Three Little Goals; One Big Start!

We all have what is called a "rock bottom." Even when we hit it, sometimes it still takes a while for it to become real and for us to do anything about it. That's how I have felt this past year; like I have hit my all-time low and just couldn't/wouldn't do anything to truly get up off the ground (and plunged myself into deeper sub-levels instead). Though, there were times where I thought things were getting better, only to get worse again. Though, as I explained in my last blog, a large part of that is my own fault. Bad choices and the flesh leading the spirit instead of the other way around. I made a mess on top of a mess and compounded my issues.

I've heard Dr. Phil say that sometimes something starts for one reason and then continues for another. Things happen that may or may not be in your control, but the way you choose to react is ALWAYS within your control! There is a lot about my divorce that I couldn't control, but how I coped with it could have been a LOT better! I won't detail my pain and mistakes right now, but what I will say is that I have finally had enough! Stuff happens, but the snowball effect doesn't have to! I don't have to allow things that ARE within my control to get OUT of control! I need to choose to make positive choices and remember that serenity prayer about learning to change what you can, accept what you can't, and have the wisdom to know which is which.

The things that I "know" need to transition to the things that I "do". Those that love me most (and even my own self) has told me to take time for me, heal, and wise up. I have struggled to find the meaning in that because the "how" of healing hasn't come easily. Maybe it should have (God being the obvious answer) but I chose indifference because I felt that with or without God, it really didn't matter anymore. I felt that my life is, and always has been, a mess regardless if God was my focus or not. So, what does it matter? In my heart, I knew/know it DOES make a difference and I need to truly remember the fact that I was much better off WITH God than without.

It's time to "forgive" God; as well as forgive myself. It's time to value and respect myself again and make peace with myself more than anything else. I need to stop punishing myself with my self-destructive behavior. Therefore, I am going to list a few steps that I am going to take right now to start bettering myself. The "all or nothing" Melissa wants to fix absolutely everything and go all out changing absolutely every single thing I can think of, but I realize it's overwhelming and unrealistic. That kind of pressure is what causes me to be harsh on myself again (and predestines me to burnout and failure). So, I won't attempt to fix everything all at once and I will be patient with myself in whatever steps I take (and accomplish) as I keep taking more. One day at a time, Melissa! Well, better yet, one moment at a time!

There are three things that I am going to do this week....

1. I am going to start reading Brian "Head" Welch's devotional book, "Stronger", once again. I had started it, but never finished it. At the very least, it will start feeding the faith that has dwindled away to next to nothing. And maybe, I will re-read C.S. Lewis' short and helpful little book "A Grief Observed" again. POWERFUL little read that details his own grieving process and rebuilding faith after loss.

2. I am going to be self-aware and mindful. I will do my best to challenge my thoughts and behaviors as they arise and reject the negative ones. Another Dr. Phil saying is that we don't break habits, we replace them with new ones. I have to choose and practice new habits and behaviors if I want to replace the old ones. I will be patient and remind myself that I have a lot to work on and while I can't fix it all at once, I am making progress. Any time I choose to affirm myself, and choose truth over lies, that is a success! I will apply the scriptures (that are still rooted in my being) whenever they come to mind in the situations I run across (like the one about not letting unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Confession: I have really developed a foul mouth that needs cleaned up!).

3. The kids and I will go to church on Sunday! I haven't been to church in months for various reasons (one being that I no longer feel that I have a church home). There is a church that I have always wanted to visit and that keeps coming to my mind every time I think about going back. I will finally go and check it out and see if maybe it would be a good fit/fresh start for us. If not, I will continue looking for a good fellowship of believers to get plugged in with.

I have so many other "changes" running through my head right now! I just want to keep going and going with "I'm going to start doing this...I'm going to stop doing that". That's what my "all or nothing" personality does! This is going to be hard to not start going absolutely crazy with trying to change so many things all at the same time. I have to remind myself to take it simple and slow...and I might actually change even more than I think without having to think TOO much! These three things are doable, and I will accomplish them this week!

I will remind myself of these goals the way Aslan told Jill in Narnia ("The Silver Chair")to keep reminding herself of the steps and signs she needed to remember to accomplish her mission. "Nothing else matters," he said. True that! This is priority number one and nothing else matters! I must remember my "mission" and concentrate on these goals! If I forget them, I will get distracted and off track just like she did in the story. I have to stay on track! I'll go over my goals out loud before I go to sleep; and even make myself identify and point out the things I did "right" that day.

THANK YOU to everyone who has been (and continues to be) in prayer for me! You love me more than I have loved myself! I appreciate it! I am getting there!! God bless you!

CrAZy About YOU!!

What’s so great about Jesus? Have you ever thought about that? That’s the current question that Chad began delving into last Sunday. Whether you’re a new Christian, mature Christian, or not at all, you’ll hopefully see in a very real and beautiful way what is so “great” about Jesus.

Above any other “god” or “religion” Jesus is a cut above the rest; not solely because the gospel is true, but because of His love and passion. It’s all about this point that Chad really drove home: He’s crazy about us!! Do you know that? He’s crazy about you!! He loves you and loves you deeply!! He sacrificed His own life for you and is (at this moment) preparing a place for you in heaven to join Him. He came once to save us and to spare us from condemnation (John 3:16-18) and is coming back AGAIN to take us home! Is there any other “god” that pursues like that? Is there any other “gospel” that speaks of such passionate love? Is there anything that promises and delivers like Jesus does? Is there any other that has sacrificed his life for you and is coming back for you (and that is WITH YOU in the meantime)? Jesus said He is always with us (Matthew 28:20). His presence comforts and sustains us in this world as we wait to be with Him.

You want to know how crazy God is for you? Consider the story in Luke 15:8-10: “Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.”

The last verse is the kicker; about how there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. Think about that. Someone is rejoicing like crazy in the presence of the angels. That someone is GOD Himself!! The Father in heaven is celebrating like CRAZY when a lost one is found!! He is CRAZY ABOUT YOU!!! It doesn’t matter if you have been lost a little while or a long time. Whenever you come home, there is rejoicing! He loves you; and it’s an amazing and passionate love like nothing else!! Unconditional, sacrificial, beautiful, perfect love!!

How do you feel about knowing that? Is it hard to take in for one reason or another? Maybe you feel like what Chad described as he held up a t-shirt; the dirtiest shirt he said he had seen. His son was wearing it one day and he commented about the filth. His son brought his arms inside his shirt, flipped it around, and put his arms back through the sleeves. So often, we do the same thing. Our lives are filthy. No matter how much we flip it around, or even turn it inside out, it’s dirty. How are we going to clean it? “We” can’t. The shirt (us) needs to be washed. Who’s the launderer? Jesus. His blood (detergent) washes and purifies that shirt. Ah, a clean shirt! Doesn’t that feel good?!! Chad said Jesus is just like a clean shirt. Indeed, He makes all things new!! Your life can be a clean shirt!! Come home! Surrender the “shirt.” Let Him wash it! Don’t be ashamed by the filth. He welcomes you and rejoices over you no matter how “dirty” you are! Every single one of us needs a clean shirt, and Jesus is there to provide it. That love on the cross is what washes us!

Isn’t that a beautiful and refreshing thought? Or, are you still not convinced? Is the idea of God’s craziness for you just plain foolishness in your mind? 1 Corinthians 1:18 says that the gospel is silly to those that are perishing but POWER to those who are being saved. Two perspectives based on two different choices; salvation/life or condemnation/death. If it’s foolishness to you now, know that it’s not too late to make a new and better choice; a choice of salvation, life, and power. Why miss the power of God NOW and for all eternity later?

Even if you are already a Christian, maybe it’s still a little “foolish” to you because you can’t comprehend how much He loves you. Whatever the case may be, perhaps you need a little more proof. Chad shared a website with us called “I Am Second”. It’s full of amazing video testimonies from people talking about their stories of how Jesus became first in their lives (and now they are second). In fact, Mitch loves the site so much that he’s watched nearly every video by now! Some of the videos that will likely catch your eye are those of Joe Gibbs, Josh Hamilton, Stephen Baldwin, Jason Castro (former American Idol contestant), Darrell Waltrip, and Brian Welch (former member of the band “Korn” - and fellow band member Fieldy has converted as well!). There are also many non-celebrity testimonies too, like the one of Richard Ellis that they showed during service last Sunday. I wish I could talk about each and every one of them, but I wouldn’t know where to begin!! They are all AMAZING!! I encourage you to visit the site for yourself and watch as many as you can whenever you can! Let them tell you their own stories (it’s better hearing it from them rather than me anyways). ;) I really liked Brian’s and Josh’s. They had some amazing stories and profound statements as they talked about the junk they went through, the turning points in their lives, and how Jesus changed it all!!! I also really liked how Chris Plekenpol talked about how he could have saved the life of a suicide bomber in Iraq, but that he wasn’t willing to risk his life for his enemy. Yet, Christ died for all of us; whether we care for Him or not. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

I hope that through those video testimonies (and even your own story) you can see what’s “great” about Jesus. There’s no one and nothing else like Him!! Maybe I’ll make a short video sometime and share my story as best as I can. As they all said in theirs, so I’ll say now, “My name is Melissa, and I am second.”

Grace and peace to all of you!! I would love to read (or watch) your “I am second” story!! Feel free to share!! God bless you!!