Priceless Pennies

A few days ago, the devotional on Our Daily Bread mentioned someone who always touches my heart: Jane Kristen Marczewski (aka Nightbirde). You may or may not recall this amazing, brave, faith-filled, talented woman whose golden buzzer moment on AGT is one of the most memorable ever. I'll never forget it. Everything about that audition made me weep (and it still does; even at this moment and every time I watch it). Even though she was frail, she radiated God's love, peace, joy, and hope. She declared the goodness of God and she famously told the judges, "You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy." She knew where her source of joy was. In her songs, blog, and poetry, she bore her heart in such a genuine way; and she glorified the Lord with her life. I often listen to "It's Ok" as well as her cover of "The Story I'll Tell". In it, she sings, "my God did not fail"; even while knowing that her cancer was likely going to take her life (which it did). She knew that God's wisdom is beyond our expectations and interpretations of what we think success is.

Even though I didn't know her personally, her impact on me has been deep. She inspires me and keeps me tethered to my faith when I feel like life is hard and I struggle to choose joy. I hear those songs, see her grin and her radiant glow, and know that that's what true worship looks like. She was a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1) and a testament of His grace (amazingly, Jeremy Avila just talked about being a living sacrifice at our most recent Friday Worship Night). Like the apostle Paul, she knew that whether in death or life, it's all a win with Jesus: 

For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. - Philippians 1:20 (NLT)

This year has been hard. There's been a lot of grief. Not only did we unexpectedly lose Melissa Coy to a cancer battle she didn't know she was fighting, but we also just lost Karrah Teruya to the one she's been bravely battling for years. I had literally just seen her at a Melissa's memorial. Like Nightbirde, she still had that radiance. I often told her she was a phoenix because of how she continued to rise from the ashes. Every time the medical community thought it was over for her, she kept proving them wrong. No one fought harder to live and make the most out of the time she was given than Karrah (she even got her master's degree!). She didn't take cancer lying down. She pushed back like the warrior she always was. It just makes my heart hurt all the more that these three amazing women are no longer with us; their loss leaves such a hole where they once shined so brightly. Though, I'm comforted in knowing that they are in their perfect and glorious heavenly home. Cancer didn't get the final word; the cross did!

On a more national and global scale, we've also seen the horrors of war, natural disasters, school shootings, and shocking videos this past week of people being killed in cold blood. The grief and heaviness is everywhere in my social media feeds. It hurts. 

Yesterday and today, I was having some tearful moments (regarding all of the above as well as other hurts and things I won't go into). I've let myself cry and try to let the ache out; especially knowing that today marks two months that Melissa unexpectedly went to heaven. I was feeling very drained physically, so that usually has me seeking out a big salad to nourish me. So, I went to Martin's for lunch today to visit the salad bar. Melissa and I had gone there for a lunch date in the past. I was thinking of her before I got out of my car and said, "I miss you, Missy....I miss you, Melissa." Then, out of the blue (and quite literally) a Martin's worker in the parking lot noticed me and started coming my way as if she knew me. She was drawn to me because of my blue hair and colorful attire. She showed me her purple hair wrapped up in a sequined scrunchie at the back of her hat (I have a similar one like it, actually). She was wearing colorful glasses and we just started chatting it up as if we were old friends. Her name tag said, "Missy". I asked if it was short for "Melissa" because that was my name. She said it was, and it made it all the nicer. I asked how I could pray for her and she said it was usually her that did the praying for people. "Me too," I said. I told her the blue hair thing gets me a lot of prayer opportunities. She handed me these cross pennies and told me that this was one of her things. 

I prayed and we parted ways for today. It felt like such an especially good and fitting blessing for this two month marker. Pennies for my thoughts; and the cross is right there within them. He anchors and sustains me; abiding and remaining there. My word for this year (abide) continuing to show me why there couldn't have been a more comforting and important word to hold onto for 2025. There have been a lot of heartbreaking things this year; a lot of painful changes and exits of various kinds. Through every loss, One always stays and never leaves: Jesus. That anchor for my soul, that hope, my Savior, has kept all the grief in check. With every crashing wave, I haven't drowned:  

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. - 2 Corinthians 4:8-12 (NIV)

 

He is FAITHFUL! GREAT is His faithfulness and His mercies that are NEW every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23)! Even when I struggle to greet a fresh day gifted to me, I give thanks and depend on Him to get me going.

I recently saw an ad in my feed for this ring. It really spoke to me and I decided that I really needed to buy it and wear it as a reminder (it's currently making it's way to me through the mail). Whether you know this about me or not, I don't have a problem being honest, real, and vulnerable. I know I've shared this before, but I've struggled with wanting to persevere (and sometimes, my promise to my friend Shane has been one of the last threads at the end of my rope when I've been at my most fragile points in life). Yet, I continue to endure. I'm pro-life, and that includes my own life too; no matter how hard it gets. Katherine Wolf says "if you have a pulse, you have a purpose". She, Joni Eareckson Tada, and Nick Vujicic are all shining examples of living on purpose WITH purpose. Faith should fuel every believer to keep their eyes on Jesus and keep going. It's not about us; it's about Him. Karrah lived that way. Missy lived that way. Nightbirde lived that way. I also choose to live that way until it's my turn to go home. 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! If you are also struggling to process grief, I highly recommend Katherine Wolf's book "Suffer Strong". It's one that I will likely re-read (after I read the rest of her books as well). I'm also making my way through "It's Ok That You're Not Ok" by Megan Devine. "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis is also one that I have read a few times. Just know that grief isn't a "problem" that needs to be fixed, or something to be rushed through. Feel what you feel. The loss hurts much because you love much. Regardless of how personal or impersonal the connection was, that void is felt when what or whom you have lost is no longer there. You can't go back and change it, but you are not alone. Jesus never changes and never leaves. It makes me all the more grateful for this year's word.  As I continue to abide, I feel the joy and comfort in the fact that my Savior always stays and remains with me. He doesn't abandon me. I'm still here. He's still here. He knows. He cares. He holds me up. He is with me; and I'm remaining and abiding with Him too. Reach out to Him; He hears you! Stay connected with your family, your pastor, and church family/friends. Call someone. Get support/help. You will get through this! Don't give up! God bless you! 

 

The Abiding Place

Tomorrow, my husband is scheduled for a "final" interview at 10 AM. The definition of "final" wasn't clarified. We don't know if that means, "Last interview and then you're definitely hired" or "last interview and then we'll get back to you." As I mentioned a few days ago, it will be 9 months on the 9th that he has been without a job. In my mind, I think it would be fitting to get the "final" decision on Friday and have a new job be "birthed"; but God can do whatever He wants (and He will!) lol.

Weary are we of the endless cycle of interviews, waiting, ghostings, and rejections. My trust is in the faithfulness and goodness of God to provide (and He does and has all this time). In fact, in thinking about how tomorrow is May 7th (5/7), that syncs up with a few really good verses: 

For we live by faith, not by sight.  -  2 Corinthians 5:7

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? - Galatians 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5:7

Recently, I was thinking/feeling like things were so dark. I reminded myself that Jesus is there and is the light. I'm not wandering around blind; He holds me by my right hand (Isaiah 41:13). I thought, "Maybe it's only dark because I haven't opened my eyes. What do I need to open my eyes to so I can see?" I always get concerned that I'm missing something. I pray and ask all the time for an open mind, heart, ears, and eyes. I ask for wisdom, clarity, and revelation. The silence is deafening, but I get peace over and over again as I remember all the verses that continue to come up. I think about how my word this year is "abide" and even though that's hard, there is such a strength and anchoring to that word. I can walk by faith and not by sight because I know who holds my hand and leads. I'll run the good race and I won't let anything cut in, discourage me, or make me give up on the truth of God's promises. I'll give Him every care because He cares for me. 

Friends, I'm asking you to pray with me as we go into tomorrow's "final"! I'm just going to have to pray more diligently in the Spirit because I don't know what to pray anymore (Romans 8:26, Ephesians 6:18). I don't want doubts and past disappointments to strip my prayers of effectiveness. Prayers not prayed in faith fall flat (James 1:6). I trust the Spirit to pray and ask for the right things, so that will be my main focus. What do I know about the "right" job? Only He knows if this is the right one or not or if there is something "else" in mind; the "else" that I do not know, see, and have no idea about. 

I'm just in the "abiding" place; trying to bear "the weight as I wait". I'm abiding in who He is; and He is IN me and WITH me. That one thing is enough. It's the "work" of God to believe in the One He has sent (John 6:29). When I don't know what to "do", I just do the one thing: believe. I stay. I abide. That "works". When the Father just tells you "stay here...wait a minute", that minute can be a really long one; for us, not for Him. He is not bound by time like we are; and oh how slowly that time seems to pass. Wait and wait like an impatient toddler. But the Father's commands are good and when He says something, you can bank on it. 

"Abba, how long are you going to make me wait here?" Funny, isn't it? All the while He is working, but He has never turned His back and never left (Joshua 1:5). He's doing it all at the same time; doing all the behind the scenes things AND waiting WITH you while He is doing it. God is God. When He brings whatever it is I've been waiting for, it will be immeasurably more than what I have been able to ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I want to be right where He put me when it's time to say, "Here it is, my child. It's ready." Maybe that's when my eyes will be open to see as I hold my hands and hold the surprise He just placed in my waiting palms. What's more frustrating than being a parent and not having your kid ready when it's time lol? It's not like HE doesn't know, but what a patient Shepherd He is with these sheepish children of His. To Adam, "Where are you?" (Genesis 3:9). "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (1 Kings 19:9). To Peter, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31). "Melissa, didn't I tell you that you are worth more than many sparrows?" (Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:7). When the time is right (both in the now and in the ultimate end of time), are we going to be where He put us when He wants to give us what we've waited for? Position me where you want to, Lord. I want to be right where I'm supposed to be. I want to obey your instructions; even if it's hard, I don't understand, and the wait is long. 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Thank you for your support and prayers! The one good thing of many in this season is all the wonderful things I've been able to create/post/share. The things He speaks to me to help me through all this frustration, pain, and grief is hopefully a help to others as well. Keep abiding! The new wine and wine-skins will come! God bless you all!

Sounding Like Love

A couple days ago, the verse of the day in the You Version Bible app was Matthew 5:44. It was very timely. This is because I had just been challenged to pray in that very way the day prior. Though, it was for someone who really wasn't my enemy, but someone who was supposedly on the same side. I don' t know about you, but that seems even harder. For me, it's easier to pray for someone who is rude and hateful when they're unbelievers; rather than those who claim to be a believer. The Pharisees who have "clanging cymbal" attitudes (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) are supposed to "know" better. However, that's just it. They "know" a lot, but how well do they truly "know" HIM? At the same time, however, I very much know what it's like to live in that trap/bondage of legalism, criticism, and judgment. Therefore, I end up reminding myself that I should have MORE compassion when I encounter people that act like a past version of myself (or even a current version when I have moments of regression). I feel embarrassed when I remember my own "clanging cymbal" moments because I know that my "knowing" of Jesus is so much sweeter and deeper than it used to be.  

In another "timely" moment, I realized just how much all of that had been solidified even more. This week, I have finished reading "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom (and also watched the movie and documentary on Prime). I am so struck by so many different things. One of which is how Corrie's sister, Betsie, had a burning heart to evangelize to the Nazis and fellow prisoners; even in the midst of her own suffering. She believed that if someone could be taught to hate, they could also be taught to love. She, Corrie, and their family lived lives that truly sought to imitate Christ. It makes Paul's words really make sense. He talks about being imitators of God; and also of himself as he imitates Christ (Ephesians 5:1, 1 Corinthians 11:1). The Ten Boom family are real life examples of people who did this well. It inspires me to love genuinely; because it's vitally important if we are going to demonstrate the life-changing power of the Gospel and how His love transforms and saves us.

In the past two Sundays at church, the focus has been on the fruit of the Spirit. I want to produce good fruit; and the fruit of the Spirit is something that only Christ can produce. My word, "abide", is key to that production; because my sinful flesh can produce no good thing. So, I prayed for this person (and myself) that the fruit of the Spirit would be what grows in our hearts. I prayed for the ability to love and see the person as Jesus sees them; remembering that I too have been a blind Pharisee and not known it. Even still, I know how easy that trap is and know human pride never makes me immune and guiltless of it. This is why we need to forgive as we have been forgiven and remember that the measure we use is also measured to us as well (Luke 6:36-38). We can deceive ourselves like the rich young ruler with all the rules and good deeds, but there are ALWAYS going to be areas where we are lacking. For that, it requires honesty, surrender, repentance, and obedience to the will of Christ. 

I must choose to overcome evil with good and be kind; for love covers a multitude of sins. I must be a better imitation of the One to which I'm committed to conforming to. People MUST see more of Him and less of myself (John 3:30). I cannot allow the light in me to actually be darkness (Matthew 6:23). I don't want to just make a bunch of noise. I want to be a sweet, melodious, and beautiful sound! That can only happen if I'm filled and fueled by the love of Jesus. I want to be defined by what love is in 1 Corinthians 13; not by what it isn't.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Pray, surrender, repent, and abide. May we be transformed every day by the renewing of our minds so we can love like Jesus. God bless you!

"I AM the Good News!"

Back in August, Chris was let go at his job. Since then, we have been praying and waiting for God to provide a new one. It's been a very difficult time in the wilderness, but we've weathered this before. This is the fifth time we have been through this since the lock-down in 2020. 

In the midst of this, we have also dealt with two vehicular incidents just five days apart (our insurance
is probably wondering what in the world is going on with us considering we have had to use the roadside assistance for towing TWICE in less than a week!). First, my daughter hit a deer on the way to work (praise God she was unharmed). Also, the van is clearly the R2-D2 of vehicles and is still fixable after countless mishaps. Five days later, she ran over something sharp that punctured one of my husband's tires on the Flex (which had been needing a couple new tires anyways). Thankfully, Chris and Uncle Frank (praise God for Uncle Frank!) were able to get the Flex up and running again; and are still working on the van. It really took some hard effort to put the tires and the much needed new shocks on the Flex before getting it to the tire shop for the alignment.

I can't say enough about how thankful I am that my baby is ok because both incidents could have been so much worse. I am also immensely grateful for Uncle Frank and how he has always been someone we can count on in situations like this. But, more than that, I know that I can count on God for our daily bread. If that's the one thing that I'm being assured of in these past few months, it's that undeniable truth. Every time I start to slip into an Israelite mentality of wanting to gather and prepare for more than I need for the day, He reminds me not to be afraid and that I'm worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31). As long as you remember who God is and that He will give you what you need for TODAY, you won't worry about tomorrow. All my "what ifs" and worries are settled every time He says, "Do you have what you need for TODAY?" I always have to admit that yes, my needs for the day have been met. "Daily bread, Melissa," he says. Daily bread.

As I have written about before, it's been crucial for me to reflect on all the past "manna moments" to remind myself that God is faithful. He has provided for me every day in the past and I can look back on it all and see how my God did not fail; and that's the story I'll continue to tell. I know that He will continue to give me the miracle of manna every day and that it will always be enough. Though, like I recently read in Lysa Terkeurst's book (Forgiving What You Can't Forget), it's easy to forget about the best bread that we truly need. Yes, we need the physical bread and provisions of life. Yes, we often need those miraculous moments of the miracle manna. But, we ALWAYS need Jesus; THE bread of life (John 6:35). There's nothing quite like a wilderness test to remind you that no one lives on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God (Matthew 4:4). Jesus was tested with it, and that was His response when the devil tried to get him to focus on His physical needs.

I'm sharing this now because I was reminded of this while praying earlier tonight. My emotions had been stirred up a lot today for various reasons; one of them being this whole waiting for the job thing. Given that the election is just two days away, we have been aware of the fact that many places are probably waiting to see what happens on Tuesday before they make hiring decisions. Without wanting to put too much hope in something as short-sighted as elections, I just simply said "I just want some good news." He said to me, "I AM the Good News!" Read that again and think on it for a few moments.

As I thought about that response, I thought about the disciples. The Good News that Jesus kept telling them about often went right over their heads because they were hoping for Jesus to change their own Kingdom instead of receiving and building His. Just like I wrote about in my "Obama is Covered in Chinese Food" post in 2008, the Kingdom of Heaven is STILL here and STILL advancing every day! We must not be short-sighted! No matter what happens to help/hurt our nation (and the nations of the world), Christ is STILL King. He always has been and always will be and His Kingdom HAS NO END (Luke 1:33). No matter what happens, we can be content with little or with much; because we can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:11-13). This world isn't all there is! Be GLAD of that! That truly is Good News! All of this is temporary and we're going to make it because Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33). So, don't let your hearts be troubled!

 

Let us keep our eyes fixed on Christ and spread hope. It's no accident that that has been my word for this year. I knew that getting that word would likely mean that this year would be trying, because hope comes at the end of all the testing and persevering (Romans 5:3-5). He is the hope that never disappoints because He is faithful! This hope is a priceless treasure that lives in our hearts and we will not be crushed, abandoned, or destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:7-9) Through all the fiery trials and testing, we are being refined and He is going through that fire with us (1 Peter 1:7, Isaiah 48:10, Daniel 3:25).

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Pray, vote, and give thanks! God is good! He will provide for us and He will provide for you! To HIM be the glory in all things; because it's never about us! God bless you and God bless America!

How Desperate Are We?

 "Just receive." That was the godly wisdom that was given to me by at least two different individuals as I was sharing about my big breakthrough. I had come to the Holy Spirit conference this past weekend full of hope and expectation; and the Lord didn't disappoint. 

It started on Friday night with praise and worship. At one point, people were raising their hands to receive prayer, so I raised mine for healing. My physical pain has reached an intolerable level in my back. The degeneration, arthritis, and inflammation is starting to make walking a lot harder. My feet always feel like I've been standing on concrete all day and my right leg gets so tight to where no amount of stretching loosens anything. I'm 41, but feeling like 81; moving slower and with so much effort that it's exhausting. I've prayed and pleaded for healing, but knew that even Paul wasn't relieved of whatever thorn he had in his side. I've truly been trying to make peace with living with it until I'm either healed here or in heaven. I pray, take medicine and vitamins, wear my back brace, and endure every day knowing that His grace is sufficient for me. 

This is what I reiterated to the young man that prayed for me. He felt a lot of heat as he was praying, but I wasn't feeling it yet. I knew it took time, and even Steve Nicholson (the speaker for the weekend) walked by and assured him that he wasn't done yet. The young man, who was also named Steve, kept praying. I also prayed over him and encouraged him as well. I told him that I was still very hopeful and would keep waiting to see what the Lord was going to do over the weekend. 

When I went to bed that night, it was a rough sleep. I woke up frequently because my pain was really bad; especially in my feet. Tingly, pins and needles, fire, you name it. It was super uncomfortable. Usually, even with pain, I can get to sleep quickly and usually stay asleep for the most part. Still, I was hoping for something better the next morning. 

For the first session on Saturday morning, Steve Nicholson began his message/teaching. It reminded me of the John Wimber Signs and Wonders Conference  (check it out if you never have; it's worth it!). For someone as incredibly sensitive and empathic as I am, it is pretty much a certainty that when Holy Spirit is being talked about, I'm going to be overwhelmed by Him. Right on cue, Holy Spirit took over as Steve was talking about Him; even before he started officially inviting Him to come upon us all and he started looking for signs of Him moving in people. I was used to the uncontrollable twitches, shakes, heat, and racing heart (as well as the likelihood that I would fall down if I attempted to stand up). In fact, there was a moment this weekend where my Fit Bit buzzed me and said that it detected a high heart rate even though I appeared to be immobile. I had to laugh to myself. I wasn't moving, but Holy Spirit sure was! I was sitting down, but the Lord was the one that was active!

I don't know if I can recall a time where I felt so electric (especially my hands)! I've felt it before, but the intensity was off the charts! He asked those who were experiencing it to come forward. I was eager to do so, but knew I had to be careful because I knew I was going down. I made it to the front and sat down before my body gave out under the power. It was overwhelming; and he kept saying "more, Lord." I was like, "Oh, Lord, how can I possible handle any more?!" At one point, he called out "self doubt" and I felt myself tense up and release a couple times. Then, the unavoidable moment where I involuntarily screamed a couple times as this huge wave of intense emotion bubbled up like a volcano and the pressure just burst forth; and I felt myself go limp in the chair as I cried and people prayed over me. It's still hard not to feel a little embarrassed and that others will just see me as being loud and dramatic (but I promise you, this isn't by choice). Thankfully, there's always others that are allowing Holy Spirit to work in them too, and you hear all sorts of things. Steve frequently reminded everyone that they're happy sounds; sounds of freedom, healing, and release. He's right. Any time I've ever had a moment like this, it's been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

This is when God broke through to me in a mighty way. He told me I was storing pain in my body, and then showed me a vision of Christ on the cross. That's where all the sins went; on Him. The perfect lamb. The scapegoat. I realized that God was telling me that Christ already took on all the sins of the world. He carried them. That was His job, not mine. Not that I intentionally WANTED to hold onto mine or anyone else's sins, pains, or ailments in my body; I just hadn't realized that that's what I was doing or how to effectively empty myself of it. He was reminding me that I wasn't supposed to be carrying what He already had. He was telling me to GIVE back to Him what He already died for. He allows me to feel deep empathy and emotion; enabling me to love and have compassion for others. I needed to know how to only feel it for the moment rather than feel/carry it for way too long. Whatever I feel in my heart and my body, I need to give it back to Jesus so that He can bring the healing for it; both for me and to share with others.

As I shared with a few people after the first session, I was encouraged to just keep receiving from Him; especially as I got more prayer for my back. It's hard sometimes, because I always want to be praying, engaging, and connecting. It really is important to just be still and wait. I started noticing that my feet weren't hurting anymore and I felt oddly taller. Some of the tightness in my leg was coming and going as well. My back was feeling downgraded in the pain level. In fact, I took off my back brace after that to experience the rest of the weekend without it. I haven't dared to be out and about without it since I first started wearing it last year, but I wanted to see if I could get a better gauge on where I was at. 

Saturday night, I couldn't stop smiling and felt like I was sleeping/resting in a truly "heavenly peace." I slept WAY BETTER than I had the night before! In fact, my husband's sleep on both nights mirrored mine; or, rather, I think I mirrored his that first night. I remembered just how often that happens and that it's probably some of the stuff I've unintentionally absorbed/stored. I prayed for and released/rebuked it. I even did the same with my high blood pressure and sleep apnea; because I didn't have either of those until Chris had it. I've also often prayed about generational health problems as well. I'll just have to keep giving it all back to Jesus and keep receiving the healing. 

I'm glad I had that personal moment, because it helped me as I prayed for and loved on so many other ladies later on. There was a lot I was able to share with them from the Lord, and I finally felt like I could experience all the various emotions around me without them "sticking" to me. I was able to have a chance to see if I could be rubber instead of glue; letting things bounce off and stick to the cross where it belonged after I felt whatever I was meant to feel in the moment and then release any sad or traumatic things that I was feeling around me. At one point, I and another woman that I was praying over, were breathing in that life-giving breath of God in sync with each other and feeling such peace and joy. That kind of symbiotic emotion is WONDERFUL to experience, embrace, remember, and hold onto forever! 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! All of this is but a fraction of all the amazing things I could share about this weekend. It was so rich in worship, fellowship, wonder, breakthrough, deliverance, and healing for everyone! But, I think I'll leave you with this sonnet that I wrote as I was journaling on August 1, 2022. It came to my mind during the final session as Steve was talking about coming to the end of ourselves and being desperate for Jesus. In America, we really don't know what it's like. Our persecuted brethren in other countries know. If we really want revival, breakthroughs, healings, miracles, and deliverance (both corporately and personally), we really need to be desperate for Holy Spirit. When we invite Him, expect Him, and make room for Him, He'll come. We have to get out of the way, and be ready to die to self. We have to relentlessly pursue Him; asking, seeking, and knocking without end! He will open that door for us to good things. Be desperate! Don't give up! I'm testifying to the fact that He answers our desperate cries: 

Finding Answers in the Wilderness

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; 
to search out a matter is the glory of kings. 
- Proverbs 25:2

"Did you find everything alright?" That's usually the question asked when you're checking out at a store and the associate is politely trying to make sure you have gotten everything you've come for. Usually, a person's answer is "yes," right? We go into a store with a list or a particular item in mind; and we don't leave until we have gotten what we've come for. Most of the time, we know where something is. We seek and find it right away. Other times, we're looking for something special that we wouldn't typically search for. It may take us longer to find it, but we're on a mission! Even if we don't find it at one store, we keep looking until we finally complete our quest. A seeker's mentality gets a finder's reward.

What about the non-material things? What about the treasure of wisdom that is worth far more than rubies (Job 18:18, Proverbs 8:11)? What about the things that aren't tangible; things you cannot buy, earn, or find in stores? How often do we go on an intentional and purposeful quest for that? How often do we find it when we look for it? 

I have been thinking about this concept because I "found" something that I was looking for. Over the years, I've learned to have that seekers mentality. I know that if I seek the Lord, I will find Him. If I desperately need answers, He will give them to me. That's what His Word says (Deuteronomy 4:29, Jeremiah 29:13, Proverbs 8:17, Matthew 7:7-8, Luke 11:9-10). The "catch" is being "all in". Being wholehearted and intentional. Just like shopping, you're on a mission; purposefully and intentionally looking for something (and not giving up until you've found it). It's also like when we were recently car shopping for my son. Of all the makes, models, mileages, prices, etc. you don't give up until you find the right one. There were moments where we almost settled for less, but a true seeker's heart will be paired with wisdom and discernment. Those are the things Holy Spirit uses to confirm to you that you've found what you're looking for. 

I've "found" a lot of treasure to start off the week! It began Monday morning as I was driving to work. I was feeling extra tired and weary; definitely not ready for a new week. I was praying and lamenting about how I was feeling; asking God, as always, for his provision, healing, and refreshment. I also wanted to know that I was seen and that things were going to be ok regarding Chris securing a new job this week. This is a whole separate story, but basically, I've been feeling that this week was going to be the end of our 40 days in the wilderness (July 8th was when he was let go, so that makes today, August 16th, the last day). I had recently read in Luke 4:1-15 about the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness and was struck by how it started and ended - FULL! Jesus was FULL of the Holy Spirit, and was LED by the Spirit into the wilderness. He was fasting; He ate nothing. HOW did he withstand 40 days of temptation? It was that FULLNESS of the Spirit that sustained Him. He had 40 days worth of attacks from Satan, but He overcame it! After those 40 days were over, He returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit; teaching and healing people. 

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. You'd think I'd already be content and super excited for the upcoming breakthrough/shift that is on the horizon after everything I've been reading, praying, and fasting through. However, I wanted and needed more confirmation and revelation. Jeremy Avila actually kicked that off a few days ago at Friday Worship Night with "You gotta getta word!" Watch this one! It also includes an amazing word from Roxy where she mentioned Abraham's "yes" to God. If you need a word from the Lord, GET ONE! He'll give it to you if you seek and ask for it! Seriously, go watch that; it'll help you get started (check this out too for more ideas; this series is also great about explaining how to see and experience God more). I didn't even know at the time how much it would factor in with what God would show me!

Over this past weekend, God was busy bringing the pieces together before I even fully asked for it (it's so cool how He does that; He really does know what we need before we even ask...which was something I read in my Bible plan today too!). Saturday night, he even woke me up from a nap with Hebrews 11:1 in my head. 

Naturally, awakening to a verse echoing in my mind prompted me to read Hebrews 11 in its entirety. It's a faith builder full of testimonies of so many in the Bible who walked by faith. Some didn't even see the full promise in their lifetime, but "welcomed it from a distance." The last verses say that together with US, they would be made perfect. 

The full impact of Hebrews 11 didn't come until I listened to Dutch Sheets' "Give Him 15" post. I thought I was listening to Monday's post, but I was actually listening to Friday's post that I had missed but intended to listen to later. In it, he was talking about God's timing and about....Abraham. I was awestruck and blessed, and then I heard "see you on Monday" and realized that I had listened to Friday's (and like I mentioned earlier, Abraham was mentioned at our Friday Worship Night). I couldn't wait to listen to Monday's post, but it would have to wait for my drive home.

In the meantime, I was also exploring two numbers that had popped up on Sunday. One was a total of $15.15 and the other $80 even. Neither one seemed like coincidences. When searching the Bible app, I found the treasure I was looking for in Proverbs 15:15 and Luke 1:80 : 

All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.

And the child grew and became strong in spirit; and he lived in the wilderness until he appeared publicly to Israel.

Once again, MORE treasure! Bible Hub has some insightful commentary notes on Proverbs 15:15. It explained how the oppressed/afflicted is a mental state. A cheerful heart and good attitude fuels a person and they can draw upon it and feast upon it. Likewise, someone that lives off of a bad mindset will feast off it and wallow in self-pity. It paired nicely with what I was seeking about the wilderness. Like Jesus, John the Baptist experienced growth, transformation, and power in the wilderness. When they both appeared and started their public ministries, they were FULL of the power of the Spirit. They had been feasting on and drawing their sustenance from the Spirit throughout their time in the wilderness. By contrast, the Israelites did the opposite when they were in the wilderness for 40 years. They had an oppressed and anxious mentality. Their mentality left them powerless instead of powerful. They feasted on negativity and scarcity; hoarding manna and quail to feed their flesh instead of feasting on the Spirit of God. I don't know about you, but I want my time in the wilderness to look less like theirs and more like Jesus and John's. I want to emerge victorious, transformed, refined, and empowered! 

To put the icing on the cake, Dutch's Monday post was about.....Hebrews 11. You can't make this stuff up lol! In it, he talked about agreeing with our brethren in prayer and the synergy of the ages (not just present prayers, but the prayers prayed by those that proceeded us). He describes those last two verses about being made perfect together like this:

The last two verses of Hebrews 11 give us the amazing answer; they did not receive the fulfillment of their promises because God wouldn’t allow them to be “complete” without us. That is incredible! We, today, are a continuation of these individuals’ callings and assignments. The Greek word translated “complete” also means “to finish; to mature; to reach the intended goal.” Think about the ramifications of this: without us, God can’t finish what He began through those saints; what He started through them cannot mature or reach its intended goal until we grab the baton and run our leg of the race. That is mind-blowing!

God gave these individuals promises, but He often didn’t give them timelines. He did not tell them He would bring the fulfillment into their lifetimes, although I’m sure most of them expected Him to do so. The eternal God, who transcends time, speaks promises that are sometimes more reflective of His nature and relationship with time than ours. At times, He makes promises to people, knowing full well He will deliver on those promises through their children, grandchildren, or spiritual descendants. I wonder what I may be finishing for some pastor or teacher from a few decades ago? Or perhaps for even some flag-waving patriot warrior?

I went to Monday night prayer room feeling very "full". I wanted to "getta word" and He more than gave it to me! I entered the wilderness full, led by the Spirit for my/our own good, and I/we are going to leave it FULL; better than when we went in! I definitely feel like I/we will be leaving the wilderness this week and entering into a new season (or ministry?!) FULL of POWER! 

I couldn't help but share Hebrews 11 at prayer room through grateful tears. I also shared about how much the prayers of my grandmothers meant to me. I was told that my Great-Grandma Zerkel would often fall asleep praying for her family members. She would try to get through everyone's names, but sometimes didn't make it. I think about what she might have prayed for all of us and that she would go to sleep with our names and prayers on her lips. Maybe it was something as simple as blessing and keeping us. She always used to write that in birthday cards: "May the Lord bless you and keep you." Keep me? Am I going somewhere? What does that even mean? I never understood it. I didn't appreciate it until recent years when I thought about what that meant as she stuck that birthday wish and a crisp $1 bill in the card. She was a widow for most of her life. She didn't have much, but she loved and thought of us. That dollar bill, and those nighttime prayers, were priceless widow's mites. If a dollar was all she had, she'd at least make sure it was brand new. And those prayers? Still being answered today. He has blessed and "kept" me. I cannot be snatched from His hand (John 10:27-30, Romans 8:38-39).

 

Faith. Transformation. Prayers. POWER! The fullness and sustaining power of Holy Spirit is what gets us through our wilderness seasons. He leads us there to refine and prepare us for what comes after it. I'm ready to "getta word" for what's next as I leave the wilderness in the rear-view mirror!

Grace and peace to you, my friends! If you need need answers in your life, SEEK THE LORD....with ALL your heart! Go on that mission and don't stop until you've completed it and gotten what you came for! Don't waste time grumbling in the wilderness. Draw off the fullness of the Spirit and let it fuel and sustain you! Fast. Pray. Seek. You'll be transformed, renewed, and prepared for the purposes for which He's working all of this out for good (Romans 8:28). You'll emerge powerful and victorious; ready to advance His Kingdom in new ways! The faith and prayers prayed throughout the ages will continue on as we pass the torch to the next generation. May He "bless and keep" us all as we give what we have of ourselves to Him! We're creating a continued legacy; or choosing a new one if it wasn't passed down to us (just look at Rahab who was mentioned in that hall of faith!). God bless and keep you all!

Embracing the Offensive God

Have you ever had a day that seemed like it had a "theme"; like it was an episode of a sitcom and you were trying to learn the overall lesson that was blanketed over it? That was my day yesterday and I felt like everything else that was not part of the dive into the rabbit hole just faded into the background like the typical clutter of ordinary days. 

The things that God revealed to my heart are so numerous that it's hard to even determine the origin of how I began my plunge into the depths. Though, I suppose it began as I was praying in the Spirit (as has been becoming my regular habit in the mornings). As I continued to do this on my commute to work, I remembered that I had just a few minutes left on the audio book that I had been listening to on the Hoopla app and decided to resume listening (by the way, this app is such a gift! You use your library card to check out free e-books and audio books!). 

To give you a little background, this book is "Jesus and the Disinherited" by Howard Thurman. This book was recommended by Ashley Siri; who recently shared about it in her message at church. It's unlike anything I expected. In fact, I don't think I knew what to expect at all. There is so much to unpack and contemplate in such a short book! I don't know how he got so many layers into it, but I think I'm going to have to go through it again (probably in e-book or physical book form) because the depth of the content is so stirring that you have to slow down. I had no idea what I was diving into; only that the title and subject matter was enough to draw me in. I'll try to untangle some of the web of wisdom from it, but I don't know if I can yet. I found myself thinking so much about what was said that I couldn't catch up to the next thing that was being described. 

As I went into work, my mind and heart was once again turning over the things I had heard; which seemed to be parallel with what I was already meditating on from this past week. If I were to attempt to summarize it in one word, I guess all I can really say is that maybe it all boils down to this one thing: offense. 

Offense comes in many forms and is experienced on all sorts of levels. When we are offended, we typically feel threatened and/or attacked. These threats and attacks are seen through the lenses of our culture, wounding, experiences, faith background, gender, skin color, you name it! All the facets that make up our identity contribute to how we see, experience, and perceive things. Howard Thurman did an excellent job of presenting the perspectives from all the various angles and stirs up the empathy and curiosity needed to stop, think, and truly take the time to understand. I wonder if he ever could have imagined the kind of "cancel culture" that currently exists which is all based around offense? If more people would read this book, we might actually stop this madness and begin the process of healing and unifying together! It just might help us tear down the walls of pride and protection that get built up as a result of the pain, anger, and unforgiveness that offense ushers in.

It's no coincidence that one of the many stories that he mentioned was a story that I was wanting to revisit and go deeper into ever since last weekend. It's the story in Matthew 15:21-28 where the Canaanite woman pursues Jesus for her daughter's healing. Fady, one of the IHOP students that I met last weekend, was talking about it with me as we were discussing persistence and contention for Casey's healing to come for his ears. He mentioned that on the surface, Jesus' encounter with the woman seemed so cold and offensive (I'm not going to go into all my deep digging, but here's a helpful explanation to get you started), but that we have to learn to embrace the "offensive God"; being relentless in our belief and pursuit of Him. No matter no matter how hard it is, we need to know and believe that He is GOOD! We'll receive our reward; just like the Canaanite woman and the persistent widow. We must keep contending!

This is EXACTLY the kind of thing that Howard Thurman goes to great lengths to explain in the book because we have to reconcile the offenses if we're to embrace Jesus and others. Breakthrough and healing can't come otherwise! It can be a hard thing; just read John 6:60-71! This is the part where many disciples desert Jesus. He outright asked "Does this offend you?" and asked His apostles if they too wanted to leave. Peter says, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” 

Oh, if we all could respond like Peter! Lord, we BELIEVE and KNOW who you are! There is no other that we can run to! If we cannot accept your words, which are words of eternal life, what words can we accept?! If your words offend us to the point where we become prideful, hardened, and unaccepting, we are bankrupt! Help us to work through every offense; whether it's offense at you or others. Help us to USE our offenses to run diagnostics on our soul so that we can discover our wounds and ask you to heal them (wow, it just dawned on me that this stuff is what we learned about in Vine school regarding healing prayer)!

As I continued to explore the depths of "offense", verse 71 jumped out at me because it mentioned Judas. So, I started exploring Judas. I found that it was after one of Jesus' anointings at Bethany (oh man, there's another side trail I won't go into but wow....check this out!) that Judas went to the Pharisees to discuss handing over Jesus. Why? It was more than just his selfishness and love of money. Judas, like the Pharisees, was offended at Jesus. His teachings, healings, and His display of mercy and compassion (even to "sinners"), were offensive to them. The hate and offenses that they had in their heart for "that" kind of woman, or for a tax collector, a gentile, a Roman, etc....was just too much to contend with. They could not accept it and rather than open their hardened hearts to the words of life and make it a WAY of life, their pride and hatred determined that it was too hard to embrace. 

As I kept digging in and praying over all of this, I brought my "offenses" to Jesus about Casey's healing. I know that he/we have to contend for it; and that realization is "offensive." Fady was also the one that talked about the story of the blind man, which contains the verse that God pointed out to me when Casey was a baby and we found out he couldn't hear: 

Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. - John 9:3. 

I have always believed that God's glory would be displayed in Casey. Up until recently, I thought that that was all that it meant (God definitely displays His glory through Casey in many ways!). It's not that I didn't want or ask for Casey to be healed and for THAT kind of glory to be displayed, but I had embraced Job's words of "shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Now, I have regrets regarding how infrequently we contended for healing in 18 years and how hard we have to contend for it now. Yet, I know God's timing and wisdom is infinitely greater than anything I can understand. God's grace covers all of this! I believe in who He is and His words of life and healing over Casey; and that it will happen for HIS glory and benefit when HE decides it's the most beneficial. I release the offense of not seeing it "yet" and believe that I WILL see it at some point. 

After releasing so much to the Lord, I felt like He was telling me to get my notebook from my purse. I write in it when He gives me insight. There is also a note tucked inside it. It's a page of prophetic words that were given to me by a very precious and dear friend of mine. I have read this note many times, and I felt Him saying "read it again." It wasn't until I reached the last part of it that I just stopped and started tearing up: "....walk out your calling - you are doing it! - even if it feels like it's slow & steady. Rest in the ordinary - in the gradual unfolding - He's got you!"  

Whoomp, there it is, folks!! Yet another confirmation that God is going to heal Casey's ears because these are the words that Casey heard himself! I don't know WHY it has to be "slow & steady" or WHEN it will happen, but it WILL! Waiting is hard because we don't know how long we are waiting (ask Abraham and Sarah!). Dear Lord, help me with this "gradual unfolding" and this "slow & steady" pace! It's like our outgoing Vineyard leader, Phil Strout, has said: we live in a "microwave culture" but with God, it's a "crockpot Kingdom."

It only gets more intense from here, folks! After that moment, I was due for an appointment to take Casey's hearing aids to the audiologist for repairs because they recently stopped functioning. Well, most specifically, the hearing aid for his "good ear" is acting up again; and we were JUST at the audiologist on April 1st and everything was fine! I thought maybe it was a sign; that God is taking them away because He won't be needing them (I sure hope so!). Of course, as of this moment, that isn't the case; still waiting for him to not need them to hear. In the meantime, Casey has to rely on lip-reading and sign language to communicate (which makes everything harder for him, his teachers, and all of us who interact with him). If there's anything I'm still struggling with, it's that. It's bad enough that Casey isn't healed yet, but to be without his hearing aids on top of it? Though, I just got a call before posting this that I can pick them up already and that they're good to go (thank you, Jesus!). 

When I left the audiologist yesterday, I started playing the remainder of the book on my Hoopla app while driving to the pharmacy drive-thru at Meijer. As I pulled up, I saw a blind man with his seeing eye dog. I know this man, so I stopped to talk with him and congratulate him on his new friend. As we were conversing, I asked him how long he'd been blind. He said his whole life; since like 18 months and that he couldn't see at all. He said his eyes were like glass. I told him I would love to pray for him and that I had a hearing impaired son whom I am currently contending for for healing. Then, he said the most heartbreaking thing ever: "I don't have the faith for that....I don't share your faith...I have seen too much, like with that girl running down those three kids at the bus stop, that I don't think anyone is in charge." He apologized a couple different times and said that was just how he felt. I just never would have thought this about him. He wasn't even angry when he said it and I have observed nothing but a kind spirit from this guy in all the time I've known him. I never would have guessed that this was where his heart was. I told him that I have seen the opposite; that even at my lowest when I was going through my divorce and feeling numb, God brought me back. I told him I had experienced so much that I knew He had to be real. "I'm sorry. I just don't share your faith," he said. I was at a loss for words, but one of the last things I said before we parted ways was that I hoped God would meet him where he was at. 

After I picked up my prescription and started the drive home, I prayed out loud: "Lord, he may not have the faith for it, but I do. Open his eyes, in the name of Jesus." I felt the Lord say, "I can't." Wait, what? "I can't. He's blind." Uh, yeah...obviously! Then, I remembered the book I was listening to and all I had learned that day. He's BLIND! He's blind like the Pharisees! Until his spiritual eyes see first, he can't comprehend the things of God or have the faith to accept and receive healing for his physical eyes:

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. - 2 Corinthians 4:3-4. 

Later on in the evening, I was telling my husband about this encounter; that I first needed to pray for the veil to be lifted and this man's spiritual eyes to be opened first (not coincidentally, I recently read all about this in "Intercessory Prayer" by Dutch Sheets). What we both have seen in life has been very different. He cannot see what I see because he doesn't have the lens of faith. I told Chris, "He has to have an encounter with Jesus first before He can see...." That's when I heard my own words and I stopped. That's what Victor had told me the night we were all praying for Casey! It's not like Casey doesn't already know and encounter Jesus, but this is obviously going to be something bigger and more powerful than anything he's ever experienced. It also dawned on me as I was praying this morning that just like the blind man has to "see" Jesus, Casey needs to "hear" Him. Casey often takes the voice of God literally; saying that he doesn't think he can hear Him because God's voice is a gentle whisper and "still small voice" and he says "I can't hear that because He's too quiet." I've been trying to encourage Casey to listen for God's voice with his heart/mind, but he's having a hard time comprehending what that means. Maybe that's the encounter and revelation we need to be praying for; that Casey will understand how to hear God's voice with his spiritual ears so the healing can come for his physical ears! We all know that this breakthrough is close and Gianna has shared with me a vision she had about him getting healed. I started to type it out here, but then felt like I wasn't supposed to publicly reveal the details. I'll hold onto it for now. All I know is that Jesus is the unveiler, revealer, and healer! We'll keep contending and pressing in, but it's all up to HIM! He does the work. He determines, the when, where, and how of it. 

One more thing that happened as I cried and prayed on my way to work was when I was asking God WHY He would even tell us about Casey being healed when it hasn't happened yet. Why even let us know it was coming and have us impatiently waiting for it? Why not just surprise us with it? I know He can do whatever and whenever; and I have learned to expect it. That's when He reminded me that up until a few months ago, Casey did not. He didn't think miracles like this still happened today. He thought it was only "back then" and he didn't have the faith for it anymore than the blind man does for his. God had to create that expectation for him and tell him it was coming. It was for Casey's sake, not mine, that we had to be told that it is on the way. Last Fall, we thought Casey was losing hearing and started going after his healing. Casey started taking it seriously and he had many powerful experiences with the Holy Spirit since then where we've been praying for him and he felt the presence of God. How kind of God to prep Casey; knowing that with his autism, it is helpful for him to have an awareness of what to expect. He had to lift that veil and show him that healing IS possible and still happens! Ever since then, he has been believing and asking for it! As a mom, it's hard to step back, but this is primarily between Casey and the Lord. These are his ears and his testimony. I want it so badly for him, but Fady's testimony of how his mom stepped back and let go (regarding his sister's healing) has been speaking to me too. As soon as she let go, God did His work in his sister. Alright, Lord, he's all yours! Work it out with him. You're in charge of this!

I feel so incredibly blessed by all the Lord showed me. Praying and digging into His Word really does bring about answers! Another book that I need to read or listen to again is "The Bait of Satan" by John Bevere. That's probably the most insightful book I've ever read regarding overcoming offense and learning to forgive! I strongly encourage you to check it out if you've read this long post of mine and find yourself wanting to know more! ;) My thanks to everyone who has been with Casey on this journey and those that have ministered to me as well. We're going to see a victory! Contend with me for Casey's healing and pray for that encounter that is going to bring it and for him to have his spiritual ears fully opened! Thank you, and amen!

Going Further In; Fighting This Invisible War

Yesterday, I was taking an hour to pray. During that time, I kept thinking about the song that we've been singing at our Easter play practice these past few months; a song that I listen to every day during my commute to work. The song is, "Could You Not Tarry With Me". I found a version of it on YouTube that you can watch here (if only you could hear our cast sing it!). The words are so powerful! Give it a listen! It's about how Jesus asked his disciples to keep watch with Him for ONE HOUR to pray; and how He also asks US to do the same and not sleep our lives away.

I began looking up the scriptures regarding this scene. I really wanted to meditate on it. One of the first things I noticed was something that I may or may not have previously heard in a sermon before. He took the disciples with Him to the garden pray, but then he only took Peter, James, and John with Him when He went further in to pray. They got the same instructions; to stay there, watch, and pray while He went a little further....because there are some things that only HE can do (and do alone).

As I was thinking about this, I was thinking about how close these three disciples must have been to Jesus; and had the honor of going deeper with Him than the others. You have Peter, the "rock" on which He said He would build His church. You have James and his brother, John. John was "the disciple whom Jesus loved" and to whom He designated as the one to care for His mother, Mary, while He was dying on the cross. These three also contributed to the books of The Holy Bible. With the exception of Matthew, what other disciple did so? There's no book of Andrew, Thomas, etc. It made me think about that some more; about how their faith, depth, and intimacy really set them apart from the others. They went "further in" with Jesus.

The sad part is, close as they were with Jesus, they still gave in to the flesh and allowed sleep to overtake them. They weren't vigilant to keep watch; and not just a physical watch either. It was much more than that! Jesus told them to keep watch so they wouldn't fall into temptation. Prayer was supposed to be for their own benefit as much as anything else. When you are prayed up, you are powered up! You are prepared for whatever is to come; whether it's temptation, hardship, persecution, etc. Jesus knew what was coming, and He knew that His disciples should be on guard physically AND spiritually!

Each time that Jesus returned from one-on-one time with the Father, He kept finding them asleep. Though, we can hardly "tsk tsk" the disciples when I KNOW we all are guilty of this too (who hasn't fallen asleep during time where you're SUPPOSED to be praying? I have!). As so often happens, we are vulnerable and unaware when we are in that state. We are probably more prone to do impulsive things when we wake up and are still sleepy.

It also occurred to me that right BEFORE the prayer time in the garden, Jesus had told a prideful and boastful Peter that he would indeed deny Him three times. Despite his insistence that he would never do such a thing, it most certainly followed later. Peter was also the one who chopped off the ear of the servant of the high priest. This all makes me wonder; would Peter have acted the same way if he had heeded the Master's words to WATCH and PRAY so that he wouldn't fall into temptation? Would a more wakeful and watchful Peter have stayed calmer than a groggy, sleepy, half-conscious Peter who impulsively drew his sword and struck? Quite possibly! Though, even then, Jesus graciously covered Peter's mistake and healed the man's ear.

How about us? Will we go further in with Jesus? What's our relationship truly like with Him; especially in this crazy time? Will we "watch and pray" so that we don't fall into temptation, or are we just going to sleep our lives away (or binge watch TV and play video games)? Is ONE HOUR too much to ask? Probably, unless you're talking about hours upon hours of mindless internet, TV, movie, and video game time. Turn it off, folks! Put the controller, phones, and tablets down for ONE HOUR! We MUST be vigilant, because this isn't a physical battle here! We're not warring against flesh and blood; this is an invisible war against the evil forces at work (and I'm not just talking about COVID-19 here!). Wake UP!

Tomorrow feels like a big day for this! People everywhere are going to be gathering to worship, pray, and listen to a church sermon (as usual). The only thing that isn't "as usual" is that it's all going to be done online. I hope the internet can handle this big of a Jesus party, because the church cannot be stopped! Amen! Our church will be one of them, join us! Additionally, check out WRSW at 2:00 p.m. for a time of prayer. My wonderful friend, co-worker, and boss (Envoy Kenneth Locke) will be on that program leading us all in prayer! I hope you all will gather around the radio (like our parents and grandparents used to) so that we can pray as a church body TOGETHER! If we want to see repentance, breakthrough, healing, and revival, we MUST be praying! Our prayers will rise up to heaven before the throne of God if those of us who are CALLED by His Name are taking this seriously!

Grace and peace to you all, my friends! Stay vigilant and pray! Don't give in to the temptations of fear, panic, and impulsivity! Go to the Lord in prayer and you'll find peace that surpasses all understanding and strength for today! The Lord will "give us this day our daily bread." Count on Him for your manna; all your daily needs! He knows them and will provide for them! Trust Him! Go further in! Jesus intercedes for us and brings it all to the Father! Watch and pray! God bless you all!

Crazy Haired Jesus Freak!

I love how God shows up and allows me to be a part of something unexpected during ordinary tasks of my day! Today, I needed to stop by a mailbox on my way home to drop off some letters. The closest one on my route was at Walmart (the ONLY reason I ever go there lol). I parked the van and walked towards the store. As I was walking, I passed a gentleman as he was getting ready to load stuff into his truck. I felt that "holy nudge" (as the Newsboys call it) in my heart. I felt like maybe God wanted me to pray for him. I was about half-way to the mailbox, so I thought if I was really supposed to approach him, there would be a chance after I walked back. I dropped off the letters and started back towards my van.

The man was just starting to look for where he should return his cart. I came up to him and told him I would take it for him. He was friendly. He thanked me and let me take it. I noticed his patriotic hat, so I asked him if he had served in the military (because I make it a habit of thanking a veteran every time I see one). He said no, and that he just barely missed Vietnam. Then, I asked him if I could pray for him because I felt like the Lord wanted me to. He was completely open and responsive to it and I asked him if he had any needs or something weighing on his heart. He said he couldn't think of anything specific, so I asked if I could put my hand on his shoulder and just say a prayer of blessing over him. I asked for his name and I thanked God for him and prayed over his health, home, family, needs, etc. When I finished, he brought up his newborn grandson that is at Riley's. I prayed again; for healing and that this baby would bring glory to God for the purpose for which he was created and born into this world.

After that, we talked for a little bit. He said he was in his 60's and that it was nice to see young people willing to share their faith. He asked me how old I was and I told him 35. He said he wouldn't have guessed it and thought I was in my 20's. I was like, "yessssssss" lol. ;) I told him that my oldest child's birthday was today and that he was 15. I also shared that he was born hearing impaired and autistic. I encouraged him that just as God has used him for his glory, his grandson would be used for the Kingdom too. We agreed that there are no accidents, and I shared about the Activ8 youth conference at my church this past weekend; particularly about and how Jeremiah Carlson shared about his experiences in his life and that all of it is being used for God's glory. He emphasized that while there are mistakes, there are no accidents. None of us are accidents; even if we "happened" by "mistake". God plans everything. We're all meant to be here. He encouraged the kids that they were all God's masterpieces....created on purpose for a purpose. All things (good and bad) can and will be used for God's glory (Romans 8:28).

Crazy hair, and crazy about Jesus!

The funniest part about this encounter happened when we were discussing God's purpose for meeting today. He said he felt like God was using it to tell him not to judge a book by its cover. He explained that his generation doesn't always know what to think about mine (tats, piercings, etc.) and that he didn't know what to think about my brightly colored hair when I first walked by. I laughed and told him, "you probably thought, 'she needs Jesus'," and we got a good laugh out of that. I told him it reminded me of a Max Lucado piece that I read years ago where he talked about how he prematurely (and mistakenly) judged a family by how they looked. I encourage you to take a second to read it (it's short!). It's called "Label or Love?" where he says: "I'd applied the label before examining the contents. We've all used labels. We stick them on jars and manila folders so we'll know what's inside. We also stick them on people for the same reason....it's easier to label than to love." 

I also shared with him about a similar message that I saw on Facebook recently. It was a short video message from Joyce Meyer (again, take a minute to check it out..so worth it and so funny!) where she talked about the way people judge others based on their tattoos, piercings, hair, etc. I told him about how my Mom didn't like my hair (though, ironically, she was the one that originally forwarded that Max Lucado article to me lol) and that my Dad didn't really care for it either....and that he jokingly asked me if I was a barbarian when I got my nose and tongue piercings. I pointed out the fact that nose rings have their place in the Bible. Read about the nose ring that Rebekah received when she was chosen as a wife for Isaac (and Joyce referenced Ezekiel 16 and talked about not being "baptized in prune juice" and that legalism isn't holiness). I told him that there's lots of styles of hair, piercings, and tats that I don't like either (I really don't fancy ear gauging) but that it's all just that.... different styles. Everyone has different ways of expression and personal preferences. I explained that God had told me years ago, "It's all about the heart, Melissa" and that it's something that has permanently stuck in my mind and helped me so much in my life. I reiterated that I have met many passionate people for Christ that have a creative/colorful hairstyle, or that have nose rings like me (including our youth conference speaker)."Crazy" hair, tattoos, piercings, etc. are just the "packaging" of a person. You have no way of judging the motives of someone's heart by their outsides! Like the Pharisees, a clean cup on the outside could have a very filthy inside; or a dirty and unattractive exterior could have a pure interior (Mathew 23:25-26, Luke 11:39) You just don't know...only God knows. We see the outside, but God sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

I got a big hug from him before we parted ways and he said he'd be sure to talk to me again if he ever saw me. I told him about my job at the Salvation Army and encouraged him to stop by and say hello sometime. I shared about how much I loved my job and that I get to smile and welcome people in, pray for them, and just love on them. I also told him that there have been four drive-thru workers that I've been moved to prayed for recently and that only one of them refused. You just have to say "yes" to God and he'll let you be part of something when you cooperate!

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I hope you're as inspired and encouraged as I am! I couldn't stop thanking and praising God for allowing me to be part of it as I drove home! I really wanted to put this out there today because I love sharing moments like this (and reading/hearing about others' moments as well). Who doesn't love a good "God story"?! We need to read encouraging stuff like this; and to be inspired to be PART of these moments as well! It really isn't hard to obey a simple prompt from God. I have so many of these awesome moments that I could be blogging about, but I would be writing non-stop if I shared them all! I am so blessed to be a part of God's Kingdom work! I feel so honored that He would include me and choose me to interact with people like this! The good news is, He wants to include ALL of us! You can be part of it too! Just listen....and then do it! Keep on listening and loving well! Ask God to open you up to love better and bigger; to give you HIS eyes to see, ears to hear, and heart to listen and love others (watch "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath!). Be receptive to Him and He just might let you have a peek at someone's beautiful heart when you step out of your box to connect with them! That crazy haired, tattooed, pierced hooligan may just be crazy about Jesus too. ;) She could be a crazy haired Jesus freak....like me! God bless you!