that really spoke to me about Haley and all pain amongst us were these:

67 Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word

71It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes

77Let thy tender mercies come unto me, that I may live: for thy law is my delight

105Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path

114Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word

133Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me

143Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me: yet thy commandments are my delights

153Consider mine affliction, and deliver me: for I do not forget thy law.

165Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.


Tragedy has the unique ability to bring us closer to God. So many times, when life is going good, we become prideful, arrogant, and self-sufficient and often times, it takes a tragic event to wake us up and draw us back to the Lord (just like on 9/11). Even when you ARE walking with the Lord (like the Chaneys) you still aren’t exempt from trouble. Just like with Job, he didn’t deserve all the tragedy that befell him either. But, the Lord allowed him to be tested; spared his life; and restored Him. That is what he will do with the Chaneys - and this whole community!! Whenever trouble hits, we band together in support and prayer and we overcome it by the grace of God. Therefore, I expect to see miracles!!

God will restore and heal!! God is still good, and His Word and promises will be our refuge and strength. He really is our hiding place; our shield and our hope. We will not be overtaken and dominated by iniquity. We will still give God praise and delight in him. He will remember our faithfulness and He will bring peace and healing through His own faithfulness!! Our God is a great God and a God of miracles!! He is the God of “the impossible” and I can’t wait to see what God is going to do for Haley as she is healed and restored!!