What's "Inside" and "Staying Woke"

The poem (minus the man's name for privacy reasons).

Just a few minutes before our office closed today, a man walked in; a man I don't recall ever seeing before. I said "hello" and asked what I could do for him. He said, "I wrote a poem today. You want it?" My brain was kind of stuck for a second because it obviously wasn't a typical or expected statement/request. I said, "Uh...yeah...sure." What else could I say?! I figured it would be best to be polite and humor him. I also had a twinge of curiosity and a vague sense that this was something God ordained; as if Jesus Himself were asking "do you want what I have for you today?" I wasn't going to say "no" to a message from the Lord; even if, by chance, I wouldn't like it!

He took out a pen and paper and started writing. I was still intrigued, but a little nervous. I was second guessing my "yes" because his demeanor suggested that maybe he wasn't quite with it. I had doubts as to whether or not this "poem" was going to be anything legible, coherent, or even appropriate. I decided that no matter what, I would just smile, nod, and thank him for sharing. I assured myself that it was going to be ok and that this was going to be meaningful in some way.

He handed me the piece of paper and I started to read it. As I deciphered the words, I wasn't fully grasping or digesting it all yet. I was hoping I didn't look weirded out or confused; I didn't want to offend him. He asked me if he should submit it to the newspaper and I just said, "Yeah, sure. Go ahead and take it to them." I tried to hand the paper back to him and he told me that that copy was mine; that he had wanted to bring it to me first (I don't know if he meant it specifically for me or for our office as a whole...but it works either way). I was still kind of stupefied by the random event and could only manage to be like, "Oh, ok. Thanks!" 

As soon as he left, I slowly read it a few more times. The more I read and studied each word, the more it dawned on me that it really was a message from the Lord for me. I had so many questions to ask that man, but he was already gone. I just sat there for a few minutes; contemplating and crying. I was amazed; wishing I would have asked him more about what inspired him and caused him to bring that word to me! That's because I had been trying to sort out some thoughts and feelings earlier in the day; regarding the very issue that he named! Not only does my work at the Salvation Army deal with those entrenched in alcoholism, but there are friends and family members in my life that are affected by it as well.

I doubt there is a single person out there who isn't being affected by someone's alcoholism, drug addiction, rage addiction, gambling addiction, etc. Whether it's someone close to you (or even yourself) this "poem"describes us all. Inside every person who does the destructive action is the condition/addiction at work inside of them (which reminds me of what Paul talks about in Romans 7:14-25). Alcohol, drugs, behavioral patterns, bad choices, cycles, and evil spirits are all contributing factors to these strongholds. However, underneath it all is a PERSON... the REAL self. It's the human being that's been forgotten, buried, suppressed, stifled, and hidden beneath the mess. It reminds me of something Kanye West recently said: 

I’d say when you go to sleep, would you agree that you are asleep when you’re asleep? And when you wake up, would you agree that you’re awake when you’re awake? Would you agree that those are two different states? People who don’t believe are walking dead. They are asleep and this is the awakening.

Those whose souls are lost (or who are in bondage in some way) are asleep... real life "walking dead." They are in a spiritual coma. Somewhere deep "inside," they are aware and wanting/trying to wake up but...they can't or won't. Maybe they're actively trying to break through, stir, and open their eyes; or maybe they're not. Either way, they are still there; even if it's just a shell of a person who is almost too far gone. Almost. As long as there's still breath, there's still Hope; there's still Jesus! 

Finding JOY again in the midst of tough emotions

This poem was the answer to the cries and burdens of my heart! I am so grateful for the messenger that God sent to me! Lately (particularly today) it has been a struggle; a maddening, frustrating, saddening, struggle. It all eventually reaches a boiling point that feels like something beyond what I can tolerate. Exhausted by emotions, I tearfully fall apart and wonder how I'm supposed to continue empathizing. How can I come back to a "relation point" in order to continue extending grace, mercy, and forgiveness to those whom I just want to shake and say "WAKE UP!!!" ?! Even when I make the choice to be led by the Spirit, my sin nature screams inside for justice and all my "feelings" collide into each other and nag at me. I tell myself to grin and bear it as I help the homeless man who is demanding that we drop everything for him and meet his needs; and then abuses whatever "help" he gets and continues to suffer the health consequences due to always picking up the bottle. I tell myself to keep on "helping" him and others; even though they don't appreciate or deserve it (after all, this may be all the kindness and "reward" they'll ever get). I try to tell myself not to get mad at that selfish and ungrateful friend or family member that squanders every act of kindness or "second chance" that they get; spitting in our faces and lying/betraying us at every turn with no remorse or repentance. I suck it up and prepare myself to keep sacrificing more and turning the other cheek because the Bible says love perseveres and never

This was the "verse of the day" in my Bible app.

fails. I want to act in faith and love; yielding to the Lord out of worship and obedience to Christ. I have to take my thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and choose it; even though my "feelings" are raging and screaming "I'm sick of this! It's not fair! Why won't they stop and why aren't they reaping what they've sown? Where are the consequences and justice? How much worse does it have to get before they hit the so-called rock bottom?!" Every lamenting Psalm in the Bible echoes my questions and pleas; reminding me that the Lord is as merciful as He is just. He hears us crying out; just like the story of the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8). He's going to take care of all of it. In the meantime, it's vital to contend for the "awakening" and healing of every person; and continue overcoming evil with good (Romans 12:9-21). Prayer and compassion wins out; not hate, bitterness, and vengeance.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I'll keep saying "yes" to the Spirit; and I hope you will too! I'll keep saying "yes" to love, compassion, and mercy. Even if the pouting, disgusted, disgruntled, and agitated sinful nature inside me whines and protests, I'll keep praying for Jesus to put my inner "Scrappy Doo" ("let me at 'em!" lol) in her place. It's a constant struggle to get my "feelings" to match my actions. However, as long as I still CHOOSE the facts and promises over my feelings, I won't "gratify the desires of my sinful flesh" (Galatians 5:16). I'll be kind and compassionate; forgiving as Christ forgave me (Ephesians 4:32). I'll remember this day (and this poem) forever; a reminder to "stay woke" so that I won't have to be like the ones that I'm hoping to see awakened from their own sleep. Amen! God bless you!

When It's Hard to Find the "Wonderful"

For many people, Christmastime is "the most wonderful time of the year." For others, those song lyrics are the last thing they want to hear because for one reason or another, it's hard to get excited about Christmas. Personally, every time my co-worker mockingly and randomly sings that line to me, I give him a "bah, humbug" kind of look.  It can be a struggle to have the Christmas spirit when you work at the Salvation Army and the "wonderful" time of the year is the most crazy busy time of the year.

As exhausting as all the busyness is, I know it's all worth it. Struggling families will be getting assistance and generous donors are ensuring that I still have a job to do as I process monetary gifts and take care of business. The ministry goes on because of this "wonderful" but busy time of year. God supplies all the strength and endurance I need to persevere through a long December; even with an ongoing cold & cough that is only now starting to taper off. I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). Jesus is the one that propels me onward. He keeps me looking forward to the mystery and hope of the upcoming new year as the current one wraps up. What a blessing it is to see the world through "Kingdom" lenses; an eternal perspective. Christ is my confidence! He gives me peace and joy even on the most weary days. 

The only thing that sometimes gets me down is when I become aware of the emptiness and sadness of others. Christmas and New Year's doesn't look bright and shiny to them. Fear has drowned out Hope because they have forgotten (or don't know) His name. The holidays have come at a bad time because they've just lost a job, a home, a loved one, or maybe more than one of those things at once. They may be dealing with a severe illness or injury, an addiction, or financial struggles. They may be a veteran struggling to overcome PTSD and are still fighting a war; the fight for the will to live. Some have buried parents, siblings, and even babies and children. Others have friends and relatives who are incarcerated; whether literally, figuratively, or both. 

The scenarios I mentioned all have names and faces attached to them; most of them are the people I listen to, hug, and pray with when they're coming in for help. You may not know the ones I know, but chances are you know someone who is going through this kind of pain and grief (maybe it's you). It's far too easy for Satan to use these tragedies for his gain; all he has to do is keep the focus on the problems rather than the One who solves them. He cleverly keeps our attention fixed inward rather than upward; on that next fix, hook up, lottery ticket, shopping spree, or alcoholic beverage. It's all about keeping you obsessed with filling the void; returning to empty wells or salt water that can't quench or satisfy. In fact, some of those wells are downright contaminated with poison; yet the compulsion to draw from them remains and the cycle continues. The negative emotions and depression deepens and digs its hooks deeper into your soul; becoming more and more of a stronghold and stumbling block.

The good news is that there IS "good news"; "tidings of great joy" for ALL people (yes, YOU too)! It's the Gospel message and the whole reason this season is truly "wonderful": Jesus. I can vouch for the fact that He is the only One that can rescue and restore a heavy heart and weary soul. He is the key to freedom from those strongholds! I've been to the empty and toxic wells as much as anyone else. Because of my own struggles, I can promise you that Hope really does deliver, because that deliverer's name is Emmanuel; "God with us." He is the way, the truth and the life, who gives us living water. Turn away from the kind of water that isn't good for your soul and turn to the one and only pure water source. Christ's living water is fresh, pure, and sustaining. HE is the answer you seek. Be a wise man (or wise woman) and journey towards the Savior who has come to rescue and restore you! Fall on your knees before the Savior. Humble yourself before the One who humbled Himself as well. Our Creator came to Earth in the very human form in which we ourselves are made. God came to be with us so that He could also die for/deliver us, and then live IN us through the Holy Spirit. He was forsaken so that we would never have to be. In your greatest need and brokenness, He is with you. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. You are not alone! What a most wonderful time of year it is indeed! HE makes it wonderful!

Grace and peace to you, my dear friends! Please, pray for those that are seeking, hurting, grieving, and needing to know the hope and joy that the Prince of Peace brings. In this season of giving, look for every opportunity to do the most good. Give spare change to the Salvation Army red kettles (or volunteer to ring the bell!!), adopt a family for Christmas, donate food to the pantry, smile at strangers, visit a nursing home, etc. As John Wesley said: "Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can." Don't waste a moment to make an impact! Be the hope of Jesus everywhere you go; through your words and actions. Love well! Additionally, if you are reading this and are desperate for the hope and peace I've shared about, please comment or contact me. I would love to listen to your heart, hear your story, and pray for you! God bless you!