A Label of Love

For those that knew Randy Walgamuth, several thoughts probably come to mind. They're likely the kind of thoughts that end up in the comments of every Facebook post from Ink Free News that feature his name and mug shot. But for every remark and label that the general public of our community has stuck on him, there are many more that most have failed to mention. This failure is not only due to ignorance, but to the tragic reality that so many people (including believers in Christ) neglect to see an image bearer of God the way the Father sees him.

For this reason, I felt it was vitally important to give you a glimpse of the Randy that most will never know. It's the Randy that Jesus told stories about; a living example of the heart of the Father and what the Gospel is all about. He's the perfect picture of God's mercy; the one that the Lord left the 99 sheep to find (Matthew 18:12-14, Luke 15:4-7). This man taught me more about the love and mercy of God than I could ever learn from any evangelist or Bible teacher; and it has marked me for life.

I have worked at The Salvation Army since 2014. Early on, I was like most people. I couldn't understand why he made the choices that he did. Chronically homeless and addicted, he lived out on the streets and in the woods; and sometimes in the homeless shelter. I've seen so many people (and agencies in addition to ours) invest in him. I'll never get over how much personal time and resources my own boss, Ken Locke, spent on him. No matter how busy or drained he was, he still went above and beyond for Randy like he was his own brother.

Admittedly, however, I used to feel frustrated. Randy constantly made demands and expected everyone to do and give what he needed without delay or hesitation. He also seemed oblivious to the fact that even those who had to be tough with him (whether it was a police officer, judge, etc.) actually cared about him and were way more lenient than he deserved. Countless cups of coffee, food, clothing, rides, etc. were given to him by numerous people, agencies, and strangers. The time and personal sacrifices didn't seem to sink in and make him grateful; nothing about his lifestyle changed and it usually just got worse. So many times, he was in and out of jail (and the hospital as well). In all my prayers for him, I finally lost it one time as I was thinking about the fact that he got all that medical care, but I (a tax paying and law-abiding citizen) had no health insurance. God changed my heart with one phrase, "Melissa, this could be his reward in full."

His reward in full. It broke me. I couldn't get over it. If the most reward he would ever get would be all the things that he gets now, how sad and frightening would that be?! What good would it do me to be angry that he was taking so much now when I would be getting an inheritance for eternity that he may never get to be a part of? Am I really going to be mad about the fact that he got the temporary care for his earthly body that I didn't? What good is it to gain any advantage on Earth but lose your soul (Matthew 16:26, Mark 8:36)? Was I really going to be that jealous brother in the prodigal son story?

That's when things shifted for me; not just in how I saw Randy, but in how I saw everyone. It is so easy to be angry at others when they have something we don't, behave in terrible ways, and even get away with things that they shouldn't. Yet, God sees them the same way He sees us. He forgives their great debt and expects us to do likewise (Matthew 18:21-35). Randy had a record and reputation that everyone could see and judge; and yet God loved and wanted him. I realized just how truly merciful and loving the Father has to be in order to continually and relentlessly pursue this lost sheep of his. If He loves Randy SO MUCH to keep rescuing him and giving him countless second chances, how much more grateful should I be as a child of God? ALL OF US have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Who among us ISN'T a Randy? We have all sinned; and yet, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Every single one of us is a sheep that has strayed. I too have behaved in terrible ways; offending God and others. I can't imagine what my own rap sheet must look like, how great my debt must be, and how much I have truly been forgiven. God has been merciful to me and has spared me from lots of things that I deserved (both here and in eternity) and gave me mercy that I do NOT deserve. The Good Shepherd gave His life for every one of us lost sheep so that we would return to Him and be reconciled through Him (Isaiah 53:6, John 3:16-17, 1 Peter 2:25). I've accepted Christ and am safe. Jesus wanted Randy safe too and this is the verse He reminded me of every single time: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. - 2 Peter 3:9 (NIV).

Left Side Back Row: Friends, Randy and Larry, (both are now home with the Lord).

In what few years I have known Randy, I saw him soften. He even frequently attended church at The Salvation Army (and on more than one occasion, donated his cigarette lighter in the offering plate). I have watched prayers be answered; even when he would tell us outright NOT to “pray too hard” for him. We prayed all the more; and it obviously worked! I saw Randy experience the heart of God through each act of love, mercy, and kindness (even if he didn't recognize it). God moved on the hearts of so many people to share the Gospel, their time, money, and resources. Ken has always said, "No one has heard the Gospel more times than Randy Walgamuth." Every act of compassion sowed a seed; and God was even more patient than we were to see them grow. Year after year, Ken would say, "I don't think he's going to make it through another winter." We dreaded the day that he would be found frozen outside or something worse.

The "something worse" was cancer. Again, no one thought he would last as long as he did. Once more, God showed His amazing love and mercy. Randy didn't suffer alone outside. The last year or two, he was either at The Fellowship Mission, the hospital, or hospice. No doubt the staff was amazed at how many visitors Randy had these past few months. I think he finally understood how to give and receive love. For the first time, he said to me, "I love you, Melissa." I was amazed to hear him say it! "I love you too, Randy." I assured him that there were so many people that did and that God loved him even more. I asked him if he confessed and believed in Christ as Lord. He said, "Yes. Yes I do, Melissa." I don't think any of us saw some big emotional/radical change, but we all believe that on whatever level his mind could still understand, he believed and was making his peace. In fact, that is what Ken assured me of. He said that he had never seen Randy so at peace.

I have many more things I could share; and they're only a fraction of the many testimonies that I know others have. People that have known him a lifetime have told me about how much he has been through; even as a kid growing up. Pain and trauma take a toll. I wonder what his life would have been like if his childhood had been different. It makes me sad to think about what his life has been like and how he's the very last of what family he had (even his only child passed in recent years). Despite all the darkness, the light still won out. Jesus shone through so many people that Randy couldn't hide from it. God had His way. Randy couldn't tune out the knocking at the door. None of us may know for sure when/how he opened that door to Jesus, but we believe that he finally let Him in.....and that Christ welcomed Randy into heaven. We love you, Randy! Thank you for all that you taught us! Until we meet again!

Update: Click here to read an additional post of my thoughts after Randy's funeral.

What's "Inside" and "Staying Woke"

The poem (minus the man's name for privacy reasons).

Just a few minutes before our office closed today, a man walked in; a man I don't recall ever seeing before. I said "hello" and asked what I could do for him. He said, "I wrote a poem today. You want it?" My brain was kind of stuck for a second because it obviously wasn't a typical or expected statement/request. I said, "Uh...yeah...sure." What else could I say?! I figured it would be best to be polite and humor him. I also had a twinge of curiosity and a vague sense that this was something God ordained; as if Jesus Himself were asking "do you want what I have for you today?" I wasn't going to say "no" to a message from the Lord; even if, by chance, I wouldn't like it!

He took out a pen and paper and started writing. I was still intrigued, but a little nervous. I was second guessing my "yes" because his demeanor suggested that maybe he wasn't quite with it. I had doubts as to whether or not this "poem" was going to be anything legible, coherent, or even appropriate. I decided that no matter what, I would just smile, nod, and thank him for sharing. I assured myself that it was going to be ok and that this was going to be meaningful in some way.

He handed me the piece of paper and I started to read it. As I deciphered the words, I wasn't fully grasping or digesting it all yet. I was hoping I didn't look weirded out or confused; I didn't want to offend him. He asked me if he should submit it to the newspaper and I just said, "Yeah, sure. Go ahead and take it to them." I tried to hand the paper back to him and he told me that that copy was mine; that he had wanted to bring it to me first (I don't know if he meant it specifically for me or for our office as a whole...but it works either way). I was still kind of stupefied by the random event and could only manage to be like, "Oh, ok. Thanks!" 

As soon as he left, I slowly read it a few more times. The more I read and studied each word, the more it dawned on me that it really was a message from the Lord for me. I had so many questions to ask that man, but he was already gone. I just sat there for a few minutes; contemplating and crying. I was amazed; wishing I would have asked him more about what inspired him and caused him to bring that word to me! That's because I had been trying to sort out some thoughts and feelings earlier in the day; regarding the very issue that he named! Not only does my work at the Salvation Army deal with those entrenched in alcoholism, but there are friends and family members in my life that are affected by it as well.

I doubt there is a single person out there who isn't being affected by someone's alcoholism, drug addiction, rage addiction, gambling addiction, etc. Whether it's someone close to you (or even yourself) this "poem"describes us all. Inside every person who does the destructive action is the condition/addiction at work inside of them (which reminds me of what Paul talks about in Romans 7:14-25). Alcohol, drugs, behavioral patterns, bad choices, cycles, and evil spirits are all contributing factors to these strongholds. However, underneath it all is a PERSON... the REAL self. It's the human being that's been forgotten, buried, suppressed, stifled, and hidden beneath the mess. It reminds me of something Kanye West recently said: 

I’d say when you go to sleep, would you agree that you are asleep when you’re asleep? And when you wake up, would you agree that you’re awake when you’re awake? Would you agree that those are two different states? People who don’t believe are walking dead. They are asleep and this is the awakening.

Those whose souls are lost (or who are in bondage in some way) are asleep... real life "walking dead." They are in a spiritual coma. Somewhere deep "inside," they are aware and wanting/trying to wake up but...they can't or won't. Maybe they're actively trying to break through, stir, and open their eyes; or maybe they're not. Either way, they are still there; even if it's just a shell of a person who is almost too far gone. Almost. As long as there's still breath, there's still Hope; there's still Jesus! 

Finding JOY again in the midst of tough emotions

This poem was the answer to the cries and burdens of my heart! I am so grateful for the messenger that God sent to me! Lately (particularly today) it has been a struggle; a maddening, frustrating, saddening, struggle. It all eventually reaches a boiling point that feels like something beyond what I can tolerate. Exhausted by emotions, I tearfully fall apart and wonder how I'm supposed to continue empathizing. How can I come back to a "relation point" in order to continue extending grace, mercy, and forgiveness to those whom I just want to shake and say "WAKE UP!!!" ?! Even when I make the choice to be led by the Spirit, my sin nature screams inside for justice and all my "feelings" collide into each other and nag at me. I tell myself to grin and bear it as I help the homeless man who is demanding that we drop everything for him and meet his needs; and then abuses whatever "help" he gets and continues to suffer the health consequences due to always picking up the bottle. I tell myself to keep on "helping" him and others; even though they don't appreciate or deserve it (after all, this may be all the kindness and "reward" they'll ever get). I try to tell myself not to get mad at that selfish and ungrateful friend or family member that squanders every act of kindness or "second chance" that they get; spitting in our faces and lying/betraying us at every turn with no remorse or repentance. I suck it up and prepare myself to keep sacrificing more and turning the other cheek because the Bible says love perseveres and never

This was the "verse of the day" in my Bible app.

fails. I want to act in faith and love; yielding to the Lord out of worship and obedience to Christ. I have to take my thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and choose it; even though my "feelings" are raging and screaming "I'm sick of this! It's not fair! Why won't they stop and why aren't they reaping what they've sown? Where are the consequences and justice? How much worse does it have to get before they hit the so-called rock bottom?!" Every lamenting Psalm in the Bible echoes my questions and pleas; reminding me that the Lord is as merciful as He is just. He hears us crying out; just like the story of the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8). He's going to take care of all of it. In the meantime, it's vital to contend for the "awakening" and healing of every person; and continue overcoming evil with good (Romans 12:9-21). Prayer and compassion wins out; not hate, bitterness, and vengeance.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I'll keep saying "yes" to the Spirit; and I hope you will too! I'll keep saying "yes" to love, compassion, and mercy. Even if the pouting, disgusted, disgruntled, and agitated sinful nature inside me whines and protests, I'll keep praying for Jesus to put my inner "Scrappy Doo" ("let me at 'em!" lol) in her place. It's a constant struggle to get my "feelings" to match my actions. However, as long as I still CHOOSE the facts and promises over my feelings, I won't "gratify the desires of my sinful flesh" (Galatians 5:16). I'll be kind and compassionate; forgiving as Christ forgave me (Ephesians 4:32). I'll remember this day (and this poem) forever; a reminder to "stay woke" so that I won't have to be like the ones that I'm hoping to see awakened from their own sleep. Amen! God bless you!

Do You Need a Kind & Life-Giving Word Today?

This morning's church service was all about the power of words. Our words have the power to hurt or to heal. We were encouraged to be "life-giving fountains" as described in Proverbs 10:11. We were also cautioned about speaking idle and unkind words over others (as well as withholding life-affirming words from those who need it). As Christians, we should be calling out the best in others; inspiring them to embrace who God created them to be. If we see something good in someone, call it out!

If you know me very well at all, you know why this sermon resonates with me. I'm all about trying to be a life-giving fountain and am honored every time that someone sees the kind of heart that I have for others. Everywhere I've ever worked, I've had customers ask me why I'm always smiling and they compliment me on being positive and encouraging. Over and over again, I assure people it's because I have the Father's joy in my heart and that I want them to feel loved, valuable, and welcome. I can't tell you how many times I have prayed for and held people who couldn't fathom why I would be so nice to them. I love seeing the looks on their faces as I just listen to them and acknowledge their pain; regardless of what they've done or how bad life is for them. They are always fearful that they've said too much and that they are going to be judged. Yet, they are intensely relieved when they don't see me recoil at their confessions or give them the kind of look that would make them feel small. They see that I am a safe person and by the time we're done having a moment together, they feel much better about themselves and their situation.

That is why I am composing this post today. I felt the need to offer up kind words today for anyone who is desperately needing them. Have you been feeling down? Has someone said something that has cut you to your heart and you don't know how to get past the pain? Have you been questioning whether or not you matter? Is something weighing on you, or do you just need a refreshing drink of water in the form of a splash of kind words? I encourage you to leave me a comment. If you don't want to share anything specific, just comment "kind word". I'll pray and ask what God's heart is for you and call out whatever good I see in you (I promise you there's SOMETHING....even if I don't know you or know you very well). There are also a few people that I'll be contacting directly today that are coming to my mind.

I also want to encourage you to be refreshing to someone else; maybe even to this family that I'm trying to help (click here to learn more and read about my heart for them). Regardless of what you do or don't know about them and their struggles, I encourage you to ask God how He sees them. I urge you to empathize and to think of them and their innocent young children. I further implore you to refrain from any negativity and judgment directed towards them (or even me) for any reason; those kind of comments and messages are not welcome. Words hurt... and it hurts just as much when it's being said about someone you care about just like it would hurt if it were about yourself. I guess what comes to mind is how the onlookers objected to the woman who anointed Jesus, wept at His feet, and dried them with her hair (Luke 7:36-50). They wondered: 'Does He not know about the kind of woman who is touching him?' They looked at her past history, her sin, and her bad choices. Jesus was looking at her present, her heart, and her choices moving forward. He showed her mercy, compassion, and kindness; whether she "deserved" it or not. Even if she fell back into old ways the very next day, would that nullify the Savior's love for her or make any kindness spent on her a waste? Absolutely not!! He's not going to shake His head in disappointment and do a "face palm". No matter what, the Father is still going to pursue that lost sheep; because that sheep is infinitely valuable to Him. If that sheep wanders off again, He will keep leaving the ninety-nine to go after it....that's His "Reckless Love". No regrets. You may "know" things that I don't, and I may "know" things that you don't. All that matters is what the Father knows, what He says, and what He wants to do in this family's life. This Kingdom work is going to matter in eternity; one way or another. If you don't want to be a part of it, you don't have to. Just remember that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. You may never know how much that idle word hurt someone; even if you were trying to say it "in love."

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Please, be aware of the power of life and death that your words have on others. Cherish the life-giving words that people have spoken over you and strive to do likewise. Additionally, forgive those who have spoken curses and painful words over your life (and seek forgiveness from those that YOU have hurt and are needing to forgive YOUR idle words). I'm not immune to this either! If I have been careless with my words with you, please contact me so I can make it right and seek your forgiveness! Let us remember that love covers a multitude of sins (Proverbs 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8). God bless you!

Being a Force for Good

Today is the National Day of Prayer. It's also Star Wars Day (may the fourth be with you!). At first, it felt odd and awkward that these two days are sharing the spotlight. After thinking about it, however, I see how it's very fitting.

Every day, we need Jesus more than yesterday. His mercy, grace, joy, and peace are all things that we desperately need; even more than the air we breathe. Without Him, we have no hope...because He IS hope....our "only hope." Ponder these verses from Lamentations 3:22-24:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

 

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

Let that sink in. Because of His unfailing love and compassion, we are not consumed. The dark side of this world can't eat us alive or rob us of the victory that was accomplished on the cross. Every new day is a fresh new display of His faithfulness and goodness. He renews and restores our souls and gives us our portion of grace for the day; whatever that daily bread looks like, He provides it like He did the manna for the Israelites.

We live in a time where it's easy to become discouraged and depressed. We look at the sith lords in power and feel like we'll forever be dominated by greed, power, and war. Yes, tyranny and injustice is hard to witness; but we do not have to be consumed by it. The previous verses remind us of where our hope and joy is found and Psalm 23 tells us who takes care of us. The government doesn't have our backs (and probably never will) but the Lord, our Good Shepherd, always does!

If we truly want to see change, we have to go to the source: our hearts. In 2 Chronicles 7:14, the ever popular verse for this day, we see how to do that: 

 

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves 

and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, 

then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

 

Don't just glaze over the words here. There is some HEAVY stuff in it and we won't see change until we're truly putting these commands into practice. We need to HUMBLE ourselves; that means surrendering and laying down our pride. We need to pray; opening our hearts listen and obey as we earnestly seek His face. That means, pursuing Him, knowing Him, and obeying Him and His commands. That's where the next part comes in; turning away from our wicked ways (repentance). Only then can He heal our land when we confess and repent of our sins and ask for forgiveness. It doesn't matter what the government makes legal or illegal. What matters is that WE obey God and repent from our own wickedness. If we SEEK Him in prayer and in His Word, we will KNOW what is right and wrong. We will see things change because people will be living according to God's commands even if they're not the "law of the land."

If there's anything that we can learn from Star Wars, it's that there is always going to be evil and conflict in this fallen world. We should keep fighting the good fight until our dying breath (1 Timothy 6:12, 2 Timothy 4:7). Jesus already gave us the victory and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Keep your armor on (Ephesians 6:10-18) and stay connected with other believers; no one is meant to fight alone! To battle the darkness around us, and within us, remember 1 John 4:4: 

 

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, 

because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

 

This One that is in you, friends, is the Holy Spirit! He's always with you and never leaves you. He is supreme, sovereign, perfect, and REAL! He's beyond anything "the Force" could ever be....and He's living in YOU! Isn't that amazing?! Or, if you have yet to know Him (and would like to invite Him into your heart) please don't wait any longer! Confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord and that God raised Him from the dead. Accept and believe in Him as your Savior and you will be saved (Romans 10:9-10)! Confess your sins to Him; He is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Your name will be recorded in the Book of Life and the Holy Spirit will come to live in your heart right away! He's the deposit guaranteeing what is to come!! You will belong to Jesus and His family! Be sure you contact me (or another strong Christian friend that you know) and tell them about your decision for Christ so that you will have someone to walk with you on your journey and help you take your next steps of faith!

 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! We are a "force" for good in this world when we are living according to the Spirit (Romans 8:3-5). Let's pray hard today, and every day; surrendering ourselves to the will of God as we repent and seek His face! Amen!

 

 

Grace: God's Stain Remover

Have you ever noticed how a stain often gets worse the more you try and clean it? Sometimes it smears, gets ground in, or become even uglier the more you try to clean it up. Even if you can manage to eradicate it, sometimes remnants still remain. You can still see the faint hues of a pasta sauce stain on a white shirt or a red juice spot on the carpet. The mistake lingers in that faint reminder; never fully erased.

I was having some quiet time; trying to pray and have time with the Lord. That’s when I noticed just how “quiet” things really were. It was then that I noticed the lid of Gianna’s plastic vanity seat in the bathroom and it had something all over it. At first, I thought it was Gianna’s hair and that she had found a way to give herself a trim. She was standing on the potty (hair intact) with a wad of toilet paper in her hand. She had colored all over her vanity seat with a black crayon and when she realized how permanent the marks were, she tried to clean it off with toilet paper (and it obviously didn’t work).

I was rather upset. Regrettably, I yelled at her (in fact, quite a bit today). This isn’t the first time she has destroyed something in some way or another (whether it be her own stuff or ours). Though, any other time, I have been able to get marks off the walls or washed off whatever she used to paint her body with (or just lived with the scribbles on some of my books). This time, however, it didn’t come off very well (it’s a little textured, so it was harder to clean). I managed to get most of the crayon marks off with some steel wool, but it is still stained. Unless I can find a better way to clean it, it will never be the way it was; perfectly pink and white. Same thing with all her underwear because even as I was typing this, she decided to poop her pants today! Also, during snack time, she spilled her food on the floor and stained the wall and tablecloth. So, naturally, I am at my “accident” limit today. I am very frustrated because whether they were purposeful or on accident, I am just fed up with the messes! Why does she do this?! Won’t she ever learn?!




It was in these examples, however, that I learned something myself. I was reminded of how years ago, one of our pastors had showed us the same lesson. He had a piece of paper on stage that looked like a thermometer with some black ink representing the sin in our lives bubbling up in that thermometer. He showed us how trying to clean it off ourselves smears it. We can’t purify ourselves. Only the blood of Christ can make us white as snow (Isaiah 1:18). He removes the blackness and makes us completely clean and new by giving us a brand new heart (Psalm 51:10, Ezekiel 11:19). We aren‘t just a cleaned up old version of ourselves. We have been made brand new (2 Corinthians 5:17)! Praise God! Only Christ can do that! We cannot hide, clean up, or remove our own filth. When we do, it only makes it worse. We end up staining ourselves even more and leaving ourselves with more remnants of what our sins have done. This is why we NEED Christ! Only through Him are our stains removed and we are made new!

I know that like Gianna, we don’t always learn our lessons. Sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over again. Even after suffering the punishment and consequences of our actions we still return to our vomit (Proverbs 26:11, 2 Peter 2:22). Gianna has been punished, talked to, and I have taken her seat away from her (and told her she wouldn’t be coloring for a long time) and she has been sent to her room for a nap (she looks like a sweet, innocent, sleeping angel now lol). I forgive her; even knowing that she may possibly do it again someday. I still love her no matter what she does. I also asked her to forgive me for yelling at her and she very sweetly said she did. I don’t want to be angry at her and I want to be as forgiving and gracious to her as the Lord is to me.



In all of this I am all the more aware and amazed at God’s love, forgiveness, and patience! We all behave just as badly as children. We sin against our perfect Father in heaven and we don’t always learn from our mistakes. However, he loves us anyways and forgives us for our misdeeds. He even lovingly disciplines us and/or allows us to suffer the consequences of our actions so that we might repent and do better next time (Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6). He also removes our sins as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more (Psalm 103:12, Isaiah 43:25, Jeremiah 31:34, Hebrews 8:12, Hebrews 10:17). That is beyond gracious! He’s far greater than any of us because who among us can always completely forget even if we learn to forgive? He is so AMAZING!

As frustrated as I have been with all of Gianna’s blunders today, it has also been a strange comfort to me. It was the teachable moment that I needed in order to better receive God’s grace for myself. That’s because yesterday, I really blew it with my eating. I have learned so much from “The Lord’s Table” course (and yesterday’s lesson was even about being vigilant and on guard) and yet I STILL screwed up!! Even as aware and determined as I was to be disciplined in my eating, I still strayed. I feel all the worse because I was aware (and even expected) that I would be faced with some difficult food choices yesterday and I STILL blew it - even after all the reading, praying, and spent time listening to/singing my favorite worship songs to God. It’s frustrating, upsetting, and shameful. Today, the scale reflected a 1.2 pound gain instead of the slight loss I was showing earlier in the week. It’s the obvious consequence of my actions and while I’m disappointed, I am not surprised. Nevertheless, it’s humiliating and it both saddens and sickens me.

That was when God showed me (and assured me) of His forgiveness and grace. As I cleaned up every mess today, God used them to remind me of how He completely cleans me and replaces that which I have destroyed by my own will. He truly forgives, loves, and restores me. I am truly beyond grateful! I really don’t deserve it - not one bit!! Yet, he repairs what I never could and releases me from my immense sin debt that I have accumulated in my lifetime and could never atone for or “clean up”. He takes my guilt and sorrow and uses it for good (Romans 8:28).

I’m glad that I am now more convicted over my food mishaps instead of regularly being so callused and indifferent about it. Gluttony is a sin that breaks His heart just like any other, and I’m glad that I’m finally truly disturbed by it to the point of tears and true remorse. I pray that He will continue breaking my heart as needed. It’s painful and unpleasant, but necessary. Like someone once told me, “When we’re broken we’re teachable.” God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18, Psalm 147:3, Isaiah 61:1).

Grace and peace to all of you! I pray that you will find the joy in repentance as the grace of God transforms you from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18)! May you experience the wonder of His love and forgiveness as He sets you free from (and erases) every stain and makes you new!! Jesus is the one and only stain remover! ;) Hallelujah! God bless you all!!

"I Deserve It"

“I deserve it.” Have you ever thought that phrase to yourself (or had someone tell you that you “deserve” something)? The term “deserve” can be applied either in a negative or positive aspect. One might “deserve” to get what’s coming to them (as in punishment) or maybe they did something nice and so they “deserve” a reward. In either case, that word is particularly detestable to me. Yes, in BOTH senses of the word!

My musings about this word occurred today when I was reading in “The Lord’s Table” (which I blogged about earlier). Today, the subject was about what Jesus did on the cross and how, through His blood, we have freedom. That’s the “good news” of the gospel, and many of us have heard it LOTS of times. So many times, in fact, that the “good news” almost seems like “old news” to those of us that haven’t bothered to remind ourselves of WHY exactly the news is SO GOOD!! Today, it was revived afresh to me.

The big trigger that started it all was when I read this phrase: “God has reconciled us by putting Jesus to death.” My immediate thought after reading that was, “That’s not fair! He didn’t DESERVE it!“ For lack of a better example, that would be like saying to Charles Manson, “We know that you are full of evil and that you hate everyone and have done terrible things. But, we’re going to let the Pope sit here and die in prison instead of you. You’re free to go and be with your family…er, people…um, whatever.” Does it strike you in the same way? Does the thought of a perfect man dying a horrible and tortuous death on the cross seem fair, just, and deserving to you?

After thinking about how bad I have been and how the only thing I “deserve” is punishment for my iniquities, the thought of Christ (a perfect, blameless, and pure man) dying for me is all the more shameful for me. Me, the one who “deserves” all the punishment is spared. Instead, this perfect and beautiful God comes incarnate to take what I “deserve.” God’s justice demands that sin be paid for. TRUE justice would be to make the one who transgressed pay up. And YET, the INNOCENT ONE is the one who paid! HE DENIED JUSTICE TO HIS OWN SON…….for the SAKE of ME (and for all of us)!! It ASTOUNDS me!! It makes my pleas of “That’s not fair!” about any given situation nothing more than a pathetic whimper! We didn’t get justice for ourselves - PRAISE GOD!! Indeed, PRAISE GOD!! We got mercy, forgiveness, and freedom instead! All we “deserved” WASN’T given to us! We were given what we DID NOT deserve; all the kindness, goodness, and mercy of God! Christ was denied HIS justice and instead, became the object of wrath on the cross. How “unfair” is that?!! Yet, His love willingly kept Him there.

I feel so grateful and humbled; yet, so sad and ashamed. His punishment was my true entitlement. I “deserved it” and was denied it because He loves me. I don’t think I ever understood it as clearly as I do now. All I can do is absorb the shock and awe as the tears stream down my face. It’s unbelievably horrendous to think what my sin has done to Him, but unbelievably wonderful to think of what grace does for me. There are no words, only tears. I am speechless. This is the most stunning and amazing thing that I will ever think about. It’s something so remarkably simple and yet, complex at the same time. The sheer impact of it makes me feel the weight of my own sin, as well as freedom from it simultaneously. What else, WHOM ELSE, could ever possibly have that effect on me? NO ONE! There is no other! There is only one: Jesus Christ!

What are we to say or do in response to grace other than being grateful and accepting it? It’s impossible to express adequate thanks for such a perfect gift! It’s impossible to “pay back” to God what we have been graciously given. We cannot out-give Him. HE is the giver. HE is perfect and complete. If we are able to do even a fraction of what we humans call “good”, it’s because HIS goodness and love (through the Holy Spirit) allowed us to do so. It’s nothing we can do. We can do nothing without Him (John 15:5). It is only THROUGH Him that anything is possible (Philippians 4:13). Therefore, what credit can we truly “earn” or even accept for the “good” things we do? We can‘t! That is why all honor and glory belongs to Him. He CANNOT be topped or outdone! Nothing anyone can “do” can EVER come even remotely close!

Grace is the ultimate accomplishment; the top of the heap. Actually, it’s above the heap; it can’t even rest on anything that lies beneath it! That’s how holy and good it is!! Perfection doesn’t lie on top of filthy piled up rags. It can’t and it won’t! It’s like piling up used Kleenex and then throwing a beautiful, spotless, perfect, white handkerchief on top of it. We cannot accomplish what’s already been done; we can only contaminate and taint grace with our own filth by trying to stake our claim on our own righteousness by touting our own glory. Though, in reality, NOTHING can touch or taint grace. We merely cause others to be blinded to it when we wave our rags around and obstruct the view of what is truly perfect and glorified. Is it any wonder God calls us to be humble and to give HIM the glory? He wouldn’t want anyone mistaking our filth for the REAL thing which can be found (and ONLY found) in Him! We think we’re so “good” but WHO is really “good”? Even Jesus refused to be called “good” (Mark 10:18 Luke 18:19). Instead, He gave credit where credit is due: to God. If even the Son of God refuses His own credit and acts in humility, by golly how much more should we?! Our little pats on the back should be pats on our, well, you know. ;)

Even in all our selfishness, I am beyond amazed at God’s patience, tolerance, and true love. We are such leeches, and yet, He wants (and chooses) to bless us and share HIS GLORY with us by making us heirs with His Son (John 1:12-13)! We get what we DON’T deserve OVER AND OVER again and in measures beyond comprehension! And, are SPARED from that which we DO deserve, over and over again!! It blows my mind! There is no love, mercy, or kindness that compares to this!! God is unrivaled and unmatched!! How magnificent, holy, and glorious is the Sovereign Lord!! Praise God!

1 Peter 2:21-25 really sums it up well: To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (NIV)

Can I get an “amen”?! What could there ever be that could ever compare with that?! Nothing. Absolutely nothing! You want the ultimate prize? It’s Jesus! If you have Christ, you WIN!! When life on earth says, “Game Over” you’ll have the joy of already beating the game! Unlimited life! No more quarters or continues. It is finished; accomplished and complete! Christ did it, and He’s SHARING it with us!! That, my friends, is awesome!! TRULY AWESOME!!

May the grace and peace of God truly be with you!! Allow those words to sink in until they are more than just words. Celebrate the fact that you’re NOT getting what you deserve and that instead, you are blessed with all the goodness that you DON’T deserve!! The word “deserve” should be obsolete. There‘s no place for it anymore. Christ cancelled out the fact that we “deserve“ hell, and we give back all the good things we (or others) think we “deserve“ to God so that He may be glorified! May God richly bless you, my dear friends, with everything you don’t deserve!! Amen!!

Unloading The Bus

In the previous blog, judgment was talked about. Now, it’s time to focus on mercy and forgiveness. (Ahhhhh, much better!!).

Beth Moore uses the parable of the unmerciful servant in order to address the topic of forgiveness. Of course, we all probably know the story (which is found in Matthew 18:15-35). A servant was forgiven a tremendous debt that he couldn’t pay (which would equal millions of dollars in today’s currency). The king had mercy on him and forgave the debt. Yet, the servant went out and found a fellow servant that only owed him a few dollars and demanded payment. He refused to have mercy and patience with him; even though his plea was identical to his own plea that had just been honored by the king. He had the servant imprisoned, but also ended up being imprisoned as well (and tortured) when the king heard of his merciless behavior!

Beth Moore says about the parable: “The parable of the merciless servant is about forgiveness…a forgiveness prompted by patience, and a patience perfected by mercy. If we neglect the necessity of forgiveness, we fail to complete the portrait of biblical patience. Patience is the vessel through which God pours His mercy. Mercy is fueled by forgiveness.”

So, WHAT exactly is forgiveness? Beth explains it well: “The Greek word most often used in the New Testament for forgive is aphiemi. It means ‘to let go from one’s power, possession, to let go free, let escape.’ In essence, the intent of biblical forgiveness is to cut someone loose. The word picture drawn by the Greek terms for unforgiveness is one in which the ‘unforgiven’ is roped to the back of the unforgiving. How ironic. Unforgiveness is the means by which we securely bind ourselves to that which we hate most. Therefore, the Greek meaning of forgiveness might best be demonstrated as the practice of cutting loose the person roped to your back.”

Can you imagine “cutting loose” whatever person (or persons) are tied to your back? My gosh, why wouldn’t you want to?! That gets awfully burdensome and heavy!! Why hold onto that which you detest? How much sense does that make to torture yourself? Cutting loose will benefit YOU more than it benefits them!

Jesus tells us to forgive EVERYONE (Luke 11:4). And, in Mark 11:25, He reminds us to forgive others so God can forgive us. Yes, it’s difficult and sometimes even painful, but it’s a must if we expect to receive any mercy for ourselves (and also to set ourselves free).

Of course, there are those that have been offended greatly and for them, forgiveness is virtually unthinkable! Beth reminds us that “God desires to pour His patience through those with every right to avenge…every right to be merciless…every right to be angry and bitter…those to whom perhaps no earthly mercy has ever been shown.” Even in your “right” to be mad or vengeful, God wants to work out His patience, mercy, and forgiveness through you! “God wants to reveal Himself in us--not our rights or weaknesses.”

Maybe that’s not convincing enough for some. There are many offenses that just seem too monumental to forgive. However, Beth talks about several reasons why it’s so important to let go and forgive. We know that God COMMANDS it (and for good reason!). God wouldn’t issue a command if it weren’t for our benefit; after all, it’s His will that everything work out for good (Romans 8:28).

I like how Beth beautifully illustrates just how burdensome it is to carry unforgiveness in our hearts: “Frankly, it's difficult to live an effective Christian life with a body roped to your back. Can you imagine how many of us are walking around roped to a corpse? Some of us are harboring unforgiveness against someone who has long been in the grave. Is there anything heavier than 'dead weight'? Well, as a matter of fact, there is: a group roped to your back. Unforgiveness is extremely habit forming. Unchecked, it spreads from on person to another. Before you know it, you have a school-bus load of people roped to your back! You cannot be free to keep step with the Spirit when you are encumbered by the load of unforgiveness.”

Well said!! She also states that “the one who will not forgive always suffers more than the one not forgiven.” As in the case of the parable of the servants, both were imprisoned, but the merciless one was the servant that was tortured. To illustrate the point further, Beth tells of her own experience (which brought tears to my eyes): “After suffering a serious degree of childhood trauma, God continually confronted me to forgive my perpetrator. I refused for many years. Would you like to know why? I was absolutely certain that my forgiveness would ‘make it all right,’ and it wasn’t all right. I feared that if I forgave, he would be off the hook. I had suffered painful repercussions. I didn’t realize that my failure to forgive was causing me more pain than the original offense.”

I imagine that is how a lot of us feel. We feel the person needs punished and that if we forgive, that will be like excusing the behavior. But, that is not so! Beth said: “Finally, God wore me down until I was forced to listen to His gentle whisper to my heart. ‘Beth forgiving won’t make the offense all right; it will make YOU all right.’ He demanded that I forgive for my own sake…so that I would not be tortured by it for the rest of my life!” She said that once she forgave, it was the “most wonderful thing” that God ever gave her the ability to do! She says: “I am free. Not free from all memories-but free from all torture. Yes, He is faithful.”

Beth also reminds us that we must forgive so that Satan won’t have the opportunity to take advantage of us. “Few things exist in life that Stan can take advantage of more effectively than unforgiveness” she said. Just think of how he uses that one thing to spark a whole chain of events! He builds on that foundation to create more problems, rage, bitterness, the whole works!! Who wants or needs that?!

Beth further elaborates by affirming the fact that Satan will stop at nothing to rob God’s presence from us by using that unforgiveness to wedge itself between us and our heavenly Father. “He knows that it is impossible to be filled with the Spirit and filled with unforgiveness. Only Satan wins in the war of unforgiveness. When he sees a rope, he sees an opportunity to hang us.”

Finally, Beth says: “We must forgive because we are not the only ones bound by the rope of unforgiveness. If we refuse to forgive, we tie God’s mighty hands from ‘working all things together for good.’ He will not bring personal good to you from your pain if you do not release Him through your forgiveness. Why? Read Romans 8:28. This verse applies to those who love Him enough to be called according to His purpose. Christ has a purpose in the pain you’ve suffered or He never would have allowed it. Until you surrender to His purpose in the specific matter at hand, He cannot work it for your good. Do you know what that means? It all happened in vain--for absolutely nothing.”

In this fallen world, offenses and wrongs are a certainty. We are going to be offenders as well as the ones who get offended. There is trouble, pain, and all sorts of turmoil because of the sin nature in us all. Though, God’s promise is that He will use all of that for good if we will allow it. If not, we will have suffered for nothing if we remain bitter and cling to our pain. However, if we cut the cords, empty our bus-loads of people we need to “cut loose”, and allow God to heal us, He will be able to make the most of our misery and turn it into a ministry!!

I hope that these two blogs have been helpful to someone out there. It is a powerful subject matter, which is why I felt compelled to share it. If you need further help in learning to forgive, letting go of judgments, etc. PLEASE read “The Shack” by William P. Young. It’s one of the most helpful, inspiring, and powerful books you will ever read!!

Grace and peace to all of you!! May we all be blessed with patient, merciful, and forgiving hearts!! Amen!