Wireless Hope

It's a few days after Christmas. In that in-between time before the new year comes, I think it's typical to have that odd feeling that follows after a big event. Whether we feel relieved, or bummed about Christmas Day coming and going, I know that the holiday crash (combined with the weather/darkness at this time of year) can make one feel vulnerable to fear and depression. I know it's not just me; I've talked to plenty who are struggling too. Therefore, I felt it was important to post something and address the elephant in the room. Being honest and vulnerable helps create a safe place for others to share as well so we can lift each other up.

As I've mentioned previously, my word for this year has been "hope". I think I've had some good growth in this word. I've had to intentionally discipline myself into a new mindset; because hope isn't a feeling or an idea. Hope is a person: Jesus. When you rightly define "hope" as Christ Jesus, your perspective changes and it transforms your life.

That's what I have most absorbed about Christmas in recent years. I am pretty "bah, humbug" about everything else. Christmas isn't just a "day" or a season either. Christmas IS Christ. Christmas IS hope. That hope is with us EVERY DAY in our hearts as believers because He is Immanuel; God with us. 

 

In Matthew 1:22-24 and Isaiah 7:14, we see that the Lord told us He would give us a sign; that the virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and that He would be called Immanuel. When we hear that, or read it in the Word, it's easy to just hear and see words without really thinking about what they mean. But, when thinking of it recently, the word "sign" is what stood out to me. The word for sign in this verse is the Hebrew word, "oth" which means: "a signal (literally or figuratively), as a, flag, beacon, monument, omen, prodigy, evidence, etc. -- mark, miracle, (en-)sign, token".

As far as signs go, I don't know what other sign could rival this kind of sign that is being talked about here! "Immaculate conception" is truly an understatement! It is LITERALLY impossible, but as Mary was told in Luke 1:37 NOTHING is impossible for the Lord! He is the ONLY ONE who can accomplish such a thing. That's the assurance that Mary had when she asked the angel, "How can this be?"

Undoubtedly, there are a lot of things that happen in life that make you wonder "why". There are things that take us by surprise; pleasant and unpleasant. Especially when it comes down to the hard things, the disappointing things, and the downright awful and unfair things, we wonder....."HOW can this BE?"  In these seemingly impossible situations, we who are believers KNOW that what the Word says is true; that nothing is impossible for God. He proved it with this sign, our beacon of HOPE, that nothing is too hard for Him! Are our situations too hard for US? Yes, they often are. That is WHY we need HIM. We cannot do anything or overcome anything on our own strength. John 15:5 says that apart from Him, we can do nothing, but Philippians 4:13 says that we can do ALL THINGS....THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens us.

We also need other people to help us in times of need. Immanuel shows up in many different ways when we need Him; and that often comes through other people who share who He is in the form of love, compassion, and kindness. We too get opportunities every day to be Immanuel as well. Having one another keeps us going when we feel like we can't go on anymore and we want to give up.

I can think of no better example of this than in the audio book that I just finished. I often listen to Holocaust survivor stories to give me hope. I can't think of anything more terrible than the horrors of Nazi Germany. Hearing the testimonies of those who have survived, and HOW they survived, is so amazing to me. Every single testimony I’ve heard talks about the many different ways people risked their lives in order to help others continue to live; and sometimes that help even came from the most unlikeliest of places and people. I HIGHLY recommend that you read "The Happiest Man on Earth: The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor" by Eddie Jaku. It's only a couple hundred pages, but the way he conveys such important life lessons makes it something that I will likely read again (he also has a widely viewed TED talk that's worth watching as well). This particular part is what really stood out to me and made me cry more than any other portion:

I can tell you that I would not be here today without Kurt. Thanks to my friend, I survived. We looked after each other. When one of us was injured or too sick to work, the other would find food and help the other. We kept each other alive. The average survival time of a prisoner in Auschwitz was seven months. Without Kurt, I wouldn’t have made it half that far. When I had a sore throat, he cut his scarf in half and gave me one so I could recover. People saw us wearing the same scarf and assumed we were brothers; we were that close.

Each morning, we would wake up and, before work, we would walk around the blocks and talk, to keep our spirits up. We would hide little presents for each other behind a brick I had carved out in the toilet wall –soap, toothpaste, pieces of rags.

These moments of friendship and gratitude were necessary in order to survive that inhumane place Hitler had created. Many people chose to take their own lives rather than go on. It was so common there was even a phrase to describe it: go to the wire. AuschwitzII-Birkenau, a subcamp of the much larger Auschwitz camp complex, was surrounded by an electrified barbed-wire fence. To touch this fence was certain death and so, to end their lives without giving the Nazis the satisfaction of killing them, people would run to the wire and grab it. I lost two good friends this way. They went, naked, holding hands, to the wire. I do not blame them. Certainly, there were many days I would have preferred to be dead.

We were cold, we were sick. Many times, I said to Kurt, ‘Let’s go. What is the point of living, only to suffer tomorrow?’

Kurt refused. He would not let me go to the wire.

This is the most important thing I have ever learned: the greatest thing you will ever do is be loved by another person.

I cannot emphasize this enough, especially to young people. Without friendship, a human being is lost. A friend is someone who reminds you to feel alive.

Auschwitz was a living nightmare, a place of unimaginable horrors. But I survived because I owed it to my friend Kurt to survive, to live another day so that I might see him again. Having even just one good friend means that the world takes on new meaning. One good friend can be your entire world.

This, more than the food we shared or the warm clothes or the medicine, was the most important thing. The best balm for the soul is friendship. And with that friendship, we could do the impossible.

Eddie is very much right. In fact, on the day I had listened to that part, I had just had the kind of day where I felt like “running to the wire”. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to give up in life…. and even ON my life. In fact, many years ago, I was listening to my friend Shane talk about how he lost his brother to suicide. If ever there was a more heartbreaking “how could this be”, it’s when something like that happens. He couldn’t help but wonder about all the “whys” and felt like it was all a waste and nothing good could come from it. I made him a promise right there; that the one good thing to come from his brother’s life would be that I would live mine…which is exactly the kind of thing Eddie Jaku was talking about. There would be no “waste” because I would keep my word to my friend and go on living no matter how hard or dark it seemed. Sometimes, that promise was the last thread on the end of my rope that kept me from “going to the wire”. I would remind myself, “I promised Shane” and have told him over the years about how many times he and his brother had continued to save my life.

I hope all of us can name at least ONE friend in our lives that will keep us from “going to the wire”; that “pulls us back from the edge” as the other phrase goes. We all have bad days, but we have a GOOD SAVIOR! We have a friend in Jesus; and in other friends in whose hearts He lives. May we continue to have friends, and BE the kind of friends, who can testify to the fact that Immanuel LIVES...that He’s WITH us and that we stand WITH each other through the good and bad times. As Hebrews 10:24-25 says: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (NIV)

I’m here to testify to the fact that yes, with God, all things are possible! He has done impossible things in my life and has worked things things out for His good purpose in my life (Romans 8:28). Like Eddie, I owe it to my family and friends to keep going. More than anything, though, I owe it to Jesus to honor Him with my life. If I'm still here, it is because He needs me to be here. I cannot and will not give up for any reason because as Eddie also says in his book, "where there is life, there is hope." Put Jesus in that sentence, "where there is life, there is Jesus"...and where there is Jesus, there is LIFE. Because Christ lives in me, HOPE lives in me.

There is absolutely no reason for me to ever give up; no matter how I feel or how bad things seem. Even as I sit here writing this, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm feeling better than the day I first listened to that part of the book. I was having a stressful day. My body was giving out due to sickness and weariness (on top of my daily pains in my body that never stop due to arthritis, degeneration, fibromyalgia, etc.), and I just didn't want to keep pushing myself. My feelings change constantly and so do my circumstances. Satan would love nothing more than to take advantage of a weak moment in a difficult day to put an end to everything good that God wants to do. The Lord doesn't waste our pain. He has a plan for everything you are persevering through right now; Eddie Jaku is proof of that and so are the countless Biblical heroes of the Bible (including the greatest conqueror of all time: Jesus Christ). Also, right after that hard day, Earl showed up at my office with another beautiful present for me that had belonged to his dearly departed wife. His gift of love, hugs, prayers, and thoughtfulness lifted me up so much! I put it on right away; which amazingly complimented the dress that I was wearing. My plain red dress never looked so good and I felt like Cleopatra or something lol. I wore it proudly that whole day and into the evening for the "Light of Life" service that night. I had the honor of sharing a portion of what I'm now sharing with you in this blog. Hope breeds more hope if we cooperate with what God wants to do.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Surround yourself with good friends who will never let you "go to the wire"; and for whom you would also do the same. Find yourself a Kurt, Shane, or Earl. Don't go through life alone! Find a good counselor too. I got one of those; plus some good spiritual sisters and mamas that speak life into me when I need it. I also work hard to be that same kind of person for others and I check in on people whenever God brings them to mind. Have Hope. Be Hope. Share Hope! Immanuel lives in us! If you haven't asked Him to live in your heart, invite Him in TODAY (Romans 10:9-10). Confess and repent of your sins, and be born again; filled with HOPE and eternal life! Amen!

 

If you need immediate help, PLEASE reach out to the suicide prevention line. It's free and confidential.

Cherry Coke Blessings

It's been quite the week. Yesterday, was "hump day'; and I'm sure glad that I got over it! At this point, it's been more of a "if you don't laugh, you'll cry" kind of week. It's been yet another chapter of "you can't make this stuff up." Yet, I can't help but feel full of genuine hope and thanksgiving as I realize that maybe I truly have grown and embraced "Hope" as I've leaned into my word for this year. It wasn't 'the word I had wanted or expected, but it was definitely the word that I needed' (a variation of a line from the most excellent movie "Slumberland"). 

I've just recently finished listening to the Lysa TerKeurst audiobook "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered". Like most, I've had many disappointments of varying degrees in my lifetime; and quite a few in this last part of the year (including the past few days and weeks). One of the things in the book that stood out to me is how she said we are "between two gardens". Perfection only existed in Eden before the fall of man; and until we have perfection fully restored at Christ's coming, we live in the "in-between" where nothing is perfect. Thanks be to God for the choice Christ made in another garden, the Garden of Gethsemane, to make reconciliation and restoration possible! He chose to say "yes" to the cup of suffering that He knew was before Him. Because of what Christ has done, we have Salvation and Hope in our hearts! Eternity is set within us (Ecclesiastes 3:11, 2 Corinthians 1:21-22). We are not perfect, but we have Emmanuel...God with us (Matthew 1:23). HE is perfect and is the blessed focus that we ponder and cherish even more during Christmastime. He never leaves us (Deuteronomy 31:6-8, Joshua 1:5). How truly marvelous it is that we, fragile clay jars that we are, are a home for Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 4:7). Holy Spirit is WITH us and IN us; the deposit guaranteeing what is to come (2 Corinthians 1:22, 2 Corinthians 5:5, Ephesians 1:14). He had redeemed us and called us by name and says,"You are MINE!" (Isaiah 43:1).

Faith comes by hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17). Remembering, reading, and declaring these scriptures gives me so much peace, confidence, assurance, security, and yes.....HOPE! HE never disappoints! All that He is (and ever will be) is more than we can ever ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:19-21). Even if things don't look like how we want or expect them to right now, we have the assurance that He is working everything out for us and that we won't be put to shame (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, Psalm 34:5). That promise is not only for this in-between, but for eternity. We aren't going to get to heaven and be like, "this is it?" It won't be like being promised an incredible Willy Wonka Experience only to be duped and gaslighted. It won't be a long awaited series finale only to end in an unbelievable disappointment. No. Our Hope is an anchor for our souls (Hebrews 6:19). Chip Ingram describes the Biblical definition of "hope" as "a solid done deal". It's not an "if", it's a "when".

This true and solid hope is the kind of definition and picture that I need; especially right now in the midst of so much "hope deferred" that makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12). The perils of "in-between" living can make us forget that real hope is beyond the temporal things. We have to look beyond the failures and disappointments and find the redemption that lies in the imperfections. Like I mentioned before, I have had a lot of examples of that recently. My most recent list consists of a freaky and crazy Nipsco power outage that resulted in a lot of fried electronics in our house (yet, thankfully, we aren't dealing with a burned down home like some others are right now). Our furnace is out, my son's TV and classic N64 is toast, and so are a few small countertop coffee appliances. And, we just discovered this morning that my beloved Yamaha piano from Sweetwater won't turn on (not gonna lie, I am crying over this one). Oh, and the saga of our van continues with even more things amiss every time we think it's "fixed." My husband is also still trying to find a new job and just found out today that the one he was "hoping" for is not going to happen. Then, there are the typical stresses and annoyances that I've been dealing with at work during our busiest time of the year. I literally feel like I'm living out scenes from "Office Space" as I do the same kinds of "TPS" tasks over and over again. Add to that the minor petty annoyances that just seem to add insult to injury. I had used my much hard-earned Dunkin' reward for my free large coffee yesterday only to have that drink taste like warm cough syrup (a taste that we've become very familiar with this past month due to whatever hacking-cough plague we've contracted and can't fully get rid of). Oh, and that delicious blueberry muffin that I also ordered on the app? Yeah, not available after all; and the substitute chocolate chip muffin just wasn't as good (and this kind of thing happens a LOT at this location). But, I smile and accept the replacement every time because I know what it's like to work in customer service. I never want to be "that" customer. I gulped down my hard earned cough-syrupy coffee with my not-so-good (and not blueberry) muffin. Though, it was my second attempt at redeeming a reward on a restaurant app that prompted me to write this post.

I went to Domino's yesterday because I had a promo for a free 5 cheese mac & cheese with a 10 dollar minimum purchase (it's not REALLY "mac" and cheese, by the way lol. It's penne; NOT macaroni....but that's another misunderstanding and somewhat disappointment lol). Not only was it not even close to the hype I've seen advertised, but that Caesar salad that I ordered? Yeah, didn't have it when I got there lol. "We only have the garden salad. Is that ok?" Hmmm....let me think. No, it's not lol. However, I accepted the garden salad and gave the employee a big smile and said "sure". Then, something else unexpectedly happened. After he had already given me my 20 oz. bottle of Cherry Coke that I ordered, he gave me a 2 liter of it as well. He said it was just a little "I'm sorry" kind of gesture. I thanked him and accepted it. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Sometimes, that love even comes in a 2 liter bottle of Cherry Coke. We don't overcome evil with evil; we overcome it with good (Romans 12:21).....and sometimes a little soda lol.

God really is faithful! The Cherry Coke blessings have been abundant! A friend of ours lent us a bunch of space heaters when my husband had called to see if he happened to have the part to our burned out furnace that we needed. The furnace itself is actually going to be temporarily fixed when the part we ordered gets here, but we're getting a new furnace due to the great timing and generosity of another friend who has one to give (and install) for us at a later date. Yeah, you read that right! A new furnace was something we were going to ultimately need in the near future anyways (and the one we have isn't actually adequate for the size of our house) so we feel really blessed that we are going to have what we DO need. The parts for the van are also things that are fixable and not too expensive (and Uncle Frank continues to be a blessing in helping us fix it!). And, with the exception of the N64 (and possibly my piano), we have spares of the other things that got burned out. I'm just glad it wasn't something like the washer, dryer, fridge, etc. We're going to order a new power supply for the piano (and pray that that's all it is). The office stuff? Yeah, I'll get through it (and I got caught up on those "TPS" reports yesterday lol). 

December 2013

Brokenness, messed up orders, and fried appliances aren't ideal, but there is restoration, replacement, and kindness that covers all those little things; AND the big things too. In fact, today marks 11 years of Chris and I being together. For many reasons I won't get into, we shouldn't have been able to make it together this far....but GOD! CHRIST covers ALL things big and small; and His blood goes a lot further than just a gift of soda sugary love! A bottle of soda may make me smile and feel a little better (and a bit more "seen") in the moment. Bigger than that, though, the love of Jesus ALWAYS makes me feel secure, loved, known, and truly hopeful and assured. He's my bread of life. He provides for us; and I trust Him to also give Chris the best job at the right time just like He did the past four times. What He did before, He WILL do again. That's my Hope, because my Hope is in Him and not people. God's promises are "a solid done deal" that I can bank on. He keeps telling me, "Don't worry, little sparrow." I won't. His hand of favor is on me and my family. I know this and I trust Him. The blood of Jesus cannot fail me and it covers my "in-between" life.

Grace and peace to you, my friends! There is peace that transcends all understanding as we bring all our prayers and petitions to God with THANKSGIVING (Philippians 4:5-7). Praise Him! Emmanuel is WITH you; ALWAYS! Stay anchored and remember that you are worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31, Luke 12:7). God bless you!

"I AM the Good News!"

Back in August, Chris was let go at his job. Since then, we have been praying and waiting for God to provide a new one. It's been a very difficult time in the wilderness, but we've weathered this before. This is the fifth time we have been through this since the lock-down in 2020. 

In the midst of this, we have also dealt with two vehicular incidents just five days apart (our insurance
is probably wondering what in the world is going on with us considering we have had to use the roadside assistance for towing TWICE in less than a week!). First, my daughter hit a deer on the way to work (praise God she was unharmed). Also, the van is clearly the R2-D2 of vehicles and is still fixable after countless mishaps. Five days later, she ran over something sharp that punctured one of my husband's tires on the Flex (which had been needing a couple new tires anyways). Thankfully, Chris and Uncle Frank (praise God for Uncle Frank!) were able to get the Flex up and running again; and are still working on the van. It really took some hard effort to put the tires and the much needed new shocks on the Flex before getting it to the tire shop for the alignment.

I can't say enough about how thankful I am that my baby is ok because both incidents could have been so much worse. I am also immensely grateful for Uncle Frank and how he has always been someone we can count on in situations like this. But, more than that, I know that I can count on God for our daily bread. If that's the one thing that I'm being assured of in these past few months, it's that undeniable truth. Every time I start to slip into an Israelite mentality of wanting to gather and prepare for more than I need for the day, He reminds me not to be afraid and that I'm worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31). As long as you remember who God is and that He will give you what you need for TODAY, you won't worry about tomorrow. All my "what ifs" and worries are settled every time He says, "Do you have what you need for TODAY?" I always have to admit that yes, my needs for the day have been met. "Daily bread, Melissa," he says. Daily bread.

As I have written about before, it's been crucial for me to reflect on all the past "manna moments" to remind myself that God is faithful. He has provided for me every day in the past and I can look back on it all and see how my God did not fail; and that's the story I'll continue to tell. I know that He will continue to give me the miracle of manna every day and that it will always be enough. Though, like I recently read in Lysa Terkeurst's book (Forgiving What You Can't Forget), it's easy to forget about the best bread that we truly need. Yes, we need the physical bread and provisions of life. Yes, we often need those miraculous moments of the miracle manna. But, we ALWAYS need Jesus; THE bread of life (John 6:35). There's nothing quite like a wilderness test to remind you that no one lives on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God (Matthew 4:4). Jesus was tested with it, and that was His response when the devil tried to get him to focus on His physical needs.

I'm sharing this now because I was reminded of this while praying earlier tonight. My emotions had been stirred up a lot today for various reasons; one of them being this whole waiting for the job thing. Given that the election is just two days away, we have been aware of the fact that many places are probably waiting to see what happens on Tuesday before they make hiring decisions. Without wanting to put too much hope in something as short-sighted as elections, I just simply said "I just want some good news." He said to me, "I AM the Good News!" Read that again and think on it for a few moments.

As I thought about that response, I thought about the disciples. The Good News that Jesus kept telling them about often went right over their heads because they were hoping for Jesus to change their own Kingdom instead of receiving and building His. Just like I wrote about in my "Obama is Covered in Chinese Food" post in 2008, the Kingdom of Heaven is STILL here and STILL advancing every day! We must not be short-sighted! No matter what happens to help/hurt our nation (and the nations of the world), Christ is STILL King. He always has been and always will be and His Kingdom HAS NO END (Luke 1:33). No matter what happens, we can be content with little or with much; because we can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:11-13). This world isn't all there is! Be GLAD of that! That truly is Good News! All of this is temporary and we're going to make it because Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33). So, don't let your hearts be troubled!

 

Let us keep our eyes fixed on Christ and spread hope. It's no accident that that has been my word for this year. I knew that getting that word would likely mean that this year would be trying, because hope comes at the end of all the testing and persevering (Romans 5:3-5). He is the hope that never disappoints because He is faithful! This hope is a priceless treasure that lives in our hearts and we will not be crushed, abandoned, or destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:7-9) Through all the fiery trials and testing, we are being refined and He is going through that fire with us (1 Peter 1:7, Isaiah 48:10, Daniel 3:25).

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Pray, vote, and give thanks! God is good! He will provide for us and He will provide for you! To HIM be the glory in all things; because it's never about us! God bless you and God bless America!

A Milton Moment

During and after the Holy Spirit conference a couple weeks ago, I believed I was on my way to experiencing full healing and restoration in my body. My pain was decreasing and I have been praying and waiting for God to finish what He started. I have also prayed for others (as usual) and have seen amazing healing occur. Yet, here I am....still in a lot of pain and feeling every bit as terrible as before the conference. 

This morning, I was listening to a message by Chip Ingram. He was describing how much God loves us and how unconditional and unfailing His love is. That fact has always been the ultimate comfort and encouragement to me; knowing that He is the only one who totally and completely loves me. He always has and always will. He never leaves or forsakes. He's perfect and His love for me is perfect and unconditional. No one and nothing can love me like that except for Him. Everyone and everyone else will fail and let me down at some point, but He cannot and will not. 

However, I have to confess that I'm struggling right now. The degree of physical pain that I'm in (especially after feeling that I was finally getting healed) is a tremendous frustration to me. The anger and tears have been boiling over. I've told the Lord time and again that like Job, I'm not going to turn away from Him. I'll endure everything and still declare His goodness. Yet, at the same time, I can't comprehend how I can tear shingles off of a roof, grab the hem of His garment, or scream "Son of David, have mercy on me!" and still not be granted healing. My pursuit is desperate. I'm asking, seeking, and persistently knocking/beating on the door waiting for Him to answer. A Father knows how to give good gifts to His children. I wouldn't withhold healing from my own children; why is He withholding from me? I have learned to deal with and accept the loneliness and rejection from fellow broken humans. God is not broken; He is perfect and good and that's my hope and anchor. So, then, what is the hold up? Everything He says in His Word about who He is and how He loves me is true and I declare His Word out loud in prayer. Why, then, am I being overlooked? If it's going to be a lifelong thorn in my side like Paul's, why tease me with incremental or temporary relief? 

Right now, I feel like the Milton of God's children; desperately waiting my turn to have my cake and eat it too....only my turn never truly comes. Everyone else gets theirs (and I help everyone else and make sure that they get a piece) but I end up standing there empty handed; waiting and wondering. Everyone else can walk away and forget that I'm standing there like a fool while they enjoy their portions, but God is supposed to see me and say, "I didn't forget you. The last is first, you know. I saved the best piece for you." I'm still standing here; telling myself that it doesn't matter how long I have to wait around feeling like an idiot. I just need to smile and carry-on (and not burn the place down). 

Today has already been full of timely reminders. My friend, Earl, stopped by to pray for me (God always sends him to love, pray, and speak life to me just when I need it). Also, the "Give Him 15" post from Dutch Sheets today was a reminder to remember and be refreshed by powerful memories of moments we've had with God. That's why I've continued to wear my Holy Spirit Conference bracelet every day. I know what I felt and experienced and I know and trust who God is. I continue to invite Holy Spirit to come wash over me just as He did a couple weeks ago. I'm practicing the things I've learned that He's revealed to me. I'm holding onto the promises and declaring the truth; focusing on renewing my mind and thinking on all the "whatevers". He gives me my daily bread every day and I keep focusing on that; one day and one moment at a time. I'm still here and I will continue to endure. I'm hurting really badly; and I cry out to Him day and night. I'm still waiting with hands lifted up in worship and waiting to receive. I don't know what's going on or how long it's going to take, but I recently received a vision of an IV drip. I'm hooked up to Him. That medicine, healing, and power is flowing in; even if little by little. He's moving through my veins. I know it and I believe it. 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! Thank you for reading. One of the last sessions from that conference was about telling people when you're struggling and under attack so people can pray for you. I'm asking for that right now. One of the other things I wrote down from that session was: "Great things happen in exile...will you stay faithful in the wilderness?" Yes, I will. I've been to the wilderness many times before and can now recognize it more easily and deal with it much better. My body may continue to die all around me, but I'm still being renewed every day (2 Corinthians 4:16). I continue to say "It is Well with My Soul." God bless you all!

How Desperate Are We?

 "Just receive." That was the godly wisdom that was given to me by at least two different individuals as I was sharing about my big breakthrough. I had come to the Holy Spirit conference this past weekend full of hope and expectation; and the Lord didn't disappoint. 

It started on Friday night with praise and worship. At one point, people were raising their hands to receive prayer, so I raised mine for healing. My physical pain has reached an intolerable level in my back. The degeneration, arthritis, and inflammation is starting to make walking a lot harder. My feet always feel like I've been standing on concrete all day and my right leg gets so tight to where no amount of stretching loosens anything. I'm 41, but feeling like 81; moving slower and with so much effort that it's exhausting. I've prayed and pleaded for healing, but knew that even Paul wasn't relieved of whatever thorn he had in his side. I've truly been trying to make peace with living with it until I'm either healed here or in heaven. I pray, take medicine and vitamins, wear my back brace, and endure every day knowing that His grace is sufficient for me. 

This is what I reiterated to the young man that prayed for me. He felt a lot of heat as he was praying, but I wasn't feeling it yet. I knew it took time, and even Steve Nicholson (the speaker for the weekend) walked by and assured him that he wasn't done yet. The young man, who was also named Steve, kept praying. I also prayed over him and encouraged him as well. I told him that I was still very hopeful and would keep waiting to see what the Lord was going to do over the weekend. 

When I went to bed that night, it was a rough sleep. I woke up frequently because my pain was really bad; especially in my feet. Tingly, pins and needles, fire, you name it. It was super uncomfortable. Usually, even with pain, I can get to sleep quickly and usually stay asleep for the most part. Still, I was hoping for something better the next morning. 

For the first session on Saturday morning, Steve Nicholson began his message/teaching. It reminded me of the John Wimber Signs and Wonders Conference  (check it out if you never have; it's worth it!). For someone as incredibly sensitive and empathic as I am, it is pretty much a certainty that when Holy Spirit is being talked about, I'm going to be overwhelmed by Him. Right on cue, Holy Spirit took over as Steve was talking about Him; even before he started officially inviting Him to come upon us all and he started looking for signs of Him moving in people. I was used to the uncontrollable twitches, shakes, heat, and racing heart (as well as the likelihood that I would fall down if I attempted to stand up). In fact, there was a moment this weekend where my Fit Bit buzzed me and said that it detected a high heart rate even though I appeared to be immobile. I had to laugh to myself. I wasn't moving, but Holy Spirit sure was! I was sitting down, but the Lord was the one that was active!

I don't know if I can recall a time where I felt so electric (especially my hands)! I've felt it before, but the intensity was off the charts! He asked those who were experiencing it to come forward. I was eager to do so, but knew I had to be careful because I knew I was going down. I made it to the front and sat down before my body gave out under the power. It was overwhelming; and he kept saying "more, Lord." I was like, "Oh, Lord, how can I possible handle any more?!" At one point, he called out "self doubt" and I felt myself tense up and release a couple times. Then, the unavoidable moment where I involuntarily screamed a couple times as this huge wave of intense emotion bubbled up like a volcano and the pressure just burst forth; and I felt myself go limp in the chair as I cried and people prayed over me. It's still hard not to feel a little embarrassed and that others will just see me as being loud and dramatic (but I promise you, this isn't by choice). Thankfully, there's always others that are allowing Holy Spirit to work in them too, and you hear all sorts of things. Steve frequently reminded everyone that they're happy sounds; sounds of freedom, healing, and release. He's right. Any time I've ever had a moment like this, it's been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

This is when God broke through to me in a mighty way. He told me I was storing pain in my body, and then showed me a vision of Christ on the cross. That's where all the sins went; on Him. The perfect lamb. The scapegoat. I realized that God was telling me that Christ already took on all the sins of the world. He carried them. That was His job, not mine. Not that I intentionally WANTED to hold onto mine or anyone else's sins, pains, or ailments in my body; I just hadn't realized that that's what I was doing or how to effectively empty myself of it. He was reminding me that I wasn't supposed to be carrying what He already had. He was telling me to GIVE back to Him what He already died for. He allows me to feel deep empathy and emotion; enabling me to love and have compassion for others. I needed to know how to only feel it for the moment rather than feel/carry it for way too long. Whatever I feel in my heart and my body, I need to give it back to Jesus so that He can bring the healing for it; both for me and to share with others.

As I shared with a few people after the first session, I was encouraged to just keep receiving from Him; especially as I got more prayer for my back. It's hard sometimes, because I always want to be praying, engaging, and connecting. It really is important to just be still and wait. I started noticing that my feet weren't hurting anymore and I felt oddly taller. Some of the tightness in my leg was coming and going as well. My back was feeling downgraded in the pain level. In fact, I took off my back brace after that to experience the rest of the weekend without it. I haven't dared to be out and about without it since I first started wearing it last year, but I wanted to see if I could get a better gauge on where I was at. 

Saturday night, I couldn't stop smiling and felt like I was sleeping/resting in a truly "heavenly peace." I slept WAY BETTER than I had the night before! In fact, my husband's sleep on both nights mirrored mine; or, rather, I think I mirrored his that first night. I remembered just how often that happens and that it's probably some of the stuff I've unintentionally absorbed/stored. I prayed for and released/rebuked it. I even did the same with my high blood pressure and sleep apnea; because I didn't have either of those until Chris had it. I've also often prayed about generational health problems as well. I'll just have to keep giving it all back to Jesus and keep receiving the healing. 

I'm glad I had that personal moment, because it helped me as I prayed for and loved on so many other ladies later on. There was a lot I was able to share with them from the Lord, and I finally felt like I could experience all the various emotions around me without them "sticking" to me. I was able to have a chance to see if I could be rubber instead of glue; letting things bounce off and stick to the cross where it belonged after I felt whatever I was meant to feel in the moment and then release any sad or traumatic things that I was feeling around me. At one point, I and another woman that I was praying over, were breathing in that life-giving breath of God in sync with each other and feeling such peace and joy. That kind of symbiotic emotion is WONDERFUL to experience, embrace, remember, and hold onto forever! 

Grace and peace to you, my friends! All of this is but a fraction of all the amazing things I could share about this weekend. It was so rich in worship, fellowship, wonder, breakthrough, deliverance, and healing for everyone! But, I think I'll leave you with this sonnet that I wrote as I was journaling on August 1, 2022. It came to my mind during the final session as Steve was talking about coming to the end of ourselves and being desperate for Jesus. In America, we really don't know what it's like. Our persecuted brethren in other countries know. If we really want revival, breakthroughs, healings, miracles, and deliverance (both corporately and personally), we really need to be desperate for Holy Spirit. When we invite Him, expect Him, and make room for Him, He'll come. We have to get out of the way, and be ready to die to self. We have to relentlessly pursue Him; asking, seeking, and knocking without end! He will open that door for us to good things. Be desperate! Don't give up! I'm testifying to the fact that He answers our desperate cries: 

A Label of Love

For those that knew Randy Walgamuth, several thoughts probably come to mind. They're likely the kind of thoughts that end up in the comments of every Facebook post from Ink Free News that feature his name and mug shot. But for every remark and label that the general public of our community has stuck on him, there are many more that most have failed to mention. This failure is not only due to ignorance, but to the tragic reality that so many people (including believers in Christ) neglect to see an image bearer of God the way the Father sees him.

For this reason, I felt it was vitally important to give you a glimpse of the Randy that most will never know. It's the Randy that Jesus told stories about; a living example of the heart of the Father and what the Gospel is all about. He's the perfect picture of God's mercy; the one that the Lord left the 99 sheep to find (Matthew 18:12-14, Luke 15:4-7). This man taught me more about the love and mercy of God than I could ever learn from any evangelist or Bible teacher; and it has marked me for life.

I have worked at The Salvation Army since 2014. Early on, I was like most people. I couldn't understand why he made the choices that he did. Chronically homeless and addicted, he lived out on the streets and in the woods; and sometimes in the homeless shelter. I've seen so many people (and agencies in addition to ours) invest in him. I'll never get over how much personal time and resources my own boss, Ken Locke, spent on him. No matter how busy or drained he was, he still went above and beyond for Randy like he was his own brother.

Admittedly, however, I used to feel frustrated. Randy constantly made demands and expected everyone to do and give what he needed without delay or hesitation. He also seemed oblivious to the fact that even those who had to be tough with him (whether it was a police officer, judge, etc.) actually cared about him and were way more lenient than he deserved. Countless cups of coffee, food, clothing, rides, etc. were given to him by numerous people, agencies, and strangers. The time and personal sacrifices didn't seem to sink in and make him grateful; nothing about his lifestyle changed and it usually just got worse. So many times, he was in and out of jail (and the hospital as well). In all my prayers for him, I finally lost it one time as I was thinking about the fact that he got all that medical care, but I (a tax paying and law-abiding citizen) had no health insurance. God changed my heart with one phrase, "Melissa, this could be his reward in full."

His reward in full. It broke me. I couldn't get over it. If the most reward he would ever get would be all the things that he gets now, how sad and frightening would that be?! What good would it do me to be angry that he was taking so much now when I would be getting an inheritance for eternity that he may never get to be a part of? Am I really going to be mad about the fact that he got the temporary care for his earthly body that I didn't? What good is it to gain any advantage on Earth but lose your soul (Matthew 16:26, Mark 8:36)? Was I really going to be that jealous brother in the prodigal son story?

That's when things shifted for me; not just in how I saw Randy, but in how I saw everyone. It is so easy to be angry at others when they have something we don't, behave in terrible ways, and even get away with things that they shouldn't. Yet, God sees them the same way He sees us. He forgives their great debt and expects us to do likewise (Matthew 18:21-35). Randy had a record and reputation that everyone could see and judge; and yet God loved and wanted him. I realized just how truly merciful and loving the Father has to be in order to continually and relentlessly pursue this lost sheep of his. If He loves Randy SO MUCH to keep rescuing him and giving him countless second chances, how much more grateful should I be as a child of God? ALL OF US have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Who among us ISN'T a Randy? We have all sinned; and yet, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Every single one of us is a sheep that has strayed. I too have behaved in terrible ways; offending God and others. I can't imagine what my own rap sheet must look like, how great my debt must be, and how much I have truly been forgiven. God has been merciful to me and has spared me from lots of things that I deserved (both here and in eternity) and gave me mercy that I do NOT deserve. The Good Shepherd gave His life for every one of us lost sheep so that we would return to Him and be reconciled through Him (Isaiah 53:6, John 3:16-17, 1 Peter 2:25). I've accepted Christ and am safe. Jesus wanted Randy safe too and this is the verse He reminded me of every single time: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. - 2 Peter 3:9 (NIV).

Left Side Back Row: Friends, Randy and Larry, (both are now home with the Lord).

In what few years I have known Randy, I saw him soften. He even frequently attended church at The Salvation Army (and on more than one occasion, donated his cigarette lighter in the offering plate). I have watched prayers be answered; even when he would tell us outright NOT to “pray too hard” for him. We prayed all the more; and it obviously worked! I saw Randy experience the heart of God through each act of love, mercy, and kindness (even if he didn't recognize it). God moved on the hearts of so many people to share the Gospel, their time, money, and resources. Ken has always said, "No one has heard the Gospel more times than Randy Walgamuth." Every act of compassion sowed a seed; and God was even more patient than we were to see them grow. Year after year, Ken would say, "I don't think he's going to make it through another winter." We dreaded the day that he would be found frozen outside or something worse.

The "something worse" was cancer. Again, no one thought he would last as long as he did. Once more, God showed His amazing love and mercy. Randy didn't suffer alone outside. The last year or two, he was either at The Fellowship Mission, the hospital, or hospice. No doubt the staff was amazed at how many visitors Randy had these past few months. I think he finally understood how to give and receive love. For the first time, he said to me, "I love you, Melissa." I was amazed to hear him say it! "I love you too, Randy." I assured him that there were so many people that did and that God loved him even more. I asked him if he confessed and believed in Christ as Lord. He said, "Yes. Yes I do, Melissa." I don't think any of us saw some big emotional/radical change, but we all believe that on whatever level his mind could still understand, he believed and was making his peace. In fact, that is what Ken assured me of. He said that he had never seen Randy so at peace.

I have many more things I could share; and they're only a fraction of the many testimonies that I know others have. People that have known him a lifetime have told me about how much he has been through; even as a kid growing up. Pain and trauma take a toll. I wonder what his life would have been like if his childhood had been different. It makes me sad to think about what his life has been like and how he's the very last of what family he had (even his only child passed in recent years). Despite all the darkness, the light still won out. Jesus shone through so many people that Randy couldn't hide from it. God had His way. Randy couldn't tune out the knocking at the door. None of us may know for sure when/how he opened that door to Jesus, but we believe that he finally let Him in.....and that Christ welcomed Randy into heaven. We love you, Randy! Thank you for all that you taught us! Until we meet again!

Update: Click here to read an additional post of my thoughts after Randy's funeral.

My Word for 2024: Hope

I truly can't believe I'm already composing a blog post about my word for 2024! Not only does it seem like 2023 went by super fast, I also feel like I still have a lot of growing and healing to do with my previous word. My word in 2022 was the same way. Both were difficult but BEAUTIFUL words that carried a lot of growth with it. Those words have been everything for me and I am very grateful for all that God has brought me through and how I've become closer and more in love with Him than ever! He truly has been (and will continue to be) my refuge and safe place; more than enough for me. 

Given how weighty the previous two words have been, I was hoping for a bit of a break and that I would get something like Isaiah 40 (like I did in 2020) or "Come" in 2021. And there it is right there: I was "hoping." 

Last week, I had been praying, journaling, and waiting for my word. A lot of things were heavy on my heart and I was unburdening myself to the Lord. I felt emotionally drained and weary. I really needed refreshment and restoration. 

As my lunch break ended, I was leaving the sanctuary and getting ready go back to work. Suddenly, something caught my eye. The decorative bulletin board to my left had several words on it, and the one closest to me said "hope." I've seen this bulletin board many times, but for some reason, it's like it jumped right out and begged to be seen out of the corner of my eye as I walked past it. I'm like, "Hope. Could that be my word?" I had mixed feelings about it. At first, I thought it was restful, beautiful, and the perfect word for me. It made me feel good, relieved, and hope-ful! Yet, simultaneously, a part of me wanted to shut it down because it seemed too generic, cliche, and simple. As always, I wanted to be sure, so I shelved it in my mind for consideration and waited for further confirmation. I was still hoping for something that I considered a "better" word. I knew I was being a little bit too much like Red and a little less like Andy with that mindset. I had no reason to treat hope like a "dangerous thing" when I knew that true hope does not (and never could) disappoint, because it's JESUS! In fact, that verse had been coming to my mind a LOT, and here it is in context:

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. - Romans 5:1-5

When you look at those verses altogether, it would make perfect sense that "Hope" would be the word that follows "Refuge" and "Enough". All the problems and trials that I have had in these past few years HAVE helped me develop endurance and have strengthened my character. Now, I need to progress to being strengthened by my "confident hope of salvation." I want to increase in faith; being secure in Christ and comforted by the fact that I'm filled with love by the Holy Spirit. God will not disappoint me and it's ALWAYS safe to hope in Him!

Another verse that kept coming to my mind is this one: 

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. - 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

That definitely screams "hope" to me! I have been feeling every bit like a fragile clay jar. Yet, I am filled with the great treasure that is the Holy Spirit. No matter what has happened, He fills me and never abandons me. He builds me up and restores me. Always.  

It didn't take long for confirmation to come. The very next day, I was bent down and getting something from under the sink in my bathroom cupboard. When I began to stand and lift my head up, my eyes met smack dab with this jar of beauty cream on the counter: renewed hope in a jar. My gosh, you can't make this stuff up lol! I was like, "Seriously?! You've got to be kidding!" I laughed because this is so like God to do this with me; and I also heard "There's Hope in Front of Me", by Danny Gokey, playing in my head lol. I'm like, "Ok, but I still need that third sign." He was very quick about it. Again, I couldn't help but laugh because it's just too perfect! I had a stack of clean clothes sitting in a pile that were waiting to be hung up (I know! Tsk, tsk!). I took the top shirt off of the pile to wear, and what do you think I uncovered as I did so? Yep, that's right! I uncovered "hope"!! 

"Really. For real?!" I thought. Wow lol! I just couldn't get over it. There it was again; staring me right in the face! I laughed and shook my head, "Ok, ok. I get it." 

Next, something else came to my mind. I happened to think about a gift that was recently given to me by my friend, Anita. It was a cross with a word on it. "The word is 'hope' isn't it?" I said to myself. Yep, it sure is; and it has Romans 5:5 on it (as well as Philippians 1:20). 

I journaled all of it later in the day and went to biblehub.com to look up the word: ἐλπὶς elpis . It seemed that "hope" was indeed my word. Nevertheless, I asked God if he could make one of those verses show up somewhere in the next few days; so I could be extra sure. Or, if the number 1680 (the number in the concordance) showed up, that would be cool too. Up until today, I hadn't seen any further confirmation, and I was telling myself, "Melissa, you already know. It's 'hope.' Why are you fighting it?" I know very well why. It's because of all the times I DO hope and things don't work out. "But that's just the people and things of this world. That's not where your hope is anyways," I told myself. Yes, I know that. Maybe that's exactly why I need this word. I was reminded of this in the movie "Slumberland", which I watched this weekend for only the second time since it came out (and I highly recommend it!). You may not get the dream you want, but you're going to get the dream you need. "Hope" isn't the word I really wanted, but it's most certainly the one I need. It's basic, simple, and beautiful; and those aren't bad things. In fact, Andy is right: 

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

"Hope" isn't  meant to be an overused word or cliche. True hope is much deeper than that. It's time to really rest and soak in the REAL hope. Jesus is my hope NOW and for all eternity. He is with me NOW; and I'll also be with Him whenever I go home (or when He comes back for me/us; whichever comes first). I will NOT be disappointed! All the people, things, and cares of this life will all be gone, but my eternal hope is always real and certain. 

Today is the first day of this new year; 365 days of new opportunities and each of those days that we get is a gift from the Lord! As a wonderful bonus, God did confirm that verse for me once more as I was looking back at this old post of mine about Red and Andy for this post. I also had the pleasure of seeing this post in my Facebook memories. There's no doubt about it! I can be confident of my hope, which is Christ, and look forward to all that is to come:

For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die.

- Philippians 1:20.

So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. 

- Hebrews 6:18-19

Grace and peace to you, my friends! I genuinely HOPE and pray that this will be a blessed year for us all! Our "hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." On Christ the solid rock we stand, all other ground is sinking sand! Stay anchored! He is our firm foundation! Amen! God bless you!