There Is No 1985

"The timeline skewed into this tangent creating an alternate 1985. Alternate to you, me, and Einstein; but reality for everyone else." - Doc Brown, "Back to the Future: Part II". 

I think this quote describe grief, mistakes, and regrets best. There are so many moments where life as we know it "skews" into a tangent and creates an alternate reality. The timeline changes and what you once knew to be "1985" is no longer 1985 to you anymore. Some people experience that foreign reality with you and know that something has changed. Nothing will be the same and you wish you had a time machine so you could go back and reset the timeline. Others go on with life as if nothing has happened.  

Grief has several stages: Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. It's not a straight shot either. The shock takes a while to wear off and is an undercurrent for the next three for a while. Denial, anger, and bargaining take their turns; moment to moment and day by day. Sometimes, you almost think they're gone and that acceptance is right around the corner; waiting to greet you. Then, a trigger reminds you of the "alternate 1985" that you're living in; and you toggle through the stages some more. Grief truly is a process; and its timeline is one of the most endlessly varied ones there is. 

I think the "bargaining" stage is one of the hardest and cruelest things. It's where so many questions, "what ifs", and "if onlys" lurk. It's where the "time machine" lives. You revisit the past, imagine the scenarios that would have been if something were done differently, and start thinking about how that would make 1985 alright again. However, you know you can't change anything. The time machine needs to be left alone. You can't go back; and shouldn't even if you could. Time is in God's hands; not ours. Nothing can change a road not taken, a mistake made, or a person lost. About the only thing we can do with the time machine in our mind is go back to the best moments of life and think on all the good things (Philippians 4:8).

That's what I have tried to do in the midst of my own current grieving process. I gathered up my best moments and memories and was intent on making a blog post (but ended up making a video instead). This is the time machine I allow myself to use. It makes me feel like the "real 1985" still exists. Yet, it's sort of a danger because it makes me want to hold hands with denial more than I should. Grief sucks. It's hard.

It's the moments of knowing everything is in the past and can't be changed that the anger creeps up again. All the promises of the Bible that are embedded deeply in my heart start to feel like a lie. But, that's the twist (and we know where the "twisting" comes from); it's not a lie. I have to remember that there is a time for everything under the sun. It may be hard to understand the timing, but we can trust it (because we trust Him). Whenever something is hard and I wonder "why me?"; I have to ask "why Him?" I deserve to suffer; but Christ didn't. Yet, Jesus didn't spare Himself from suffering and death. He could have rescued Himself, but He didn't (well, not ultimately; though there were plenty of times He could have been taken out and wasn't...it's all according to the Father's timeline). He didn't spare His own cousin either (and poor John was sitting on death row wondering why because He knew and declared who Jesus was to all). Eventually, each one of us dies and faces judgment (Hebrews 9:27). With the exception of Enoch and Elijah, all will experience death (even Lazarus, who was raised from the dead by Jesus, still eventually died....again lol). Maybe we've had near misses in the past, and God has spared us from those near-death scenarios, but we won't get spared in this life every time. Our time will come; and we don't know when or how.

That point about John the Baptist (and many others in the Bible who weren't spared from suffering, tragedy, and death by our all-powerful God who could have stopped it if He wanted to) was brought up at Melissa Coy's memorial service. It's an important thing to remember because Jesus told us that we would have trouble, but that He has overcome it (John 16:33). I love it when the very things that God is telling/comforting me with show up in others too. That's the kind of perfect timing we all love! I was so glad that that was part of the message. It's assuring, affirming, and makes me feel confident that I'm hearing what Holy Spirit has been saying. It reminds me that there are no coincidences; God really is speaking and His truth is showing up in the hearts of so many at the same time! It's amazing and it makes any doubts fade into the background. We can trust the wisdom and timing of God; even when it doesn't make sense. We know that He has a plan and purpose for it all (Romans 8:28). 

The bottom line is this: there is no "1985". The timeline "skews" all the time. There's no normal; no baseline. The alterations are always happening; and they've been happening since the fall of man. The only TRUE and perfect timeline was before the fall; and that is why Jesus sacrificed His life for ours. Sin altered the timeline; but He reconciled it for good! He truly turned back time through His death and resurrection! Now, we wait for the day where it will be fully finalized and there will no more time at all; only eternity. Those who are in Christ are experiencing the joy of that right now; and this grief we're going through in missing them isn't like the grief of those who have no hope. However, those who died without putting their faith in Christ are experiencing eternal horror; and we truly mourn for their fate that cannot be changed. The finality of both should make us pause and think. It's truly the "Good News" for those who are already in His presence, but catastrophic for those who are not. Once we take our last breath here on Earth, our own personal timeline skews for one final time. This recent article about Ozzy Osbourne's death sums it up well; especially this part: 

Ozzy’s death is not about Ozzy

It’s about you.

The news of his death is not a tabloid event. It is a trumpet blast to the living. The man who once stood on stage and howled at the moon is now silent. The crowd is gone. The lights are off. And he is face to face with eternity.

So ask yourself: if the curtain fell tonight, would you be ready?

Do not play games with your soul. Do not wait to become a better version of yourself. Do not pretend that God is still deciding what to do with you.

He already has.

He sent His Son.

He opened the door.

And He promised – if you will repent and believe, you will be saved.

Not improved. Not reformed. Saved.

You will still die, but death will lose its power. It will become a doorway, not a sentence. And when the trumpet sounds, and your body rises, you will see Him – Christ – and He will not be your Judge. He will be your Joy.

I don't know much about Ozzy or where his heart was at (I truly hope he got saved). But I do know that we have a very different story with another celebrity that just passed: Hulk Hogan. The Hulkster accepted Christ and was baptized. We don't have to wonder who he put his faith in. 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Don't get stuck in the past. They're shadows of what has been. We live in the present, and that's the only time we truly have. The future isn't promised, so we have to make the best choices NOW while we still have "time". TODAY is the day of salvation. Once your timeline stops, that "skew" is the final decision. It will either skew up or down. Decide NOW which direction you want to go; because there are no time machines in Hell. Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve and follow the example of people like Melissa Coy who chose well. You can't alter the past, but you can still alter your future while there is still time to write it....so "make it a good one" by choosing to follow Jesus. Amen!

God on the Greenway: Impact, Purpose, and Restoration

Nearly four years ago, I unknowingly composed what would be my last "God on the Greenway" blog post (up until now!). Even as I state that fact, I'm amazed because I'm reflecting on just how much has changed since that stormy day on the Greenway. That day had such deep meaning for me! Re-reading it now, I remember the mixture of emotions I felt because the "personal pain" that I had mentioned was the divorce that was looming in my future. I had no idea what I was in for in the coming months and years ahead. Nothing can ever prepare you for the death of a marriage; even if you mistakenly think (as I had thought) that you're ready for it.

My Greenway walks and runs have been very few since then; I've mainly been doing Team Beachbody programs. I also haven't run any more 5k races since my first initial one. I've returned to the Greenway from time to time, but this most recent visit just happened to be the one that felt special again. I was thinking about the difference between "then" and "now" as I used the Foursquare app on my phone to check-in to the Greenway. I love that app because it tells me cool things like how many times I've been there or how long it has been since I had visited a place. On this occasion, it told me that the last time I had been on the Greenway was last September; which would have been when I participated in the Steps of Faith Walk to raise awareness and collect shoes for those in Africa that don't have the luxury of foot protection (check out the group on Facebook if you would like to know how you can help!). When I saw that little fun fact, I not only remembered the blessing of walking barefoot to empathize, but the fact that I was SO GLAD that I didn't have to do that now lol! What a privilege it is not only to exercise on such a nice day, but to be fortunate enough to have shoes on my feet!

I was soaking it all in and preparing for the four mile round-trip journey; wondering what God might have in store for me because I just had that old feeling I always used to have when these special posts originally came about. I thought that my Greenway posts were a thing of the past, but for some reason I felt like maybe there might be one last one to write. Oddly enough, it was cool and comfortable; and ready to rain at any moment! Once again, I relished at the thought of being caught in a possible downpour! However, there was one huge difference; this was a "dancing in the rain" kind of feeling rather than a "weeping in the rain" kind of feeling. Three of the last four years had been really terrible, but in the last year, things had finally taken a positive turn as my faith rebounded from all the turmoil. Everything was ending back in 2010. Now, in 2014, everything is beginning as I prepare to make a new life with a wonderful Christian man that would soon be my new husband. Finally, a new and happy chapter rather than painfully having to close the book on something! God has rebuilt and restored my life! He is so good!

I felt full of energy and anticipation as I journeyed through the first two miles. I saw many different people as I walked and ran. I happened to notice an older gentleman who was wearing a "Navy" shirt and a veteran's hat. I smiled as I went by, and then wished I had given him a better acknowledgement after I had passed. After I had turned around to finish the last two miles, I saw him again. This time, I smiled once more and said, "Thank you for your service!" He promptly said with noticeable pride (as well as gratitude for my thanks) "Oh, you're welcome!" Something about his response made me tear up as I continued to trek down the Greenway. I thought about the willingness that he and countless others have had to serve our country; to knowingly put their lives on the line for the sake of EVERYONE in this great nation! For most civilians, we don't remember their sacrifices often enough or even comprehend it. That's when it made me think of how Jesus willingly laid down His life for all of US and how we sometimes don't give that a second thought either. Maybe some find it hard to truly grasp Jesus' sacrifice for us, but the men and women who are our parents, grandparents, siblings, spouses, friends, etc. should be able to make us appreciate that kind of sacrifice MUCH MORE! It amazes me and always deepens my gratitude and appreciation!

The blessing of a perfect stranger would have been grand enough to share. However, there is one more person I met that blessed me even more. That person was Tony Garton. For those that live in this area, you probably already know who I'm talking about and WHY it was so nice to run into him. He truly needs no introduction and he is well-known for his service to the community (that link will make you cry lol!). For the benefit of those who aren't fortunate enough to know him, I'll simply tell you that he is a kind-hearted, giving, and friendly person. He is admired for his service as a school teacher as well as his faith and guest speaking in area churches. I'm sure I don't even know the half of what all he has done, but all I know is how much I enjoy seeing him around town, on the Greenway, and when he used to speak at the church that I went to when I was growing up. My grandma Sauers also greatly appreciated him, and I think that's what made him stop and and say "hi" to me as I was finishing up the last of my walk. I had seen him earlier as he was riding his bike and I smiled and and gave a quick "Hi, Tony! How are you?" He reciprocated equally and we both kept going at the time but now, he stopped his bicycle and we gave each other a hug (yes, even after the sweat and rain lol!). I told him I had just been thinking of him the other day because I had remembered the time he was encouraging some of us women at a Mother's Day banquet to write letters of encouragement to each other. He had said it was my Grandma who inspired him to suggest it because she ALWAYS wrote him an appreciative and encouraging letter every time he came to speak. When I told him that, he smiled and told me that he still had EVERY letter she wrote to him and that it always meant so much. He also mentioned that if she was driving by the Greenway and saw him, she would pull over so she could say "hello" to him and he would come over to the car and she would give him a peck on the cheek. That was so like Grandma! She was always so sweet and loving to everyone! I don't think she realized just how often she made someone's day; just by being "her"! We both expressed how much we missed her and he said that she was a "special lady."


As Tony and I began to part ways, I thanked him and told him how much I appreciated his preaching. He insisted he wasn't a preacher, just a teacher. I told him he was both and that we're all called to preach the gospel and that he has touched a lot of hearts. He thanked me for my words (and for the hug) and pedaled off.

I unsuccessfuly fought off tears as I finished my walk. People like him, my Grandma, and even those I didn't really know (like the Navy veteran) had touched my heart. My life and my character is enriched because of them. Whether they know it or not, they MATTER! We ALL matter! We were all created on purpose and FOR a purpose (Ephesians 2:10). NO ONE is an accident! God meant for each and every one of us to be here and to make an impact on this world! Writing letters and giving hugs makes a difference. Teaching and preaching to the young and old makes a difference too. Serving your country and sacrificing a normal life (or maybe even your life itself); that also makes a difference! Nothing is too big or too small. IT ALL MATTERS!

When I got back to my car, I felt a little tired in body, but very refreshed in spirit! I was a mess from the rain

and sweat; just as I was the last time I had gotten caught in it. The big difference this time was that instead of feeling hurt and broken, I was feeling thankful and blessed. I was reminded that God (and the people who had blessed and touched my life) had helped me become a better "me". I became a better person because of the fact that God (and many others) never gave up on me; even when I wanted to give up on myself. I had almost stopped believing that God would rebuild and restore my life the way he did for people like Joseph and Job. Thankfully, He came through! He always does! Now, my life is better and more blessed than I ever thought it could be and once again, I am finally LIVING life again instead of just existing! I'm living life on purpose and WITH purpose again! Amen!

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Remember that God is always with you in every season of your life! He's there in the calm and in the storm. He works through you, and others, no matter who you are or what your gifts may be! It all works together for good (Romans 8:28); the big AND little things. EVERYTHING leaves an impact....so make it a GOOD one! It's all going to work out! God bless you!